(no subject)
you know maybe this is what god has in store. is there even a god? fate. thats it maybe its fate telling me something. maybe its not meant to be. i just want ot live by myself, and have a boyfriend who loves and respects me for who i am, not for what im not. why is that though. i just want to go have fun with him. i dont want to end our awesome relationship. i love him and i know he lvoes me. i think the main source of the problem lies within both of us. its nto jsut all one sided. i think we soemtimes spend too much time together doing absolutely NOTHING. we sit there and watch TV. i do it without complaining because i know he will be ahppy and i expect him to give me something for that. i have given up so much for him and you know what he says to that. so? you dont have to be here you know?! what the fuck. i have lost my best friends for you, i started drinking because you asked me to. i started eating again normally because you took me out a lot. and now you want me to pay you back for all those times? im a slut because i lost my virginity to someone i thought i loved? fuck you. that is the whole resason you are mad at me. you are mad because i had sex. you are pissed and call me a slut because i have had sex before. if you had sex before me, i would NOT hopld it againsnt you. if fact, i would want yo uto be open about it all with me. why cant you jsut be understanding and accept that? is that what you want now, too see the other fish in the sea? well, there are not too many good ones, and the good ones are taken. i think we need to have nights where we dont see each other. nights where we dont fell obligated to see and be with each other. but you also need to understand something dude, i have never cheated on you. that is not how i play. you know that. and if you lost all trust in me over two years ago and can not get any back, then you are a sick person. a sick and lonley person. i love you and i love the way you are. but i dont love the attitude you get sometimes. it is hurtful and demeaning. i feel like a 2 year old when you yell at me. i would not make such a big deal about it, but when our friends say somethign to me, i jsut cant help it. i fell in love with a gentle and caring person. who have you become? maybe it is better for us, maybe not. right now, i think we should try to work things out, but you need to bend a little for me. i have comprimised so much and given so much. when do you bend to help out the relationship. i am done giving in all the time just to be with you. im done with that. i ditched my friends so many times to be with you. i stood by your side through think and thin. why? i realyl dont knwo now. i am so confused right now. i dont know who to turn to and talk to. girlfriends? what girlfriends? yeah i lost all of them when we first started dating. why dont you ever want to hang out with your friends? i know you think they are lame and boring and do nothing, but really, we dont do shit anymore. i miss going out with you and jsut hanving a good time. where do we go from here? what do we do now? im lost. im not saying this is all of my fault or your fault. we both got ourselves into this mess, and we have to get out of it--together. how can you say your bored when you dotn offer anything to do. are you rally going to have a better time with some other girl who knows you as well as i do, who knowws what makes you cry, what makes you laugh, what turns you on, what pisses you off, what foods you like, how you like your eggs cooked, how your habits are, the way you liked to be woken up in the morning, the way you liked to be held at nght, how to kiss and love you. no one knows all those things except for me. you will never find anyone to understand you the way i do. and if all you want is random bitches, then fine, but i know the real you, and that is completely opposite of what you want. would you want to intrduce random hoes to your family, to your life? no. and if nagging is the only thing that is getting on your nerves, then grow up because there is a lot more to life than that. lets jsut go have fun. take a walk with me everyonce in a while. i love just holding your hands talking about stupid stuff like we always do. is another girl going to know what you like and dont like, how to make your pasta not hard, what kind of beer you like, how to rub your belly like me, how to be a team player, how to sit and watching hours and hours of tv, know how to understand how your feeling, lift with you, how to get your dog to stop barking at you, sit up late at night eating a chocolate shake in the car talking about random stuff, or be able to get along with yoru friends? the answer is no. just lose the attitude, cause underneath that, there is an awesome person. no one is perfect, but we all strive to be. liek you said, you are cocky and arrogant. thats ok, just stop being so harsh to me. what did i do to deserve it. maybe you dont like to tlak about it because its true. i tried not to nag, but i never saw you trying to do stuff with me ever!!! please, lets work it out, for our sake, because i will never find another person who knows me like you do. one in a million~ you know you can cry in my arms. we have both done it. i love you babes