Reminescence Part 2-A
***
He wakes up, limbs tangled with Jim, who’s still sleeping soundly… but probably not for very long. He lightly outlines an arm with his fingertip, entranced in the sight before him. Jim looks truly at peace, face partially hidden against Reaper’s chest, his short hair sticking out worst than usual, delicate eyelashes lowered. One of his hands is clutching Len’s shirt, while the other arm serves as a pillow under his head. He hears the discrete change in Jim’s breathing, and can see him stir awake. Jim leans in closer to him and he figures it’s a good thing they both went to bed nearly fully clothed; it’s a bit less evident that they have morning wood, but pressed close together he can still feel it, and it’s damn distracting.
Eventually Jim becomes more awake and shuffles away from him, looking up a bit sheepishly. He’s not awkward with Jim, but his heart is still beating faster than it should. Jim seems to be considering something before he gets up, staring at him thoughtfully, before saying a cheerful good morning. He then proceeds to look slight embarrassed and almost runs into the shower. He doesn’t ask Jim anything, no questions, and simply acts as if nothing happened.
But after that night, Jim doesn’t reek (for him it is a stronger smell and one he’s grown to hate) as much of sex as before, especially when he crawls in bed beside Bones when he thinks he’s asleep. Jim seems to have become a snuggler, sneaking in more often than before; at about the same rate that small smiles find their way more easily on his own lips. One day he comes back to their room to find that Jim has pushed their two small beds together, and has moved the drawer that used to be between them. He just stands there and blinks wearily at the installation, and ends up exclaiming «What the fuck Jim!? » even if Jim probably won’t hear him with the sound of running water that’s coming from the bathroom.
He waits patiently, scowling until Jim gets out of the shower, clad only in a towel and a smile that radiates like the sun directed at Reaper, which makes his blood boil in a different direction. It’s precisely then that he decides that he loves uniform pants, because Jim can’t see exactly where the blood has rushed… but he’s not as mad anymore.
«Do you like it Bones? I figured that, well, since I always seem to end up in your bed… might as well push them together. More space efficient and all, you know. » He looks a bit embarrassed. He allows his mind to briefly take a detour in the gutter, thinking that yeah, he does like Jim almost naked, before returning to the issue at hand.
He doesn’t begrudge that Jim is embarrassed about it; Jim usually avoids anything intimate that doesn’t include sex. Jim has also personally told him that he never stays the night in the same bed as someone else… Apparently it’s annoying; they get clingy and usually expect breakfast and flowers afterward, even if he has made it very clear that it’s just casual fun between two people. Bones supposes he can’t blame them for wanting to be the one who definitively caught James T. Kirk attention… Although said man shares a bed with another man who answers to Bones (and used to answer to Reaper), and they cuddle for fuck’s sake.
He doesn’t really know what to reply to what Jim has just said, since he just crossed their unspoken/non-existent you-don’t-talk-about-it rule, so instead he grumbles, with a shake of his head; «Damnit Jim! You could have asked me first. You really didn’t think this through, did you? Leap first, think second. »
He sees the smile dim somewhat, Jim probably interpreting the usual gruff but affectionate rebuking as some kind of rejection - insecure as he is when it comes to… well… one Leonard McCoy. Jim has admitted to him that there’s only two people in the academy that he really gives a damn about; and since Captain Pike isn’t here (unless he’s hiding in the closet, which would be disturbing), he’s the one that Jim cares so much about.
He finds it sad, because he thinks Jim deserves more for a best friend than a grouchy immortal with a bad track record and everyone should have a father figure in their life anyway. Oh yes, he’s very aware that Pike is Jim’s father figure, even if he hasn’t confirmed it.
Jim never calls his mother (she never calls either) and he’s only heard about Jim’s brother Sam (which always reminds him wistfully of his own dead sister) a couple of times, each of these occasions followed by brooding over a glass of whatever they had in the liquid self-medication cabinet.
He knows that said brother wasn’t around for long, knows that Jim never had any real familial bonds; he’s awkward around platonic relationships, and flirts whenever he can. John Leonard has since then figured out that it’s a defence mechanism, to leave them before they can leave you; which makes him wonder why Jim has not run away from him yet.
