(no subject)
This post is dedicated to Emily Ann Engel (<3) and bleeding hearts everywhere:
God Bless Andy Rooney. (I will be adding my comments in parentheses!)
"I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires. (... and big punches in the throat to anyone who owns a hybrid car. Have fun paying out your ass to already filthy rich polluting companies when that piece of plastic craps the bed.)
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies. (AMEN!)
Guns don't make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. (I loves my gun, loves my gun!)
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? (What kind of jerk tries to make their daughter become a part of the Boy Scouts? Can I get a firing squad please?)
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. (No matter what that opinion is. And contrary to popular belief, not all conservatives think homosexuality is wrong. Try being a little more tolerant and understanding!)
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. (Jesse Jackson is a fucker, and if I ever saw him walking down the sidewalk I would take him out at the knees.)
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. (Emily, didn't he quote you there?)
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, that is the Law of Probability. (God Bless Mathematics!)
I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be FIRED immediately! (I don't want to picture wrinkly old Andy Rooney ever having sex, but somehow I think that was directed at you Mr. Clinton. Nothing like a hummer in the afternoon, huh? And lying under oath is ok too.)
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! (I am all for learning other languages. You know, so when you go to THOSE countries you can use them. Not here. Not to say that other languages are forbidden at all, but come on folks...)
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines. (Heres a clue: Respect your veterans. They did more then you can imagine, or even I can. Also, police officers get the shaft way too often. All of a sudden after 9/11 firefighters are heroes, even though an exceedingly large number of police officers died also. Yeah, only because firefighters can't give you a speeding ticket for driving like an maniac.)
I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is. (Keep crying. Take your ball and go home. "WAH! Bush didn't win! We want a recount!" I never even gave my little brother do overs in yahtzee, you think I am going to give that moron Gore one?)
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. (A liberals definition of Equality: Reverse discrimination. Yeah, that'll solve a lot.)
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constititution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. (Screw you, and screw the communist creation called the UN. I wish Bush would tell all of these third rate, dictator run countries to take a friggin' hike. It is NOT our responsibility to resolve all conflicts. America should NOT be the police of the world.)
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. (Wrestling is the dumbest thing ever.)
I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. (I think Emily could take any Hell's Angel on. I'd hate to see what woul'dv happened to that lady yesterday!)
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system thats better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the internet to help you. (Ahhh... the wonders of capitalism. You know. Making an honest profit. Okay... so I have my own personal quirfs with Bill Gates... All I know is I stole my operating system. Thanks Billyboy!)
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say NO! (Abuse is wrong. Yes. But is so is being negligent and too permissive. Ever hear of Authoritative parenting?)
I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! (Emily's lip ring rocks though. No infections there.)
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent! I don't go around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else. (THANK YOU!!! A logical mind in the world! I take pride in my European ancestry which is not bad at all, but I consider myself an American, and it's high time we all realize who we are.)
And if you don't like my point of view, tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!" (No Mr. Rooney... Thank You!)
Feel free to comment! No... please do.
God Bless Andy Rooney. (I will be adding my comments in parentheses!)
"I like big cars, big boats, big motorcycles, big houses and big campfires. (... and big punches in the throat to anyone who owns a hybrid car. Have fun paying out your ass to already filthy rich polluting companies when that piece of plastic craps the bed.)
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts for squirting out babies. (AMEN!)
Guns don't make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game. (I loves my gun, loves my gun!)
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE? (What kind of jerk tries to make their daughter become a part of the Boy Scouts? Can I get a firing squad please?)
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion. (No matter what that opinion is. And contrary to popular belief, not all conservatives think homosexuality is wrong. Try being a little more tolerant and understanding!)
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door. (Jesse Jackson is a fucker, and if I ever saw him walking down the sidewalk I would take him out at the knees.)
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off. (Emily, didn't he quote you there?)
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, that is the Law of Probability. (God Bless Mathematics!)
I know what sex is, and there are not varying degrees of it. If I received sex from one of my subordinates in my office, it wouldn't be a private matter or my personal business. I would be FIRED immediately! (I don't want to picture wrinkly old Andy Rooney ever having sex, but somehow I think that was directed at you Mr. Clinton. Nothing like a hummer in the afternoon, huh? And lying under oath is ok too.)
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English! (I am all for learning other languages. You know, so when you go to THOSE countries you can use them. Not here. Not to say that other languages are forbidden at all, but come on folks...)
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours. I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines. (Heres a clue: Respect your veterans. They did more then you can imagine, or even I can. Also, police officers get the shaft way too often. All of a sudden after 9/11 firefighters are heroes, even though an exceedingly large number of police officers died also. Yeah, only because firefighters can't give you a speeding ticket for driving like an maniac.)
I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation recount votes when needed. I know what the definition of lying is. (Keep crying. Take your ball and go home. "WAH! Bush didn't win! We want a recount!" I never even gave my little brother do overs in yahtzee, you think I am going to give that moron Gore one?)
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business. (A liberals definition of Equality: Reverse discrimination. Yeah, that'll solve a lot.)
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constititution is a living document; and open to their interpretations. (Screw you, and screw the communist creation called the UN. I wish Bush would tell all of these third rate, dictator run countries to take a friggin' hike. It is NOT our responsibility to resolve all conflicts. America should NOT be the police of the world.)
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them. (Wrestling is the dumbest thing ever.)
I believe a self-righteous liberal or conservative with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude. (I think Emily could take any Hell's Angel on. I'd hate to see what woul'dv happened to that lady yesterday!)
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system thats better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the internet to help you. (Ahhh... the wonders of capitalism. You know. Making an honest profit. Okay... so I have my own personal quirfs with Bill Gates... All I know is I stole my operating system. Thanks Billyboy!)
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary, and say NO! (Abuse is wrong. Yes. But is so is being negligent and too permissive. Ever hear of Authoritative parenting?)
I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries! (Emily's lip ring rocks though. No infections there.)
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent! I don't go around saying I am a European American because my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else. (THANK YOU!!! A logical mind in the world! I take pride in my European ancestry which is not bad at all, but I consider myself an American, and it's high time we all realize who we are.)
And if you don't like my point of view, tough. DON'T PASS IT ON!" (No Mr. Rooney... Thank You!)
Feel free to comment! No... please do.