Chapter Two
[ How I'm feeling|
Excited ;p]
[ What I'm listening to| Cuts you up- Peter Murphy
Title: Hide and seek (2/?)
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha
Warnings: None....again you say? taha
Rating: R-NC-17 (rating will change from chapter to chapter)
Summary: Chasing you was like chasing the wind, the more I ran after you, the farther away you got. I always ended up empty handed.
The heady smell of coffee brewing was the first thing that greeted Uruha in the morning. He turned over on the hard floor and groaned as his back and head protested in agony. He knew the floor would lurch out at him and he'd be running to the bathroom to empty his guts if he moved anymore and so he stayed where he was on his back staring up at the slowly rotating ceiling fan and tried to remember where exactly he was and what he'd been doing to get here.
"Rise and shine," Aoi's cheerful voice filtered through the fog in Uruha's mind and he turned his head back an inch to see Aoi's upside down form coming towards him from the kitchen. Aoi was holding two steaming cups of coffee in both of his hands and to Uruha, it was like seeing a slice of heaven. A rush of blurred images and snatches of last night's alcohol laced conversation came to him with another painful throb to his temples. Ah, Aoi's birthday mixed with alcohol and music, just another late night "creating" between the two of them.
"I tried to wake you up and move you to the bed earlier but you tried to hit me so I left you alone. I figured maybe you enjoyed sleeping on hardwood floors and I didn't feel like getting abused." Aoi shrugged and then smiled down at Uruha and held out a hand for him.
"How the hell do you do that?" Uruha muttered as he raised an arm to accept Aoi's helping hand. He carefully sat up and then allowed himself to be pulled onto the couch and handed one of the welcome cups of coffee. He sank back into the cushions and tried to repress the groan of pain he wanted desperately to let out.
"Do what?" Aoi wondered with an amused raise of an eyebrow as he sipped his coffee and ran a sympathetic eye over Uruha.
"Get up after a long night of getting wasted and prance around fully rejuvenated. You're unnatural." Uruha tched and shook his head, pushing down the feeling of nausea as his stomach lurched at the smell of the coffee wafting under his nose.
"What's unnatural is the amount of alcohol you're able to consume in only a few hours." Aoi chuckled, motioning towards the line of empty bottles still crowding the coffee table, evidence of last night's careless indulgence.
"I believe we were tied last night," Uruha pointed out with a small grin as he chanced a sip of the coffee and thankfully was able to keep the warm liquid down, and in fact, the coffee seemed to settle his stomach a little much to his relief. He took a sidelong glance at Aoi as his friend downed his own coffee in one long swallow and then took a drag of the cigarette that was hanging from between his fingers. Coffee and cigarettes had always been Aoi's cure for a morning hangover, but the way his friend acted most mornings after a long night of rolling in alcohol, made one think he was immune to the nasty after-effects of Uruha's favorite indulgence.
"At least we had fun," Aoi chuckled, catching Uruha's wandering gaze. Uruha smiled and then looked off while taking another small, careful sip of coffee.
"Don't we always?" Uruha asked as he focused his gaze on his wilting plant sitting lonely on the windowsill. He had never been able to keep anything alive. Uruha remembered the day his sister had come over and set the azalea down on the windowsill. She had told him that if he could keep the plant alive for a month, she'd get him that dog he'd been talking about. A week later the plant had been on it's way to an early grave and Uruha was now contemplating putting it out of its misery.
"What are you thinking about?" Aoi's soft utterance chased away Uruha's musings on the poor plant and he shrugged, taking another sip of warm coffee. "You're smiling, you must be thinking about something good." Aoi teased, nudging his shoulder against Uruha.
"If wanting to put my plant out of it's misery is good...." Uruha trailed off and raised an eyebrow as Aoi glanced over his shoulder at the dying plant.
"That's very noble of you," Aoi chuckled.
"I was going to throw it out today anyway. I've given up on this horticulture stuff. I guess I won't be getting that dog." Uruha hung his head and pouted playfully until Aoi punched him lightly in the arm.
"I agree with your sister. You're banned from animals if you can't keep a potted pant alive." Aoi chuckled. "You could take some tips from Ruki if you really want a dog."
Uruha hid a smile behind his coffee cup at the thought of Ruki and his dogs. They both knew the extremes Ruki went to keep his dogs comfortable. They were like little kings and Ruki their faithful servant.
"I don't think treating my dog like my spouse is my kind of thing." Uruha rolled his eyes as Aoi set down his coffee and then leaned back into the couch draping his arm over the back of it behind Uruha.
"You wouldn't even know how to treat a real spouse, Uruha. You're a natural born bachelor," Aoi pointed out. Uruha shrugged, his thumb rubbing distractedly against the handle of his coffee cup.
"I'm not a natural born bachelor. This is only a temporary status." Uruha grinned.
"Oh yeah? What's the longest you've ever dated anyone, hmm?" Aoi rose a cynical eyebrow and sat back even further into the couch so that he could let his critical gaze take in Uruha completely. Uruha mumbled something incoherent and took another sip of coffee even though it was beginning to become cold and bitter.
"What was that?" Aoi asked, his hand cupping his ear as if by doing so, Uruha's mumbling would become coherent by human standards.
"I said....a few months," Uruha muttered quickly, feeling his face heat. Why he was blushing was beyond him. It was no big secret between them that he slept with the women that came through his life but never held any commitment to them. He and Aoi were like night and day to one another, but their dating life mirrored one another perfectly and so they could never really fault each other for what they did behind closed doors.
Women to Uruha were merely underwear on the floor of his bedroom that he threw out in the morning with the daily garbage, as horrible as that sounded. His longest relationship had been with a woman he'd met on a train, who'd obviously been living under a rock for the last few years that his band had blown up on the music scene. Maybe she hadn't listened to hard music. She hadn't seemed the type to sit around listening to heavy rock music or letting loose. She was a classical violinist; hard, smooth, sleek.....complicated.
