You better get here soon, please don't make too much of it [IT]
Title: You better get here soon, please don't make too much of it. [I won't get out alive, take it easy on me]
Chapter: Six/Ten
Author: lifeawakening
Pairing Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Rating: PG for now
Summary: An accident happened after sectionals, and then everything changed. Definite angst, but not the kind that makes you super depressed, just the kind that brings out the best in people. AU ish. “Quinn, that is appalling,” she said, laughing despite herself.
They were placed in a booth near the windows, and Rachel’s stomach growled while the smell of ‘fine dining’ wafted through the air. She took her seat across from Quinn and glanced up at the low lighting, then at the precision folded swan napkin currently taking up residence on her plate. Rachel eyed Quinn from across the small booth as the blonde smiled at the waitress, mouthing a thanks as she’s handed their menus. Rachel silently took the menu and slowly traced her finger over the cursive words printed on the front. “Quinn?”
Quinn lifted her eyes from the menu and her eyebrows followed suit, “What?”
Rachel’s eyes traced the lace window curtains behind Quinn’s head, “Are you even going to be able to get a bacon cheeseburger here? I mean, I thought we were going to some dive place…” she trailed off, tensing at the awkward air floating between them.
Quinn scoffed, oh shit, can I? “Well, yeah, of course I can. I mean that was my whole reason for going out to eat.” Quinn shrugged her shoulders like duh and opened her menu, quickly scanning. “Aha, see,” flashing the menu in front of Rachel’s face, “bacon cheeseburger.”
Rachel huffed and set down her menu, “But you didn’t know that when we came here! Why did you bring me here, Quinn? Not even Jessie has taken me somewhere this nice for dinner.”
“Maybe that should tell you something,” Quinn snapped. She languidly dragged her eyes back to Rachel’s curious ones and sighed. “I don’t know. I honestly can’t tell you what possessed me long enough to ask you to hang out with me. I was planning on going to some crap place, but I figured you deserved something nicer. I don’t know why I thought that either.
“All I know is that I’m curious. I have questions and I wanted them answered. I was going to play this off as me being a spy for the glee club to get information on Jessie but they aren’t in on it so I didn’t think it would work,” Quinn finished, finally managing to snap her mouth shut. She chanced a glance at Rachel, whose mouth was set in a grim line. “This is the second time I’ve ended up opening up to you without being able to explain why. Do you like, secretly drug me or something?”
This caused Rachel to show a small smile, in turn making Quinn smile. Then shake her head in disbelief and glare. Rachel glanced up at Quinn, noticing her glare. “I’m an easy person to talk to, believe it or not.”
Quinn shrugged, “I wouldn’t know. Most people can’t get a word in edge wise around you.”
“You always manage to,” Rachel shot back. Quinn didn’t get a chance to say anything in return, and Rachel was extra nice to the waitress because of this.
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Setting down her fork next to her still-full plate, Rachel watched Quinn devour her burger. “Was it what you wanted?”
Quinn shot her a look over the cheeseburger and Rachel chuckled, “You said you’ve been craving a bacon cheeseburger, did it satisfy your craving?”
Quinn rolled her eyes but smiled, “It did yeah, but I could go for another.”
Rachel sat up a little straighter, “Really? That’s wonderful to hear, because I ordered you another one while you were in the restroom,” she held up her hand to silence Quinn’s protests, “I was planning on paying for it. Sort of a thank you for taking me out, since you won’t let me pay for your first one.”
Quinn stared at Rachel, shock evident on her face, “Even after I told you I didn’t know why I wanted you here in the first place?”
Rachel had the decency to blush as she picked her fork back up, “More like… after telling me you switched restaurants for me. Leading us to the point of this rendezvous, I was just waiting to finish my dinner before I spoke.” Quinn threw a pointed look at Rachel’s full plate of ravioli. Rachel ignored it. “You may have five questions.”
Quinn took a drink of her Coke, “Really?”
