a dream
i had a dream about her again last night. my grandma, who died in feb. it always is sad and never good. this time was unlike the others...
i was running thorugh the thick thick woods, wearing a white dress and i was all dressed up. i was having so much fun and luaghing just like any other day. then i stoped so ubruptly not because i wanted to, but becuase i had triped over a tumestone. i almost fell, but held myself up. i felt sad and confused and i didnt know why. i turned my head to my right and saw noghting but tumestones. the forest became not just a forest but a grave. it was old and not well kept. and then i turned to my left and saw my grandma's grave. it was neat, well kept, fresh, with flowers and letter and a picture. she was smiling as if to say hi, but i saw the sadness in her eyes. i was so sad n confused that my head began to spin in confusion it pan so fast i could keep my balance and i fell to the ground crying. i didnt understand it, i screamed "why" over and over but all i could do is cry. as i was on my knees crying, which was good, and all the sudden i hear noise and soon realized that i was no longer alone. so many people came around from nowhere and it seemed like there was a huge traffic of peole coming my way and i could no longer cry by myself and let out all my emotions. the people that came my way picked me up and took off with me. i had to stop crying ubruptly and hold it all in. and then i was off like nothing getting carried away by the croud. i looked back at the grave but only to be called away by someone in a split second. i was confused and didnt know how to feel, but i knew i was gone so quickly to fully greive.
this dream was sooo vivid and real. it is actually what really happened. i was in AZ when i heard the news in the morning. the night before that i was out with my friends having the time of my life. i also woke up in the best of mood. all the sudden i hear the new and was hit hard. i didnt have time to be upset, i had to be back in Idaho for so many people and there was no one for me. even at the funneral. i wanted to cry. and the time that came to she her i began to and i needed to. but i was suddenly pulled aside to be with a relative. that is what i was there for but i didnt get my chance to grieve. so i came back home to AZ and didnt sleep for several days. if i cried it would be alone. and i wounldn't even be alone for 5 minuets to do so. i would cry myself asleep on the days that i could get maybe one hour of sleep wihtout seeing her face everytime i closed my eyes. it would haunt me and my dreams for weeks. the only time i was alone to cry and grieve would be when i would take a shower. i would be in there for an hour crying, bawling on my knees. and when i was done i would try to go to bed. i think i made things hard for nick becuase i would cry randomly just casue i couldnt get her out of my mind. now i am still really emotional and i hate it cause it isnt me.... but i guess it is now. i have these dreams and i do not know what to make of them. they are sooo real sometimes it scares me. i want despritly to wake up. and lucky i do...
i was running thorugh the thick thick woods, wearing a white dress and i was all dressed up. i was having so much fun and luaghing just like any other day. then i stoped so ubruptly not because i wanted to, but becuase i had triped over a tumestone. i almost fell, but held myself up. i felt sad and confused and i didnt know why. i turned my head to my right and saw noghting but tumestones. the forest became not just a forest but a grave. it was old and not well kept. and then i turned to my left and saw my grandma's grave. it was neat, well kept, fresh, with flowers and letter and a picture. she was smiling as if to say hi, but i saw the sadness in her eyes. i was so sad n confused that my head began to spin in confusion it pan so fast i could keep my balance and i fell to the ground crying. i didnt understand it, i screamed "why" over and over but all i could do is cry. as i was on my knees crying, which was good, and all the sudden i hear noise and soon realized that i was no longer alone. so many people came around from nowhere and it seemed like there was a huge traffic of peole coming my way and i could no longer cry by myself and let out all my emotions. the people that came my way picked me up and took off with me. i had to stop crying ubruptly and hold it all in. and then i was off like nothing getting carried away by the croud. i looked back at the grave but only to be called away by someone in a split second. i was confused and didnt know how to feel, but i knew i was gone so quickly to fully greive.
this dream was sooo vivid and real. it is actually what really happened. i was in AZ when i heard the news in the morning. the night before that i was out with my friends having the time of my life. i also woke up in the best of mood. all the sudden i hear the new and was hit hard. i didnt have time to be upset, i had to be back in Idaho for so many people and there was no one for me. even at the funneral. i wanted to cry. and the time that came to she her i began to and i needed to. but i was suddenly pulled aside to be with a relative. that is what i was there for but i didnt get my chance to grieve. so i came back home to AZ and didnt sleep for several days. if i cried it would be alone. and i wounldn't even be alone for 5 minuets to do so. i would cry myself asleep on the days that i could get maybe one hour of sleep wihtout seeing her face everytime i closed my eyes. it would haunt me and my dreams for weeks. the only time i was alone to cry and grieve would be when i would take a shower. i would be in there for an hour crying, bawling on my knees. and when i was done i would try to go to bed. i think i made things hard for nick becuase i would cry randomly just casue i couldnt get her out of my mind. now i am still really emotional and i hate it cause it isnt me.... but i guess it is now. i have these dreams and i do not know what to make of them. they are sooo real sometimes it scares me. i want despritly to wake up. and lucky i do...