Fic, In The Eye Of The Beholder, White Cortina, by DorsetGirl

[dorsetgirl]

Title:    In The Eye Of The Beholder

Author: DorsetGirl

Fandom: Life on Mars

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters or their universe. BBC/Kudos do. I’m not making any money out of this.

Rating:  White Cortina

Pairing: Sam/Gene

Word Count:  1617

Summary:  So long as they leave him alone, Gene doesn’t take much notice of the medical staff as they move

Comments

[jean_geanie]

I like this, you've really captured the prejudices that some of the hospital staff would have really well. And Molly with her slight crush on Gene is really lovely.

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you! Erm, the last one wasn't Molly. I did wonder whether to actually say who they all were, but decided I'd prefer to give clues and see what people made of it. Ah well!

[candesgirl]

This was great, I loved all the different perspectives of the hospital staff. I liked the last one best, how can you fault someone for feeling that way about Gene?

Great addition!

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you; this was an idea that's been floating around for a while. Before I started writing it I just had the nurse and Sister, but when I put pen to paper the nurse started telling us what Molly had said rather than her own experiences, don't know why. The third one was a late addition and the one I like best myself, so I'm happy you liked him.

[dakfinv]

I love seeing the Sam/Gene relationship from outside perspective and I think you've captured three wonderfully views here. In a way, I found Molly's the most heartbreaking. I think it's because she's the one that seems to care the most, and so notices the little details about Gene's behavior towards Sam.

in some ways he’s recovering along with Sam
I love that line because it fits in well with what you wrote in the last segment, Talk To Me. Gene was going through an ordeal just as much as Sam was, and will need to recover as well.

This was a wonderful story. Thank you!

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you; I'm glad they all came over different (assuming that was your missing word in the first sentence!).

The third person is certainly the one who would like to do more than just look at Gene and talk about him. It's not Molly though, I would never attempt to write an Irish voice!

[severinne]

Oh, I really like what this does for the series, having these outside perspectives really adds a nice texture to the situation and places them in the context of their time, builds quite nicely on some of the indications you've given earlier about Gene's difficulties in not revealing too much about his relationship with Sam while he's visiting at the hospital.

Of course, Molly's POV was easily my favourite because of the sheer empathy of it (not to mention that we share a certain infatuation with a certain DCI...), and I love how she noticed him wearing the ironed green shirt the day they thought Sam would wake up. It's such a short recollection, but even second-hand, the image you paint of Gene's disappointment completely broke my heart.

A great addition to the series, amazing as usual. Thank you!

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you; I'm glad you think it worked. I was a little concerned that I might get the internet-offended mob.

I'm very pleased the empathy of the third voice came over. This is a person who notices a lot of what goes on - and cares - without necessarily being noticed themselves very much. From Still With Us I could just imagine how Gene would feel if Sam hadn't woken up as scheduled, and I thought that if it had happened, someone who cared about him would notice it.

It's not Molly though; clearly I need to work a bit harder next time.

[severinne]

I was a little concerned that I might get the internet-offended mob. I can't begin to imagine why - you do realize what a wonderful piece of work this series is, don't you? And this really was no exception

[dorsetgirl]

Not that it matters much but yes, the third character is Mr Bloomfield's (male) Registrar. As far as I understand the rank, that makes him fully qualified as a doctor but not allowed out on his own much yet. I was sorely tempted to have Sister in section two referring to him as a nice boy, because actually at that time she would have done, but I thought that was too cringe-makingly obvious. *fails*

Actually, what really made me cringe was people thinking that was my idea of an Irish voice!

I honestly have no idea where Molly came from - yeah, yeah, Ireland - because this piece has been in mind for several weeks now as simply two first-person voices, a (positive) nurse and the (very negative) Sister of Sam's ward, and then the nurse started talking about what Molly had told her. I shall probably realise in a month's time what purpose that serves and why my subconscious did it.

Thank you for coming back to me on this, I really appreciate it!

[amproof]

He doesn’t look the type, all big and strong and sweaty like that.

I lol'ed.

This chapter shows off one of the benefits of writing things out of order. We've already read Gene and other's pov about his time waiting in the hospital with Sam, and now, seeing the staff's reactions (through a tinted lens as they are) pulls the whole picture together. You made each person a clear individual. I loved it, even the homophobic one, who probably represented quite a few people.

[dorsetgirl]

Thank you! I'm enjoying writing this as it comes, without the constraints of "the next chapter". It relieves me of the necessity to plan things, for a start! I'm very pleased that the three (well, four if you count Molly) characters all came over as distinct individuals. I don't have much experience at writing OCs, so I tried to give them each a voice and an accent I could hear in my head. I don't know how other people do it, but I found that sort of worked.