Confessions of a Bitter Huddy
Even as I sit here and type this out, I am unsure that I want to dive into this argument. I keep typing and erasing words, letting myself get distracted by any and all thoughts that pass through my mind. Part of me is so over the show that I feel as though it is a waste of my time to commit to writing all of the reasons I have turned my television off. I think it can’t be good for me to dwell on the show as I do; certainly it must be a testament to the overall success of the program that I feel the need to delineate where it all went wrong for me. Then upon considering that, I become all the more reticent to say anything about how I feel, because the Greg Yaitanes I imagine is in some deeper recess of my mind masturbating to my pain and twirling the ends of his villainous mustache while declaring, “See, you care.” I apologize deeply for that mental picture.
Yet at the same time, I know that, for as ready as I am to be over it, there are moments where my anger is something I cannot repress. I believe that there is a litany of posts laden with various comparisons and metaphors to different animals’ shit out there that attest to this feeling I have. Every now and then I’ll find a comment from a fan on the Internet about the crazies that hang around iwatchforlisae or the negative people who fill the comment sections of posts on house_cuddy, and I understand that they very well could be talking about me. They should be thinking about me when they get angry, because I’m guilty, no doubt. I don’t pretend that I am sane, that the intense feelings I have with regard to the direction this show has taken aren’t anywhere near “normal.” I can only hope though that, by forcing myself to say all of this in one place, I will feel less beholden to my rage.
Here it is then: I am a bitter Huddy, and this is my rant.
Before I begin, I would like to point out two things. Firstly, I don’t care if you read this and disagree with me. That’s fine, but do not read this and then complain that my complaints have lessened your enjoyment of the program. If that’s going to happen to you, then please scroll on and away from this. Know what you can handle and act accordingly. Secondly, I’ll love it if you read this and agree with me. Under no circumstances, however, do I want you to tweet or email this to any of the PTB. I have never shared my feelings with any of those people, and frankly, I want to keep it that way. I acknowledge that they have a right to do whatever they want with their show, take it in whichever direction they choose, and therefore, I keep my thoughts to myself. If you hate them so much that you find it is necessary to treat those individuals as a receptacle for all of your frustration and disgust, then the very least you can do is use your own words. Leave me out of it.
Now that that’s out of the way, I suppose I should confess: yes, I only started watching this show for Lisa Edelstein. When I got my screener way back in the day, her face and name were the two things I was most drawn to. I’d loved her work in the Sorkin universe, and I wanted to see what she would be like without the strength of his words to guide her. I also loved Omar Epps’ work on ER, but I have been largely disappointed with everyone’s work after that particular show, so he was not the bigger draw here. Though I had surely seen several pieces of Hugh Laurie’s work, he was not a factor in my decision.
I watched the pilot to see Lisa, and ultimately I hated it. When I went to leave feedback for Fox as requested, I believe the phrase “Chester Cheetah orgasmed on this” was involved. Actually, it wasn’t, because I know for a fact that cheetah semen is too tame an analogy for me when it comes to insulting things I dislike.
Obviously though other episodes convinced me that the show was good and had promise; Chester had been asked to tuck it back in his pants and move on to other things. With that came an expansion of my reasons for watching the show. No doubt, Lisa remained the one who most captured my attention, but people tend to assume a few things when someone admits to something like that. Let’s go through the list:
1). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means you think she is perfect and everyone else on the show is an asshole. I do not think Lisa is perfect. Sometimes she acts scenes in a way that does not resonate with me (example: Airborne). Sometimes her personal beliefs are questionable, and I have no problem voicing, for instance, that it is an unfortunate turn of events that she has advocated Cesar Milan’s abusive, outdated methods of dog training. She’s great, but she is still human, and therefore, there are moments - like when she tried to make her cat vegan - where I will side eye the shit out of her.
