Fic: Kiss me Quick: Part 2. rating: Brown Cortina.
Title: kiss me quick, part two.
Author: totallywow
Rating: Brown Cortina
Pairing: sam/ray, sam/gene
Disclaimer: not mine.
Summary: Sam chooses.
A/N: After some really lovely feedback and a few comments about carrying this on, I decided it wasn't quite finished. I'm really in the mood to write some serious porn atm and was going to make this a big porny, orgy ending but I couldn't do it!! I needed to end this with slighty fluffyness. It's not beta-ed(sp?), by the way, so will more than likely have a few mistakes! And it's LONG! 3, 428 words.
Sam twirled the pen around his fingers. He couldn’t concentrate on what he always prided himself on being able to do regardless of problems in his personal life: the job. The fun had worn off far too quickly. When Gene didn’t know, the adrenaline rush was magnificent and Sam wondered why he had lived his life so carefully and neatly following every rule, by the book. His reckless behaviour, wild and crazy but smartly hidden from prying eyes did make him alive, for a while. The movement around him suggested the day had finished. Christ, already? Sam thought. He swallowed and shrugged his jacket on effortlessly, knowing he’d have to make a change somewhere, soon.
*
Ray had kept his eye on Sam. Could see the slow but definite change behind his eyes, the slight hyped-up lust-crazed sparkle replaced with the more familiar cool, calm neatness. It was in the way he looked at Ray, like he didn’t want this anymore. Sam had told him that they’d moved in together. Probably settling down, Ray thought, highly amused. Ray’s often been standing on the sidelines, just watching. He watched Gene fall in and out of love with his wife, and in love with the backseat of his Cortina, rotting alleyways outside of pubs and clubs and the occasional tart’s bedroom: blokes, birds, who cares. And he thinks he’s seen Gene fall completely arse over tit for Sam Tyler, the bloody idiot. He’ll wait for Sam to realise what side his bread is buttered. He’s not gonna give Sam up himself - he cares about the Guv, but why should he turn down a regular shag? Gotta look after for number one, he reminds himself mentally. Even if it means Gene’s hurting, a cruel soft voice says.
*
Gene doesn’t stay at the pub long nowadays. He leaves as early as possible. Giving Sam plenty of time with his fancy man in the hope he’ll be awake when Sam comes in. And while Sam is away he’ll do anything to keep his mind occupied. He hates how terrible this has become. It was so good in the beginning, just Sammy and him. He tried to get Sam to open up about his boyfriend, to no avail. Strictly no go zone, it would seem. Sam had tensed up underneath him, looking at him in horror, the words “So… tell me how this bloke likes it then, Sammy-boy” bouncing off the walls.
“I don’t think so.” Had been Sam’s firm answer, with a look of “don’t ever fucking say that again” in his brown eyes. He didn’t have the nerve to go and fuck someone himself, he couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. Especially Cartwright, she was too good to be used in a game like this. He’d been far rougher in bed with Sam than he usually was. He wanted to scream at Sam and beat him black and blue, but he didn’t. He used sex to create some sort of power over Sam but it didn’t last - bruises on hips and necks faded and sharp stinging smacks on the arse eventually died down. Sam liked it, and although Gene was happy enough to play: harder, faster, oh God yes - that always fun and pleasing to hear, he felt awful when he saw the marks left upon Sam’s tiny body because he knew it wasn’t a game. It scared him, how he felt and what he was maybe capable of. He despised himself for inviting Sam to give up his flat: not because he hated living with Sam, quite the opposite. Sam was everywhere, in every part of his life and filling him up, yet he was so far out of reach Gene could barely see him. His heart ached.
*
Gene won’t make a fuss of leaving, it’s a look and a nod and he’s gone, quietly as possible. Sam doesn’t make to move, nurses his pint. Ray huffs and puffs, irritated he’ll have to be the one who first makes contact.
“Boss?”
Sam looks up blearily. “I’m….. just, this. A minute.”
“Alleyway…” Ray murmurs watching his peers carefully before leaving through the back.
Sam watches his back disappear. One last time, he thinks. One last time.
Ray makes a grab for him, lips crashing down on his. Sam opens his mouth quickly and welcomes his tongue, the taste of beer and fags and gum. They pull apart. Sam’s lip is bleeding, he makes a face at Ray as he swipes his tongue over, the metallic tang somehow familiar.
