(no subject)
Man, my mind has been in 100 different places at once today. All at once I've started to feel completely dependent upon myself for everything. Something I always wondered about myself is why I constantly feel so dissapointed just in general. I guess when you put so much focus into people, trying to make things work, or feel appreciated- you let yourself down. Tonight, I just wandered around town by myself in hopes that I would find something/someone. I sat in borders, books a million and my car for about 5 hours just wandering what was wrong with me. I can be my worst critic. Seriously, when you think things are starting to look up again, it only starts to crumble.
The worst part about it all is I can't find anyone to confine in. The past few days, I've just sprawled across my bed going back and forth between Crime and Punishment and the Discovery Channel. I'm a stickler for egyptian history.
Latley, I've sincerely prayed for God to open my eyes to things in my life that arent his will or what he wants. When you really start to open yourself up, you come to realize how desperate we all are. Man, I'm so desperate for attention and reassurance lately. That little girl in the 6th grade that wandered the hallways and prayed for a best friend- never-ever will completely dissapear. Deep inside, I'm still that awkward girl watching and waiting for something to happen to her.
I honestly wish someone would answer their phone when I need them. I wish I was taken more seriously sometimes, rather feeling so misunderstood and forgotten about. I can't allow myself to feel so bad- because I know you cant always feel joyful.
I was driving home tonight and I started to listen to the old emo songs from 8th grade, hoping I'd find some comfort like I use to. I ended up turning the song off.
When you pray for God to reveal things to you, he will. however, it's never what you truly expected.
The worst part about it all is I can't find anyone to confine in. The past few days, I've just sprawled across my bed going back and forth between Crime and Punishment and the Discovery Channel. I'm a stickler for egyptian history.
Latley, I've sincerely prayed for God to open my eyes to things in my life that arent his will or what he wants. When you really start to open yourself up, you come to realize how desperate we all are. Man, I'm so desperate for attention and reassurance lately. That little girl in the 6th grade that wandered the hallways and prayed for a best friend- never-ever will completely dissapear. Deep inside, I'm still that awkward girl watching and waiting for something to happen to her.
I honestly wish someone would answer their phone when I need them. I wish I was taken more seriously sometimes, rather feeling so misunderstood and forgotten about. I can't allow myself to feel so bad- because I know you cant always feel joyful.
I was driving home tonight and I started to listen to the old emo songs from 8th grade, hoping I'd find some comfort like I use to. I ended up turning the song off.
When you pray for God to reveal things to you, he will. however, it's never what you truly expected.