The same can be said for any of the other individuals involved with this show. They are all human beings with good and bad points, and it is in my nature to speak of the negative more than the positive. Yet I understand that no one involved is evil. Sometimes I don’t like the things Hugh Laurie says or does. As I would feel with anyone else, there are moments where I do not agree with or appreciate his words or actions - or with what David Shore says or does, etc. It happens, and when I strongly disagree, I say something. I am not equating anyone with Hitler however, and it’s a waste of everyone’s time to treat mild criticism like enormous, personal insults.
2). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means you can only enjoy episodes that feature her and you demand that every scene revolve around her, because you believe the show should be called Cuddy. Cuddy is one of the characters that intrigues me the most; I won’t deny it, although Steve McQueen is truly my favorite character of them all. However, I am perfectly capable of understanding that House is the center of this particular universe. He should be. Although this show suffers from insufficient secondary characters, there can be no denying that Hugh Laurie onscreen is a fundamentally good thing.
He is an amazing actor, and anyone who denies that should probably check into the hospital, because you have clearly fallen down and hit your head on something hard and are currently gushing blood from your large head wound. Really, stop reading this, and call 911 because you’re about to die if you’re so injured that you think Hugh sucks. He is incredible. I think the show pays a huge price for hiring individuals who are nowhere near as talented or electric as he is (although I admit finding people in that league is hard as, indeed, people of that caliber are rare in life). If I wanted more scenes with Cuddy, it is because I believe that Lisa Edelstein can match him on that level. The same can be said for RSL; the show did/does itself a disservice by not giving those two members of its supporting cast larger roles and arcs. House is the center, but a character like that should be amplified by other amazing characters, Hugh elevated by the work from his supporting actors. If you had any doubts as to how I feel about Hugh Laurie from point one, please use this point to enlighten yourself. I make lots of jokes about his dick, sure, and yes, it may be my dream in life to be the mistress he has all the kinky sex with (you know, there’s always the one they wear the women’s lingerie or adult diapers with, the one woman they trust to do the sick shit with). But fundamentally, I respect his abilities as an actor, musician, writer, and director.
3). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means that you only stopped watching the show, because the producers didn’t make the show entirely about her. By the time Lisa announced that she was leaving, I was already near the door if not full out the damn thing. If she had stayed, I’m not sure I would have been able to convince myself to watch for her. Her not coming back for season 8 made this habit of watching a lot easier to break. However, there were considerable issues for me besides “My favorite won’t be around anymore.” Indeed, if the show still worked for me on any level, I would have waved Lisa goodbye and kept watching.
That said, the show has not worked in any way for me for a long time. This is older than “Moving On” or “Bombshells,” which it seems Bitter “Bitter Huddy” Haters like to assume is the root of the problem. This is not about the break up.
Truth be told, House was never perfect to me. Every season had things I didn’t like, moments that didn’t sit well with me. That should be obvious, of course; you can’t love everything equally. When they hired Olivia Wilde over Anne Dudek, I was disappointed. When they couldn’t even create a coherent reason to fire Amber, I was angry. When season 4 ended and only the final two episodes gave the season any gravitas, I was again disappointed. Season 5 irritated me with, among other things, the adoption storyline that catered to common, dangerous stereotypes of adoption and the show becoming centered on Thirteen in a way that damaged one overall premise of the show: that House is uniquely genius. All of the retconning to create House/Cuddy as an epic couple that was meant to be, the Lucas storyline, Chase killing someone, the offensively awful season 6 opener (which conveniently ignored everything that put House in a mental hospital) - all of those things slowly chipped away at my love for the show. There were times when I had to convince myself that next week would be better, that there was a reason to return to the room when I had stormed out moments previously.
Greg Yaitanes has always maintained that feelings of outrage mean that in some way they are doing something good, because it means you are invested enough in the product to care. I can agree to an extent. The first few seasons were not perfect, but they were meaningful enough to me that, even when the show provided me with little entertainment, I felt compelled to keep watching. I felt a certain amount of loyalty to the program. Perhaps that makes me pathetic, but if you are reading this, I should think that you yourself have had some kind of emotional investment in this show as well and therefore should not throw stones. I know, I know: the insane ones in fandom are always the other fans, but let’s face facts: if you’re here, in the very least you are in the same asylum in which I reside. Maybe I am sad, creepy, etc, but people in glass nut farms shouldn’t throw stones at other patients. They’ll lobotomize you for that shit.