She'd been a brisk woman, a sex vixen by night, a heel clicking, stone-faced business guru by day. He hadn't known much about her except that she was married to the business firm she ran and her violin and she didn't talk incessantly about meaningless shit the way most women did around him. She was bland. She was always in a hurry. She'd been in a hurry the day those spiked heels clicked their way out of his life. He'd only smiled from the doorway as she left. He had never been into married women anyway.
He was convinced that the only reason the relationship had lasted nearly three weeks was because he hadn't had to deal with her until she left her day job and when that time came, they spent their hours together between the sheets when she had the time. When he thought about it, even that hadn't been a real relationship. She'd been an in and out sort of thing like every other person with the exception that during the time they'd slept together, he had slept with her and her alone. Uruha hung his head the way Aoi had done mockingly only minutes ago, but his shame was real and it nearly made his skin crawl.
"I'll congratulate you when you hit the one month mark with someone." Aoi snorted and then rose from the couch to gather their coffee cups. Aoi knew him well enough by now to pick the truth from beneath his bluffing. Uruha watched Aoi as he headed to the kitchen, feeling the odd blush that had risen to his face diminish some.
"Feeling any better?" Aoi asked over his shoulder from the kitchen sink. He washed their coffee cups and set them carefully back in the cabinet, and the way he set them, so precise, so neatly, reminded Uruha of that long-ago woman in the spiked heels. But that was where the similarities ended. Aoi practically bounded back over to the couch and laid across it, resting his head in Uruha's lap. Uruha hesitated for only a moment, hands midair before he let them settle against Aoi's hair. He swept aside the long bangs Aoi kept mused on days like this without his trusty hairdresser around. Uruha couldn't have been bothered with his hair today either. It was going to lay limp and do what it pleased until it's mistress tugged it back into shape before their next live. He winced as his scalp tingled from the imagined pulling and harsh tugging his roots were going to take soon.
"Well, I don't feel like I'm going to puke my guts out on this expensive couch anymore at least." Uruha shrugged and then smiled down at Aoi as his friend pulled a disgusted face.
"Even if you were to puke, I'd carry you to the bathroom the way I carried you up four flights of stairs that night you passed out." Aoi shot him a disarming smile and Uruha couldn't stop the way his heart seemed to stand still for just the slightest second before it began to thud harder against his chest. He was almost afraid Aoi would feel his hands clamming up as he petted back hair that felt too much silk against his fingers.
"How sweet of you. You're the epitome of a real friend." Uruha forced as much cynicism into his words as he possibly could as he looked down into Aoi's grinning face. He let out a long breath silently as Aoi turned his head in Uruha's lap and looked over to the bay window in the room where the dying plant sat limply in the sunshine, too far gone to even strive to stand up straight anymore.
"And why the hell are you laying here, when it should be me getting pampered? I'm the one with the hangover from hell." Uruha crinkled his nose and frowned down at a very pleased and grinning Aoi. Aoi always reminded him of a big cat in the early mornings. He could wake up at the crack of dawn, that was true, but he always curled up somewhere with a cup of coffee, and would even lie against Uruha at times like today as if Uruha were some sort of bed or chair, free to lie on. Uruha had never minded...in fact, his body seemed to welcome those moments, naturally accommodating Aoi's head, his long arms and legs, whatever Aoi decided to throw over him carelessly.
"I can't help that you went overboard with the drinks, Uru. You do this all the time and yet you never learn." Aoi stuck out his tongue at Uruha and mimicked his crinkled nose and frown almost perfectly. If Aoi had gone to school to master in mocking and imitating Uruha perfectly, he'd have his master's degree.
"Teach me a lesson then," Uruha quipped, sticking his tongue back out childishly until Aoi lurched forward and began tickling him. Uruha was taken by surprise at Aoi's sudden playfulness, but the surprise wore off quickly as his body reacted to Aoi's hands and he nearly rolled off the couch to get away from them. He had always hated being tickled. He could remember his older sister holding him down to the floor when he was younger and tickling him until he screamed....in much the same way as Aoi was doing now. But that wasn't the whole reason Uruha didn't want to be tickled by Aoi's hands at the moment.
"Stop! Stop! I surrender!" He yelled as he finally did roll off the couch with a heavy 'umph' and Aoi landed heavily on his back.
"Do you surrender?" Aoi growled, his hands still wrecking havoc against Uruha's sides and hips as Uruha squirmed and tried to get loose, but Aoi had pinned his arms beneath him and had always been the stronger of the two of them. Aoi knew those tricky techniques from his Judo classes Uruha liked to sit in on from time to time. He knew well from those sessions that Aoi was one of the better students of that particular fighting style and he only continued to get better with each passing session. And so he knew how futile it was to even struggle against Aoi's attack. If Aoi wanted to hold him down and tickle him to death, then that's just what he was going to do. So Uruha gave up the struggle and craned his neck to peer up at Aoi and give him the best maneuver he knew, the one that usually let him get away with murder when used on the right people.
"I surrender I told you," He gasped between moans of pain and panting breaths.
"Are you.....are you pouting?" Aoi's fingers suddenly stopped their assault and Aoi sat up against his back. "Are you actually trying to sway me with a pout?" Aoi asked incredulously, his tone serious, but Uruha could hear the teasing undertone and he fought to keep a straight face.
"You are." Aoi laughed, but it seemed to work as he stopped tickling Uruha and sat back onto his heels. Uruha remained lying on his stomach where Aoi had left him and nearly panicked when Aoi held out his hand and grinned.
