single-line summaries of classic works
the illiad: like world war 1 but with more cute gay dudes
the odyssey: one of the illiad guys gets so lost on the way home it takes 20 years
harry potter: wizard orphan appointed by wizard assholes to kill wizard hitler
the hunger games: either the worst gameshow ever, or the best possible reality tv show
pokemon: there are hundreds of magic animal friends and children play hunger games with ‘em
the pokemon movie with mewtwo in: mewtwo is no one’s magical animal friend (yet)
sabrina the teenage witch: there’s a teenage witch named sabrina
romeo and juliet: jerry springer historical AU
star trek: less of a trek around stars and more like those american nature shows where some asshole pokes a big bug until it gets mad and then he makes WOOO noises
batman: millionaire decides to lower crime rates in his city by going out at night and personally beating people up
homestuck: don’t
transformers: fighting robots shaped like things little boys like we are going to make SO MUCH MONEY
sailor moon: a cute little girl is like half-moon, half-princess, and this is significantly less fun for her than you’d think
steven universe: the title character has three moms who you think are like really nice magical girls but they turn out to be really nice fighting robots instead
mario: a princess and a gigantic dragon turtle have some kind of bdsm agreement with one another and they get cockblocked for like forty years straight
the odyssey: one of the illiad guys gets so lost on the way home it takes 20 years
harry potter: wizard orphan appointed by wizard assholes to kill wizard hitler
the hunger games: either the worst gameshow ever, or the best possible reality tv show
pokemon: there are hundreds of magic animal friends and children play hunger games with ‘em
the pokemon movie with mewtwo in: mewtwo is no one’s magical animal friend (yet)
sabrina the teenage witch: there’s a teenage witch named sabrina
romeo and juliet: jerry springer historical AU
star trek: less of a trek around stars and more like those american nature shows where some asshole pokes a big bug until it gets mad and then he makes WOOO noises
batman: millionaire decides to lower crime rates in his city by going out at night and personally beating people up
homestuck: don’t
transformers: fighting robots shaped like things little boys like we are going to make SO MUCH MONEY
sailor moon: a cute little girl is like half-moon, half-princess, and this is significantly less fun for her than you’d think
steven universe: the title character has three moms who you think are like really nice magical girls but they turn out to be really nice fighting robots instead
mario: a princess and a gigantic dragon turtle have some kind of bdsm agreement with one another and they get cockblocked for like forty years straight