Resigned to my seemingly lifetime psychiatric commitment, I stuck with the show. I didn’t like the idea of making House/Cuddy a couple who had loved each other for years but who had never been able to date. That was not what I had envisioned for them, as the earlier canon did not suggest a love for the ages. Frankly, I would have been content with some friends with benefits action or casual sex that eventually turned into a relationship. I could deal with this creative choice, but it wasn’t something I loved.
That said, by the time House and Cuddy got together, the rest of the show had become sufficiently unpleasant or unmemorable that I guess by default, I did start to watch only for them. Don’t get me wrong: I had problems with the way their relationship was portrayed. “Now What” was great, because Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein look great naked, and that’s entertaining in and of itself. But if I mentally dress those two in burkhas and allow myself to focus on the writing, well, let’s be honest: it’s not good. I have never liked Doris Egan’s writing, but between the episode that aired and the unaired “Thunder Roadtrip,” she really outdid herself in the drivel department.
The part that really gets me though is the fact that, from after that point, all of the retconning, all of the proclamations that he was the most incredible man she’d ever known, etc - all of it was promptly forgotten. The problems that surfaced were treated as though these two people had no history, no fundamental understanding of one another. It’s not that I don’t get why Cuddy would hate being lied to or why a toothbrush created trouble; I do understand: relationships are almost never what you envision them to be. They are far more convoluted and dangerous and rewarding (or not) than you anticipated, and surely, a relationship with someone like House or Cuddy would make all of those adjectives all the more true.
At some point though, if all these easily anticipated issues keep creating problems, the question should arise: why are you continually being offended when you knew this is who I am? Or conversely, why are you unable to learn from your mistakes when you see how your behavior negatively impacts our relationship? These overarching questions were never asked, much less given any attempts at a resolution. Problems were brought up and superficially solved - she’ll give him another chance; he’ll apologize or confess that he’ll sacrifice patients to have her. These two intellectual characters who have outwitted and undermined one another for years will never look at their own behavior or each other’s, never question why they continue to have these problems. Cuddy says House is the most incredible man she’s ever known, but apparently, a relationship with the most incredible man she’s ever known isn’t important enough for self-reflection. House dreams of a relationship with her for years, but when he actually has her, she’s only worthy of cheap solutions, quick apologies without, again, any self-reflection.
Throw Cuddy’s mom into the mix, her illness, an illness for Cuddy herself, Rachel’s preschool problem - and what do you have at the end? You have an arc filled with superficial, melodramatic problems that always arise from the exterior of the relationship. Where are the deep and uncomfortable moments that force these two characters to look deeply at themselves? If you’re telling me that these people have been dying for a relationship since the beginning of time, why are we stuck on dime dilemmas and cheese doodle drama? Obviously, the show has the right to show and do what they want, but one of the most important principles of television or film is show, don’t tell. Don’t tell me that this is House’s sole chance of happiness; show me that. Don’t tell me that they are in love; show me that. If you say, “We’re going to Lake Tahoe,” don’t even fucking think that talking about Lake Tahoe is going to suffice. I need to see it, and simply put, House never demonstrated the love they kept moaning on about before the relationship began.
However, for a while there, I was willing to stick with it; I truly believed that eventually there would be the conversation or the fight that tied together all these smaller conflicts in a way that gave their relationship and the season gravitas. Instead we got “Bombshells.”
