(no subject)
i've been driven back into my little rut these past few days by people, events..mmhm. boy, i wish someone could bury it for GOOD! so i could never fall back into it. my prolonged thinking only digs me in deeper. i feel so unaccomplished. i feel like i'll never move; i'm at a standstill. it's not unbareable. i'm not going to whine and say i want to die, yadda yadda bla bla but i just wish i could feel like everyday wasn't a chore. this unwanted obligation that i must accept or i'll find someone at my side poking and proding me to get up..do something. stop being so lazy..moody. when i wake up i want to be excited about the day. i need to know there is something good about to occur so i have the strength to get up and the smile to embrace it. i want to feel like i have a reason in that day. i like to feel like someone is waiting for me because they think im someone special and i think they are as well. yet, i feel robbed of that lately. i can't stand feeling stuck.