Oct 17, 2004 21:59
yeah, so ive decided that im going to be single for the rest of my life. not because there is no-one out there? just because thats what i want. i see people that i know and how theyre all tied down by being in a relationship, and its not for me. and i guess thats how its gonna be. today wasnt all that great. i woke up, hung out with jon and timmy for being, yano.. gettin' high like us "stoners" do. but it happens. ive been over at pauls house, pretty much all weekend, the normal getaway place if you will. its the one place where i just dont give a fuck. people come and go as they please, ive known paul and david for 9 years, and them, along with a couple other people are really all that matters in my life. they are my family, and they keep me sane most of the time. theres a bunch of people that ive known for a few years that im starting to.. hate?.. i mean, i cant really stand very many people that i didnt grow up with. its nothing personal, well.. i guess it is. it seems like no-one that hasnt known me my whole life doesnt really know anything about me. anyone that isnt jon, david, daniel, paul, or timmy doesnt know me like they think they do. and its fine with me that way, because i just dont like opening up to people because i know how they are. everyone is fake. oh yeah, daniel is in jail now.. if i said that i didnt feel bad for him, id be lying. theres time when i really hate him, with the deepest passion. but, he is one of two of the only people that can tell you everything about me there is to know. hes always been there for me, no matter what has happened. weve been in all kinds of fights, both fist and just bitching at each other for the stupidest shit. but, it really hurts now that hes just kinda gone. winters here. i cant exactly say that im happy. i hate this season. its too joyful. i was in the car with andrea and timmy, and we drove through nitro. we drive by a church and see a bunch of people outside, tied together doing a three legged race type deal. they were all laughing and having fun and what not. then it just kinda hit me, that i really miss my dad.. and just wish that he could have been here with me so he could have been there for me when i really needed him. i just feel if he was here then id be alot happier. i guess this is where the tears start flowing. shit happens. im just tired of things. im tired of people at school that think theyre my friends so they talk to me all the time. im tired of not being able to quit smoking. im tired of not being in shape. im tired of everyone following every trend that comes through this town and making it into a lifestyle. im tired of living in fucking west virginia. im ready to move. i was talking to my mom the other day.. and she mentioned how she always wanted to live in nevada. and we got on the subject of moving up there. i told her that itd be really cool to move and start all over, but i told her that if she moved i was going to move in with paul and come up and see her every so often. the cool thing was she didnt have a problem with that. so i thought that was pretty neat. but my mind could change depending on what goes on from now to then. but anyway, im tired. and im sure youre tired of reading this. cant blame ya though. so whatever, im out.