Like the Austro-Hungarian Empire, my brain slowly collapses in on itself
School needs to start. Immediately.
I can feel my brain slowly collapsing - like a flan in a cupboard ;)
I haven't really done anything productive with my summer. even reading has lost its appeal (which is saying something). Around a dozen or so plays I had intended to read thorughout the summer still sit in their original pile from when I got them in June. (sorry, franz. i WILL get them back to you, i swear). I dunno what it is but I just can't make myself sit and read plays. which is kind of a great big problem, what with me being an actor and everything.... anyone up for a few read-alouds??
I don't honestly think I can do another whole summer in Whitewater. Because in the summer my sleep schedule gets tampered with and I suddenly find myself consistently awake at one or two in the morning. and in whitewater, pretty town though it may be, NOTHING is open past nine. there is absoultely nothing to do. Which was fine when I had rehearsals and a show to fill my time with, but post-Duck Hunter I started to go a little insane. (well, moreso than i was previously).
So in the winter I'll be filling out a shitton of applications and things for summer internships/programs/whatever. which, if I get one, might quell this urge i have to travel and see other places, for the time being anyhow. i'm still saving up for a month of travel around Europe, though. can't wait until that starts to be more than just a vague notion in my head. but first i need money.
I spent a lot of this summer thinking about (and terribly missing) First Stage and my friends there, the experiences we all had... why is it that i don't feel as close overall with the people here as i did at first stage?? maybe because the goal there was Life Skills Through Stage Skills, being friends. a family, a united group. here, it's becoming a better actor, preparing for what's out in the real world - looking out only for yourself... maybe that's what I miss - the group dynamics, that everyone was friends with everyone else...
right. end of that tangent. before i say something i might regret.
anyway, point is that school needs to start and i need to be busy again. (because clearly nothing good can come of me having this much time to think) so. busy. which shouldn't be a problem - 17 credits, two jobs and (hopefully) some sort of rehearsal process thrown in there somewhere.
::sigh:: I've GOT to stop dwelling on the past and future and focus on there here-and-now. but how can i do that when so much of my life involves looking foward? speaking of, why do i have a weird apprehension about this coming year theatrically?? i have absolutely NO reason to worry, and yet something just feels... off to me and the year hasn't even started yet... is anyone else getting weird vibes, or am i just crazy?
anyway that's kinda the stuff that's been chasing round my head all summer.
Thanks for reading.