(no subject)
I thought once summer came.. i would become more happy and thats definitly not the case. i dont understand why i always have the same battle with happiness. i think it partly is because i wont let myself be happy... becuase i cant accpet myself. its almost like i cant accpet what i have is enough to be happy. i've let so much go lately that im seriously left with not much. frineds for example, everyone i know has a close friend.. i have my sister. its pretty pathetic i have to hang out with my sister and her friends becuase you never see people calling me to hang out. i love my sister and its always fun hanging out with them, but i wish i had something of my own to fall back on.. but that went down the drain when i figured out some people just aren't worth it. i feel like i've lost so much, and gained very little. and whenever i have time to think about it, i never like my life, i never really enjoy living.. unless im fucked up. thats pretty damn sad.