(no subject)

[life_love_hurt]

Today i realized something. people like me will always find soemthing to complain about. today my day was going fine. i got to spend the night at a hotel last night for my friends sisters birthday party... I got to see Bailey, which was cool becuae i havent seen her in likel a million years and we used to be really close. So yesterday we got up early and went to this like volenteer job thing with fayes youth group. so we were all siting at a table and this lady was tlaking about how everything works and stuff. and these 2 black ladies walk in and are like "were hungry..and homeless, do you think we could get some food" i felt so bad, because i know itake way to much forgranted. and theres so many people out there that would give anythign to be in my position.so we worked in the yard and poicked up garbage ands tuff. and thne we went back to the church. then to baileys house. then me and faye went to her house. and i went home after a few hours. today im supsoed to go to wild waves, but its cold outside and my sisetr decided to tell me last night at like 8 pm she couldn't go. and i already aksed everyone else. so that was really cool that my sisetr backed out on me the night before we were genna go. then i got home, and i was just in such a bad mood, and i decided to take out my anger on my cousin (bad choice) i fucked everything up. i dont know why i keep doign things like thhis, its almost like my brain doesnt control it anymore. becdause i dont realize what im doing at the time, and thne the next day when everyone is mad at me, i realize i shouldnt have done what i did, i really dotn know how to fix it. im trying so hard to be a good friend, get good grades and just.. live life. but i always seem to mess something up. im sorry chloe, and kristin. i know your both mad at me, and i know i was wrong, i just haven't been myself lately. and i need to figure out who i am, and not take my anger out on you guys. im a human, i make mistakes. but really. im trying, sometimes i think its just becuase i feel i need to be accepted by everyone. and that hasn't happened, so i get mad at you guys. im goign to try to be a better person and not make so many mistakes. i love you both and don't want to mess up our friendship. i know if i keep doing what i am doing, im not going to have either of you as frieends, and im going to drive you guys away to the point where we dont even talk anymore. and i dont want that to happen. so im going to try alot harder now. and no more drama. im not genan say another word about youth group unless im asked a question or i like ask you guys how it is. please forgive me.

And im not only saying all of that so that i can have you guys not mad at me. ive realize within the past few months, i have done this too much and its stupid. yeah mayeb you guys do stuff to piss me off, but i know im better then that, i know that if you guys make me mad, i can just... not deal with it in such a way that i get mad at you guys back. I'm sorry. im really trying to change...