“Some kind of vampire?” The voice is high-pitched and irritated and not for the first Ray thinks: you selfish wanker! He doesn’t need to take this shit off his fucked-up DI, obviously too thick and self-absorbed to make a simple choice between himself and the Guv. He knows what Gene can give him, something Ray never will. It’s just about sex. That’s all. God, Sam really is a twat. If he was Sam, he’d know exactly what he’d do. And this is exactly why we beat each other up when we fuck, Ray’s mind concludes. Dickhead.
“Dickhead” Ray’s thoughts make themselves known. Sam sneers.
“Enjoy this, Carling, because you’re never having it again.”
“I could have any cheap old slag I want. You’re no different” He brings Sam towards him, slams him against the wall. Sam’s head pounds. He doesn’t want this anymore. He feels sick.
“You’re a fuckin’ stupid bastard” Ray spits, fumbling at Sam’s front with belts and buckles and buttons. Finally free, pulling them down just below Sam’s arse.
Sam doesn’t move. He doesn’t argue back.
“I know.”
Ray lets go of him to free himself, letting trousers and pants fall to his knees and finding his trusty, half full bottle of lube in his inside jacket pocket. Covering his fingers, pushing inside of Sam. Sam tries to get into it as Ray fingers scissor and move and curl inside of him. He wishes the fingers were long and slightly slimmer and move with a more practised ease. Wishes that the lips were full and soft when they pressed against his neck and shoulders, instead of dry and forced and tickly because of facial hair. When Ray’s prepared him and covered his hard cock in the substance, he’s pressing at Sam, demanding to be let in. Sam’s trying hard not to clench and tense up but all he can think about is Gene. Gene, Gene, Gene. It’s all Gene. Oh God, I’m such a stupid, stupid bastard, Sam bits his lips and tears form in his eyes. He clamps them shut as Ray forces his way in, burying himself inside of Sam. Setting a comfortable rhythm, picking up speed along the way. His hands reach for Sam’s hips and they’re not going to let go. Ray throws his head back and enjoys the pace he’s begun to get so used to, the rather lovely view if he pulls back slightly and looks down at Tyler’s arse and his cock inside of it. He would miss this. He laughs a bit, now placing a hand against the wall and fucking Sam properly. One of Sam’s hands is spread out against the bricks, the other jerking himself off furiously, for the last time. This is the last time, he thinks, as Ray fucks him ruthlessly and hits the spot so gloriously that Sam moans and moves faster, hips thrusting and Ray’s banging into him again and again and it is good, sooo good, he moans and thrusts and comes over his hand, Ray growling and gripping his hips for the last time, fucking and coming deep inside.
Sam leans against the wall, wiping his hand against the brick and making a face at the texture. Ray pants against him, then moving and slipping out, giving him a tissue which he accepts gladly. They dress up.
“It’s been fun.” Ray smirks, buckling his belt as Sam turns round.
“No it hasn’t” Sam whispers and Ray is horrified to see the tears in Sam’s eyes.
“Fuck. No need to get emotional over me, Tyler. I’ll let you suck my cock when I’m desperate.” He knows, God he knows the truth but he doesn’t want the prick sobbing into his shirt.
Sam sniffs and the tears begin to fall. He looks away, his bottom lip trembling.
“Er. Anyway. Best be off, Boss.”
Sam nods, tears still falling. Ray grabs this opportunity to flee. That’s the last thing he needs, Tyler getting all soppy and girly, crying about all his problems. He’s not there for that. Toughen up, he tells himself.
“Toughen up” he tries it out loud. It works. Fuck Tyler. Stupid girly ponce, crying like a precious little virgin after a good hard seeing to. Only him.
*
Gene hears the door open and get locked. He looks up. 9.30pm. Christ, what does he deserve this honour for? He puts down his half eaten plate and turns down the volume on the TV.
“Sam?”
Sam takes off his boots and walks into the small living room.
“Hi.”
“Hungry?”
Sam looks at the bacon and chips on Gene’s plate. “Yeah, actually, I am.”
“I’ll do yer some then.” Gene moves and makes his way to the kitchen, getting out a new plate. Can’t have Sam starving anyway, skinny thing that he already is.
Sam stands awkwardly in the hallway, watching Gene mess about, getting bits and bobs ready and sorted, just for him. To make him tea. It breaks his heart, the tears threatening again. Making him some fucking dinner when he’s been out……. fucking. And Gene knows it.
Sam begins to sob, silently, for the second time this evening. Gene is whistling a song he doesn’t recognise.
“’Ere, do you want your bacon on it’s own or” Gene’s sentence is cut short as he turns round to see Sam leaning against the door frame, tears streaming down his face.
