like garbage
well i havent updated in a while. thats partially because i havent felt this way in a while. although, i must say, it does have some level of farmiliarity. maybe im meant to feel this way perennially. to remind me of who i am and where i belong. to remind me of my place.
looking at it from far away, im being ridiculous, considering my own circumstances that she doesnt know about. but im not looking at it from far away, im looking up right up fucking close and its destroyed my insides. i feel betrayed by you. i want to hurt you, but i know that the worst i could do to you would hurt me far more. i hate the fact that i dont have power. especially in this fucking situation. i feel like i want to vomit. i havent gotten THAT feeling since a faithful overcast afternoon several years back. very few if any will know what i found out on that day.
i want to not feel outdone. why am i not good enough. ive been a consolation prize and until now ive been pleasantly ignorant. now i know how you feel, how the things you say to me are verbatim to what you say to him. maybe you say them to him first.. and just echo them to me. maybe im not special the way you say i am-- maybe you're lost in who you're talking to, you think you're talking to him, and it slips and you say it to me. oh well no harm done, you gotta keep me happy. fuck you for making me think im special.
time to move on. krock is awful at night. the yankees lost. big surprise. i still feel like vomitting, 20 minutes after i started writing this worthless entry. in other news, i finished my yale application.
its always sad to announce the death of a friendship. but tomorrow, there will be a murder. so say goodbye.
looking at it from far away, im being ridiculous, considering my own circumstances that she doesnt know about. but im not looking at it from far away, im looking up right up fucking close and its destroyed my insides. i feel betrayed by you. i want to hurt you, but i know that the worst i could do to you would hurt me far more. i hate the fact that i dont have power. especially in this fucking situation. i feel like i want to vomit. i havent gotten THAT feeling since a faithful overcast afternoon several years back. very few if any will know what i found out on that day.
i want to not feel outdone. why am i not good enough. ive been a consolation prize and until now ive been pleasantly ignorant. now i know how you feel, how the things you say to me are verbatim to what you say to him. maybe you say them to him first.. and just echo them to me. maybe im not special the way you say i am-- maybe you're lost in who you're talking to, you think you're talking to him, and it slips and you say it to me. oh well no harm done, you gotta keep me happy. fuck you for making me think im special.
time to move on. krock is awful at night. the yankees lost. big surprise. i still feel like vomitting, 20 minutes after i started writing this worthless entry. in other news, i finished my yale application.
its always sad to announce the death of a friendship. but tomorrow, there will be a murder. so say goodbye.