Chapter Nine

[life_giver]

[ How I'm feeling|
Blah]
[ What I'm listening to| Blackout days- Phantogram

Title: Hide and seek (9/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Warnings: None....again you say? taha
Rating: R-NC-17 (rating will change from chapter to chapter)
Summary: Chasing you was like chasing the wind, the more I ran after you, the farther away you got. I always ended up empty handed.



Aoi rolled down the window of his car and put his face to the wind as he pressed on the gas. He let the scene from a few nights ago sink in- the way Uruha had walked out on him, the way she had been there and he hadn't cared....not when Uruha demanded his attention. In his mind he rewound the entire scene and then paused it on the moment Uruha had looked down at him and asked him for the one thing that Aoi couldn't give him.

He had never hated himself more than he did now. And yet he had come back begging for more, hoping Uruha would forgive him and they could go back to being fuck ups together because he couldn't stand the coldness in Uruha's glance or the silence any longer. He deserved each time Uruha walked out on him and he would deserve it if Uruha decided to walk out for good, but he wouldn't know what to do with Uruha missing from his life. He was barely functioning these days and if Uruha did indeed figure out that Aoi wasn't worth the trouble, he wasn't sure how he was going to survive being left alone again.

He knew they had crossed a line that night at the party and he wasn't sure he could make his way back into familiar territory. He had never been good with other people's emotions, couldn't even understand his own feelings half the time.

He knew that Uruha would probably reject any offering for a chance to make things right. He wasn't sure Uruha even wanted to see him again. When he had cornered Uruha in the alleyway and kissed him, desperate for anything Uruha would give him with his feelings running wild, there had been a moment of familiar lust that had sparked in Uruha's face. Aoi had felt the desperation in Uruha's hands against his neck and face but he had also seen the resolution in Uruha's eyes as he had pushed Aoi away. Uruha was done with him and there was nothing he could do about it.

He felt ridiculous asking Uruha for another chance....to do what? To continue hurting each other? To continuing lying and pretending that what they were doing wouldn't have consequences? Uruha had all the right to push him out of his life and he wasn't the only one that was done with Aoi and the messes he made.

Aoi had tried reaching Mariko after the incident at the party but she hadn't answered any of his calls. He didn't blame her for writing him off either. Some small part of him wished she had done it sooner, and that everyone would just walk away from him and leave him alone. He deserved every single slap in the face he was being dealt.

His hands turned the wheel out of habit and he parked the car in a crowded parking lot. He found himself staring up at the blinking sign of a local bar he'd been frequenting lately. He killed the engine and sat with his thoughts for a moment longer, before resigning himself to another night of drowning himself at the bottom of a bottle.

This nightly stop had become something of a ritual over the past week. Alcohol was nonjudgmental. It didn't care who he was, if he had lied and cheated his way through life, or was the worst piece of garbage on earth, as long as he had the strength to swallow down the bitterness of it, it would be his friend.

*******

Uruha stepped down from the sidewalk and lit another cigarette. He checked his phone one more time as he took a long drag....just to make sure....and then cursed under his breath at his ignorance. He hadn't heard from Aoi in over a week.

Aoi had been calling in sick every day at work and even when Kai or Reita had tried to stop by his house, Aoi had kept the safety chain locked like a barrier between them. Even on his sickest days, he had let Uruha inside at least and had hung all over him, selfishly uncaring that he could get Uruha sick in the process. The asshole wasn't sick this time around, that much Uruha was sure of.

"Fuck you, Aoi," He cursed softly, slipping his phone back out of his pocket and calling him. He had tried so hard the entire morning to keep from talking to Aoi, but the softer part of him always won out in the end.

He had to at least make sure that Aoi was alive and breathing. He would hang up and continue the cold shoulder after he'd heard Aoi's voice. But on the second ring, the phone went straight to voicemail, and Aoi's annoyingly smug voice told him to leave a message after the beep or leave him the fuck alone.

He tched under his breath and hung up. Either Aoi was indeed dead behind his safely locked door, or he was giving Uruha the same cold shoulder like the drama queen he could sometimes be. Aoi had just as much right as Uruha to keep him locked out, but that didn't mean Aoi had the right to worry the entire band. Uruha stopped himself from jumping in his car and heading over to Aoi's place. He knew already that he would get the same warm welcome that the others had gotten and he didn't have the patience to argue with Aoi today.