“What…..?” Gene asks, concerned, now holding Sam by his arms, one hand reaching up and wiping his tears away, cradling his face.
“What’s the matter Sammy-boy?” Sam shakes his head and cries harder, still silent. Gene swallows the lump in his own throat, wanting to kill whoever’s hurt Sam.
“I’ll kill the bastard if he’s made you do summat you don’t wanna, if he’s hurt you”
“No, no. Not that.” Sam sniffs violently and wipes his eyes with his sleeve. “I’m so. I’m so… sorry, Gene.”
“For what?” Gene is slightly confused. Where to start, Sam’s guilty mind asks. For leaving you on your own all these nights, for choosing to spend my time and evenings with some hard bastard who doesn’t give a shit about me, for underestimating you, for hoping you’d understand - why should you, for hurting you because I know I have.
“For making you put up with this.” Sam blinks, crying even more.
“Putting up with you?”
“You don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t have had to…… fucking… share, me. You deserve someone who is good to you.” Sam is crying noisily now and Gene is still wiping his tears away, holding him gently.
“So…. what is this. You dumping me, yeah? Cuz “oh Gene, you’re too good for me”, right?” Gene’s voice was harsh and cruel but his touch was still as gentle as it could be.
“No! Gene, this is me begging you to let me make it up to you.” Sam pulled away so he could see Gene properly.
“Please, please. I’m a twat, I know…. and if you tell me where to go, I’ll leave.” More tears. “But I was confused, and stupid, and wanting to… push… just, God, I need you. I really do.”
Gene was reading him and taking it all in.
“Did he dump yer?” The familiar Gene Hunt pout appeared.
“No, he means… nothing to me. He never did, I wasn’t… he could never compare to you.”
“Did he dump you, Tyler?”
“I dumped him! It was never a relationship… and, you said, but I wish….. I hate myself for it” Fresh tears leaked and fell quickly down Sam’s face as he pleaded.
“I will never, ever go to anybody again. I don’t need anybody else to make me feel different or…. alive. You do that to me, Gene. And everything else. You are… perfect. And I love you, so much.” Sam has never said anything more true and he can hear his heart beat as Gene looked at him, his face so hard to read.
“Well. Gladys…”
“….Gene….”
“I think…” Gene’s voice boomed over Sam’s. Sam closed his mouth.
Gene brought Sam’s face close with a big hand so their foreheads met. He whispered.
“I think… that you have been a big twat. But so have I, for thinking I could live with it. You. God, you… drive me, crazy! In a good way and sometimes in a bad way. I can’t carry on the way we’re living right now. But I believe what you just said and I think we’ll be just fine.” He kissed Sam on the cheek. Both cheeks, the nose and his lips, but more slowly, opening their mouths and finally pulling away.
“We’ll be fine. This is real, now. Right here, this is real.”
“Yeah. You best believe it, Tyler. Still hungry?”
“Yes.” Sam smiled and Gene went back to his cooking. Sam gratefully wolfed down his bacon sandwich and chips not complaining once about healthy food or fat content or any of the other things he tended to waffle on about, Gene was pleased to note.
“Good, yeah?”
Sam nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of bacon.
“Good boy. Get it down yer! You’re looking like a right skinny little girl at the moment, Dorothy.”
Sam grinned. His heart leap. He felt like dancing. He felt amazing. He finished his plate off with the last bite of bacon.
“And you look like a fat bastard, Guv…..” Hoping that he wasn’t pushing it too far, testing the waters, making sure everything was normal.
“Shut yer mouth. I am a tough, manly police officer.” Sam’s soppy grin reappeared on his face, sipping the tea Gene put on.
“Plus being big has it advantages as I’m sure you’ll agree, Gladys.”
Sam looked up, saw Gene’s soft smile and smiled back saucily.
“Oh I agree.”
Gene picked up his plate, filling the sink with soapy warm water.
“I reckon this will be a first for us, Sammy, an early night, eh?”
“I hope we can do it more.” Sam wraps him arms around Gene, resting his head against his shoulder. Breathes him in.
“I’m going for a shower.” He doesn’t want to let go of Gene but he can feel Ray still on him, inside him. He wishes he could wash the whole sorry episode of his life away, back to the time when Gene first kissed him.
*
Play-fighting, sat by the canal, sharing some chips. Jibs and taunts thrown back and forth, Gene punching him softly. Laughing a lot, he remembers. He must have made Gene laugh too because he has a beautiful image of his face smiling, really smiling. Making promises.
