Fic: Tipping the velvet
Author: Me
Title: Tipping the velvet
Rating: Brown Cortina
Words: 2181
Pairings: Sam/Gene
Spoilers: None
Summary: Serves Sammy right really...
A/N: crack!smut lol.
Oh for god sake, it's not like they'll be hooking out on the street, he just wants to go and visit a few shops. What's the problem? Ok, he knows the problem, Gene's a prude. No that's not really fair, a prude wouldn't happily bend his DI over his desk and shag him 'til his eyes crossed, but he is a little staid when it comes to experimenting.
Sam doesn't know why, Gene should've learnt by now. Whenever he suggests something new that Gene turns his nose up at, they always end up doing it and he always thoroughly enjoys himself. Why must he continue to dig his heels in?
Gene's leaning up against his filing cabinet, whiskey in hand, fag hanging out his mouth, scowling and shaking his head, "No, Gladys. Now drop it"
Sam tries the usual method of manipulation and sidles up to Gene, runs a hand down his chest, smiles and flutters his eyelashes. No luck, Gene simply sighs and rolls his eyes, "S'no good comin' over all Dorothy, m'not doin' it an' that's final"
Ignoring Gene's rigid posture and frustrated sneer, Sam runs the toe of one Cuban boot up the inside of his thigh and curls himself round his body.
Gene shivers, bites his lip and tries to ignore Sam's 'seduction' routine. No friggin' way is he agreeing to this. Yes, Sammy has in the past managed to pull off a few things that Gene'd previously though too deviant to undertake but there's a line and Sam's trying extremely hard to push him over it.
Sam can see that Gene's not wavering so switches to a different line of attack. Pulling back, hunching his shoulders and pouting, Sam puts on the most hang dog expression he can muster up and scrapes his foot across the floor dejectedly.
Gene's automatic reaction whenever Sam does this is to reach out and cuddle him, which is one of the reasons why he dislikes him so much sometimes, because he turns him into a card carrying member of the 'prissy bitch' club.
When Sam pulls the 'I'm all cute and cuddly' act, Gene's quite capable of putting his foot down and ignoring him. It's when he acts like Gene's just stolen his favourite toy, that's when Gene ends up caving in.
It's times like these that Gene understands exactly why Sam became a copper. Devious little shit.
Sam's still hanging his head and staring listlessly at the floor when Gene sighs, grits his teeth and gives him what he wants, as usual "Fine. Bloody fuckin' fine. You wanna get us mentioned in the adverts section of a phone box, we'll bloody well go shoppin'. Happy now?"
Sam brings his head up and smirks at Gene who has to shove his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out and cuffing him round the ear. Sneaky fucker.
"Thank you"
"Hmm, you'll end up ruinin' me, you know that don't ya?"
"I'm pretty sure, you're ruined already, Guv"
*****
Gene's fidgeting and shuffling about, looking anywhere but at the racks of 'gadgets' lining the walls.
Sam sighs, closes his eyes and counts to ten. Now who's acting like a child?
"Will you please stop behaving like a spoilt brat and pay attention. We're not here just for my benefit you know"
Gene glares at Sam then finally looks up at the many varied and intriguing bits of kit hanging in front of him.
Bloody hell.
There's a few things that Gene recognises but for the most part, it's like looking at a fun house gone crazy. Eyebrows in his hairline, Gene reaches out and grabs a string of balls held together with thick plastic and waves them in Sam's face.
"What, in the name of hell, are these?"
Sam hears the 'assistant' behind the counter giggle and he has to bite his lip to stop from doing the same.
"They're called..." he wonders if the names of things from 2006 were the same in 1973 and decides that Gene won't know any different so there's no harm done if he gets it wrong "...love beads"
Gene's expression is just too funny not to laugh. Sam chuckles under his breath and watches as Gene flexes the toy between his fingers.
"How..I mean, exactly how.."
Recovering himself, Sam takes the beads from Gene and pulls them straight then begins sliding each jelly filled ball through his cupped fist "You put them in, well, you stick them...you shove them up your arse. One by one, see, like this"
Gene's eyes go so wide, Sam's worried they'll fall right out his head, "Not up my arse you don't!"
Still smiling, Sam replaces the beads back on their hook and takes down something a little tamer that won't make Gene spontaneously combust. Swinging a pair of cuffs from one finger, Sam turns to his lover and grins.
