i feel your pain
pretty much everything sucks...
anthony broke up with me, i guess he stayed until he couldn't any longer deal with the stress i give him. i don't know what to think anymore. i haven't talked to him for more than 5 minutes since monday and it's tearing me up. it just seems like as the hours pass by the farther away he becomes. he did something to me, like breaking up with me he took all the weight off him and placed it right on my head. and for some reason i don't care at all. for some reason i rather have him happier than me, but i don't even know if he's happy or not cuz i haven't talked to him. i'm just completely neutral, no emotions come out of me anymore. it's just all thinking and trying to solve everything.
today jay flipped, joe told him i was trying to not talk to him soo jay took it out on anthony and me. anthony comprehended it as i told joe "anthony doesn't want me talking to you anymore, he's an ass, but i'm gonna do what he says anyway." so that made anthony mad at me. that happened at like 11:30. i waited to talk to him, around 1 he came back online but then left again. i guess he was trying to aviod me all day or something?
hellfest is cancelled. all summer i've been waiting, waiting for anthony for something. for him to come home, (from beach, his dad's, canada) waiting for his calls, waiting for him to come over, waiting until i could see him again. and this one time i was waiting for something else besides anthony and it gets cancelled.
it's my new goal to understand why i need that kid so much. i don't get it, do not have a clue in the world why i need him so much. and i don't even know how to react to all this right now. i can't act normal for him cuz i don't feel normal.
i'm trying to write this to get all this off my mind. it's gonna stay though. i gotta wake up sometime earlier tomorrow to go like shopping with my mom and lorena and all that. i don't know where, who cares. if i get home later than noon it'll be something to waste my time, rather than waiting... school is what i'm looking forward to, and for my life to be back to being happy, being in love, at least feeling loved. i guess it hurts the most when i don't feel cared for, that's the only thing that's made me cry so far during this whole thinking stupidness. nothing matters anymore, i want everything to end now.
anthony broke up with me, i guess he stayed until he couldn't any longer deal with the stress i give him. i don't know what to think anymore. i haven't talked to him for more than 5 minutes since monday and it's tearing me up. it just seems like as the hours pass by the farther away he becomes. he did something to me, like breaking up with me he took all the weight off him and placed it right on my head. and for some reason i don't care at all. for some reason i rather have him happier than me, but i don't even know if he's happy or not cuz i haven't talked to him. i'm just completely neutral, no emotions come out of me anymore. it's just all thinking and trying to solve everything.
today jay flipped, joe told him i was trying to not talk to him soo jay took it out on anthony and me. anthony comprehended it as i told joe "anthony doesn't want me talking to you anymore, he's an ass, but i'm gonna do what he says anyway." so that made anthony mad at me. that happened at like 11:30. i waited to talk to him, around 1 he came back online but then left again. i guess he was trying to aviod me all day or something?
hellfest is cancelled. all summer i've been waiting, waiting for anthony for something. for him to come home, (from beach, his dad's, canada) waiting for his calls, waiting for him to come over, waiting until i could see him again. and this one time i was waiting for something else besides anthony and it gets cancelled.
it's my new goal to understand why i need that kid so much. i don't get it, do not have a clue in the world why i need him so much. and i don't even know how to react to all this right now. i can't act normal for him cuz i don't feel normal.
i'm trying to write this to get all this off my mind. it's gonna stay though. i gotta wake up sometime earlier tomorrow to go like shopping with my mom and lorena and all that. i don't know where, who cares. if i get home later than noon it'll be something to waste my time, rather than waiting... school is what i'm looking forward to, and for my life to be back to being happy, being in love, at least feeling loved. i guess it hurts the most when i don't feel cared for, that's the only thing that's made me cry so far during this whole thinking stupidness. nothing matters anymore, i want everything to end now.