“If I see a shooting star right now…. I promise I’ll wear stilettos into work, tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah? Well, fuck me, Gladys. Look at that big bastard shooting star in the sky”
“That is not a shooting star, Gene.”
Gene grinned. The warm night forced him to take his coat off, his tie ruffled and top buttons undone carelessly. Sam thought he looked fantastic. “Ok. Well. If a bird comes running down ‘ere with her tits out right now, I promise… I will…. kiss you.”
Sam almost choked on his chips.
Managing to control himself, he tried “well, it’s not going to happen.”
“The tits or the kiss?”
Sam bit his lip. If said “the kiss”, surely Gene would think he wouldn’t want a kiss. But, oh God, he did. He’d thought about it often enough.
“The… tits.”
“Probably not. So I guess you won’t get a kiss either.”
“I suppose not.”
“Unless…….. you were very, very nice to me.”
“What constitutes as… being nice to you, Gene?” Sam said quietly, stroking the grass with his fingers, making patterns and generally avoiding Gene’s all-seeing eyes.
He feels Gene get closer and forces himself to meet his eyes. Moves his head ever so slightly. Gene frowns slightly, but a smile plays on his lips. He looks down.
“Letting me have the last chips.”
“Oh, well. I don’t eat chips too often.”
“I should have known.” Gene eats two, three chips looking out at the canal below them. Looking back at Sam, who, once turning himself to look at Gene cannot now take his eyes off him.
“Do I owe you a kiss, Dorothy?” Sam is silent. He looks away, looks back. Feel the sides of his mouth tug, a grin forming on his face.
Gene closes the distance, and it far softer than Sam imagined. He thought it’d be in the middle of a physical fight or when Gene is completely pissed. But he’s sober as he can be tonight, and they haven’t fought all day. He holds Sam’s head, pulling him down slightly and Sam allows him to take control. He opens his mouth, tastes Gene and feels his tongue and it is really, really good. Sam thinks he could stay like this forever, it is so perfect.
They break away and Gene is smiling smugly as Sam pants and his hair sticks up, dishevelled, his face flushed.
“Gene.”
“Yeah, alright, calm down. I will allow you to put yer hands down my pants soon enough, Sammy-boy. Been that long has it?”
“Shut up. What - do you - fancy me?”
Gene does laugh at that.
“Yes Inspector, I bloody do. Obviously the feeling is mutual. I must admit I was fairly certain of that the day I caught you staring at my arse.” Sam blushes. He did stare at Gene but he always thought he was good at disguising it. “Well, who can blame you, I am a good looking bloke after all.”
Sam snorts and rolls his eyes. “Maybe we should go somewhere a bit more private Sammy. Imagine the shock of some old dear walking her doggy in the morning, finding me giving you one outside her front door.”
“Yes, Guv.”
“Good lad. Come on then, chop chop.”
*
Gene is in bed by the time Sam comes in. The bed is spacious and comfy. Sam can’t believe he risked all this, especially for Ray Carling. There wasn’t a choice. He climbs in, naked and warm next to Gene. Gene shifts onto his side and cuddles him close, one arm wrapping around him and pulling him close, another reaching up to his face.
“The first time that we..”
“-I was just thinking about that”
“-I thought that it was the most perfect”
“-yes, it was, you are”
“Shut up! Wait a minute, Sam. It was special. I think what we have is special. More important than sex.”
“Fuck buddies don’t live together, Gene.”
Gene sighs and closes his eyes. “Why… why did you think you needed more than what I was giving you?” Gene’s voice was full of hurt and Sam can’t blame him.
“I didn’t. I wanted to lose myself. Hurt myself, maybe. I realised that I was hurting you too… and that I had, or was in danger of fucking up the only thing I came back for. That means anything to me.”
There is a brief silence. “I’m going to drop it now. But that’s it, Tyler, it’s done with, over, forgotten. Me and you start out properly now. If you fuck about - in ANY way possible - I’m not putting up with it.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
Gene pulled him closer with a kiss. “Right”, he whispered gently.
“I promise I’ll stay here…forever. As long as you want me to.”
“I do want you to, you idiot. Love you.” Sam arms clung to Gene and wrapped himself around him.
“I am worried though. I know that you don’t keep your promises Gladys. I distinctly remember something about stilettos and stars.”
“I always keep my promises and it was not a shooting star!”
“It was.”
“Not.”
“I’ll buy you a pair tomorrow. Of stilettos, I mean, but you could do with some bollocks too. You girl.”
“I’ll wear them in bed.”
“Thought you might.”
“If you really want a woman why don’t you go out and find one?”