Gene snatches them off Sam, gives them a tug then sneers, "My ol' Mam could get outta these, what's the use in havin' somethin' that'd snap the first time you pulled hard against 'em?"
Sam bites his tongue and squeezes his eyes shut before replying, "First of all, why you'd wanna imagine your mother using these I don't know! Second, they're not meant to keep you tethered like the station cuffs are, you bloody idiot. People using these aren't arresting each other, they're playing at cops and robbers"
"I'm not payin' out good money for somethin' I could nick from work"
Sam sighs and takes the cuffs back, hanging them up with the rest of the bits and bobs, "Fine, no cuffs. What about these?"
Sam grabs a cellophane bag filled with cock rings in different sizes and waggles them in Gene's face.
Gene narrows his eyes and studies the bag full of rubber bands before taking a pack himself and reading the back.
"Cock rings? What exactly is a cock ring?"
Reading the back of his own packet, Sam doesn't look up, simply reels off what it says, "The cock ring is meant to give you hours of pleasure by restricting the flow of blood back out of the penis, thus enabling you to maintain your erection for extended periods of time"
Gene's head snaps up and he pokes Sam in the shoulder, hard, "You sayin' I got trouble keepin' it up!"
Sam giggles and rolls his eyes, "No you twat, it's meant to add to the length of time you can keep at it. Although, you're probably right, like you need an excuse to go for another two hours. I barely get any sleep as it is"
Removing Gene's packet from his hands and carefully slotting both back in there places, Sam's eyes drift down until he comes to female section of the wall.
Gene follows his line of sight and spots a strap-on hanging at an odd angle. Snorting, reaching out and plucking it from the wall, Gene holds it up and studies it intently.
"Ok, this, I know, but...it ain't exactly realistic is it? I mean, even me with my legendary length and girth couldn't match up to this"
Sam laughs out loud and turns back to the wall, "It's not meant to be realistic, it's meant to be pleasurable. Woman who like woman still fancy a bit of meat every now and then"
"But it's not meat is it, it's hard rubber an' I'm tellin' you, I definitely wouldn't want this shoved where the sun don't shine"
"It's not meant for men, we don't need an artificial one do we? It's a woman's toy"
"Toy, makes it sound like a something that should have batteries"
"Well, you saying that..." Sam thinks perhaps that's a conversation best left for a few years time and shuts his mouth.
Sam scans the rest of the shop, looks for something that he's sure existed, even in the seventies, and smiles when he spots what he's after. Moving off in the direction of a rack full of clothes, Sam hears Gene hanging the strap-on back where it's meant to be and following.
Sam rifles through the different outfits whilst Gene takes a moment to look at the rest of the shop. Blimey, there's an awful lot of stuff to pick from. How does a fella choose?
"Aha!"
Gene jumps, looks at Sam who's holding up what he assumes is supposed to be a fireman's uniform and smiling triumphantly, and flicks a brow.
The assistant, who's been holding his tongue up until now, waves at the unlikely pair of costomers and points to the back of the shop, "There's a changin' room if ya fancy tryin' it on"
Gene looks between Sam and the bloke with the ring though his nose and shakes his head, "What, you don't seriously reckon I'm wearin' that, do ya?"
"No, it's not for you, it's for me"
"Oh, why didn't ya say so? Lead on, Dorothy"
Heading toward the back of the shop, Sam nods at the guy behind the counter then disappears behind the curtain. He strips out of his clothes, unhooks the outfit and starts trying to put it on. There's barely enough material to cover his arse but Sam gamely continues dressing until he's clad in the skimpiest fire fighters outfit he's ever seen.
He hears Gene light up a ciggie outside and pokes a hand through the curtain, beckoning Gene inside.
Gene stubs out his fag, follows Sam's wiggling finger and almost falls on his arse when he sees him wearing what can only be described as a scrap of cloth.
"Shit!"
"You like?"
Gene's trousers are uncomfortably tight all of a sudden and he's having serious trouble forming words but he nods enthusiastically and steps forward. Sam sees exactly what he's about to do and tries to side step him but there isn't enough room and he ends up pinned to the mirror hanging on the wall behind him.
"No, Gene, not in here"
"But Gladys, what exactly did you think I was gonna do when you showed me your tight little arse all trussed up in that?"
Gene rubs himself up against Sam, causing his practically bare backside to slide against the cold mirror. The mixture of hot and cold sends Sam's heart racing. He can feel the warmth radiating from Gene and Gene's cock is sliding up against his through thin material.
