The day after...

[lifeisakuki]

Im still in disbelief that my friend is gone. Hour by hour im finding out more information of what happened and still.. this doesnt make any sense why did she kill herself. or someone is not telling me everything. i keep reading in the paper, her name is being written as if shes was a thing... and i can't believe it. she was my friend. my very sick friend that i couldnt help. i wish i could. last night i didnt sleep. i kept tossing and turning. i kept seeing her face. i kept seeing her falling down. im wondering... was she in pain.. did it hurt.. what was the feeling.. what did she think.. why did she do it. i asked her sister how did it happend. that questions is so out of line - but she understands because we were all like sisters. she told me " i looked for her, i ran down the stairs, saw her, called 911, and that picture is stil in my head" i couldnt ask for details. my head is pounding. i cannot imagine what is her mom going through. loss of a child.. a child she carried 9 months and cared for 33 years, a child she loved.. . gone.... she is gone before her time. i guess its meant to be. God wanted it to be like that. GOd had a plan for her. its ok. I wonder.. i dont believe in after life but then i think "is she in pain up there... is she better.. can she see me.." is it crazy to think all this.. i just know that i miss my friend.

i'll be back tomorrow. tomorrow will be a better day