Rachel bit her lip and nodded, “Yes. I’m pleased with the fact that you were so honest with me, even if you can’t grasp why. And unlike Santana and Mercedes, you don’t corner me in bathrooms and demand I tell you why I’m dating Jessie and why I’m not seeing a therapist daily, or something of that ridiculous notion.”
Quinn’s face grows dark, “Santana corners you in bathrooms?”
“Quinn, I’m sure you want this to end as quickly as possible, so feel free to ask your five questions,” Rachel said, briskly. Only, she really didn’t want this to end quickly, which is odd, because keeping company with Quinn has never been at the top of my happiness inducing activities.
Quinn had similar thoughts as she stared through Rachel’s half empty glass of water, maybe I don’t want this to end quickly. God, ew, what are these baby hormones doing to me? I’ll have to Google that later. Quinn set her jaw and nodded, “All right. First question, how did you figure out the stupid pastry thing?”
Rachel let out an easy laugh, “Come on, Quinn, be serious. Kurt? Kurt takes every opportunity imaginable to humiliate me, not console me in my time of need. So I was immediately suspicious when he showed up at my door bearing baked goods.” Rachel shrugged, “I stole his phone when he went out to his car to get his makeup bag. Checked his recent calls. You, a few bakeries, and then me.”
Quinn groaned and Rachel showed a sad smile, “I would ask why but I’m guessing-”
“Yeah, I don’t know. In all fairness, Brittany suggested taking you cookies. It just spiraled from there. God knows why.”
Rachel took a bite of her ravioli, “All right, question two?”
Quinn wanted her second cheeseburger, but she snapped back into focus, tearing her eyes off of Rachel’s mouth - what the hell, Fabray? - and thought of another question.
Rachel watched Quinn with a bemused expression while forcing down her food. She hadn’t been much for eating lately, but she didn’t want to be the girl that didn’t eat on a date. Whoa. What? Absolutely not, this is not a date whatsoever, Rachel Berry. Get that through your mind now. You love Jessie, anyway.“Rachel?” Quinn questioned, a wary expression on her face. “You zoned out for a second. Or ten. Did you even hear my question?”
Rachel shook her head, “No, I’m sorry Quinn. I got caught up in my thoughts and I tend to get incredibly sidetracked-”
“Okay, it’s fine. I’ll just repeat myself. Do you love Jessie?”
Rachel paused mid bite in surprise, “Excuse me?”
“Do. You. Love. Jessie?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” Rachel all but snapped.
Quinn smirked, “You gave me five questions, Teletubby. It’s an honest question, and probably slightly better than my original question.”
Rachel sighed, heavily, and Quinn watched her chest rise dramatically. “I want to. I’ve been trying so hard to love him…”
“But you still love Finn.” Quinn didn’t say it with malice, just as a quiet statement. She leaned back in her seat as the waitress came with her other burger. Rachel’s eyes traveled over the waitress and then over the burger as she thought. Quinn dove into her burger, rapidly trying to fill the hole that Rachel’s unanswered question left in her stomach. She didn’t want to try to figure out why this was potentially hurting her. Might as well give up trying to explain myself when it comes to Rachel, Quinn thought helplessly.
A few minutes passed with nothing but Quinn’s happy chewing. “No,” Rachel muttered. Luckily it was in between bites, or else Quinn wouldn’t have been able to hear her. Her expression told Quinn that Rachel was admitting this more to herself than to Quinn, “No. I don’t love Finn. And not just because he physically abused me in passing. That incident sort of showed me the light.”
That struck Quinn as odd, “What light? That chasing a taken guy was bad news?”
Rachel rolled her eyes, “Is that your third question, Quinn?”
Quinn squinted her eyes in surprise, but decided to forego this battle. “No, that’s not my third question…” Quinn’s face softened, “Can I ask you something, without being mean or hateful, just wanting an honest answer?”
Rachel dropped her fork, finally giving up on eating, “Sure Quinn,” she said with a sigh.
“Why are you dating Jessie? Doesn’t it all seem… suspicious to you?”