His will power's never been his strong point when it comes to the Guv and now's no exception. Groaning as Gene rotates his hips and grabs his waist, Sam throws a leg over Gene's arm and slides himself down far enough that their pricks are bumping against each other.
It's physically impossible to move more than a few inches in the tight space so Gene digs his nails into an arse cheek and grinds his cock into Sam's, causing him to whimper and buck his hips.
Wrapping his arms round Gene's neck, Sam lets the bigger man rut him into the mirror until his cock is weeping and twitching inside the too tight outfit.
Gene's cock is rubbing against the seam of his trousers and it's almost painful but there's no way he's stopping now. Not when Sam's moaning and writhing against him and he can feel the slow burn starting behind his eyes and at the base of his spine.
With a shout, Sam feels himself come completely undone and his cock pulses, spilling himself inside the skimpy shorts.
Gene feels the wetness seeping through against his own cock and grunts, slams Sam back and lets himself lose complete control.
Panting, foreheads resting together, Gene and Sam come back to themselves and realize that they've just almost shagged in the changing room of a sex shop and can't help the laughter, despite the clammy uncomfortable cum soaking into both their clothes.
Gene steps back, adjusts himself and pulls his coat tight round him to hide the stain on the front of his trousers.
Sam looks down at himself, grimaces and strips out of the uniform as quickly as possible, trying not spread the rapidly drying gunk all over his legs. Redressing, picking up the discarded pile of clothes, Sam balls them up and steps from behind the curtain.
Gene follows, head down, smirk curling against his lips and walks towards the checkout desk.
The man behind the counter grins, points at the rack of clothes and turns back to Sam, "If you'd be so kind as to get me a 'fresh' one sir, I'll ring that up for you"
Face flaming, Sam mumbles something and grabs another uniform from the pile in the corner. Handing it over without looking at him, he waits for the assistant to tell him how much it is and throws some notes down.
Grabbing Gene by the arm and marching him outside, Sam refuses to turn and look at him until they're back at the car. Once there, he shudders, shakes his head and glares at Gene, "Did you have to..."
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to go shoppin'. What is it they say, try before you buy!"
Title: Tipping the velvet
Rating: Brown Cortina
Words: 2181
Pairings: Sam/Gene
Spoilers: None
Summary: Serves Sammy right really...
A/N: crack!smut lol.
Oh for god sake, it's not like they'll be hooking out on the street, he just wants to go and visit a few shops. What's the problem? Ok, he knows the problem, Gene's a prude. No that's not really fair, a prude wouldn't happily bend his DI over his desk and shag him 'til his eyes crossed, but he is a little staid when it comes to experimenting.
Sam doesn't know why, Gene should've learnt by now. Whenever he suggests something new that Gene turns his nose up at, they always end up doing it and he always thoroughly enjoys himself. Why must he continue to dig his heels in?
Gene's leaning up against his filing cabinet, whiskey in hand, fag hanging out his mouth, scowling and shaking his head, "No, Gladys. Now drop it"
Sam tries the usual method of manipulation and sidles up to Gene, runs a hand down his chest, smiles and flutters his eyelashes. No luck, Gene simply sighs and rolls his eyes, "S'no good comin' over all Dorothy, m'not doin' it an' that's final"
Ignoring Gene's rigid posture and frustrated sneer, Sam runs the toe of one Cuban boot up the inside of his thigh and curls himself round his body.
Gene shivers, bites his lip and tries to ignore Sam's 'seduction' routine. No friggin' way is he agreeing to this. Yes, Sammy has in the past managed to pull off a few things that Gene'd previously though too deviant to undertake but there's a line and Sam's trying extremely hard to push him over it.
Sam can see that Gene's not wavering so switches to a different line of attack. Pulling back, hunching his shoulders and pouting, Sam puts on the most hang dog expression he can muster up and scrapes his foot across the floor dejectedly.
Gene's automatic reaction whenever Sam does this is to reach out and cuddle him, which is one of the reasons why he dislikes him so much sometimes, because he turns him into a card carrying member of the 'prissy bitch' club.
When Sam pulls the 'I'm all cute and cuddly' act, Gene's quite capable of putting his foot down and ignoring him. It's when he acts like Gene's just stolen his favourite toy, that's when Gene ends up caving in.