"Come on, I even cooked you breakfast this morning despite it being my birthday yesterday. I'm the greatest friend aren't I?" Aoi chuckled and wiggled his fingers insistently when Uruha remained on the floor, his heart thudding against his ribcage, his eyes darting from Aoi's smiling face to the bathroom door over his shoulder. If he tried, he could probably make it without Aoi suspecting anything, without Aoi realizing....
"The best," Uruha muttered quickly. "I'll be right back." And with that, he pushed himself off the ground and nearly bolted across the living room and into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him and leaned back against it trying to catch his breath. He squeezed his eyes closed tight and rested a hand against the base of his neck where he felt his pulse fluttering erratically beneath his fingers.
"Fuck...." He cursed softly and swallowed hard. He could hear Aoi moving around in the kitchen, the sound of glass plates being set against the counter, a reminder that he only had a limited amount of time in the bathroom before Aoi began to suspect that he hadn't just needed a quick run to the bathroom. As if to follow Uruha's frantic thoughts, he heard Aoi call his name.
"Are you okay in there? Do you want orange juice or more coffee?" Aoi yelled and Uruha winced and cracked one eye open.
"Coffee!" He croaked, his voice coming out strained and shaky and he wondered if Aoi could even hear him, but then he had bigger problems on his hands than if Aoi could hear him from the bathroom or not. Aoi not being able to hear him in the bathroom in his current situation was probably a good thing anyway.....He allowed his gaze to travel down his body to the root of his current problems and inwardly groaned. How had he allowed himself to get aroused beneath Aoi? It wasn't the first time this had happened, but lately he had been so good at keeping himself in check, in not allowing his body to turn against him when he was around Aoi. But the way Aoi had been sitting against him....his hands wandering.....
Uruha let out a long breath and banged his head against the door once, twice, and then he pushed himself away from the door and went to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head. His face was flushed nearly red and he had that terrified, deer caught in the headlights look he seemed to take on when he was asked to dance because he had two left feet, or when he was told there would be no alcohol at a party....He looked completely pitiful and guilty and there was a tent in his pants that he was going to have to take care of because he couldn't go back out there looking like this....
If he wasn't careful, he was going to give himself away, and reveal the one secret he carried like a tainted badge against his chest. He had been so reckless these last few weeks that he was surprised Aoi hadn't caught on and called him out already. He was definitely not being as careful and discreet as he should be. But then maybe he had wanted to drop hints that Aoi might eventually pick up and examine....he didn't know what he was doing anymore. Uruha passed a hand over his mouth and looked back at his terrified reflection.
"You're such an idiot. A complete.....idiot," He whispered to himself against his hand. His eyes flitted down to the sink, raking over the scattering of toiletries Aoi had littered his counter with. Aoi was never one to travel lightly. He took in the razor, his collection of colognes, an even bigger collection of hairsprays and gels and combs. Uruha reached down and grabbed up a tall clear bottle of cologne and brought it up to his nose. He knew exactly which one it was because it was Aoi's favorite. His friend wore this particular cologne the most and Uruha had come to associate this particular smell of spice and sex with Aoi.
He sprayed a bit of the cologne into the air in front of him and breathed it in deeply. He was going to have to make this quick. He set the cologne bottle back on the counter and then reached down to unbutton his pants. He let his head tilt back and he closed his eyes as he touched himself and all he could think of as he stroked away his frustration with Aoi's smell teasing his senses, was.....that at least his headache was gone.
******
"Be careful, it's hot," Aoi warned as Uruha reached for the steaming cup of coffee and lifted it to his lips. He could feel Aoi watching him as he blew the steam from the hot liquid and then took a long sip, trying his best to keep his hands busy and his flushed face hidden. He could feel Aoi watching him steadily, but his own gaze seemed to conveniently always find a more interesting spot to focus on than Aoi. Inconspicuous? He didn't know the meaning of that word.
"Uru." The way Aoi called his name, that hint of amused reproach had Uruha's eyes flitting across the table despite of himself.
"What?" He asked a bit more rudely than he'd intended and instantly regretted even opening his mouth as Aoi gave him another curious look.
"What's going on with you lately? Is something wrong?" Aoi asked, his face hidden as well behind his steaming cup of coffee. Uruha knew only too well how much Aoi tried to avoid any serious subjects between them or anyone else for that matter. Aoi liked to walk away from things and hide until they somehow resolved themselves, but this.....wasn't just going to resolve itself, so Uruha merely shrugged and set his coffee down.
"I want to go to the beach today. I'm not feeling too well and I need fresh air." Uruha knew he was avoiding Aoi's question entirely, and Aoi probably knew he was as well, but the truth was, Uruha also knew that Aoi wouldn't push the subject because then that would be getting too deep into something uncomfortable. And Aoi just wasn't one to make himself uncomfortable. It was cold outside but Uruha really was sweating.....from nerves and yet Aoi only shrugged and Uruha forced a smile until Aoi set his coffee down as well and stopped giving him questioning looks.
"That's different." Aoi chuckled. "I thought you had that....that thing today...." Aoi trailed off, trying to think of what Uruha had told him yesterday. "Wasn't it a date?" Aoi wondered with a raised eyebrow.
"I cancelled the date," Uruha offered with a dismissive flick of his hand. "Too needy. I'm done with that type." His laugh seemed just a bit too forced but Aoi only shrugged and pushed a plate of eggs and toast his way. Uruha's smile lengthened at that and he suddenly relaxed, relieved that he hadn't given himself away entirely yet. Though how long he could keep this up without going insane was questionable.
"Then we'll need all our strength to impress the opposite sex today." Aoi pretended to flex his muscles and puff out his chest until Uruha nearly doubled over laughing.
"I'm done looking." Uruha shook his head as the laughter died down. "Sometimes I feel like I just want to be left alone." Uruha scraped his fork against the porcelain plate, pushing the eggs on it around distractedly.