Rachel watched Quinn finish her burger, collecting her thoughts. Rachel was never one for impulses, far preferring to plan everything in advance in an effort to override anything that could possibly go wrong. That’s why it frustrated Rachel immensely that hers and Quinn’s budding friendship was practically solely based on impulses. “Do you want to stay over at my house tonight?”
Quinn paused on her last bite, mouth open. Rachel hastily continued, “It just seems as if you have a lot that you want to know, more than I could probably answer in this one sitting despite my impressive speech speed. And to be frank, I don’t think you’ll be missed much by either Santana or Brittany on a Friday night.”
Quinn stared hard at the wall behind Rachel’s head, fingering the remains of her cheeseburger. “And you’ll answer the rest of my questions honestly?”
Rachel half rolled her eyes, “Quinn, I don’t renege on deals or pinky promises. I told you I’d give you five questions, you’ll get five answers. And I won’t have to sleep with every light in the house on.”
Quinn motioned for the waitress to bring the checks. “Sure, all right. Why the hell not? It’s always smart to have a pregnant girl on backup, anyway, to help feed your irrational fears. ”
Rachel raised an eyebrow, “Say what you want, but you’re the one who’s going to be spending an evening at my house.”
Quinn almost reconsidered.
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She pulled her car into the Berry driveway and idly thought, I’ve been here more today than I have in my entire life. She cringed at that thought while throwing the car into park.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get any of your clothes from Brittany’s house?”
Quinn shrugged, fidgeting with her seatbelt and getting out of the car, “I don’t think they want to be disturbed, and anyway, Brittany’s parents are out of town so… I’m sure they wouldn’t even open the door.”
Rachel stood on the other side of Quinn’s car, eyeing the blonde. Quinn was fidgeting with her keys, not moving. Finally, Quinn breathed out, “I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. This is really weird.”
Rachel half shrugged, conceding to Quinn’s point before walking around to the front of the car. “Yeah, it is. In all honesty, I have no idea what we’re doing or why we’re doing this. I’d say we were beginning a friendship but I’m sure you would frantically try to-”
“Rachel.”
“What say we make a deal?”
Quinn hesitated, her eyes tracing the outline of Rachel’s dark house while her hands rested on her stomach. “What kind of a deal?”
Rachel’s lips curled into a smile, “Tonight, we forget that you’re only here with me because you pity me, and I’ll forget that I’m only accepting your pity because I think that I deserve it. Maybe we can start over tonight, or at least, try to treat each other like humans that actually like each other. Then, if it doesn’t work out, come tomorrow we pretend it never happened and go back to hating each other and you stop pitying me and we forget that our brief times spent together ever happened.”
“So what you’re saying is,” Quinn recaps, “is that when we walk through your front door, we’re going to pretend that we’re good friends?”
Rachel rolled her eyes, “In a horribly lacking and simplified version, yes.”
“What happens when you annoy the hell out of me?”
“Do what I do, plaster a smile on your face and deal with it. Kind of like I’m doing right now,” Rachel says through a chuckle as she opens the front door for Quinn. Despite her death glare, Quinn held her breath as she walked into the Berry threshold, once again thinking that she’s walking into the Twilight Zone as she hears, “Welcome to my humble abode, Quinn.”
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“How do you even function without meat?” Quinn mumbled with her head buried in the Berry fridge, “and milk! How am I supposed to stay here? No eggs even. I don’t understand this.”
Rachel chuckled from the pantry. “Quinn, is there anything in particular that you’re craving? My fathers have secret stashes that they keep in strategic places around the house that they think I don’t know about. Not everyone can handle my intense vegan lifestyle.”
Quinn rolled her eyes at the inside of the fridge, “I’m craving cookies and milk. Where are those super, amazing “I’m sorry” sugar cookies that you bake?”
A minute later, Rachel shut the pantry door with her foot as she carried a tub of said cookies into the kitchen. “There’s milk in the fridge in the garage, if you want that as well.”
Quinn shook her head, staring at the cookies with a predatory smile, “Water will be fine, actually. Thanks, Rach.”
