(no subject)
I get to say for the first time in a LONG TIME I am HAPPY! I had to go through Hell to get here, and had to learn a ton of things, but I am finally almost there. I can see a light, and it's beautiful.
It took me about 2-3 months to heal from 2-3 years of hearing far too much yelling, swearing, belittling, and all out violence at work and at home. I didn't realize how sensitive I was to it, until I got away from it, and started going into shell shock whenever anyone so much as was slightly critical of me. I had lost who I was, my natural reactions, and my ability to simply be me. I made some new friends, but they stabbed me in the back, and it was a whole lot of drama, until I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I felt fragile, broken, wounded, bleeding emotionally, and at work my boss started to bully me. I was struggling with money, I was struggling socially, and I thought I would snap. I threw out one last try. I put up a profile on a Christian networking site, and out of no where a guy named Mike found me. Little did I know he was the one God kept telling me to pray for for the prior 2 months, and little did I know as we got closer, God would do all the things He told me to pray about. It was definately a God thing.
He was gentle, kind, honest, genuine, and totally stable. I just started to talk to him as an aquaintance, and we became better friends within days. By day 6 we had such intense feelings that surpassed anything superficial, it was a deep caring, a protective feeling, and a deep desire to see the other progress to their best. Feelings like that require commitment, and we were so blown away by each other, we decided to date exclusively to see where it would go. By 2 weeks, he just had to drive down from Georgia to see if I was real. We have the same family background, the same morals, the same sense of right and wrong, the same desires and dreams, and even our priorities are in alignment. He reacts perfectly to me, calms my soul, brings me to a place of peace, and gives me his all expecting nothing in return. He is genuinly good inside, and it shines out of his eyes and is mirrored in his selfless actions. He loves, and demands nothing, but through giving to me I would give him anything willingly, and if I offer him leadership he would just smile, pull me up beside him, and walk with me. He shows me honor and respect. He shows me deep, true love.
He is going to school for business, has owned his own company in the past, and sold it when the economy got bad. He currently is the head of security for a factory managing the shifts, pay, ect. and will get a promotion when his degree is completed to a 50k desk job. He wants to start a restaurant, and we are in the works of planning it out. He has an awesome family that I fit right in with, and he was raised the same ways as me. We went through the same trials during the same years growing up, and learned the same lessons. We have been walking in unity all this time without knowing it. Becoming one is so easy that we have to fight the speed rather than work to unify. We are just so blissful. It all feels right.
The fun part about him is he is stable, laid back, wants to settle, AND LOVES adventure. We have fun together. We feel the same feelings towards each other and come to the same conclusions when we compramise. We are so alike, with just minor differences that make us interesting. He makes me laugh, sweeps me off my feet, and makes me shine.
He is also huge. He is 6'4" tall, broad, muscular, and he dwarfs everything about me so for the first time in my life, I feel normal next to him and less like a giant. He does right by me in all things. In everyway he simply does what is right, and he pleases God in how he acts. He is surrounded by peace. He is so good, so perfect. Mine:) If you don't believe me, ask him.
Everything about him is right. Everything about him is perfect to me. I am completely known, and passionately loved.
For the first time in a long while, I am truely happy.