"You won't be saying that today when some girl comes up to you wanting a number. It never fails. We're just too charming and you're too arrogant all together. Besides, I'm already in my thirties, and you're catching up to me. Can we really afford to turn down many more at this point?" Aoi grinned and Uruha only shook his head again.
"Hmm..." He agreed softly, but he knew without a doubt that his mind had already been made up. He was done chasing heels and heady perfume and expensive handbags, because all they wanted was more expensive handbags and more heels and more and more and more until Uruha had nothing else to give them.
What he wanted was someone on his level, someone he truly wanted, lusted after, someone who didn't demand things from him, someone who wouldn't expect any strings to be attached, someone who knew more about him than the size of his bank account and the want for notoriety, someone like...Aoi. Uruha's eyes flitted back to Aoi who was oblivious of his wandering gaze and the thoughts that had been running through his mind for weeks.
He still didn't know what had clicked inside of him to turn his attention from the women he went through on a weekly basis, to this rapt fascination with his friend and band-mate. He had only just accepted the fact that he wanted Aoi the way he had once wanted those nameless women. And now....he was wondering what to do about this...need that had been growing steadily inside of him, building up to a crescendo he wasn't sure he would be able to handle. He was already running to the bathroom to get rid of the need for a little while and sweating and turning red in front of Aoi like a schoolgirl with a pathetic, completely unreasonable crush.
"You're zoning out again." Aoi's voice brought him out of his own self deprecating thoughts and he felt his face heat even more. Aoi only laughed at him and then continued shoveling forkfuls of egg into his mouth, and Uruha could only watch him, suddenly not very hungry. He wasn't sure he had even been hungry to begin with. But he knew Aoi hated cooking and making him breakfast must have been a grueling task, so he ate a few bites of the eggs for show and then pushed his plate away.
"If we're going to the beach, we might want to head out," Uruha suggested, pretending to check his phone. He needed immediate advice, and he knew only one place to go for the sort of advice he wanted. He could feel the lies building up on his shoulders as he wracked his mind for ways to keep Aoi close, but not too close. He didn't want anymore mishaps or close calls, but he couldn't help himself for wanting to stretch their time together as thin as he possibly could. Next week Aoi would be out of town for a few weeks with his family and after that, the band would be touring, and then there wouldn't be any time to run away to beaches and soba shops and even clothing stores. Uruha had never been one for shopping unless it happened to be for guitars or other musical related equipment, but he had always gladly let Aoi pull him from shop to shop trying on clothes and designer sunglasses until Uruha was ready to collapse in a heap of exhaustion with a bottle of wine. Anything with Aoi was worth it when Aoi seemed truly happy to be with him.
Uruha scrolled down the screen on his phone until he found Ruki's number and typed in a hurried message. 'Meet me at our spot in two hours.' Ruki would know immediately what he was talking about. They only had one particular spot they met up at when they wanted to talk. It was a secluded area of beach where the rocks were clustered around the shore so badly, most locals and tourists avoided it, leaving Ruki and Uruha with a privacy they rarely experienced in their hectic lives.
"Ruki wants to come with us and he'll be there in about two hours," Uruha informed Aoi who had finished his breakfast and had begun to clear the small table of their plates. Aoi hadn't seemed to notice that Uruha had only eaten half of his plate of food and for that he was grateful. He didn't think he could handle anymore questions and prying for the day. Uruha had never been the best of liars....actually, every one who knew him at all, usually caught onto any of the lies he had ever told, which was why he'd always opted for blunt and honest even if it got him in trouble more often than not.
It hadn't been a complete lie when he had said he wasn't feeling well and needed fresh air, but it wasn't the hangover that had him running to the beach. He needed air because his nerves were on fire and his hands were trembling slightly where they rested in his lap, hands that had attempted to chase away this insatiable lust in the bathroom only minutes ago. And Ruki was coming to the beach with them, he had just needed to be informed of that fact. Uruha couldn't trust himself alone around Aoi anymore at this point he had decided and he needed to talk with Ruki. Uruha felt his phone vibrate in the palm of his hand and when he looked down, he had to smile at the message Ruki had sent him in large, bold characters.
'What?? Do you know where I am and what I'm doing? I'm getting my fucking hair dyed on the other side of the city.'
"Too bad. You're coming along. I need you."
Uruha chuckled as he sent the message and judging by the long silence that followed his cryptic message, he could determine that Ruki was fuming and cursing, but would meet him at the beach in two hours. Ruki had always been there every time he'd desperately needed him, and he knew without a doubt, he wouldn't be let down in his time of need.
"What's so amusing? Are you talking to Ruki? Tell him to bring those CDs he stole from me last week." Aoi said as he passed by Uruha and ruffled his hair on his way to the bedroom. Uruha reached up and smoothed his mussed hair back down, ignoring the tingle of surprise and heat that had trailed the back of his neck in the second it had taken Aoi to touch him. Fuck. He cursed in his mind. If he was going to tremble and melt at the knees every time Aoi so much as touched him, was it even worth it to be around him this way? Wouldn't it be better to keep a good distance between them?
Uruha's body immediately dismissed that idea because what it wanted most was to be touched by Aoi, to be near him in whatever form it possibly could. He wasn't altogether sure if his mind even objected that much....he knew to be around a temptation only made a desire stronger, but he had always been a weak person when it came to willpower....if he could even claim that he had any sort of willpower. His band-mates had already labeled him as an alcoholic and a sex addict. One could guess from that alone how much restraint he possessed.