“I did, Dorothy. Pretty little lady you are, too.”
*
Author: totallywow
Rating: Brown Cortina
Pairing: sam/ray, sam/gene
Disclaimer: not mine.
Summary: Sam chooses.
A/N: After some really lovely feedback and a few comments about carrying this on, I decided it wasn't quite finished. I'm really in the mood to write some serious porn atm and was going to make this a big porny, orgy ending but I couldn't do it!! I needed to end this with slighty fluffyness. It's not beta-ed(sp?), by the way, so will more than likely have a few mistakes! And it's LONG! 3, 428 words.
Sam twirled the pen around his fingers. He couldn’t concentrate on what he always prided himself on being able to do regardless of problems in his personal life: the job. The fun had worn off far too quickly. When Gene didn’t know, the adrenaline rush was magnificent and Sam wondered why he had lived his life so carefully and neatly following every rule, by the book. His reckless behaviour, wild and crazy but smartly hidden from prying eyes did make him alive, for a while. The movement around him suggested the day had finished. Christ, already? Sam thought. He swallowed and shrugged his jacket on effortlessly, knowing he’d have to make a change somewhere, soon.
*
Ray had kept his eye on Sam. Could see the slow but definite change behind his eyes, the slight hyped-up lust-crazed sparkle replaced with the more familiar cool, calm neatness. It was in the way he looked at Ray, like he didn’t want this anymore. Sam had told him that they’d moved in together. Probably settling down, Ray thought, highly amused. Ray’s often been standing on the sidelines, just watching. He watched Gene fall in and out of love with his wife, and in love with the backseat of his Cortina, rotting alleyways outside of pubs and clubs and the occasional tart’s bedroom: blokes, birds, who cares. And he thinks he’s seen Gene fall completely arse over tit for Sam Tyler, the bloody idiot. He’ll wait for Sam to realise what side his bread is buttered. He’s not gonna give Sam up himself - he cares about the Guv, but why should he turn down a regular shag? Gotta look after for number one, he reminds himself mentally. Even if it means Gene’s hurting, a cruel soft voice says.
*
Gene doesn’t stay at the pub long nowadays. He leaves as early as possible. Giving Sam plenty of time with his fancy man in the hope he’ll be awake when Sam comes in. And while Sam is away he’ll do anything to keep his mind occupied. He hates how terrible this has become. It was so good in the beginning, just Sammy and him. He tried to get Sam to open up about his boyfriend, to no avail. Strictly no go zone, it would seem. Sam had tensed up underneath him, looking at him in horror, the words “So… tell me how this bloke likes it then, Sammy-boy” bouncing off the walls.
“I don’t think so.” Had been Sam’s firm answer, with a look of “don’t ever fucking say that again” in his brown eyes. He didn’t have the nerve to go and fuck someone himself, he couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. Especially Cartwright, she was too good to be used in a game like this. He’d been far rougher in bed with Sam than he usually was. He wanted to scream at Sam and beat him black and blue, but he didn’t. He used sex to create some sort of power over Sam but it didn’t last - bruises on hips and necks faded and sharp stinging smacks on the arse eventually died down. Sam liked it, and although Gene was happy enough to play: harder, faster, oh God yes - that always fun and pleasing to hear, he felt awful when he saw the marks left upon Sam’s tiny body because he knew it wasn’t a game. It scared him, how he felt and what he was maybe capable of. He despised himself for inviting Sam to give up his flat: not because he hated living with Sam, quite the opposite. Sam was everywhere, in every part of his life and filling him up, yet he was so far out of reach Gene could barely see him. His heart ached.
*
Gene won’t make a fuss of leaving, it’s a look and a nod and he’s gone, quietly as possible. Sam doesn’t make to move, nurses his pint. Ray huffs and puffs, irritated he’ll have to be the one who first makes contact.
“Boss?”
Sam looks up blearily. “I’m….. just, this. A minute.”
“Alleyway…” Ray murmurs watching his peers carefully before leaving through the back.
Sam watches his back disappear. One last time, he thinks. One last time.
Ray makes a grab for him, lips crashing down on his. Sam opens his mouth quickly and welcomes his tongue, the taste of beer and fags and gum. They pull apart. Sam’s lip is bleeding, he makes a face at Ray as he swipes his tongue over, the metallic tang somehow familiar.
“Some kind of vampire?” The voice is high-pitched and irritated and not for the first Ray thinks: you selfish wanker! He doesn’t need to take this shit off his fucked-up DI, obviously too thick and self-absorbed to make a simple choice between himself and the Guv. He knows what Gene can give him, something Ray never will. It’s just about sex. That’s all. God, Sam really is a twat. If he was Sam, he’d know exactly what he’d do. And this is exactly why we beat each other up when we fuck, Ray’s mind concludes. Dickhead.