He took another drag from his cigarette and squinted down the road. He recognized Kai's car coming down the street and waved as the car came to a slow crawl and then stopped next to the sidewalk. It was rare that Kai ever came over to his place without calling, if he came at all. The passenger window was rolled down and he leaned into it to see Kai's worried face peering back at him.

"What's going on?" Uruha asked, tapping ashes against his shoe.

"Has Aoi been by here?" Kai's brow was furrowed and he was tapping nervously at the steering wheel.

Uruha knew Kai's anxious moods like the back of his hand. He'd seen it enough times when conducting business and it always alerted him to Kai's volatile temper. It was the one thing that could make Uruha actually sit up in meetings and pay attention or take a matter seriously.

"No, but I'm guessing he's went AWOL? I just tried calling him and he's not answering his phone." Uruha let his cigarette fall to the ground and he ground it out with the tip of his boot distractedly. His heart had begun to race just the slightest bit as he wondered where Aoi had disappeared to. He'd never forgive himself if the idiot actually went and did something stupid because of him.

"He's not at home, he's not answering any of our calls, and no one has seen him in days. It's not like him," Kai explained. The tapping on the steering wheel went on with the beating of Uruha's heart and he began to imagine the worst.

"Fuck," Uruha cursed, biting down on the inside of his cheek.

"Do you know what's going on with him? This is the time to tell me if you know anything, Uru." Kai gave him an imploring look as if he knew more about things than he should have but Uruha only shrugged.

He couldn't tell Kai that he and Aoi had been fucking each other these past few months and that the source of their falling out had been a woman Uruha wanted to throttle because she was taking Aoi away from him. That explanation seemed childish and just a bit unbelievable to say the least.

"I don't know where he is. You know just as much as me." Uruha pushed himself away from the car with a heavy sigh. It seemed he would have to join the manhunt for Aoi and when they found him, Uruha was going to give him the beating of his life.

"Just call me if you hear anything from him, okay?" Kai called out the window as Uruha began nervously pacing up and down the sidewalk, wracking his brain for contacts that both he and Aoi knew.

Uruha waved at Kai distractedly as he left. He couldn't remember the last time he had paced. It was something he'd only done in the worst of situations, and this definitely topped his list of disasters. He tried Aoi's phone one more time and was immediately sent to voicemail once again.

He fished out another cigarette from his nearly empty pack and decided he would need another whole pack to get him through the coming night. He began to cross the road to the convenience store, all the while cursing Aoi...and himself beneath his breath.

******

Uruha started awake and blinked blearily up at the clock on the wall. It was nearly midnight and he realized he'd been a shitty detective, falling asleep halfway through his search for Aoi. He'd circled the neighborhood and visited most of Aoi's usual haunts before retiring home and calling everyone Aoi knew. After four six hours of nerves and anger, Uruha had fallen onto the couch in a pile of exhaustion and obviously passed out.

He heard the buzzing of his intercom and figured that was what had probably woken him. He groaned and hauled himself up from the couch, all the while mentally preparing himself for a frantic Kai or one of Aoi's friends or family coming to tell him that Aoi was nowhere to be found. His phone was backed up with messages and missed calls and he was already feeling a marching band beginning in his head.

He grabbed up the half empty packet of cigarettes he'd bought earlier and decided to greet his midnight caller and go out for a smoke while he was at it. He pressed the button to let the person into the building and then went in search of his lighter. He found it hidden deep in the cushions of his couch and was just about to slip into his tennis shoes when someone began banging on his door.

"I have a doorbell!" He yelled as he grabbed up his shoes and then yanked open the door. Aoi came tumbling over the threshold with the yank as if he'd been leaning against the door. Uruha dropped his shoes and lighter and held Aoi up as he went careening towards the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" Uruha gasped, slamming the door shut and then pushing Aoi hard against it. He kept a hand against his collar bone to keep him upright as Aoi swayed forward again. It was obvious Aoi was wasted. The entryway was heavy with the stench of alcohol and Aoi's face was red.

"Went drinking," Aoi slurred, smiling widely until Uruha was ready to let him drop to the floor and fend for himself. Perhaps a good kick to his stomach would help him sober up a bit.

"You think this is funny?" Uruha yelled, slamming him back against the wall when Aoi tried to push his hands away from his chest.

"You asshole. You had half the goddamn neighborhood looking for you. You had the band and your family thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere and you show at my place drunk off your ass? Where have you been?!" He'd never felt so furious. Even when Aoi had chosen the woman over him, there had been anger but never this livid fire burning in his chest. He felt his face tighten with the threat of tears and he cursed himself for being so weak.

