(no subject)
Even the little things are signs, like an unexpected 10% discount on your mobile phone recharge card, finding the perfect dining table - on sale! - or your friend ringing you and asking you to fly over because she is lonely, and her friend (now also your friend) messaging you to tell you to make sure you are coming, because it will be good if you do.
Actually, I had not heard from Charles since he left our house that rainy morning, his scrawled note on the dining table thanking us for the previous night's delicious rissotto (that Gully cooked), profiteroles (also Gully's culinary mastery - albeit out of a packet) and light entertainment (Hellboy). It was the night our dinner party of three expanded to eight, and we provided barely enough food to suffice, but compensated with profiteroles that satisfied even Charles who had been somewhat disappointed by the lack of leftovers.
Come to think of it, I was surprised that he messaged me, and I am not sure why. Pleasantly surprised, the kind that comes with the reminder of not being forgotten that you never asked for.
Then, there are the bigger signs. Like missing your mum unbearably, and then finding out that she has booked a ticket to come and see you. To have her tell you that she will stay with you for a week. For most people this may not seem too big a deal, but my mum does not do this, especially something as last minute as this. It is truly wonderful.
There is getting that job that you thought would be just right for you at this time, and discovering that it is way cooler than you ever imagined. Having your newfound buddies buy you coffee and tell you, on your second full day, that they can't believe you have only been there for two days. That they feel inspired. Oh, and that they think the work you have done in the past is so awesome!
I feel so cool, yet suddenly shy and modest of their obvious awe for my work.
There is finding a position at a mental health charity that fits in perfectly with your current schedule. This may or may not happen, but it does not matter. What matters is I am moving forward. I know that I could not have chosen a safer option to deal with this, but I am not ashamed. It is a step in the right direction.
There is Ebony.
And even though you could not see it through the countless tears that you cried for hours on end, these are all reminders that it is not about wondering. It is not even about understanding. It is about appreciating. It is about trusting. It is about living.
And even though you won't remember or believe this the next time the cloud falls, everything is going to be okay. Maybe not that day, or the next, and it probably won't stay okay. But one day, everything will be okay.
Today was one of those days.
Actually, I had not heard from Charles since he left our house that rainy morning, his scrawled note on the dining table thanking us for the previous night's delicious rissotto (that Gully cooked), profiteroles (also Gully's culinary mastery - albeit out of a packet) and light entertainment (Hellboy). It was the night our dinner party of three expanded to eight, and we provided barely enough food to suffice, but compensated with profiteroles that satisfied even Charles who had been somewhat disappointed by the lack of leftovers.
Come to think of it, I was surprised that he messaged me, and I am not sure why. Pleasantly surprised, the kind that comes with the reminder of not being forgotten that you never asked for.
Then, there are the bigger signs. Like missing your mum unbearably, and then finding out that she has booked a ticket to come and see you. To have her tell you that she will stay with you for a week. For most people this may not seem too big a deal, but my mum does not do this, especially something as last minute as this. It is truly wonderful.
There is getting that job that you thought would be just right for you at this time, and discovering that it is way cooler than you ever imagined. Having your newfound buddies buy you coffee and tell you, on your second full day, that they can't believe you have only been there for two days. That they feel inspired. Oh, and that they think the work you have done in the past is so awesome!
I feel so cool, yet suddenly shy and modest of their obvious awe for my work.
There is finding a position at a mental health charity that fits in perfectly with your current schedule. This may or may not happen, but it does not matter. What matters is I am moving forward. I know that I could not have chosen a safer option to deal with this, but I am not ashamed. It is a step in the right direction.
There is Ebony.
And even though you could not see it through the countless tears that you cried for hours on end, these are all reminders that it is not about wondering. It is not even about understanding. It is about appreciating. It is about trusting. It is about living.
And even though you won't remember or believe this the next time the cloud falls, everything is going to be okay. Maybe not that day, or the next, and it probably won't stay okay. But one day, everything will be okay.
Today was one of those days.