Mar 16, 2014 21:41
.
.
.
reality just hit me.
i gave an advice to someone to tell him to just say what he thinks
he has nothing to lose
and when those words left my mind, it felt like i slapped myself in the face
there are so many things i want to say
but there's so much to lose
i can't take that kind of risk.
it's too much
i'm just hoping it would go away
can it please go away now?
history should not repeat itself
guarded.
i may be denying, but it is really the easier way out
stability
i want it. i crave it. but i don't deserve it
i have always thought those feelings went away
but i guess they are just buried deep down under
it's literally hurts when they are brought up
i feel exposed, but i have to hide it
that's what being an actor is all about
life is unfair.
not everyone gets what they want
it's hard to accept, but it is what it is.
whatever that is meant to happen, will happen.
i was told we should fight for it.
but what if we are not fighting for the same cause?
the damage would be too great.
and everything would be different.
i can't risk that.
this is my stability.
as much as i want it to change, i certainly don't want it to be worse
so, things will remain as it is, unchanged. unsaid.
T, you deserve someone who can give you stability.
and i am not that someone.
it hurts whenever you tell me about other people
it really does
but i am keeping up my promise to myself - to still be friends with you
no matter how much i want it to be more
it never will be, and it never should be
and you can never know.
there's too much at stake, too much to lose.