“Dickhead” Ray’s thoughts make themselves known. Sam sneers.
“Enjoy this, Carling, because you’re never having it again.”
“I could have any cheap old slag I want. You’re no different” He brings Sam towards him, slams him against the wall. Sam’s head pounds. He doesn’t want this anymore. He feels sick.
“You’re a fuckin’ stupid bastard” Ray spits, fumbling at Sam’s front with belts and buckles and buttons. Finally free, pulling them down just below Sam’s arse.
Sam doesn’t move. He doesn’t argue back.
“I know.”
Ray lets go of him to free himself, letting trousers and pants fall to his knees and finding his trusty, half full bottle of lube in his inside jacket pocket. Covering his fingers, pushing inside of Sam. Sam tries to get into it as Ray fingers scissor and move and curl inside of him. He wishes the fingers were long and slightly slimmer and move with a more practised ease. Wishes that the lips were full and soft when they pressed against his neck and shoulders, instead of dry and forced and tickly because of facial hair. When Ray’s prepared him and covered his hard cock in the substance, he’s pressing at Sam, demanding to be let in. Sam’s trying hard not to clench and tense up but all he can think about is Gene. Gene, Gene, Gene. It’s all Gene. Oh God, I’m such a stupid, stupid bastard, Sam bits his lips and tears form in his eyes. He clamps them shut as Ray forces his way in, burying himself inside of Sam. Setting a comfortable rhythm, picking up speed along the way. His hands reach for Sam’s hips and they’re not going to let go. Ray throws his head back and enjoys the pace he’s begun to get so used to, the rather lovely view if he pulls back slightly and looks down at Tyler’s arse and his cock inside of it. He would miss this. He laughs a bit, now placing a hand against the wall and fucking Sam properly. One of Sam’s hands is spread out against the bricks, the other jerking himself off furiously, for the last time. This is the last time, he thinks, as Ray fucks him ruthlessly and hits the spot so gloriously that Sam moans and moves faster, hips thrusting and Ray’s banging into him again and again and it is good, sooo good, he moans and thrusts and comes over his hand, Ray growling and gripping his hips for the last time, fucking and coming deep inside.
Sam leans against the wall, wiping his hand against the brick and making a face at the texture. Ray pants against him, then moving and slipping out, giving him a tissue which he accepts gladly. They dress up.
“It’s been fun.” Ray smirks, buckling his belt as Sam turns round.
“No it hasn’t” Sam whispers and Ray is horrified to see the tears in Sam’s eyes.
“Fuck. No need to get emotional over me, Tyler. I’ll let you suck my cock when I’m desperate.” He knows, God he knows the truth but he doesn’t want the prick sobbing into his shirt.
Sam sniffs and the tears begin to fall. He looks away, his bottom lip trembling.
“Er. Anyway. Best be off, Boss.”
Sam nods, tears still falling. Ray grabs this opportunity to flee. That’s the last thing he needs, Tyler getting all soppy and girly, crying about all his problems. He’s not there for that. Toughen up, he tells himself.
“Toughen up” he tries it out loud. It works. Fuck Tyler. Stupid girly ponce, crying like a precious little virgin after a good hard seeing to. Only him.
*
Gene hears the door open and get locked. He looks up. 9.30pm. Christ, what does he deserve this honour for? He puts down his half eaten plate and turns down the volume on the TV.
“Sam?”
Sam takes off his boots and walks into the small living room.
“Hi.”
“Hungry?”
Sam looks at the bacon and chips on Gene’s plate. “Yeah, actually, I am.”
“I’ll do yer some then.” Gene moves and makes his way to the kitchen, getting out a new plate. Can’t have Sam starving anyway, skinny thing that he already is.
Sam stands awkwardly in the hallway, watching Gene mess about, getting bits and bobs ready and sorted, just for him. To make him tea. It breaks his heart, the tears threatening again. Making him some fucking dinner when he’s been out……. fucking. And Gene knows it.
Sam begins to sob, silently, for the second time this evening. Gene is whistling a song he doesn’t recognise.
“’Ere, do you want your bacon on it’s own or” Gene’s sentence is cut short as he turns round to see Sam leaning against the door frame, tears streaming down his face.
“What…..?” Gene asks, concerned, now holding Sam by his arms, one hand reaching up and wiping his tears away, cradling his face.