That was the episode where the veil was lifted. All this time, I had wanted to believe things could get better; the show could have the weight it did in earlier seasons, and if we were getting lighter fare, it was to build up to those important questions about the House/Cuddy relationship being asked. I fanwanked my heart out, ignoring criticisms other fans had of the show at that point. After “Bombshells,” there was no denying what I had pretended not to know: this was a show that had no creative ability left in it. For all of the talk about the hallucinations and how they were going to recreate certain shows or films, the product did not live up to the hype. Even if they had remained silent about what they were doing for 7x15, it still would have been a disappointment. Because watching it, I could see:
They had tried their best to outdo themselves; they’d pushed their imaginations in ways not yet done on the show, had stretched their actors’ abilities as much as they could. Yet, in spite of Lisa and Hugh’s amazing talents, it was still a failure. The show’s best, such as it was, was nothing short of awful, and in the terrible, reductive choreography and barely thought out writing, I could tell that the show I once loved was no more. It was a husk of its former self, creativity gone desiccated by age and arrogance. They’d thrown everything at the wall in the hopes that something would stick, that the glossy veneer of genre borrowing would blind us to the dead writing that even the worst fan fiction author could improve upon. Only one hallucination was to be about zombies, but all I saw were the living dead in this flaccid failure.
It was not - was not, I repeat indignantly - the fact that House and Cuddy broke up. I’m not a person who typically responds to happily ever after, saccharine tales that end with the white house, picket fence, and fifteen children. I never envisioned House and Cuddy as the epic pairing season 6 tried so hard to convince me of. Therefore I never believed it was meant to last. I just wanted from this what I want from any source of entertainment: intelligent writing that gives me greater understanding of and appreciation for the characters. With this, I received none of that.
Superficial fights and a hasty break up clouded by shallow artistic “vision”? Those weren’t the kind of things that made me fall in love with the show; it wouldn’t keep me as a viewer either.
Still maybe I could have dealt with all of that if there had been rewarding aftermath. I will never say that House sleeping with prostitutes or participating in dangerous behavior is out of character. What I will say is that, at this point, I needed more. If breaking up with Cuddy was truly the kind of loss, which inspired him to drive through her home, then that needed to be reflected in the tone of the show. In season three, when House had stolen the oxycodone and went on a binge, it was impossible to miss the self-destruction, the anger, and hurt beneath the surface. That undercurrent and nuance was missing from the scenes after “Bombshells.” Eventually, perhaps, we got there with “After Hours” and the beginning of “Moving On.” By then though, it was too late. There had been too many humorous scenes with prostitutes that lacked depth; there’d been the Dominika storyline, which couldn’t even properly articulate that, at that point, House was essentially bringing a woman into sexual slavery.
And maybe I could have dealt with the prostitute adventures, but the latter issue is not something I can respect. Again, I will never say that the writers have an obligation to please me; they are always and have always been free to do what they want. However, as a viewer, I have the right to think that their choices are offensive and/or inappropriate in some way. Marrying a stranger in need with the knowledge that she will wait on you (and your staff) hand and foot, that she will have sex with you when you want - that she will be your slave in exchange for a green card - constitutes sexual slavery or in the very least a high level of degradation. Of all the reasons offered as to why this was wrong, not once was it mentioned that there was a huge imbalance of power here, that House could have been seen as coercing this young woman into something she didn’t want to do. Maybe you want to fan wank that this cardboard cutout of a character was actually more than willing to sell herself, that this truly was a meeting of equals.
I could not, cannot, do the same.
Even if I could, “Moving On” would have destroyed any benefit of the doubt I might have had. The introduction of Dominika was the day I decided I wouldn’t be around for season 8. “Moving On” and Lisa leaving made following through on that choice easy.
Going into the season seven finale, I did still cling to some notion of hope. It is hard to explain why that is; the equation is a simple one: if entertainment is not entertaining, then the only solution is to no longer pay attention. The variable of human emotion makes the mathematics incredibly complicated though. I didn’t want to abandon this show; I didn’t want to believe that House would attempt to murder Cuddy or put her and her family in danger. For seven years, I had watched these characters. I had sympathized with them, loved them, rooted for their success, and felt keenly each of their disappointments. I did not wish for things to end so badly, did not ask to see something I love test my limits and ultimately leave me disappointed. In spite of all evidence, I hoped. I had foolish faith in the show, believed, regardless of what I’d been saying the whole time, that there would be something to change my mind - a moment where my heart would ache for House and all would be forgiven.
