random bits

[life_question]

Damn. It's been forever since I've updated. I feel like a horrible person, because every time I think of something worth posting, I keep it to myself. I guess that's partly because of who I am, and partly because I'm too lazy and I can always find other ways to spend my time when I have it. I've never really been the type of person who talks about

Comments

[descartes_rock]

I envy you because you are taking the logical final step in an ethical decision that I have not made and don't intend to make. You're the real thing.

Probably your dad is worried about nutrition since you're growing. Your parents are pretty cool to support you -- most wouldn't.

I'm not really sure that I have much of a bond with life, or that I really serve any purpose, so maybe that's why I wouldn't really mind so much...

I've heard you talk like this before and I find it curious and sad. Do you really feel that way? Because I don't see that at all -- and I'm not just saying that to be a cheerleader. You're obviously very intelligent -- anyone can see that, and your acceptance at TIP just confirms it. You are a thinking person with a strong sense of values and ethics. You're a person that shows the highest respect and value for life. It seems to me that you are right up there near the top in terms of people likely to offer something valuable to the world.

I certainly am glad to know you through LJ. All you TIP kids give me hope for the future.

[life_question]

real thing? as in what?

and I hope I'm not coming across as suicidal, or hating life or emo or anything, because that's really not what I meant at all, I just feel that if I die, it'll be the right time, and I have no control over it, so I might as well go out in style.

TIPpity!!! I can't wait til this summer...

[jeweleddragon]

I'm not Martini (obviously), but something you said here reminded me of something else.

I've heard you talk like this before and I find it curious and sad. Do you really feel that way? Because I don't see that at all -- and I'm not just saying that to be a cheerleader. You're obviously very intelligent -- anyone can see that, and your acceptance at TIP just confirms it.

Sometimes I'll say things vaguely similar to what Martini said (though not really), and people will think that I'm being depressed and emo and suicidal and that I hate my life and want to end it. In my flimsy and extremely humble opinion, not fearing death and losing the will to grasp tightly with sweaty palms onto life as though you'll definitely go to Hell straight afterwards is a bit silly. Realizing that death may not be the nightmare that it's portrayed to be, and even realizing what it might have to offer (or not offer - there could just be nothing), and finally, losing much of the animalistic desperate fear of it is not the same as hating yourself and wanting to kill yourself. Far, far from it.

I've had feelings on certain nights, when it's cool and breezy outside and the windows are wide open, and the curtains are blowing back, and the room is dark and 'soft', that I could just lay back my head and slip into death very quietly and peacefully. This isn't a suicidal thought. It's more of an expression of peace and dropping the fear of what so many people brand as a hellish nightmare. It's a 'what is, is' sort of thing. People push onto the unknown all their deepest psychological fears and maybe even their own hidden, dark attributes - and losing that in the case of death shouldn't be something that's considered self-hating.

It's peace, not the desire to stab yourself through the heart and end it all.

Of course, you didn't say anything about that, but it reminded me of this, and I wonder what your thoughts on it are.

[life_question]

I can relate to that feeling, as I've experienced something quite similar t oit before, and I agree.

[descartes_rock]

Yes, I've felt that way too. Actually, that feeling should have a name. I do agree that a big part of the fear of death is a fear of the unknown. Another part is the fear of pain. And another part is the fear of leaving behind everything you love. And yet another part is the fear of non-existence. We would all be happier if we were able to let go of these fears. However, freeing yourself of the fear of death is not the same as losing your desire to live.

I honestly don't think Martini (you -- since I figure I am replying to both at the same time) is suicidal or EMO. Please don't worry either -- I don't see suicidal tendencies everywhere I look and I'm not planning an intervention. Although that might be kind of fun -- you would come home and find everyone on your flist waiting for you in your living room. After we convince you life is worth living we could have a party.

I actually think you are quite the opposite of EMO. EMO's are tormented. You are kind of resigned. I guess what I'm wondering is whether you believe in yourself. Many people are held back in life because they don't believe in themselves. I admit I am one of those people. You can be the most brilliant person in the world, but because you don't believe in yourself, you don't live a tenth of the life that you could. And I'm not talking about getting rich or becoming famous either. I mean just having a happy and fulfilling life in which you amaze yourself once in a while and achieve your potential here and there. That's what I meant by sad. Maybe I am way off base. It's when you say things about you likely not contributing much in your life that I think you seem like a pretty incredible person and you could have an amazing life.

Sorry, I know, I could have expressed myself better, but I'm starving!

[life_question]

Well, I know that I do often feel that I'm pretty worthless, but life is too much fun to give up just because it's pointless. I mean, smutty fanfics are pointless, but they're still fun. Same goes for stand up comedy, South Park and loud, blow-your-brains-out rock music. Pointless, but fun. Like life, on a smaller scale. And now I have a fluffy Nicholas Sparks book that I must return to. ta-ta.

[descartes_rock]

Enjoy your book. I don't thin you are worthless!

[life_question]

well, it's certainly nice to feel appreciated.

[midnightlynx]

Actually, that feeling should have a name.

It does.
"Zen".

[life_question]

Zen is a ditzy Asian blonde. /TIPsy joke

[jeweleddragon]

"Food! Eating! Remember?!"

"God, I'm so sorry you're on crack - because heroin is better!!"

/TIPsy jokes

[life_question]

yep. *giggle* that's Zen for you...