Rachel hesitated in handing the cookies over to Quinn, shaking her head at what she thought was merely a slip-up on Quinn’s part in calling her Rach.
Quinn hesitated in taking the cookies, “Is that allowed?”
“It sure beats man-hands,” Rachel said sincerely. “Come on, let’s retire to my room. I have all accommodations necessary for a proper hang-out spot. Not that I’ve ever really hung out with anyone in there, but you get it.”
Quinn nodded and through a mouth full of cookie mumbled, “Yeah, sure okay. Let’s go.”
Once Quinn had seated herself against Rachel’s headboard and Rachel was sitting in her desk chair, the girls allowed themselves to talk.
“So, I believe you have a question to answer. Do you remember it?”
Rachel crossed her legs and nodded slowly. “I suppose I don’t have to familiarize you with my past at McKinley High, Quinn. I’m not exactly the most liked person. So, of course it took me off guard when someone whom I didn’t even know took interest in me, other than making out of course, like Noah and Finn.” Quinn raised her eyebrows but said nothing. “And then I found out that he was the lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline. Of course my suspicions were instantly peaked. However, he didn’t cringe when I spoke, and he actually enjoyed hearing me sing. I don’t get yelled at for breathing when I’m around him. And… I needed some stability in my life. It’s… been disheartening lately, more so than usual.”
Quinn knew she’d regret asking, but her damn curiosity got the best of her, “What’s been disheartening?”
Rachel gave Quinn a hard look, “Being bullied and taunted as much as I am. Of course, the glee club rallying behind me was a huge plus, of course. But since the adrenaline from the incident has worn off, everyone’s reverted back to their old ways. Well, everyone except you, Santana, and Mercedes… oddly enough. But I’m assuming that’s because you two are friends.” Quinn nodded with a small smile. “So, Quinn, the answer to your question of why I’m dating Jessie… is because he’s stable. He makes me feel loved, and most importantly, safe. It may not be real, in fact it’s probably not, but until I’m given otherwise, I’m going to stay with him.”
Quinn ate another cookie while shaking her head. “I’m sorry. It just… I don’t see it. It doesn’t make sense to me. Why you’re with him… that is. He isn’t right for you. He’s like your fraternal twin brother or something.”
Rachel choked on the tea she had brought upstairs. “Quinn, that is appalling,” she said, laughing despite herself. “It’s true though, sadly. He’s far more of a diva than I am.”
Quinn nodded, “I know, I’ve seen it.” Rachel raised her eyebrows but Quinn swooped in again. “Okay, question four, right?” Rachel nodded. “Are you scared of Finn, now?”
Rachel shook her head vehemently, “No, not at all. He wasn’t the first person to hit me, and although it was horrible coming from him, I know it was an accident. In all honesty, I believe everyone blew it out of proportion by becoming my bodyguards in a sense,” Rachel paused, meeting Quinn’s stormy eyes, “What’s wrong, Quinn?”
“What do you mean that’s not the first time you’ve been hit?”
“Is that you’re question fi-”
“Rachel!” Quinn all but shouted, sitting up cross-legged on the bed, “Forget about the damn questions. Friends don’t limit questions, right? Friends just care.”
Rachel was quiet, and eventually she moved to sit at the foot of her bed, not facing Quinn. “You understand I’ve been bullied most of my life. It was at your hand that I received slushies daily.” Quinn closed her eyes and bowed her head as Rachel continued. “However, there were instances when the more Neanderthal of the jocks would push me into lockers and dump me into dumpsters, not unlike what Kurt has had to deal with. But I’ve also been slapped and, well, manhandled by them. Of course I immediately alerted Principal Figgins but that was always to no avail because he’d mumble something about a school hierarchy and send me to Ms. Pillsbury. That died down after I became close to Finn and Noah, thankfully.”
Quinn burned holes into Rachel’s back, “That’s not right. That’s not legal.”
A sad smile crossed Rachel’s face, “And if it were anyone but me, it would have been dealt with. It’s fine. That’s in my past and I kept my head held high. The hit from Finn just brought back unpleasant memories. I worked through it with my therapist though, so I’m okay now.”