That didn’t happen. Attempted murder happened. Domestic violence happened. A decades long history and relationship between two characters was destroyed, in a manner that could never be repaired. If Lisa had renewed her contract, I wouldn’t have been able to watch. If Lisa had stayed, I could never stomach watching Cuddy forgive House after forty minutes of anger. The qualifications by Yaitanes, Shore, and company, the defenses, “He was just letting out some emotion” - all of that sickened me, sent me running from the show. I was done.
As much as I loved the show, as much as I loved those characters, I could not abide by that behavior and its subsequent whitewashing by the people who would be responsible for the aftermath. Disappointments over the years had driven me to the brink, but the last couple of episodes pushed me over the edge, and there was no going back.
The evident lack of appreciation for Lisa Edelstein just made the journey forward that much easier. If “Ka-boom” was the most they could muster for someone who worked side by side with them for seven years, there was no reason for me to cling to an attachment they wouldn’t respect anyway. There was no reason for me to stomach another second of that show, for, at that point, it was obvious that I would be putting far more effort into House than the creative team behind it was.
Like I said, I don’t hate anyone involved. I don’t think anyone is evil. I will always appreciate the years of entertainment I was given, love the characters as I choose to remember them, and mentally do my best to hold on to that picture of them - and forget that horrifying image of House leaving a shocked, scared, and hurt Cuddy holding a hairbrush. I make jokes and laugh and have fun, because the disappointment and loss I feel are so keen that I dare not dwell on those emotions for too long. If that makes me a bitter person, so be it. If that makes me a hater~, so be it. If that makes me a loser, okay. If you can still look at those characters and the state of the show and enjoy it, then more power to you, I say. Occasionally when I am in desperate want of the way things were, I wish I could set aside all of my irritation and anger. I know that I am not capable of that, however. I can be forgiving, but I can no longer forgive here.
I walked away when I could no longer find any good in the product, when I started to lose respect for those involved. I don’t think I could have done any more. I don’t think it’s right to ask.
Yet at the same time, I know that, for as ready as I am to be over it, there are moments where my anger is something I cannot repress. I believe that there is a litany of posts laden with various comparisons and metaphors to different animals’ shit out there that attest to this feeling I have. Every now and then I’ll find a comment from a fan on the Internet about the crazies that hang around iwatchforlisae or the negative people who fill the comment sections of posts on house_cuddy, and I understand that they very well could be talking about me. They should be thinking about me when they get angry, because I’m guilty, no doubt. I don’t pretend that I am sane, that the intense feelings I have with regard to the direction this show has taken aren’t anywhere near “normal.” I can only hope though that, by forcing myself to say all of this in one place, I will feel less beholden to my rage.
Here it is then: I am a bitter Huddy, and this is my rant.
Before I begin, I would like to point out two things. Firstly, I don’t care if you read this and disagree with me. That’s fine, but do not read this and then complain that my complaints have lessened your enjoyment of the program. If that’s going to happen to you, then please scroll on and away from this. Know what you can handle and act accordingly. Secondly, I’ll love it if you read this and agree with me. Under no circumstances, however, do I want you to tweet or email this to any of the PTB. I have never shared my feelings with any of those people, and frankly, I want to keep it that way. I acknowledge that they have a right to do whatever they want with their show, take it in whichever direction they choose, and therefore, I keep my thoughts to myself. If you hate them so much that you find it is necessary to treat those individuals as a receptacle for all of your frustration and disgust, then the very least you can do is use your own words. Leave me out of it.
Now that that’s out of the way, I suppose I should confess: yes, I only started watching this show for Lisa Edelstein. When I got my screener way back in the day, her face and name were the two things I was most drawn to. I’d loved her work in the Sorkin universe, and I wanted to see what she would be like without the strength of his words to guide her. I also loved Omar Epps’ work on ER, but I have been largely disappointed with everyone’s work after that particular show, so he was not the bigger draw here. Though I had surely seen several pieces of Hugh Laurie’s work, he was not a factor in my decision.
