BAH HA HA!

[lifeguardkalli]

This could just be because of extreme exam crazies but I found the following two lists hilarious and I thought I'd share them with you:

"Going to fail?  Then fail in style!"

1. Running up to the examiner and eating the paper in front of him/her.
2. Running up to the examiner and forcing him/her to eat the paper in front of you.
3. In a biology paper at the question "List the chemical processes involved in digestion", just regurgitate your breakfast over the space provided.
4. Answer a physics paper in Latin and a Latin paper with equations and mass/force ratios.
5. Start whispering loudly to the person sitting next to you. You will both be thrown out. This can be good if it is someone you do not like but bad if it is your best friend.
6. Punch the examiner in the face (instantaneous results).
7. Offer sacrifices to the examiner to appease the god of crap grades.
8. Turn up five minutes late, run in and out with your exam paper humming the "Liberty Bell March".
9. Sound the fire alarm just before you enter the room, wait until everyone has left the section of building you are in and enter the exam hall. Once in the hall sabotage the exam by scribbling swear words in as many exam papers as possible until you get caught.
10. Order a score of pizzas for the examiner with a compliment card in your name. Be prepared to pay for them, or leave before they arrive.
11. Kick the chair away from the person in front of you. If the desks are close enough together then a chain reaction down the line is possible.
12. Book a stripper for the examiner.
13. Book a goat-o-gram for the examiner.
14. Book a taxi for the examiner.
15. Set fire to your exam paper and subsequently the desk, hall, building...
16. Walk in drunk (not to much fun due to the hangover).
17. Write a very interesting essay on why footballs are round [2].
18. Take up all the spaces on the paper with a formal complaint about a pet hate (school/work/Richard Branson etc.)
19. Walk up to the examiner and ask for a piece of paper. Repeat this at five minute intervals until the examiner asks why you need so much paper, at this point show the examiner the paper chain you have made out of your exam entry.
20. Fake a heart attack in the exam.
21. Get thrown out by bringing in your holiday snaps and showing them to the rest of the people in the exam one by one.
22. Fake an orgasm with the desk (highly amusing but highly embarrassing later).
23. Turn up ten minutes before the exam has ended, sit down, write a few lines and leave the exam five minutes early.
24. Pray to a model of Luke Skywalker at regular intervals.
25. Put a brick through the window of the exam hall with a note tied to it explaining why windows break when you put bricks through them. Be sure to enter the room five minutes later and ask for your brick back.
26. In a timed computer studies assessment give up and start to play tetris or solitaire instead.
27. Moan and groan loudly.
28. Throw paper darts at the examiner with messages written on them such as, "What's the answer to question 3" or "Does your wife know your secret?".
29. Start to practice yoga on your desk and ignore the examiner when he/she start to shout at you.
30. Replace a large bottle of paracetamol's contents with mints and take the bottle into the exam. If the examiner quizzes you over the bottle say that the your doctor prescribes them to stop you getting headaches. Halfway through the exam stand up, scream "I can't take it anymore!", overdose on the "paracetamol" and pretend to collapse. The examiner will no doubt panic and the exam will be stopped. Your trick will be discovered at the hospital but at least you will have fresh breath when you get thrown out of intensive care.
31. Doodle pictures of the examiner under the question "Draw a diagram of a single-celled lower life form".
32. Twwwaaaannngggg your ruler on your desk repeatedly.
33. Make rude words on your calculator (that's all I ever did in my maths lessons) and show them to the examiner.
34. Complete the exam by writing your sentences backwards (this takes a bit of practice).
35. Organise a devil worshipping session with a group of people who have just as much chance of passing the exam as you do.
36. If the exam is a modern language exam then answer the exam in English.
37. Take off your shoes and socks. If that does not clear the room then start to examine your verucas/athlete's foot/corns. Show them to the examiner if need be.
38. At various points in the exam stand up and change desks. Repeat until the examiner throws you out.
39. Play a game of "bollocks" with yourself. For those not familiar with the rules of "bollocks" it is a game usually played with two people where each person takes it in turns to say "bollocks" at a louder volume than the other person. The winner is the one who lasts the longest without being caught.
40. French kiss the examiner (care!)
41. Start pretending to swat flies with your exam paper until your eventually hit the examiner.
42. Take a helium filled balloon into the exam. Inhale the contents and sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" at the examiner.
43. Take a pencil case shaped like a mobile phone into the exam and "talk" to your parents at regular intervals.
44. Release a small mouse into the exam and watch the mass hysteria happen when it runs through the female section of the hall.
45. Drink a litre of coke before entering the exam and attempt to burp "The Sound of Music".
46. Use your tie as a sling-shot and fire blunt instruments (calculator, pens, rulers etc.) at the examiner.
47. Ask to go to the toilet. Return and complain that there is no toilet paper. Pause, pick up your exam paper and stroll out.
48. Make a mural on the floor by flicking ink at it during the exam. "Miss" occasionally and hit the person sitting in front of you.
49. Walk in wearing a fairy costume and grant the examiner any wish he/she wants.
50. Write another list of "50 Ways To Fail An Exam.

50 Ways to fail an actuarial exam ...with style! (this one is British which makes it so much better!)

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the 15 minute warning is called. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
   
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
   
3. Respond to the written-answer questions in limerick form. ("There once was a trend factor from Cork....")
   
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the proctor's left nostril.
   
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the proctor is.
   
6. Bring cheerleaders.
   
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, run out, screaming, "I can't take the stress anymore!"
   
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
   
9. On the written answer questions find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: "I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs." Be creative.
   
10. Bring pets.
    
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the proctor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
    
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
    
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
    
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
    
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turret's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
    
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
    
17. Bring things to throw at the proctor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
    
18. As soon as the proctor hands you the exam, eat it.
    
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the proctor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the proctor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
    
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
    
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
    
22. On math-oriented written-answer exams, use Roman numerals.
    
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
    
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "F--- this!" and walk out triumphantly.
    
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts. (i.e. Threaten the proctor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
    
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
    
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the proctor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
    
28. Comment on how sexy the proctor is looking that day.
    
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
    
30. Relate the answers to all written-answer questions to your life story.
    
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
    
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
    
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the proctor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
    
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
    
35. When answering math-related written answer questions, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations.
    
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
    
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
    
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR A DIFFERENT EXAM and include them with your written answer papers with the comment: "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
    
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
    
40. After you get the exam, call the proctor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
    
41. One word: Wrestlemania.
    
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
    
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
    
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
    
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol (e.g., The God/Goddess of Partial Credit). Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
    
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
    
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
    
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
    
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Syllabus with you, challenging the proctor to find the section on musical instruments during exams. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
    
50. Answer one written answer question with the "Top Ten Footnotes of The CAS Syllabus."