Uruha inwardly whimpered as he watched Aoi walk back and forth in front of his bedroom door while he pulled on a shirt and tried balancing his cellphone against his shoulder and ear at the same time. Uruha's hand rose to his mouth automatically and he worried a fingernail between his teeth as he watched Aoi. With any other person he was attracted to, he would have had them flat on their backs on his bed by now, but this...this was Aoi, his band-mate, his close friend, as far as he knew....a straight man who could be filed in with every other womanizer Uruha had ever known. Most people outside of their circle of band-mates and friends would laugh at Uruha if he told them that Aoi was only into women, and only the highest grade of women. What straight man spent hours in the bathroom fixing his hair and trying on every piece of clothing he owned for an outfit, or had an infinite love for shopping and skin tight jeans? Obviously Aoi was an exception.
Uruha grinned to himself at the thought of Aoi and those damnable jeans...the ones he was wearing right at the moment as he sat down on the edge of Uruha's bed and began doing something on his phone. Uruha had known Aoi for years now and knew him well enough now that for all his questionable ways, his feminine tendencies, even his sometimes head scratching affection towards his male friends, when it came down to it, the only thing allowed in his bed were beautiful women. Uruha scowled and turned away from watching Aoi who was probably at that moment texting one of those women he seemed to use like tissue paper, discarding when they became too boring...or too familiar in much the same way as Uruha always had.
If Aoi had even an ounce of attraction to men, Uruha would have been the first to know, but then....did Aoi have any sneaking suspicion that Uruha had always given beautiful men side glances, or shivered just the slightest when one of them touched him, even in the friendliest of ways, or fantasized about what it would be like to be kissed by them or even what would happen if he invited one of them into his bed? People were good at hiding even the heaviest of secrets when they didn't want to be found out. Uruha had always been naturally curious, secretly drawn to men like Aoi, those suave, gorgeous men that had the world at their fingertips and all the women they could possibly want at their feet. Uruha had had his share of flighty women and red lipstick, he wanted to taste something different, but the question was how to go about doing that. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.....
"Are you ready?" Aoi's voice sounded close behind him and Uruha jumped a little in surprise. He turned away from the window and quickly recomposed his expression into something a little less nervous and brooding and plastered on one his teasing smiles.
"Let me change clothes and I'll be ready. You know Ruki's the only one allowed to be late around here." Uruha rolled his eyes.
"You always think of the best things to do. I'm never bored around you, you know that?" Aoi grinned as he trailed Uruha to the bathroom but stopped just on the threshold and leaned against the door frame.
"I know that," Uruha remarked cheekily, his pulse racing against his neck so hard he hoped Aoi wouldn't see it, and catch on that he was desperately holding himself back from reaching forward and pulling Aoi over the threshold and into the bathroom with him. Instead, he held that charming, teasing persona in place that Aoi seemed so comfortable with. He knew better than to chance scaring Aoi away. He knew his limitations by now, knew Aoi like a very complicated instruction manual he had pored over for years.
"What would you do without me?" Uruha titled his chin up cockily and was surprised when Aoi pinched his cheek playfully. He winced in pain and jerked away from Aoi's touch. Too close. His mind screamed and yet his body was saying something entirely different. It was never close enough. His hip jutted out just the slightest as he braced his hands on his hips and smirked at Aoi. Inside he was all nervous energy, but outside, he knew what he looked like...bold, brazen... if you really wanted to call him something. Uruha was flirting shamelessly and had been doing so for weeks on end. He wondered if Aoi had caught onto his more than friendly overtures or the touches that seemed to linger too long, and deemed it flirting, or did he pretend not to notice for the very same reason Uruha was so hesitant to do anything more than harmlessly flirt? But Aoi had called him out on his strange behavior these last few weeks, barely touching the surface of what was really going on inside of Uruha's mind and body before moving away and accepting Uruha's flimsy excuses, the lies he pushed through his teeth so easily. Aoi wasn't ready for what Uruha was feeling at that moment, would never be ready, and that thought had Uruha's cheeky grin fading just the slightest.
"I'd be bored without you. I think I'd go crazy playing my guitar and drinking all alone." Aoi pulled a long face until Uruha tched beneath his breath and allowed himself to laugh a little.
"Then let me get dressed if you really want me around for drinking and music making, because if we're late, I'm going to be strangled to death. You know this as well as I do." Uruha let out a dramatic sigh and was grateful when Aoi retreated from the doorway, giving him a knowing grin and then disappearing back into the bedroom. Uruha allowed himself to breathe a bit easier and let that forged smile melt from his face for the tenth time that morning. Something had clicked last night as he lay on the floor beside Aoi, finishing off the last bit of alcohol and feeling the heat he felt for Aoi coursing it's lazy way throughout his entire body. He had watched Aoi trying to play the guitar, strumming random chords clumsily before giving up and sliding down to the floor beside him and Uruha had thought 'This. This is what I want.'
The details were fuzzy in his mind, his words only a faint echo of what he hoped wasn't anything embarrassing. But he'd been too afraid to ask Aoi this morning if he'd went overboard and said something cringe-worthy. Best not to know and pretend he'd been a complete saint last night. Uruha smiled and shook his head. One thing stood out clearly from the rest last night though. He had closed his eyes, too full of alcohol and lust and nervous energy with Aoi so close to him and yet so far away, always so far away. He had felt Aoi watching him, could feel Aoi's gaze on his face as he drifted in some contented and yet frustrated state of consciousness, he remembered that clearly.....and then, the memories of last night were cut short. He must have passed out soon after that because the next thing he remembered was opening his eyes to the bright morning sunlight and a painful drumbeat against his temples.
Uruha had never felt so lost in his entire life. He knew that he was done with chasing after the women he knew he would only use and then throw away out of boredom. They weren't any fun to chase anymore. They were either too easy to catch, or just too easy to throw out after he'd caught them. What was the use in that sort of game anymore? He had never felt this sort of viscous need to pursue anyone before.