"I was so fucking worried," He gasped, feeling the dam break.

The weeks of torture waiting for Aoi to make up his mind, the pain at having been replaced like yesterday's garbage, the uncertainty of what he was doing with his life, the fear that he'd never see Aoi's face again. It was all too much to handle at that moment and he had to let Aoi go and turn away from him or risk embarrassing himself. He knew Aoi wouldn't remember this episode in the morning, but he couldn't let himself cry in front of this man who already thought so little of him.

"I'm so sleepy," Aoi mumbled, ignoring Uruha's anger and reaching out to push Uruha's hands away from him again.

"Fuck you, Aoi." Uruha muttered, turning away just as Aoi's legs gave out under him and he face-planted into the floor.

Uruha heard the thud and when he turned back, he found Aoi clutching his head and groaning on the floor. He bent down and helped him to sit up and he took a moment to himself as he knelt there on the floor next to Aoi. He let out a soft breath and then buried his face in Aoi's neck, damning himself for being too weak. He knew he was only complicating things with himself, but he was so tired of being bitter and angry over this whole affair.

"You really scared me, Aoi," He whispered, feeling his heart contract.

"But at least you'll have a nice black eye in the morning as punishment," He laughed weakly as Aoi winced and pulled away from his embrace. His eye was indeed already bloodshot and he cursed when Uruha touched the cut on his forehead.

"Sit up a little and let me clean this," He murmured, pressing his lips to Aoi's brow, uncaring for the moment whether Aoi would remember this vulnerability he was showing him outright.

Scars and bruises were something Uruha never showed anyone. Vulnerability meant he could get hurt, and getting hurt meant he was weak and deserved the pain...or so he'd always told himself. He wasn't so sure about that anymore. He felt his anger begin to fade into the background once again as he propped Aoi against the door and then went about gently cleaning the cut above Aoi's eyebrow.

"I love you, Uru," Aoi murmured as Uruha smoothed an antibiotic over the cut.

"Sure you do." He gave Aoi a lopsided smile and shook his head.

He tucked that drunk sentiment away somewhere deep where he wouldn't be able to pull it back up later. He knew the layers to Aoi's love for him. Aoi loved him when it was convenient. Aoi loved him as a friend and he loved him just a little more with Uruha's hand in his lap. It wasn't the sort of love Uruha had held for Aoi for too long now. There was nothing sacrificial or loyal about Aoi's sort of affection.

After he was done with Aoi, he phoned Kai to let him know that their idiot had been found and was in safe keeping and Kai promised he'd deal with him tomorrow, which had Uruha worrying for Aoi's safety again. It took some maneuvering and strength to get Aoi off the floor and into bed, but he stood over the bed now with his hands on his hips, looking down at Aoi pityingly and then decided he wasn't in the mood to sleep on the couch tonight and wake up in the morning with a stiff neck.

Uruha gritted his teeth as he pulled Aoi's boots and jeans off and then collapsed next to Aoi with an aggravated huff. He was sure Aoi was so far gone that he'd sleep until after noon the next day. He'd seen Aoi wasted this way a few times before, but usually they were wasted together after a night complaining about their bachelor lives at some bar. It was rare that Uruha was ever a spectator in the sport of drinking.

He drew his hands down his face and groaned. His head was pounding from exhaustion and stress and yet there Aoi lay beside him, curled up and already snoring peacefully as if nothing had ever happened. He marveled at Aoi's skill at pushing the important things to the back burner and living in own little reality where nothing could touch him. Uruha turned over on his side with his back to Aoi and it was only a few minutes before he began to drift off to sleep as well. He hadn't realized how long it had been since he'd fallen into a deep sleep.

He dreamed that he was sitting on the roof of his old house as the sun set in the rice fields beyond. He knew he was dreaming and the feeling was thrilling. When he looked down to his hands, they were fine-boned and young and unfamiliar. The pads of his fingers were smooth as if they'd never held a guitar and he marveled at them in the deep golden light. When he looked out beyond the field, he saw Aoi walking towards him.

The cicadas were singing as night came on, something he had loved to listen to just before he fell asleep when he was younger. They had always been background music to his old, beaten up acoustic he would drag up to the roof. He hadn't known Aoi before he'd run away to Tokyo and he felt a wave of confusion and dread wash through him as Aoi waved his arms above his head, beckoning him to come down from the roof.