“Are you?”
The brunette turned and mirrored Quinn’s position on her bed. “I’m getting through it. My resolve temporarily cracked and things surfaced, but I’m getting better. I sort of have friends now, and I don’t think I have a mortal enemy anymore either, so that makes life easier,” she said, giving Quinn an easy smile.
“I don’t hate you, Rachel. I said I did in Brittany’s room, and at school I said I didn’t like you. That was a lie.”
Rachel’s eyes bore into Quinn’s, “I know. I’m going out on a ledge here and guessing that if tonight goes well, we’ll be friends.”
Quinn grinned, “I thought we already were. At least behind these walls.” Rachel grinned back. A full smile grin, and Quinn gasped. “Your teeth!”
Rachel covered her mouth quickly, “What’s wrong with my teeth?”
Laughing, Quinn shook her head, “No, no - You showed your teeth. You actually smiled. Me and Santana were talking about this the other day and you just don’t smile with your teeth anymore and we… didn’t notice that.”
Rachel dropped her hand from her mouth but her jaw still hung slack, “You and Santana really do care about me.”
A blush crossed Quinn’s cheeks, “Moment of honesty? She told me off today in the cafeteria about that.”
Rachel mumbled, “I was wondering what was going on there…”
“She seems to think that I’ve shown you more compassion than I’ve shown to anyone else. I guess that’s true,” she mumbled bitterly.
Rachel was quiet for a moment. “I notice a lot of things about you, Quinn. The way you watch me when you think I’m not paying attention, the way you and the others go out of your way to make Jessie trip in practice, the way you talk about him…” Rachel trailed off, thinking hard before adding “and the way you talk to me is unlike how you talk to anyone else. You can’t seem to control yourself around me.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s not a bad thing, Quinn. You people watch a lot, I’ve noticed that too. Just, for a while it’s been trained on me. I just can’t figure out why it is that I don’t mind it.”
Quinn’s wide eyes were fixed on Rachel, hard, and with a clenched jaw she bit out, “What are you trying to say?”
“Why are you so afraid of what I’m going to say?”
Quinn stood up as quickly as she could, hands on her stomach, “I’m not gay, damnet!”
Silence. Rachel froze, her eyes on the spot where Quinn was just sitting. Quinn stood stock still; her breath had escaped her body as quickly as those words had. Why did I say that? and other questions of that style passed through Quinn’s mind like lightning.
Rachel was the first to speak, “I wasn’t insinuating that you were.”
“I should leave,” Quinn stated, not moving.
Rachel slowly turned her body, swinging her legs off of the bed and standing up in front of Quinn. “Probably, but I don’t want you to.”
Quinn breathing was erratic, she was panicking, “I should leave. I don’t know - I never know why I say these stupid things to you. I swear you drug me. What was in those cookies?”
Rachel put her hands on Quinn’s shoulders, “I think you’re having a panic attack. Just take deep breaths, okay? I’ve done extensive research on panic attacks thanks to an eighth grade report.”
Quinn shrugged out of under Rachel’s grasp and held her hands in front of her, “Just, shut up, okay? Now is not the time for your psycho babble. Do you know how awkward this is for me? I’ve never felt this awkward and stupid before.”
“Quinn, I find that hard to believe, you did sleep with Puck.”
Blonde eyebrows shot up, “Do you - are you serious? I can’t believe you just…” she trailed off, laughter shaking her entire body. Rachel let out a breath, knowing that could have gone either way, and smiling at how it went the right way.
Once her laughter died down, hazel eyes darted to brown ones. “I’m sorry for that,” she said, taking a deep breath and speaking slowly, “Santana gave me this long speech and compared you and me to her and Brittany and it just, I told her that but she was gone and I think she got the wrong idea about why I’m showing you compassion.”
Rachel took a deep breath, “Aren’t her and Brittany…?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, so she thinks…?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“I should go,” Quinn said again, this time managing to take a few steps to the door. She took five steps before Rachel grabbed her elbow.