It's times like these that Gene understands exactly why Sam became a copper. Devious little shit.
Sam's still hanging his head and staring listlessly at the floor when Gene sighs, grits his teeth and gives him what he wants, as usual "Fine. Bloody fuckin' fine. You wanna get us mentioned in the adverts section of a phone box, we'll bloody well go shoppin'. Happy now?"
Sam brings his head up and smirks at Gene who has to shove his hands in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out and cuffing him round the ear. Sneaky fucker.
"Thank you"
"Hmm, you'll end up ruinin' me, you know that don't ya?"
"I'm pretty sure, you're ruined already, Guv"
*****
Gene's fidgeting and shuffling about, looking anywhere but at the racks of 'gadgets' lining the walls.
Sam sighs, closes his eyes and counts to ten. Now who's acting like a child?
"Will you please stop behaving like a spoilt brat and pay attention. We're not here just for my benefit you know"
Gene glares at Sam then finally looks up at the many varied and intriguing bits of kit hanging in front of him.
Bloody hell.
There's a few things that Gene recognises but for the most part, it's like looking at a fun house gone crazy. Eyebrows in his hairline, Gene reaches out and grabs a string of balls held together with thick plastic and waves them in Sam's face.
"What, in the name of hell, are these?"
Sam hears the 'assistant' behind the counter giggle and he has to bite his lip to stop from doing the same.
"They're called..." he wonders if the names of things from 2006 were the same in 1973 and decides that Gene won't know any different so there's no harm done if he gets it wrong "...love beads"
Gene's expression is just too funny not to laugh. Sam chuckles under his breath and watches as Gene flexes the toy between his fingers.
"How..I mean, exactly how.."
Recovering himself, Sam takes the beads from Gene and pulls them straight then begins sliding each jelly filled ball through his cupped fist "You put them in, well, you stick them...you shove them up your arse. One by one, see, like this"
Gene's eyes go so wide, Sam's worried they'll fall right out his head, "Not up my arse you don't!"
Still smiling, Sam replaces the beads back on their hook and takes down something a little tamer that won't make Gene spontaneously combust. Swinging a pair of cuffs from one finger, Sam turns to his lover and grins.
Gene snatches them off Sam, gives them a tug then sneers, "My ol' Mam could get outta these, what's the use in havin' somethin' that'd snap the first time you pulled hard against 'em?"
Sam bites his tongue and squeezes his eyes shut before replying, "First of all, why you'd wanna imagine your mother using these I don't know! Second, they're not meant to keep you tethered like the station cuffs are, you bloody idiot. People using these aren't arresting each other, they're playing at cops and robbers"
"I'm not payin' out good money for somethin' I could nick from work"
Sam sighs and takes the cuffs back, hanging them up with the rest of the bits and bobs, "Fine, no cuffs. What about these?"
Sam grabs a cellophane bag filled with cock rings in different sizes and waggles them in Gene's face.
Gene narrows his eyes and studies the bag full of rubber bands before taking a pack himself and reading the back.
"Cock rings? What exactly is a cock ring?"
Reading the back of his own packet, Sam doesn't look up, simply reels off what it says, "The cock ring is meant to give you hours of pleasure by restricting the flow of blood back out of the penis, thus enabling you to maintain your erection for extended periods of time"
Gene's head snaps up and he pokes Sam in the shoulder, hard, "You sayin' I got trouble keepin' it up!"
Sam giggles and rolls his eyes, "No you twat, it's meant to add to the length of time you can keep at it. Although, you're probably right, like you need an excuse to go for another two hours. I barely get any sleep as it is"
Removing Gene's packet from his hands and carefully slotting both back in there places, Sam's eyes drift down until he comes to female section of the wall.
Gene follows his line of sight and spots a strap-on hanging at an odd angle. Snorting, reaching out and plucking it from the wall, Gene holds it up and studies it intently.
"Ok, this, I know, but...it ain't exactly realistic is it? I mean, even me with my legendary length and girth couldn't match up to this"
Sam laughs out loud and turns back to the wall, "It's not meant to be realistic, it's meant to be pleasurable. Woman who like woman still fancy a bit of meat every now and then"
"But it's not meat is it, it's hard rubber an' I'm tellin' you, I definitely wouldn't want this shoved where the sun don't shine"
"It's not meant for men, we don't need an artificial one do we? It's a woman's toy"
"Toy, makes it sound like a something that should have batteries"
"Well, you saying that..." Sam thinks perhaps that's a conversation best left for a few years time and shuts his mouth.