So he rambles on, still grumbling; «I’m not about to let you pop your spine in odd places just because you’re going to sleep in the crack, because I’m not sleeping there either. Get those back where they were Jim, we’ll just squeeze. »
And he adds dryly, jokingly, «Why didn’t you just get a double bed while you were at it? » Jim just nods at that, obviously relieved that he’s not kicking him out or forbidding him from snuggling (even if Jim will deny it with his dying breath), and helps him move everything back into place.
«I’m joking Jim. Do not get a double. » He clarifies, just to be sure, because Jim would probably take it upon himself to get one.
He turns away to let Jim get dressed, and he sighs quietly to himself. As if the rumours that he and Jim were screwing weren’t going strong right now, that would have been the deathblow that would have made denial implausible. He is really tired of being asked how he managed to get the infamous James T. Kirk into his bed regularly; most assume it must be because he’s a spectacular lay.
Therefore, when they can’t have Jim, since Jim seems to have added additional criteria than ‘’hopefully sexually compatible and breathing’’ to pick up his casual partners, he’s the one that gets harassed with bad pick-up lines and innuendos of questionable quality. He’s this close to throttling the next person who tries to flirt with him. Although he has to admit he is glad that Jim has stopped trying to sleep his way through the whole population of San Francisco. He really understands that Jim is very careful, gets checked out regularly, that he’s very mindful of his partners and that it’s almost a public service when Jim sleeps with them, but that doesn’t mean he likes it. No, he’s a jealous bastard about something that’s not even his.
It’s bad (or would it be nice, in fact ?) enough that Jim tends to smell like him because of a mistakenly-borrowed shirt or accidental soap trade, and that Jim frequently waits for him even after the classes they don’t have in common or his hospital shift if it doesn’t finish too late, or that they have lunch together every day.
They do live in each other’s pocket, he realizes once again, and oh he knows that. It’s just that he tends to forgets about it and every time it’s thrown back into his face, it shakes him a little. It scares him that he’s allowed himself to get so close again to another human being so soon, when Jocelyn had hurt him so much; He was sure it had been enough to ward him against getting his heart crushed, but Jim really has to be one special snowflake, the incredible number of allergies notwithstanding.
***
Jim cheerily announces one day that he’s going for a second serving of the Kobayashi Maru, and that he wants Bones to go with him again. «Wasn’t the first time bad enough, do you really need to give it another go? » he answers, annoyed, not looking from his paper book. He has this uneasy sinking feeling, even if he doesn’t show it, because he knows, deep down, that it will go bad again. He knows his words will just spur Jim on some more; but he can’t help worrying.
«Don’t worry Bones! I checked it up with Pike, since he’s my advisor and all… and hey, doesn’t that remind you of high school? Never mind, so I was saying; I talked to Pike and I filed an official complaint about Commander Lockleys, who was the bitch who evaluated my performance the first time, so I have been transferred off her course. Instead, I got Admiral Archer, can you believe that? I think Pike pulled a few strings though; apparently Archer is great at Advanced Tactical. » Jim sounds really happy about all of that, plus he’s babbling, which is always a good thing; a happy Jim doesn’t need to be stitched up.
«If I didn’t worry about your fool ass, who would? » he grumps good-naturedly, before adding «I heard Pike was friends with Archer. He probably just asked him to take in the genius-level pain-in-the-ass that you are as a favor to him. Plus, Pike probably believes he could maybe be able to drill something in your thick skull. » he makes sure to add a small layer of teasing to his words, because Jim can be brilliant, on the line that crosses into madness sometimes, but brilliant nonetheless.
The date is set for early December. It’s a good thing, he thinks. It’s late May right now and it will give Jim another four months to get back on his feet from the first test, which he’ll probably spend analyzing every angle on one of the vidscreens to better re-attack it. Jim is nothing if not tenacious.