When Uruha looked at Aoi, he saw challenge, he saw an impossibility he wanted to make a reality. For the first time, he felt pulled in a certain direction and was actually trying to dig his heels in to keep from being pulled. But every time he did this, the need became stronger, or Aoi touched him a certain way, or smiled at him, and he was back to acting like a little schoolgirl around him, wishing Aoi would notice what was going on between them and at the same time, hoping his lies were enough for now. For once, it felt as if he knew exactly what he wanted. But how do you go after something you know for certain is only going to fail?
******
"I'll attempt to save you if he tries to strangle you," Aoi muttered as they trudged through the sand towards the figure sitting on the rocks by the water ahead of them. Even from this distance, Uruha could see that Ruki was glaring at them, and the heat of that glare was scalding.
"Oh, thank you. You're too kind," Uruha murmured sarcastically and received a playful push to the arm that had him stumbling and he would have fallen face first into the sand if he hadn't grabbed at Aoi's sleeve and attempted to pull him down to the ground with him. The result had them both grappling for each other and eventually falling over together. Aoi rolled away from Uruha before he could get attacked and left him sitting in the sand glowering, his face a mirror of Ruki who was now standing over him with his hands on his hips while Aoi laughed at them both.
"I'm glad to see you two finally made it," Ruki growled, and yet when his eyes met Uruha's, there wasn't any anger or even irritation in them, only curiosity. Uruha sighed and picked himself up from the ground and dusted the sand from his pants. Ruki pulled his jacket tighter around himself as a cold wind came off the water and whipped his hair around his face. Uruha knew he owed Ruki an explanation for their untimely visit to the beach and with the way Ruki was looking between he and Aoi with a raised eyebrow, he owed Ruki a lot more than that, but he wasn't sure he was ready to spill everything just yet.
"Ruki," Uruha acknowledged tersely. He knew the guilt showed on his face and the fact that he couldn't keep the slight tremble was no help. The guilt Uruha felt was not at dragging Ruki from his weekly hair appointment but at the fact that he was contemplating doing the unthinkable, had been contemplating it for weeks on end and was sure that Ruki would see right through him. They had known each other inside and out for so long now that Ruki was usually able to glance at him and know his entire story or at least get the gist of something before Uruha could utter a single word. Today, Ruki seemed to know something was going on, but even he didn't seem to be able to guess what exactly had Uruha sitting down beside him on the rocks restlessly. Aoi sat down next to him, putting Uruha between them and Uruha suddenly wished that he had only invited Ruki out here and had left Aoi to his own devices for the day despite the fact that he wouldn't be seeing Aoi for weeks after he left to visit his family.
"Did you bring my CDs?" Aoi suddenly interrupted the impending uncomfortable silence that had begun to lengthen between them all, and Uruha was suddenly laughing, his body relaxing naturally as it usually did around Aoi. Ruki was trying to keep up a frown that was being threatened by a smile.
"You should know not to loan Ruki your music if you ever want to see it again." Uruha chuckled and reached out to ruffle Ruki's newly dyed and styled hair but Ruki was quick to catch his wrist and push his hand away with a curt frown.
"Actually, they're out in the car," Ruki muttered with a tilt of his chin. Uruha shrugged and chuckled, his gaze catching Aoi's for a second before he looked back to Ruki, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.
"You have to give Ruki a chance sometimes. Now try giving anything to Kai that's when you'll never see it again." Aoi laughed and Uruha started at the feel of Aoi's hand on the back of his neck. He willed his body to stay still and not move away from the touch. Luckily Aoi playfully shook him and then let go. The touch was harmless and playful like every other touch they had shared between them for years. Uruha had endured Aoi hugging him, wrestling with him, sleeping next to him even for so long now, and yet.....that need was making itself known more blatantly every time Aoi so much as smiled at him these days.
"I wouldn't lend Kai anything, believe me. He probably has a whole treasure chest full of the band's borrowed and forgotten items." Uruha snickered as he leaned back on his hands, tactfully shifting away from Aoi a bit on their shared rock in the process. He had forgotten to pull on his heavier jacket in his haste to get dressed and avoid any more embarrasing confrontations with Aoi and he was freezing at the moment. He willed his body to stop shivering as he pinned Ruki with an amused look.
"He's like a pirate," Ruki commented offhandedly. There was a moment of silence before Uruha doubled over laughing at Ruki's description of their band leader. Ruki shrugged and looked at Uruha with a serious expression.
"What? He is," Ruki muttered, allowing a small, begrudging smile to tug at the corner of his mouth. Aoi tched under his breath, shaking with silent laughter as well.
"I want to walk the beach. I didn't come here to sit around on a rock." Aoi grinned over at Uruha and Ruki but Uruha shook his head, and elbowed Ruki discreetly to do the same. Before Uruha could open his mouth to protest though, Ruki beat him to it with the smooth grace of someone prone to getting out of sticky situations....someone much better at lying and manipulation than Uruha, not the best of character traits but Ruki had used it to get the two of them out of trouble more than once and for that he was grateful....especially now.
"You go ahead. I just got my hair dyed and styled and this wind is killing it." Ruki playfully primped his now vividly platinum blonde hair. When Ruki was feeling bored or in a stalemate with inspiration, he always went blonde. Uruha couldn't blame him for that. He'd always believed the saying that blondes had more fun, but brunettes were always kinkier in bed. Uruha let his gaze slide to Aoi but when Aoi smiled over at him, he put that thought away with the rest in a little box in the back of his mind and padlocked it.
"Anyway, I wanted to talk to Uruha for a minute and then I'll release him back to you afterwards." Ruki continued and then smiled charmingly, ever the sleek and suave conspirator. As expected, Aoi merely shrugged and then stood up on the rock.
"Suite yourselves." Uruha looked up, shading his eyes from the harsh glare of the sun behind Aoi as he stripped off his jacket and then tossed it against Uruha's chest. Uruha caught the jacket and clutched it to his chest as Aoi grinned down at him.
