(no subject)

[life_isa_toilet]

he keeps asking me if i wanna see other people.

so i'm thinking do i wanna see other people.

nope

i just want to bring back the fun we used to have when we first started talking.

he says i'm not just chill any more. the one thing he really liked about me was there was no drama..i didn't let things bother me.

that's becuase when you're just chillin with someone...that's what i do. chill. there wasn't any reason to be high strung or up tight or whatever then.

he was happy with just me being me...chilling laughing the occasional rendevous.

he's so bent on helping me develop into a better person that it's having somewhat of a negative effect because i just can't let my hair down. and really chill. i feel like i'm on egg shells and that i can't please him.

i used to fill like the most beautiful and the best person in the world. but i don't feel like that anymore. i just feel like i'm always coming up short.

grrr....always always coming up short. i'm starting to doubt myself.

but i love him and i'm in love with him. and the same goes for him...i've already talked this over with him and we both agreed we just need some excitement in our lives.

ha...i asked him what he really thought of me.

he said he thought i was stifled becuase i'm not just chill anymore. and that he just wants me to have some fun.

but i don't know how anymore...i just don't know how to just do me anymore. i don't know me out side of the relationship anymore.

sigh i'll finishe later.