“What’s the matter Sammy-boy?” Sam shakes his head and cries harder, still silent. Gene swallows the lump in his own throat, wanting to kill whoever’s hurt Sam.
“I’ll kill the bastard if he’s made you do summat you don’t wanna, if he’s hurt you”
“No, no. Not that.” Sam sniffs violently and wipes his eyes with his sleeve. “I’m so. I’m so… sorry, Gene.”
“For what?” Gene is slightly confused. Where to start, Sam’s guilty mind asks. For leaving you on your own all these nights, for choosing to spend my time and evenings with some hard bastard who doesn’t give a shit about me, for underestimating you, for hoping you’d understand - why should you, for hurting you because I know I have.
“For making you put up with this.” Sam blinks, crying even more.
“Putting up with you?”
“You don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve you. You shouldn’t have had to…… fucking… share, me. You deserve someone who is good to you.” Sam is crying noisily now and Gene is still wiping his tears away, holding him gently.
“So…. what is this. You dumping me, yeah? Cuz “oh Gene, you’re too good for me”, right?” Gene’s voice was harsh and cruel but his touch was still as gentle as it could be.
“No! Gene, this is me begging you to let me make it up to you.” Sam pulled away so he could see Gene properly.
“Please, please. I’m a twat, I know…. and if you tell me where to go, I’ll leave.” More tears. “But I was confused, and stupid, and wanting to… push… just, God, I need you. I really do.”
Gene was reading him and taking it all in.
“Did he dump yer?” The familiar Gene Hunt pout appeared.
“No, he means… nothing to me. He never did, I wasn’t… he could never compare to you.”
“Did he dump you, Tyler?”
“I dumped him! It was never a relationship… and, you said, but I wish….. I hate myself for it” Fresh tears leaked and fell quickly down Sam’s face as he pleaded.
“I will never, ever go to anybody again. I don’t need anybody else to make me feel different or…. alive. You do that to me, Gene. And everything else. You are… perfect. And I love you, so much.” Sam has never said anything more true and he can hear his heart beat as Gene looked at him, his face so hard to read.
“Well. Gladys…”
“….Gene….”
“I think…” Gene’s voice boomed over Sam’s. Sam closed his mouth.
Gene brought Sam’s face close with a big hand so their foreheads met. He whispered.
“I think… that you have been a big twat. But so have I, for thinking I could live with it. You. God, you… drive me, crazy! In a good way and sometimes in a bad way. I can’t carry on the way we’re living right now. But I believe what you just said and I think we’ll be just fine.” He kissed Sam on the cheek. Both cheeks, the nose and his lips, but more slowly, opening their mouths and finally pulling away.
“We’ll be fine. This is real, now. Right here, this is real.”
“Yeah. You best believe it, Tyler. Still hungry?”
“Yes.” Sam smiled and Gene went back to his cooking. Sam gratefully wolfed down his bacon sandwich and chips not complaining once about healthy food or fat content or any of the other things he tended to waffle on about, Gene was pleased to note.
“Good, yeah?”
Sam nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of bacon.
“Good boy. Get it down yer! You’re looking like a right skinny little girl at the moment, Dorothy.”
Sam grinned. His heart leap. He felt like dancing. He felt amazing. He finished his plate off with the last bite of bacon.
“And you look like a fat bastard, Guv…..” Hoping that he wasn’t pushing it too far, testing the waters, making sure everything was normal.
“Shut yer mouth. I am a tough, manly police officer.” Sam’s soppy grin reappeared on his face, sipping the tea Gene put on.
“Plus being big has it advantages as I’m sure you’ll agree, Gladys.”
Sam looked up, saw Gene’s soft smile and smiled back saucily.
“Oh I agree.”
Gene picked up his plate, filling the sink with soapy warm water.
“I reckon this will be a first for us, Sammy, an early night, eh?”
“I hope we can do it more.” Sam wraps him arms around Gene, resting his head against his shoulder. Breathes him in.
“I’m going for a shower.” He doesn’t want to let go of Gene but he can feel Ray still on him, inside him. He wishes he could wash the whole sorry episode of his life away, back to the time when Gene first kissed him.
*
Play-fighting, sat by the canal, sharing some chips. Jibs and taunts thrown back and forth, Gene punching him softly. Laughing a lot, he remembers. He must have made Gene laugh too because he has a beautiful image of his face smiling, really smiling. Making promises.
“If I see a shooting star right now…. I promise I’ll wear stilettos into work, tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah? Well, fuck me, Gladys. Look at that big bastard shooting star in the sky”
“That is not a shooting star, Gene.”