Uruha felt his heart contract as he stood on the edge of the roof and something told him that if he just stepped off to meet Aoi, he wouldn't fall, he wouldn't die. This was only a dream of course and he felt powerful, invincible. Aoi cupped his hands and yelled at him not to jump, but he was already taking a step over the edge and he felt wind against his face as he plunged down.

He woke gasping and clutching at his chest. Uruha stared into the darkness of the room trying to calm the thudding of his heart and feeling the panic of those last moments of the dream clinging to him. The sun was just rising and there was a dusky gray light coming in through the small window across the room. It was still too dark to see much and he was about to reach up to turn the light on when he felt what must have woken him up; a hand against his hip.

Uruha lay still, and felt the hand caress his thigh and hip gently. Last night came back to him in a rush, the frantic search for Aoi, the anger and exhaustion, Aoi showing up on his doorstep trashed out of his mind, piling Aoi into bed and hoping he'd sleep through the night...and now Aoi was obviously awake and wanting to continue what they'd started in the alleyway before Uruha had walked out on him.

Uruha moistened his lips as fingers began to trace feather-light pictures against his stomach. He debated with himself whether he should put a stop to it and push Aoi's hand away...or pretend to be sleeping and enjoy it for as long as he could. He knew the latter was unrealistic. He'd give himself away eventually and Aoi would take his submission as a green light to continue this mess between them. They had already fucked each other lives up enough and he'd promised himself that he wouldn't do this again...but...

Uruha let out a soft sigh and shifted his hips back into Aoi and felt a morning hardon press against his ass. Aoi's hand dipped lower against his stomach at the movement, drawing light circles just below his navel teasingly. His skin was on fire for Aoi and he wanted to indulge the need in him just a little...

He closed his eyes as the fingers drifted away from his stomach and slid to one of the most sensitive places on his body. Uruha shuddered as Aoi's hands drifted over his chest and then a thumb slid against one of his nipples. Aoi must have known he was awake by now. He could feel Aoi's quickening breath against the back of his neck, could feel him shifting his hips behind him.

The whole thing was almost too erotic to keep up the ruse of sleeping, but Uruha bit hard into his bottom lip and tried hard to stay still. He swallowed down a moan as Aoi's hand slid back down over his hip and beneath his boxers to touch his already hard cock. He couldn't help the small nudge of his hips urging Aoi to stroke him and suddenly he felt smiling lips against the back of his neck. He had been found out but he was beyond caring just as long as Aoi kept touching him. He sighed again and caught Aoi's wrist between his fingers and squeezed lightly.

Aoi's smile turned to a playful bite against his skin and Uruha felt a shiver run down his back. He liked the way they both knew he was awake but still kept quiet and let their bodies talk for them. He began to move his hips against Aoi and closed his eyes when Aoi's cock slipped between his thighs and Aoi let out a soft, tortured moan.

He kept his hand on Aoi's wrist, feeling the tendons beneath the skin shift and strain as Aoi continued to stroke him in time with his slow, measured thrusts. He felt Aoi's mouth slide against the side of his neck and begin placing damp kisses there. There was still the faint smell of alcohol on Aoi, but there was also the smell Uruha had come to crave, the clean smell of Aoi's skin and the sharp cologne he loved to wear.

Uruha felt the pleasure coiling and building as Aoi began to thrust harder against him and his thighs became damp with sweat and the precursor to Aoi's orgasm. But just as Uruha felt himself about to go over the edge and Aoi with him, Aoi slipped from between his thighs and rolled him over until he was lying on his back, staring up into Aoi's flushed face.

"I want to fuck you." Aoi's voice came out unsteady and breathy and Uruha felt a sharp heat in his stomach at the words.

"Are you sure?" He whispered back without hesitation, reaching up to frame Aoi's damp face in his hands.

He remembered saying these same words to Aoi before he'd gotten him off on the kitchen floor. It was always the same question when Uruha wasn't sure if Aoi was just fucking with him and would get up and leave at any moment or if Aoi actually wanted this.

Uruha felt his heart begin to race at the implication of what he was asking Aoi and then suddenly Aoi was kissing him hard and he was kissing back just as desperately and he was fucking terrified of Aoi's answer but more than willing to give this a try.

"I want you," Aoi murmured with his hands in Uruha's hair and his lips pressing half-formed kisses against the corner of his mouth and cheek.