“You shouldn’t leave. You’re worked up now, and you might endanger yourself and the baby if you get in a car now. Plus it’s dark, and late-”
“It’s nine.”
“Exactly. You’re staying. You still have one question left.”
Quinn and Rachel stared each other down, that is, until Quinn gave in. She slumped into Rachel’s desk chair and spun it around a few times. “I had a lot of questions for you.”
Rachel had sat back down on the foot of her bed. “And you’ve forgotten them?”
Shrugging, Quinn shook her head. “No, they all just seem… I don’t know, trivial now.”
“This should be an extremely awkward situation now.”
“And it’s not?”
Rachel shrugged, “I’m not sure what to make of it. It would all make sense, however. Your interest in me and, so on…”
Quinn stopped spinning the chair, “Pardon? I don’t like you like that, Berry.”
“Of course not. That thought never even crossed my mind.”
“You sure as hell are talking like it did.”
“Am I? I hadn’t noticed.”
“I mean it,” Quinn hissed, “Santana is an idiot.”
“Santana has a weird way of showing affection.”
“Why do you still have her jacket?”
Rachel looked taken back, “Why do you care?”
Quinn roared, “Screw this! I’m not sticking around for this stupid inquisition. I knew you and I could never be friends.”
“I don’t think I want to be friends with you either, Quinn.”
Quinn’s shoulders sagged as she stood up and walked to the door, “Good. At least that’s been established. Your deal said we’d basically forget the other person exists if this didn’t work out, and clearly it didn’t. So I’m leaving. Thanks for tonight or, whatever, Berry.” She turned and this time, she made it out of the door.
--------------------------
She made it to the front door before she realized she’d left her purse in Rachel’s room. She hit the door with the palm of her hand and whirled around.
“Forgetting something?” Rachel questioned, standing at the bottom of the stairs and dangling Quinn’s purse from two fingers.
Quinn bit her bottom lip and waited while Rachel approached her. “This is weird, Rachel.”
Rachel’s eyes searched Quinn’s for a moment before breathing out, “I don’t want you to leave either.”
The taller girl’s eyes stared through the purse that was swinging on the brunettes fingers and mumbled, “Baby hormones.”
Rachel shrugged, “I’m not personally harboring a baby so I have nothing to blame for this. All I know is that I want you to stay… with me, and it’s all very confusing.”
Quinn hesitated, “This is-”
“Weird, I know,” Rachel finished, stepping closer to Quinn.
“This doesn’t mean we’re-”
“Friends either, of course not,” Rachel added, eyeing the height difference between her and Quinn as she took yet another step forward.
“Jessie?” Quinn questioned, noticing the scar on Rachel’s forehead.
“I’ve been planning on breaking up with him for a week. Puck?”
Quinn almost laughed, “Are you kidding me? No.”
Rachel was as close as possible to Quinn without actually having to touch her, “Do you know that our entire fickle relationship thus far has been based on pure impulses and uncontrollable feelings that have been building up and that we’re only now unable to control?”
“Unable or unwilling, but yeah, I noticed,” Quinn breathed, noticing the Finn scar under Rachel’s eye.
“Are you leaving or not, Quinn?”
Quinn’s breath rolled over Rachel’s face as she exhaled. “I wish this made sense. I wish anything dealing with you made sense,” she hissed in a low whisper. She kept her eyes glued to Rachel’s as two things simultaneously happened.
Quinn reached out and grabbed her purse from Rachel’s hand as Rachel grabbed a fistful of Quinn’s dress and pulled her in. They kissed and Quinn’s purse fell from her hand, quickly replacing the lost purse with the front of Rachel’s shirt.
They broke apart and Quinn breathed against Rachel, “Do you still want me to stay?”
Rachel nodded as she grabbed Quinn’s hand and led her to the stairs, “Don’t ask me why, and I know better to not ask you, but I want you to stay, and I know that you want to.”
Quinn let Rachel lead her back up to her bedroom.