"I think you need this more than I do. You've been shivering for the past ten minutes. Catch up with me when you're done gossiping," Aoi urged and then he was off, making his way to the side of the beach that had less rocks and where the few locals and tourists were scouring the sand for seashells. Uruha looked down at Aoi's jacket in his hands and then looked after Aoi, his face a myriad of emotions; surprise, slight confusion, and just a hint of....delight. He could feel a blush spreading across his cheeks as slipped into Aoi's jacket and pulled it tighter around him, berating himself each second he allowed himself to wallow in petty fantasies. This was beginning to get ridiculous.
Aoi's jacket smelled of the cologne he had sprayed in Aoi's bathroom earlier, and that thought alone had his face reddening even more and he turned his head away from Ruki to avoid any more questions he knew he couldn't answer just yet. Instead, he let his face cool as he watched Aoi head toward a pair of women sitting on a blanket some ways away and knew exactly what would happen. Aoi would pretend to have lost something, maybe a precious dog, the most common trick in the book, and the women as they always did upon meeting an attractive man distraught over his lost dog would help him search and the search would eventually turn into a chat and then an exchange of numbers and Aoi would have his prey for the week. They had both done this countless times in the past, sometimes together even. Uruha bit into his bottom lip as he watched Aoi go, his jacket immersing him into that lust he should have been trying harder to fight but at the moment he couldn't care that his yearning was probably very evident.
"So, who are you sleeping with now?" Ruki's snarky comment brought him out of his own lustful musings watching Aoi's back retreat. He looked over at Ruki quickly, a look of offense contorting his face naturally, even though Ruki was hitting pretty close to home with his lewd presumption. Uruha's usual problems had always consisted of the latest girl he was sleeping with and the grief that she was giving him about this or that, a grief he had probably always deserved in past relationships.
"No one," Uruha answered a bit too forcefully and immediately crumpled beneath Ruki's roll of the eyes and the loud, disbelieving laugh that came from his friend.
"Yeah, tell me another lie why don't you?" Ruki snorted and then shook his head, leaning in closer to Uruha so that their faces were mere inches apart from each other. Uruha chanced a look back out over the expanse of beach to where Aoi was standing near the women talking to them. Even from this distance he could see Aoi pulling the women in expertly as they crowded around him and nodded sympathetically. Uruha shifted his gaze back to Ruki who was no longer laughing. He didn't feel like watching Aoi reel in his next catch.
"Just tell me what's going on because you look like you're about to burst and you've been so fidegety lately, I'm beginning to wonder about you...." Ruki waited for a second and when the words seemed to get stuck and then die in Uruha's throat, Ruki nudged him in the shoulder. "That's what you called me out here for isn't it? So spill it."
"Ruki...." Uruha began and he knew a pout was starting to form on his face when Ruki broke into a smile again and then slipped an arm around his back comfortingly.
"Just tell me," Ruki urged again. "You've told me everything else already, even the things I never wanted to know....like that one time you ended up naked on-"
"Okay, okay!" Uruha muttered, his gaze darting around them as if someone would be around close enough to hear Ruki divulging his dirtiest secrets, even though they were quite alone. It seemed the entire beach, even the tourist side of the beach was completely deserted and why wouldn't it be in this sort of weather? Only the three of them would be crazy enough to go gallavanting on the beach at this time of year. The only other people around were Aoi and the two women he was already leading around the beach, searching for the non-existent dog he was sure. Uruha had never seen a man so happy in the midst of looking for his beloved lost pet. Aoi had the women giggling around him and Uruha could picture the lecherous wheels turning in Aoi's mind, wheels he himself knew firsthand.
"I'm just....lost right now," Uruha muttered. Ruki rose an eyebrow but remained silent, urging him on with a nod of the head. "I'm in a situation I'm not sure how to get out of....or even if I want to get out of it. But if I stay in it....I don't know what to do next." Uruha trailed off and was almost grateful that Ruki remained silent. He had brought Ruki here for advice but suddenly the silence seemed much more comforting than words. To have somsone sit and listen to him while he vented and moped had always been a selfish healing balm. Uruha knew Ruki would probably get tired of him coming to him every time he was feeling low or just needed someone to complain to, but so far Ruki hadn't turned him away, only listened and then offered whatever advice he thought Uruha could benefit from. He knew he was being vauge, but he also knew that somehow...Ruki would understand completely, as only Ruki could do.
"Have you ever wanted something so badly it kept you up at night in a cold sweat? Or it was the only thing you could think about and you thought you'd do something crazy if you didn't get it?" Uruha asked, his heart racing even now with the lust he felt for Aoi, the lust that was a live, wild thing inside of his body. He didn't think he'd had a peaceful night since the first stirrings of heat he'd felt weeks ago when Aoi had hugged him close backstage and whispered "we did it" into his ear as they had done every night after a live. He had wanted to turn his head and kiss Aoi then, and that thought had been a shock to his body. Something in the way Aoi had wrapped his arms around him that night had stirred him, brought alive a heat Uruha hadn't known existed. It had felt right in Aoi's arms with Aoi's breath against his ear. He had wanted so much more in the split second the hug had happened and the insanity hadn't stopped since that night.
"How do you think the band was created? It didn't just spring from the ground." Ruki chuckled and leaned back on the rock, studying Uruha even as he talked. Uruha knew that Ruki was trying hard to pull from him the reason behind this sudden need for advice. But he wasn't ready to divulge that just yet....didn't know if he would ever be at that point where he could let Ruki in on this sudden fixation on Aoi ....
"It started as a thought, turned into lust, and then obsession, until finally it was reality. I didn't just sit around daydreaming about it though. I went out and I worked my ass off for it, and so did everyone else who worked to create this band." Ruki shrugged and suddenly Uruha's head was full of dusty memories, of teenagers huddled in a basement with borrowed instruments dreaming of what they thought was out of their reach from their clumsy hands.