Two nights later he receives a call from Jocelyn and being surprised doesn’t even begin to cover it. She had been supposed to allow him to talk via the comm. link to his daughter, but often found excuses to separate them: vacations, dance classes, Jojo having an appointment somewhere. He had only talked to his daughter roughly once a month instead of once a week, but Jo was now old enough to know who her father was and isn’t swayed by Jocelyn’s effort to make her like her new ‘Daddy’ more than her biological one, since she had remarried and became Mrs. Treadway.
He only gets to see Jo’s beaming smile once a month, for a two-hour conversation. She usually summed everything up to him that happened in the meantime; she really was his little girl, a ‘’McCoy’’ through and through, and it always left him in a better mood afterward. He tries not to dwell on what he was missing; because if he had just chosen to fake his death and disappear again, he would have missed everything…
At first, he’s thrilled to see her name come up while he’s studying with Jim, because it means his daughter wants to talk to him, but is disappointed when it’s Jocelyn’s annoyed face he sees on the screen. He figures she must have a damn good reason to call him, since they haven’t spoken to each other beside the unavoidable «Hello Jocelyn, I would like to talk to Joanna. » - «Joanna, your father wants to talk to you. » once in a while when Jojo hadn’t ran immediately to the comm. system.
«Well, hello Jocelyn… what can I do for you? » he asks, very politely. He’s rarely very polite, it usually means he’s this close to biting someone’s head off but he actually can’t. Murder wouldn’t look good on a surgeon’s resume anyway; besides, he was supposed to have sworn off the whole killing people thing. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like taking his sniper rifle and placing a bullet in Jocelyn sometimes. He keeps this particular wish locked tightly inside of him, it is one thing to wish but it’s another entirely to be actually able to do it effortlessly and without it being traced back to him - it’s a dangerous line of thought that would lead him down a shady path.
She nearly doesn’t let him finish his sentence before starting with a crisp «Hello Leonard, with your friend again I see. » and managing to infuse it with vitriol, he can almost feel Jim wince in the background, and he doesn’t understand what Jim could have possibly done to Jocelyn to deserve that. He thinks it’s probably just because he associated with Leonard, that and Jim is a good-looking young man and she’s probably just jealous her husband doesn’t look like him... or something else just as petty, maybe. This initial unpleasantness done with, she starts explaining that she’s going on vacation off-planet and that despite her best efforts to see Joanna in the best possible care for the week, she was too stubborn and refused to stay with anyone but her father and she thought her ex-husband would be glad to have Joanna for the week.
He immediately forgets Jocelyn’s most displeasing manners and focuses only on the fact that Joanna is going to come for a week. He stops the smile that wants to spread on his face, maintaining a careful neutral façade as he asks to talk to Joanna, and confirms that it shouldn’t be a problem to keep Jojo here for the week (he actually has no idea, but he’s not going to pass this up), and Jocelyn’s face turns sour as she clearly didn’t expect him to say yes.
He talks with Joanna for an hour, almost as excited as her, before she has to go off and finish her grade 1 mathematic homework; and he marvels at how she’s already six and a half or more accurately, as she had told him : «Daddy ! I’m almost seven! » She had paused, furrowing her brows before adding « And boys have cooties, so don’t let Mister Jim too close to you! Daddy! He’s making silly faces behind your back again! » and he hadn’t reined in the smile that had spread on his face at seeing his little girl laugh at Jim’s antics.
Jim answers that; « It’s not fair Joanna! I don’t have cooties. Your daddy makes sure I’m always very clean and free of any germs. » which is true enough, seeing as he oversees Jim as his primary physician.
Right after he had said his goodbyes and closed the comm. channel, Jim had metaphorically pounced on him, asking him what they needed, where he should ask for a pint-sized bed for the ‘’the squirt’’ (as he affectionately called her, despite her protests) and everything that went along getting a almost-7-years old in their dorm for the week.
To say Jim looked even more like a hyperactive 7 years old than Joanna was an understatement. He was practically bouncing. Jim seemed a little dampened when he had asked if he should find another place to crash for the week, but that had been out of question; Joanna liked Jim, and he could take care of her when he was in class. He could see Jim beginning to hatch a scheme in his head, but he didn’t worry too much about it; he hadn’t been this excited since Joanna had taken her first steps, and when she had called him «Daddy» for the first time.
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Part 2-B