I fucked up...
I was really mad last night by the time Mike showed up and I was on the comp typing in my lj...Stephanie's aunt came out and got mad cause I was there, went outside and yelled at steph (I think). Steph came in and told me to take her stuff and go outside and wait when Mike got Chris and the rest of the stuff for the weekend. I went to my car and a hella lot of time went by so I went up to the front door to try to find out how much longer I'd have to wait in my car and when I got out of my car I saw that Mike parked about a half a hair from hitting my car...I went up and asked her how much longer and she came outside and we started arguing. she ended up coming to my car to get her shit. i kept trying to get her to come talk to me when mike was putting chris in his car and i grabbed Steph's arm. She kept pushing me and shoving me trying to get me to go, I threw her to the ground. She screamed and started crying then her aunt came outside and yelled at her to get her keys so she could lock the door. By now it was like 1 or 1:30. she went crying on mike's shoulder and said she never wanted to see me again. i demanded all my things from her house and she said that she'll see me tomorrow (meaning sunday) I went driving to god know's where and ended up calling her at like 2:30 crying telling her I was sorry.
I don't know what was wrong with me. I've never acted like that. I've never been violent. Maybe cause tings that Mike has done to her has killed me so I want to kill him every moment I see him. He's wronged her and us. I want to die after last night. After what I did. After I threw her to the ground. I came home and got sick. I threw up all over. I took my meds, and sleeping pills but didn't sleep at all. I don't know what to do...I'm so numb inside. I think I lost her. I don't even know if she wants to work things out. It's my fault but in a complete sense it's all MIke's fault. If we didn't have to wait and if he wasnt' 2 hours late, our weekend wouldn't have been ruined.
I love her so much and I can't stop crying right now. It's kinda pathetic. I've never felt this way towards someone and I've never fucked up so bad. I wanna die now. I've lost the only thing that's ever meant anything to me in my entire life.
Steph, if you're reading this, I love you so much. I don't know why I did what I did last night but I did and I'm sorry. I'm dead inside. I love you so much. I can't stop hurting right now and I haven't even hurt myself.
I don't know what was wrong with me. I've never acted like that. I've never been violent. Maybe cause tings that Mike has done to her has killed me so I want to kill him every moment I see him. He's wronged her and us. I want to die after last night. After what I did. After I threw her to the ground. I came home and got sick. I threw up all over. I took my meds, and sleeping pills but didn't sleep at all. I don't know what to do...I'm so numb inside. I think I lost her. I don't even know if she wants to work things out. It's my fault but in a complete sense it's all MIke's fault. If we didn't have to wait and if he wasnt' 2 hours late, our weekend wouldn't have been ruined.
I love her so much and I can't stop crying right now. It's kinda pathetic. I've never felt this way towards someone and I've never fucked up so bad. I wanna die now. I've lost the only thing that's ever meant anything to me in my entire life.
Steph, if you're reading this, I love you so much. I don't know why I did what I did last night but I did and I'm sorry. I'm dead inside. I love you so much. I can't stop hurting right now and I haven't even hurt myself.