I watched the pilot to see Lisa, and ultimately I hated it. When I went to leave feedback for Fox as requested, I believe the phrase “Chester Cheetah orgasmed on this” was involved. Actually, it wasn’t, because I know for a fact that cheetah semen is too tame an analogy for me when it comes to insulting things I dislike.
Obviously though other episodes convinced me that the show was good and had promise; Chester had been asked to tuck it back in his pants and move on to other things. With that came an expansion of my reasons for watching the show. No doubt, Lisa remained the one who most captured my attention, but people tend to assume a few things when someone admits to something like that. Let’s go through the list:
1). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means you think she is perfect and everyone else on the show is an asshole. I do not think Lisa is perfect. Sometimes she acts scenes in a way that does not resonate with me (example: Airborne). Sometimes her personal beliefs are questionable, and I have no problem voicing, for instance, that it is an unfortunate turn of events that she has advocated Cesar Milan’s abusive, outdated methods of dog training. She’s great, but she is still human, and therefore, there are moments - like when she tried to make her cat vegan - where I will side eye the shit out of her.
The same can be said for any of the other individuals involved with this show. They are all human beings with good and bad points, and it is in my nature to speak of the negative more than the positive. Yet I understand that no one involved is evil. Sometimes I don’t like the things Hugh Laurie says or does. As I would feel with anyone else, there are moments where I do not agree with or appreciate his words or actions - or with what David Shore says or does, etc. It happens, and when I strongly disagree, I say something. I am not equating anyone with Hitler however, and it’s a waste of everyone’s time to treat mild criticism like enormous, personal insults.
2). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means you can only enjoy episodes that feature her and you demand that every scene revolve around her, because you believe the show should be called Cuddy. Cuddy is one of the characters that intrigues me the most; I won’t deny it, although Steve McQueen is truly my favorite character of them all. However, I am perfectly capable of understanding that House is the center of this particular universe. He should be. Although this show suffers from insufficient secondary characters, there can be no denying that Hugh Laurie onscreen is a fundamentally good thing.
He is an amazing actor, and anyone who denies that should probably check into the hospital, because you have clearly fallen down and hit your head on something hard and are currently gushing blood from your large head wound. Really, stop reading this, and call 911 because you’re about to die if you’re so injured that you think Hugh sucks. He is incredible. I think the show pays a huge price for hiring individuals who are nowhere near as talented or electric as he is (although I admit finding people in that league is hard as, indeed, people of that caliber are rare in life). If I wanted more scenes with Cuddy, it is because I believe that Lisa Edelstein can match him on that level. The same can be said for RSL; the show did/does itself a disservice by not giving those two members of its supporting cast larger roles and arcs. House is the center, but a character like that should be amplified by other amazing characters, Hugh elevated by the work from his supporting actors. If you had any doubts as to how I feel about Hugh Laurie from point one, please use this point to enlighten yourself. I make lots of jokes about his dick, sure, and yes, it may be my dream in life to be the mistress he has all the kinky sex with (you know, there’s always the one they wear the women’s lingerie or adult diapers with, the one woman they trust to do the sick shit with). But fundamentally, I respect his abilities as an actor, musician, writer, and director.
3). Being a Lisa Edelstein fan means that you only stopped watching the show, because the producers didn’t make the show entirely about her. By the time Lisa announced that she was leaving, I was already near the door if not full out the damn thing. If she had stayed, I’m not sure I would have been able to convince myself to watch for her. Her not coming back for season 8 made this habit of watching a lot easier to break. However, there were considerable issues for me besides “My favorite won’t be around anymore.” Indeed, if the show still worked for me on any level, I would have waved Lisa goodbye and kept watching.
That said, the show has not worked in any way for me for a long time. This is older than “Moving On” or “Bombshells,” which it seems Bitter “Bitter Huddy” Haters like to assume is the root of the problem. This is not about the break up.
