(no subject)
An excerpt from a journal I used to write in:
12/28/2009
"Last night I dreamt I was at work and I wanted so bad to just leave because I didn't care about any of the people there or what I was doing. But I didn't leave, I stayed. Then out of no where all of these waves of water came and I started to drown. Right when I was sure I was about to die, I dreamt that I woke up and it was all a dream. BUT THAT WAS JUST A DREAM TOO."
A year and a half later and I still feel like I'm treading water. Fucking life man. I really have been a more optimistic person lately, it's just that comparatively i'm about to hit rock bottom so it doesn't really shine through much. At least i'm not crying about it all the time, that's probably what the old Katie would have done.
Also, thinking about Matt's recent post when he eluded that life is boring when you're sober, i really feel that way most of the time. it's not that drugs are the only entertaining thing about life, but fuck. how does a 22 year old human being working 50 hours a week, go to school full time and silence the constant worry about how the fuck they are going to survive on their own without some kind of escape? and it's not like i have the free time, and not to mention the fucking energy, to go out and deal any other way. that's probably just me making excuses for myself, but mary jane's the only thing that makes the pain stop.
We are all becoming adults now and i don't know about you guys but i've never felt so overwhelmed before in my life. this transitory period into adulthood is kicking my ass and if you feel the same way, just know you're not alone and you're not the first and you're definitely not going to be the last person who feels like they are being buried alive. and if you're life is awesome right now, appreciate that shit.
12/28/2009
"Last night I dreamt I was at work and I wanted so bad to just leave because I didn't care about any of the people there or what I was doing. But I didn't leave, I stayed. Then out of no where all of these waves of water came and I started to drown. Right when I was sure I was about to die, I dreamt that I woke up and it was all a dream. BUT THAT WAS JUST A DREAM TOO."
A year and a half later and I still feel like I'm treading water. Fucking life man. I really have been a more optimistic person lately, it's just that comparatively i'm about to hit rock bottom so it doesn't really shine through much. At least i'm not crying about it all the time, that's probably what the old Katie would have done.
Also, thinking about Matt's recent post when he eluded that life is boring when you're sober, i really feel that way most of the time. it's not that drugs are the only entertaining thing about life, but fuck. how does a 22 year old human being working 50 hours a week, go to school full time and silence the constant worry about how the fuck they are going to survive on their own without some kind of escape? and it's not like i have the free time, and not to mention the fucking energy, to go out and deal any other way. that's probably just me making excuses for myself, but mary jane's the only thing that makes the pain stop.
We are all becoming adults now and i don't know about you guys but i've never felt so overwhelmed before in my life. this transitory period into adulthood is kicking my ass and if you feel the same way, just know you're not alone and you're not the first and you're definitely not going to be the last person who feels like they are being buried alive. and if you're life is awesome right now, appreciate that shit.