Sam scans the rest of the shop, looks for something that he's sure existed, even in the seventies, and smiles when he spots what he's after. Moving off in the direction of a rack full of clothes, Sam hears Gene hanging the strap-on back where it's meant to be and following.
Sam rifles through the different outfits whilst Gene takes a moment to look at the rest of the shop. Blimey, there's an awful lot of stuff to pick from. How does a fella choose?
"Aha!"
Gene jumps, looks at Sam who's holding up what he assumes is supposed to be a fireman's uniform and smiling triumphantly, and flicks a brow.
The assistant, who's been holding his tongue up until now, waves at the unlikely pair of costomers and points to the back of the shop, "There's a changin' room if ya fancy tryin' it on"
Gene looks between Sam and the bloke with the ring though his nose and shakes his head, "What, you don't seriously reckon I'm wearin' that, do ya?"
"No, it's not for you, it's for me"
"Oh, why didn't ya say so? Lead on, Dorothy"
Heading toward the back of the shop, Sam nods at the guy behind the counter then disappears behind the curtain. He strips out of his clothes, unhooks the outfit and starts trying to put it on. There's barely enough material to cover his arse but Sam gamely continues dressing until he's clad in the skimpiest fire fighters outfit he's ever seen.
He hears Gene light up a ciggie outside and pokes a hand through the curtain, beckoning Gene inside.
Gene stubs out his fag, follows Sam's wiggling finger and almost falls on his arse when he sees him wearing what can only be described as a scrap of cloth.
"Shit!"
"You like?"
Gene's trousers are uncomfortably tight all of a sudden and he's having serious trouble forming words but he nods enthusiastically and steps forward. Sam sees exactly what he's about to do and tries to side step him but there isn't enough room and he ends up pinned to the mirror hanging on the wall behind him.
"No, Gene, not in here"
"But Gladys, what exactly did you think I was gonna do when you showed me your tight little arse all trussed up in that?"
Gene rubs himself up against Sam, causing his practically bare backside to slide against the cold mirror. The mixture of hot and cold sends Sam's heart racing. He can feel the warmth radiating from Gene and Gene's cock is sliding up against his through thin material.
His will power's never been his strong point when it comes to the Guv and now's no exception. Groaning as Gene rotates his hips and grabs his waist, Sam throws a leg over Gene's arm and slides himself down far enough that their pricks are bumping against each other.
It's physically impossible to move more than a few inches in the tight space so Gene digs his nails into an arse cheek and grinds his cock into Sam's, causing him to whimper and buck his hips.
Wrapping his arms round Gene's neck, Sam lets the bigger man rut him into the mirror until his cock is weeping and twitching inside the too tight outfit.
Gene's cock is rubbing against the seam of his trousers and it's almost painful but there's no way he's stopping now. Not when Sam's moaning and writhing against him and he can feel the slow burn starting behind his eyes and at the base of his spine.
With a shout, Sam feels himself come completely undone and his cock pulses, spilling himself inside the skimpy shorts.
Gene feels the wetness seeping through against his own cock and grunts, slams Sam back and lets himself lose complete control.
Panting, foreheads resting together, Gene and Sam come back to themselves and realize that they've just almost shagged in the changing room of a sex shop and can't help the laughter, despite the clammy uncomfortable cum soaking into both their clothes.
Gene steps back, adjusts himself and pulls his coat tight round him to hide the stain on the front of his trousers.
Sam looks down at himself, grimaces and strips out of the uniform as quickly as possible, trying not spread the rapidly drying gunk all over his legs. Redressing, picking up the discarded pile of clothes, Sam balls them up and steps from behind the curtain.
Gene follows, head down, smirk curling against his lips and walks towards the checkout desk.
The man behind the counter grins, points at the rack of clothes and turns back to Sam, "If you'd be so kind as to get me a 'fresh' one sir, I'll ring that up for you"
Face flaming, Sam mumbles something and grabs another uniform from the pile in the corner. Handing it over without looking at him, he waits for the assistant to tell him how much it is and throws some notes down.
Grabbing Gene by the arm and marching him outside, Sam refuses to turn and look at him until they're back at the car. Once there, he shudders, shakes his head and glares at Gene, "Did you have to..."
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to go shoppin'. What is it they say, try before you buy!"