"Remember the nights we sat up working on our first demos? All the days we lived on noodles and cheap beer? Or the shitty costumes we threw together from thrift shops? We looked like shit, but we worked with whatever we had. We sacrificed so much and started off with nothing, but we made it into something, didn't we?" Uruha shrugged, remembering the old days, the struggles they had gone through, but also all the fun they'd had along the way. All they had cared about in those days was making music, of jumping into the small crowds that had followed them around religiously, of running through the streets yelling after the long nights on stage and feeling free and like they could do anything, no restrictions...no rules.....It was so different these days. There were too many rules and restrictions now, something had to be sacrificed for all that they had now, and it seemed that freedom was the price.
"That's how you handle a situation like that. You dive in headfirst and hope you float instead of sink," Ruki finished, shrugging. Uruha remained silent for a long while, listening to the waves hit against the rocks near their feet and then he slid off the rocks and stepped down into the sand. He bent down and let his fingers sift through the sand beneath his feet. The sand against his skin was cold and soft, and soothings. He looked up, searching for Aoi and finding him near the edge of the water some ways off. He was alone, the women he had been playing with nowwhere to be seen. It seemed he had given up on his conquest for some reason, and a small smile ghosted to Uruha's lips before he could stop it.
"Uru," Ruki called after him, but he was already brushing the sand from his hands and making his way across the beach to where Aoi stood alone, picking up what looked to be small flat rocks and turning them over in his hand to examine them.
"Do you come here often?" Uruha lowered his voice as he came up behind Aoi and smiled when Aoi turned around quickly, startled, but when he realized it was only Uruha, he grinned and shook his head.
"Got tired of gossiping with Ruki?" Aoi asked as Uruha came to stand next to him, crossing his arms over his chest and looking out over the water. The cold wind coming off the ocean was blowing harder now but Uruha could barely feel it with Aoi's jacket wrapped around him. Aoi on the other hand, seemed to be braving the cold, but was shivering just the slightest and Uruha resisted the urge to pull him closer if only to warm him up a little. He felt a tad bit guilty for taking Aoi's coat and keeping it to himself in this cold weather. He felt even worse for dragging both Aoi and Ruki out here on a day like this, but they both seemed to be having a good time regardless and what Ruki had told Uruha...had made something slide into place in that confused part of his mind he'd been wrestling with for weeks now.
"Got tired of trying to con women into finding your lost dog?" Uruha shot back cheekily with a raised eyebrow and laughed when Aoi rolled his eyes.
"They were onto me in no time. They get harder and harder to pick up these days," Aoi murmured, the teasing note Uruha expected in his voice strangely lacking. Aoi drew his arm back and then let the small flat rock he'd been fidgeting with fly out across the water. Uruha watched it skid for just a second and then drop down into the waves. He'd seen Aoi make a rock skip at least seven times across a placid lake before. He had tried to teach Uruha how to skip rocks but Uruha had always been too clumsy and impatient for that sort of thing. He couldn't master certain arts as well as Aoi could. The only thing he'd ever had the patience and the passion for was the guitar and Uruha had strived to be the best at that. He'd practiced until he fingers bled, until all he had was that damn guitar....and then the band. He remembered well the time Aoi had tried to get him to skip rocks and he had failed miserably.
They had sat shoulder to shoulder watching the sun sink down into the water across the docks in some place far away from here many years ago. The silence between them had seemed to take on an imagined conversation between the two of them, a comfortable conversation, broken only by a smile here and there, and even a nudge from Aoi's shoulder as if to acknowledge the secret language. Uruha remembered that time because it was the first time he had realized that Aoi had somehow become one of his closest friends, somehow taking up that last place beside Reita, Ruki, and Kai.
When the band had first been created, they had been strangers, miles apart, trying to synch their guitars in vain. They couldn't have been more clumsy and awkward if they had tried. The art to getting a guitar section perfectly in synch and flawless, was a tight companionship, a bond that could travel the length of strings and sound. It helped that Uruha had eventually learned the rythm of Aoi's body, his hands, could anticipate where those fingers would land, and follow them seamlessly with his own guitar. He had convinced himself that was the reason he had chosen to seek Aoi out and get closer to him. All those times he had taken Aoi out drinking, invited him over to work on music.....he had wanted them to be in synch completely. He had begun to believe that lie until the lust began stirring in the deepest parts of his body.
"Why try to pick up women then?" Uruha asked, pushing away those old stained memories, gaze still fixed to the incoming waves, and hoping the slight tremor in his body wouldn't make it to his voice. That nervousness that was so uncharacteristic of him began to creep up again and he tried to will it down back into the bottom of his stomach where it belonged, not in his hands where they fumbled noticably at the hem of Aoi's jacket or his bottom lip that was being worried between his teeth. This was a different sort of nervousness than what he'd been feeling all week though. This was the sort of nervousness one felt when faced with a decision he was still unsure of.
"Why not? I don't know about you, but dying a bachelor doesn't seem very appealing," Aoi grumbled and Uruha could only shrug again, but remained silent. Only a week ago, he would have agreed with Aoi and then pulled him off to some bar to look for a willing victim, but now that wasn't a very appealing scenario.....not when Uruha was perfectly ready to be that willing victim.
TBC
***********
A/N: Gaaah, why am I such a turtle on updates? I don't know these days lol It's madness. So, POV changes. I haven't done that in a while in a story, and I was missing it! Tumblr users, you have your update LOL I hope this is all satisfactory and stuff.....:D
EDIT: These first two chapters were written simultaneously and scenes were warring with one another. Basically two different versions were written and the first one I uploaded was the wrong one. *hand to forehead* All fixed though :oo