Truth be told, House was never perfect to me. Every season had things I didn’t like, moments that didn’t sit well with me. That should be obvious, of course; you can’t love everything equally. When they hired Olivia Wilde over Anne Dudek, I was disappointed. When they couldn’t even create a coherent reason to fire Amber, I was angry. When season 4 ended and only the final two episodes gave the season any gravitas, I was again disappointed. Season 5 irritated me with, among other things, the adoption storyline that catered to common, dangerous stereotypes of adoption and the show becoming centered on Thirteen in a way that damaged one overall premise of the show: that House is uniquely genius. All of the retconning to create House/Cuddy as an epic couple that was meant to be, the Lucas storyline, Chase killing someone, the offensively awful season 6 opener (which conveniently ignored everything that put House in a mental hospital) - all of those things slowly chipped away at my love for the show. There were times when I had to convince myself that next week would be better, that there was a reason to return to the room when I had stormed out moments previously.
Greg Yaitanes has always maintained that feelings of outrage mean that in some way they are doing something good, because it means you are invested enough in the product to care. I can agree to an extent. The first few seasons were not perfect, but they were meaningful enough to me that, even when the show provided me with little entertainment, I felt compelled to keep watching. I felt a certain amount of loyalty to the program. Perhaps that makes me pathetic, but if you are reading this, I should think that you yourself have had some kind of emotional investment in this show as well and therefore should not throw stones. I know, I know: the insane ones in fandom are always the other fans, but let’s face facts: if you’re here, in the very least you are in the same asylum in which I reside. Maybe I am sad, creepy, etc, but people in glass nut farms shouldn’t throw stones at other patients. They’ll lobotomize you for that shit.
Resigned to my seemingly lifetime psychiatric commitment, I stuck with the show. I didn’t like the idea of making House/Cuddy a couple who had loved each other for years but who had never been able to date. That was not what I had envisioned for them, as the earlier canon did not suggest a love for the ages. Frankly, I would have been content with some friends with benefits action or casual sex that eventually turned into a relationship. I could deal with this creative choice, but it wasn’t something I loved.
That said, by the time House and Cuddy got together, the rest of the show had become sufficiently unpleasant or unmemorable that I guess by default, I did start to watch only for them. Don’t get me wrong: I had problems with the way their relationship was portrayed. “Now What” was great, because Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein look great naked, and that’s entertaining in and of itself. But if I mentally dress those two in burkhas and allow myself to focus on the writing, well, let’s be honest: it’s not good. I have never liked Doris Egan’s writing, but between the episode that aired and the unaired “Thunder Roadtrip,” she really outdid herself in the drivel department.
The part that really gets me though is the fact that, from after that point, all of the retconning, all of the proclamations that he was the most incredible man she’d ever known, etc - all of it was promptly forgotten. The problems that surfaced were treated as though these two people had no history, no fundamental understanding of one another. It’s not that I don’t get why Cuddy would hate being lied to or why a toothbrush created trouble; I do understand: relationships are almost never what you envision them to be. They are far more convoluted and dangerous and rewarding (or not) than you anticipated, and surely, a relationship with someone like House or Cuddy would make all of those adjectives all the more true.
At some point though, if all these easily anticipated issues keep creating problems, the question should arise: why are you continually being offended when you knew this is who I am? Or conversely, why are you unable to learn from your mistakes when you see how your behavior negatively impacts our relationship? These overarching questions were never asked, much less given any attempts at a resolution. Problems were brought up and superficially solved - she’ll give him another chance; he’ll apologize or confess that he’ll sacrifice patients to have her. These two intellectual characters who have outwitted and undermined one another for years will never look at their own behavior or each other’s, never question why they continue to have these problems. Cuddy says House is the most incredible man she’s ever known, but apparently, a relationship with the most incredible man she’s ever known isn’t important enough for self-reflection. House dreams of a relationship with her for years, but when he actually has her, she’s only worthy of cheap solutions, quick apologies without, again, any self-reflection.
