Sigh

[life0nmars]

I just seem to be finding myself full of hate lately. Not directed at anyone or anything. I just keep having these thoughts of, "Ugh I hate... --" and not be able to finish the thought. I just HATE. My life involves a lot of staring off into space. A LOT of it. I'm just so super tired and worn out, mentally anyway. Physically, my job is NOT very taxing and I don't have to do a whole lot other than be here, awake, sitting on this chair. It's just the monotony of wake up, eat breakfast, shower, get to work, sit for 8 hours, get home, lay on the couch, force down some dinner of some kind, go to bed, start over. 6 days a week. Alarm goes off at 4:30. Get breakfast, stare at the computer for a bit. Get in the bathroom by 5am. Putter around. Brush teeth at 5:25am. Get in the shower at 5:30am. Get out at 5:50am. Get dressed. Sort my hair. Get out the door. Get to work at 6:04am (no matter how hard I try to get there at 6). Wash, rinse, repeat. Friday night, drink some rum and pass out. Saturday spend the day in my pajamas on the couch. Go to bed by 9. Sunday morning, alarm goes off at 4:30.

I just keep telling myself that in a few months, Brandon will be working 40 hours a week and going to classes 2 nights a week on top of that. And hopefully when he does, I'll be able to drop to 4 days a week instead of 6 or even 5. And then I can actually clean my house. And cook. And I want to plant a garden. And actually sort out all the stuff we haven't unpacked yet. And eventually get myself to dental school.

I had Sublime stuck in my head as soon as the alarm went off this morning. I ain't gettin outta bed today...