Cement Shoes.
Main Entry: 3funk
Function: noun
1 a: a state of paralyzing fear b: a depressed state of mind
2: one that funks : coward
3: slump 1
I suppose that is the most accurate way to describe how I am feeling. Let down is a close second. I just want to be left alone. Death always kind of sprials me into that state. I know it's a dog, but when I lose something or someone it heightens my awareness of everything else that seems to go wrong.
I don't know....maybe it's all in my head. Usually it is. I just feel like all my relationships are half-assed. I feel like I try, but let's face it letting people in is not my specialty and my closest friends seem so far away. I want to pour my heart out, but I feel like the only thing I have is a computer screen.
I'm stuggling to discover my purpose and it becomes even harder when I feel like God is so far away. Someone else I push. I just have never understood why I feel like I get jipped out of time. Though I have never been one that truly believes that time is of the essence...I do feel like I need more of it.
I want to be so much better, but I wish that I was the type for won't for not. I feel like everything I am doing is for nothing. I don't feel like it will ever be good enough and I never realized how truly competitive I can be until my mom pointed it out today. Whether it is the best photo in my class or time spent with someone or doing something I want the most and I want the best or at least to have known that I did my best and it couldn't have been any better.
Crazy...I know.
There will always be someone better. That's just how life is, but it would be the best feeling in the world to know that just for once I was the one who was better.
I feel like I have been on the edge for weeks. I've been jumpy and irritable and I just want to get away. I haven't been sleeping well and have been exhausted with worry. I feel like I can't accomplish anything and that my best friend is slipping away.
I'm always thought that there is a time limit on relationships. That they serve their purpose and run their course and then they fade away. I'm not ready to let this one go. I'm not ready to smother it either. I just want it to be there.
I feel like everyone I see is moving further than I am. Whether it's an internship, an engagement, a car, a house, an apartment, a job....and I am left standing still doing the one thing I despise...nothing.
Maybe it's just plain jealousy. Maybe I'm just being a pain in the ass or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know.
I can't even pick where I want to eat for dinner. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm going under and there is nothing I can do, but worsen my headache.
Function: noun
1 a: a state of paralyzing fear b: a depressed state of mind
2: one that funks : coward
3: slump 1
I suppose that is the most accurate way to describe how I am feeling. Let down is a close second. I just want to be left alone. Death always kind of sprials me into that state. I know it's a dog, but when I lose something or someone it heightens my awareness of everything else that seems to go wrong.
I don't know....maybe it's all in my head. Usually it is. I just feel like all my relationships are half-assed. I feel like I try, but let's face it letting people in is not my specialty and my closest friends seem so far away. I want to pour my heart out, but I feel like the only thing I have is a computer screen.
I'm stuggling to discover my purpose and it becomes even harder when I feel like God is so far away. Someone else I push. I just have never understood why I feel like I get jipped out of time. Though I have never been one that truly believes that time is of the essence...I do feel like I need more of it.
I want to be so much better, but I wish that I was the type for won't for not. I feel like everything I am doing is for nothing. I don't feel like it will ever be good enough and I never realized how truly competitive I can be until my mom pointed it out today. Whether it is the best photo in my class or time spent with someone or doing something I want the most and I want the best or at least to have known that I did my best and it couldn't have been any better.
Crazy...I know.
There will always be someone better. That's just how life is, but it would be the best feeling in the world to know that just for once I was the one who was better.
I feel like I have been on the edge for weeks. I've been jumpy and irritable and I just want to get away. I haven't been sleeping well and have been exhausted with worry. I feel like I can't accomplish anything and that my best friend is slipping away.
I'm always thought that there is a time limit on relationships. That they serve their purpose and run their course and then they fade away. I'm not ready to let this one go. I'm not ready to smother it either. I just want it to be there.
I feel like everyone I see is moving further than I am. Whether it's an internship, an engagement, a car, a house, an apartment, a job....and I am left standing still doing the one thing I despise...nothing.
Maybe it's just plain jealousy. Maybe I'm just being a pain in the ass or maybe I'm just crazy. I don't know.
I can't even pick where I want to eat for dinner. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm going under and there is nothing I can do, but worsen my headache.