Uruha knew he was a fool for giving in because he knew that Aoi wasn't sincere in the least about wanting him. Aoi only wanted him for the moment. Aoi's body wanted release and Uruha was the closest person to him then, easy access. The trouble was....Uruha's body wanted the same and even though something more important than his skin was involved here, his body won over in the end as it always had and always would. This was how they had begun and he figured it was only fitting that they end this way as well.

Uruha nodded and pulled Aoi down for another kiss. Aoi slipped his boxers off and then settled between Uruha's legs and groaned as their cocks touched. Uruha felt his skin flush at having Aoi naked against him like this, ready to do more than just touch each other in the dark. Uruha pressed his head back into the pillows as Aoi's hands slid down his body and then began to stroke him.

His body had been craving this since he'd told Aoi that it was over between them. He'd woken to many nights in a sweat and had to take care of himself the way he'd done in the beginning when he'd been lusting after Aoi but unsure of what to do with that lust.

He let his fingers leave marks against Aoi's shoulder blades as he pushed his hips into Aoi's hands, thinking all the while that if Aoi went back to the woman behind the scenes, she'd have something to look over and think about the next time she touched Aoi. He felt Aoi's cock slip down between his legs and he gasped softly into Aoi's mouth at the slip. When he opened his eyes, Aoi was looking down at him and he could still feel Aoi, pressing there slightly, just where they both wanted him, but there was still a question in Aoi's eyes that made Uruha's heart race.

"I have condoms in my wallet." Aoi's voice was hushed and still raspy from sleep or alcohol or maybe even both. It sent a shiver through Uruha's body.

"I don't...I've never..." Aoi struggled with words, but Uruha already knew what he was trying to say. They both knew that he'd never done this before and even though Uruha never had either, he was still the one with a little more inkling of how to go about doing things.

"Yeah," Uruha whispered and then cleared his throat and sat up, pushing Aoi out of the way slightly as he reached for Aoi's wallet on the nightstand.

Nestled among the crumpled money in the wallet, Uruha found a string of three squares. As he ripped one from the string, he wondered how many of these Aoi had already used and how he had felt as he'd ripped them from the string the way Uruha was doing now, his eyes on Aoi's face the entire time.

He wondered if Aoi had felt anything at all, or if it had been routine. Uruha knew that numb feeling well. He could have been a programmed robot for all the times he'd dug out the familiar packets in his back pocket while someone lay beneath him, looking up at him as if he were their savior. In reality, he had just wanted to get off and then go to sleep so that he could do it all over again the next day with someone else. But it must have been different for Aoi and the new woman. He must have felt something if he'd kept going back to her, if he could push Uruha aside so easily to keep her.

"What's wrong?" Aoi whispered, touching Uruha's chin and tilting his face up.

Aoi knelt above him, looking down at him with a nervousness Uruha felt down to his toes. Aoi was afraid he was going to run and Uruha was almost afraid that he would if he let these thoughts settle down and take root in his conscious. He'd never had any trouble stepping on people in the past, but now that he was the one getting stepped on, it had turned into an entirely different game...

"Nothing. Stay there," Uruha murmured, leaning forward to kiss the sharp curve of Aoi's hipbone.

He carefully tore the package open and then rolled the condom onto Aoi's cock slowly. Aoi hissed and pressed forward into his hand. Uruha loved the way he could feel Aoi's body trembling through the palm of his hand. He was sure the trembling was out of nervousness as much as arousal. Uruha smiled up at him and just as he was pulling Aoi down for another kiss, the doorbell began to ring.

"Ignore it. They'll go away," Aoi whispered against his mouth.

Uruha moaned and kissed Aoi harder as if that would somehow drown out the annoying buzzing, but as the doorbell continued to ring, he had a sneaking suspicion of who was on the other side of the door and knew that they wouldn't go away until he had answered it.

"Aoi, stop," Uruha murmured, pushing on Aoi's shoulder until he was forced to stop pressing half-formed kisses along his neck.

Aoi groaned and rolled off of him and Uruha sighed as he looked down at Aoi lying there next to him with his arm thrown over his face and his cock still hard. He felt the same frustration but he knew they wouldn't be getting anywhere as long as the doorbell kept ringing. He patted Aoi's knee before getting up and pulling his boxers back on. It was still obvious he'd been in the middle of something, but he didn't give a damn how he appeared right then.

"I told you he was alright," He growled as he threw his front door open and came face to face with a very pissed off Kai.

"I know you told me he was okay, but I still have the right to chew his ass out for disappearing the way he did," Kai told him, his mouth pinched and his brow knitted. Uruha knew that look well, and at any other time, he would have shut his mouth and stepped aside for Kai, but right now he was painfully horny and he didn't need Kai walking in and finding Aoi in a similar position.