Gene grinned. The warm night forced him to take his coat off, his tie ruffled and top buttons undone carelessly. Sam thought he looked fantastic. “Ok. Well. If a bird comes running down ‘ere with her tits out right now, I promise… I will…. kiss you.”
Sam almost choked on his chips.
Managing to control himself, he tried “well, it’s not going to happen.”
“The tits or the kiss?”
Sam bit his lip. If said “the kiss”, surely Gene would think he wouldn’t want a kiss. But, oh God, he did. He’d thought about it often enough.
“The… tits.”
“Probably not. So I guess you won’t get a kiss either.”
“I suppose not.”
“Unless…….. you were very, very nice to me.”
“What constitutes as… being nice to you, Gene?” Sam said quietly, stroking the grass with his fingers, making patterns and generally avoiding Gene’s all-seeing eyes.
He feels Gene get closer and forces himself to meet his eyes. Moves his head ever so slightly. Gene frowns slightly, but a smile plays on his lips. He looks down.
“Letting me have the last chips.”
“Oh, well. I don’t eat chips too often.”
“I should have known.” Gene eats two, three chips looking out at the canal below them. Looking back at Sam, who, once turning himself to look at Gene cannot now take his eyes off him.
“Do I owe you a kiss, Dorothy?” Sam is silent. He looks away, looks back. Feel the sides of his mouth tug, a grin forming on his face.
Gene closes the distance, and it far softer than Sam imagined. He thought it’d be in the middle of a physical fight or when Gene is completely pissed. But he’s sober as he can be tonight, and they haven’t fought all day. He holds Sam’s head, pulling him down slightly and Sam allows him to take control. He opens his mouth, tastes Gene and feels his tongue and it is really, really good. Sam thinks he could stay like this forever, it is so perfect.
They break away and Gene is smiling smugly as Sam pants and his hair sticks up, dishevelled, his face flushed.
“Gene.”
“Yeah, alright, calm down. I will allow you to put yer hands down my pants soon enough, Sammy-boy. Been that long has it?”
“Shut up. What - do you - fancy me?”
Gene does laugh at that.
“Yes Inspector, I bloody do. Obviously the feeling is mutual. I must admit I was fairly certain of that the day I caught you staring at my arse.” Sam blushes. He did stare at Gene but he always thought he was good at disguising it. “Well, who can blame you, I am a good looking bloke after all.”
Sam snorts and rolls his eyes. “Maybe we should go somewhere a bit more private Sammy. Imagine the shock of some old dear walking her doggy in the morning, finding me giving you one outside her front door.”
“Yes, Guv.”
“Good lad. Come on then, chop chop.”
*
Gene is in bed by the time Sam comes in. The bed is spacious and comfy. Sam can’t believe he risked all this, especially for Ray Carling. There wasn’t a choice. He climbs in, naked and warm next to Gene. Gene shifts onto his side and cuddles him close, one arm wrapping around him and pulling him close, another reaching up to his face.
“The first time that we..”
“-I was just thinking about that”
“-I thought that it was the most perfect”
“-yes, it was, you are”
“Shut up! Wait a minute, Sam. It was special. I think what we have is special. More important than sex.”
“Fuck buddies don’t live together, Gene.”
Gene sighs and closes his eyes. “Why… why did you think you needed more than what I was giving you?” Gene’s voice was full of hurt and Sam can’t blame him.
“I didn’t. I wanted to lose myself. Hurt myself, maybe. I realised that I was hurting you too… and that I had, or was in danger of fucking up the only thing I came back for. That means anything to me.”
There is a brief silence. “I’m going to drop it now. But that’s it, Tyler, it’s done with, over, forgotten. Me and you start out properly now. If you fuck about - in ANY way possible - I’m not putting up with it.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
Gene pulled him closer with a kiss. “Right”, he whispered gently.
“I promise I’ll stay here…forever. As long as you want me to.”
“I do want you to, you idiot. Love you.” Sam arms clung to Gene and wrapped himself around him.
“I am worried though. I know that you don’t keep your promises Gladys. I distinctly remember something about stilettos and stars.”
“I always keep my promises and it was not a shooting star!”
“It was.”
“Not.”
“I’ll buy you a pair tomorrow. Of stilettos, I mean, but you could do with some bollocks too. You girl.”
“I’ll wear them in bed.”
“Thought you might.”
“If you really want a woman why don’t you go out and find one?”
“I did, Dorothy. Pretty little lady you are, too.”
*