More than friends is less than friends?
Betrayal.
In a conversation on that subject, a friend of mine told me she thought there was no such thing as a relationship without it.
WHAT?!
I wholly disagreed...I do not--I CANNOT--believe that being in relation to another person is always going to contain disloyalty and deception. I'm just getting comfortable with the fact that there will always be pain in a relationship. I've decided that I can know this and still enter into relationships, understanding that there will be hurt, there will be joy, there will be hurt, and it is worth the pain to get the good stuff...it is just part of the equation. My emotional path is to find more balance with this, to find more grace in the hard times, expand my faith in the cycle. I do believe that things will get beter. I also believe that things will get worse. And better again. Then bad. Then really bad. Then ok. Then really fucking good. The cycle. It does not freak me out.
But betrayal? An absolute part of every relationship? If I believed that, I would certainly keep my distance from, well, everyone. It cuts me too deeply. I asked her if she felt that I had ever betrayed her. She replied, "oh no, not friendships...I mean in relationships that are more than just friends." It saddens and scares me to think that in those relationships that become "more than just friends", those where I share the deep vulnerability of flesh and fantasies and future-plans, actually become less than due to the fear of losing one's self, the fear of losing love by revealing one's self.
I want true friendships. I want true love. I want the freedom to truly be me. I want someone strong enough to dish it out and take it. I want commitment. I want trust. I want to never-ever be betrayed. My friends, do you think this is possible?
Edit: I have no betrayal going on now, these are old buttons. Also, I'm not aching for anything right now...I want love and Relationship in my life and know it is in my future.
In a conversation on that subject, a friend of mine told me she thought there was no such thing as a relationship without it.
WHAT?!
I wholly disagreed...I do not--I CANNOT--believe that being in relation to another person is always going to contain disloyalty and deception. I'm just getting comfortable with the fact that there will always be pain in a relationship. I've decided that I can know this and still enter into relationships, understanding that there will be hurt, there will be joy, there will be hurt, and it is worth the pain to get the good stuff...it is just part of the equation. My emotional path is to find more balance with this, to find more grace in the hard times, expand my faith in the cycle. I do believe that things will get beter. I also believe that things will get worse. And better again. Then bad. Then really bad. Then ok. Then really fucking good. The cycle. It does not freak me out.
But betrayal? An absolute part of every relationship? If I believed that, I would certainly keep my distance from, well, everyone. It cuts me too deeply. I asked her if she felt that I had ever betrayed her. She replied, "oh no, not friendships...I mean in relationships that are more than just friends." It saddens and scares me to think that in those relationships that become "more than just friends", those where I share the deep vulnerability of flesh and fantasies and future-plans, actually become less than due to the fear of losing one's self, the fear of losing love by revealing one's self.
I want true friendships. I want true love. I want the freedom to truly be me. I want someone strong enough to dish it out and take it. I want commitment. I want trust. I want to never-ever be betrayed. My friends, do you think this is possible?
Edit: I have no betrayal going on now, these are old buttons. Also, I'm not aching for anything right now...I want love and Relationship in my life and know it is in my future.