"Now isn't a good time," Uruha told him with a pointed look.

"Aoi is sleeping and I'm busy." He moved to block Kai's line of vision as Kai frowned and tried to peer over his shoulder into his apartment.

"Busy with what?" Kai asked, and when his gaze drifted down and then back up Uruha's body, Uruha made no attempt to explain his appearance or what was going on. He hoped Kai would get the hint and drop it, but Kai only glared at him.

"I'm not canceling practice again today."

"No one asked you to," Uruha chuckled, leaning against the doorway once he was sure that Kai wouldn't try to barge his way inside.

His heart was pounding in his chest, even as he tried to put up a casual, unsuspicious front. If Kai had really wanted to, he would have already pushed Uruha aside and gone tearing through the house to find Aoi. He had done it before when Aoi had tried to use Uruha's apartment as a hideout. Luckily, Kai seemed to be in a bit more reasonable mood this morning.

"Let him sleep the alcohol off and then I'll drag him to practice today so that you can yell at him there if you want to," Uruha offered pleasantly.

That seemed to calm Kai's anger a bit and he nodded while digging around in his pockets for something to calm his nerves. Uruha frowned and handed him a cigarette from his own pack and Kai took it gratefully. They'd all gone back to smoking heavily recently and Uruha was ashamed to think that it was mostly his fault. He'd started this whole mess and he'd unknowingly dragged everyone down into it with him.

"Thanks," Kai muttered around the cigarette as he lit up.

"You're going to set the smoke alarm off in here," Uruha chastised, pointing to the detector above the stairwell and Kai cursed and blew out a stream of smoke from the corner of his mouth.

"Okay, well don't skip out today. The higher ups want a private meeting with Aoi," Kai warned him and with that inauspicious comment hanging in the air, he turned and left and Uruha could only watch him go with his heart in his throat.

He wanted to call Kai back and ask him what sort of private meeting it was, but he doubted Kai would go into detail with him about it, and he couldn't risk Kai sticking around any longer. He closed the door and stood leaning against it for a moment, staring at the crack in his bedroom door. Through it he could see Aoi's naked leg, tangled in the sheets of his bed and he sighed.

His hardon was gone and he was now worried about what Aoi would be walking into today at work. He knew it wouldn't be anything good for either of them. Aoi was still lying in the middle of the bed with his arm over his face, but when he heard the door close, he looked up and grinned over at Uruha.

"Chased him away?"

"Barely," Uruha muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed. He let Aoi sit up and kiss him, but he made no move to crawl back under the sheets and continue what had been interrupted. Aoi noticed his hesitation and stopped pressing kisses to his mouth.

"What?" Aoi asked, pulling away.

"You should take a shower. You smell like beer and we have to be at the studio soon," Uruha told him and then swallowed down a wave of nervous sickness that suddenly washed through him. What had he been thinking to allow this to go even further? It was what he had felt in the beginning, simple lust and a determination to please himself above all else. He'd always been selfish that way.

He felt dirty enough to take a shower as well. He wanted to stand beneath the shower spray and scrub his skin raw. He'd been so close to fucking Aoi even after promising himself that it was time to walk away from everything. He'd never been able to think straight with Aoi's lips against his face, his hands in places they had no business being. And now, he was sure that Aoi was about to be handed his ass by management and all because of him.

"You really fucked up, Aoi. You've been fucking up a lot lately," Uruha told him, all the while berating himself for fucking up just as badly.

Aoi studied him silently for a moment, his face unreadable and then he threw back the bed sheets and left the room. The room felt angry and heavy after his departure and Uruha felt a loathing he wasn't entirely sure was his own or Aoi's.

He closed his eyes and leaned his back against the headboard of the bed as he listened to the water running in the bathroom and began to count down the minutes until Aoi would get out of the shower, leave the apartment, perhaps leave his life even.

He wouldn't blame Aoi if he left. Some small part of him wanted Aoi to disappear. It would probably be best for the both of them if they cut ties now, nice and clean. He'd had about enough of himself as well. All he'd ever been good at was ruining other people and never taking the blame for it.

Aoi would be better off without him at this point. He was tired of being selfish and for once in his life, he cared enough to keep someone from being hurt. He was beginning to understand that they couldn't just keep playing around with one another as if they were made of stone and they'd never be able to go back to the beginning no matter how hard they tried.

TBC.....