Throw Cuddy’s mom into the mix, her illness, an illness for Cuddy herself, Rachel’s preschool problem - and what do you have at the end? You have an arc filled with superficial, melodramatic problems that always arise from the exterior of the relationship. Where are the deep and uncomfortable moments that force these two characters to look deeply at themselves? If you’re telling me that these people have been dying for a relationship since the beginning of time, why are we stuck on dime dilemmas and cheese doodle drama? Obviously, the show has the right to show and do what they want, but one of the most important principles of television or film is show, don’t tell. Don’t tell me that this is House’s sole chance of happiness; show me that. Don’t tell me that they are in love; show me that. If you say, “We’re going to Lake Tahoe,” don’t even fucking think that talking about Lake Tahoe is going to suffice. I need to see it, and simply put, House never demonstrated the love they kept moaning on about before the relationship began.
However, for a while there, I was willing to stick with it; I truly believed that eventually there would be the conversation or the fight that tied together all these smaller conflicts in a way that gave their relationship and the season gravitas. Instead we got “Bombshells.”
That was the episode where the veil was lifted. All this time, I had wanted to believe things could get better; the show could have the weight it did in earlier seasons, and if we were getting lighter fare, it was to build up to those important questions about the House/Cuddy relationship being asked. I fanwanked my heart out, ignoring criticisms other fans had of the show at that point. After “Bombshells,” there was no denying what I had pretended not to know: this was a show that had no creative ability left in it. For all of the talk about the hallucinations and how they were going to recreate certain shows or films, the product did not live up to the hype. Even if they had remained silent about what they were doing for 7x15, it still would have been a disappointment. Because watching it, I could see:
They had tried their best to outdo themselves; they’d pushed their imaginations in ways not yet done on the show, had stretched their actors’ abilities as much as they could. Yet, in spite of Lisa and Hugh’s amazing talents, it was still a failure. The show’s best, such as it was, was nothing short of awful, and in the terrible, reductive choreography and barely thought out writing, I could tell that the show I once loved was no more. It was a husk of its former self, creativity gone desiccated by age and arrogance. They’d thrown everything at the wall in the hopes that something would stick, that the glossy veneer of genre borrowing would blind us to the dead writing that even the worst fan fiction author could improve upon. Only one hallucination was to be about zombies, but all I saw were the living dead in this flaccid failure.
It was not - was not, I repeat indignantly - the fact that House and Cuddy broke up. I’m not a person who typically responds to happily ever after, saccharine tales that end with the white house, picket fence, and fifteen children. I never envisioned House and Cuddy as the epic pairing season 6 tried so hard to convince me of. Therefore I never believed it was meant to last. I just wanted from this what I want from any source of entertainment: intelligent writing that gives me greater understanding of and appreciation for the characters. With this, I received none of that.
Superficial fights and a hasty break up clouded by shallow artistic “vision”? Those weren’t the kind of things that made me fall in love with the show; it wouldn’t keep me as a viewer either.
Still maybe I could have dealt with all of that if there had been rewarding aftermath. I will never say that House sleeping with prostitutes or participating in dangerous behavior is out of character. What I will say is that, at this point, I needed more. If breaking up with Cuddy was truly the kind of loss, which inspired him to drive through her home, then that needed to be reflected in the tone of the show. In season three, when House had stolen the oxycodone and went on a binge, it was impossible to miss the self-destruction, the anger, and hurt beneath the surface. That undercurrent and nuance was missing from the scenes after “Bombshells.” Eventually, perhaps, we got there with “After Hours” and the beginning of “Moving On.” By then though, it was too late. There had been too many humorous scenes with prostitutes that lacked depth; there’d been the Dominika storyline, which couldn’t even properly articulate that, at that point, House was essentially bringing a woman into sexual slavery.
And maybe I could have dealt with the prostitute adventures, but the latter issue is not something I can respect. Again, I will never say that the writers have an obligation to please me; they are always and have always been free to do what they want. However, as a viewer, I have the right to think that their choices are offensive and/or inappropriate in some way. Marrying a stranger in need with the knowledge that she will wait on you (and your staff) hand and foot, that she will have sex with you when you want - that she will be your slave in exchange for a green card - constitutes sexual slavery or in the very least a high level of degradation. Of all the reasons offered as to why this was wrong, not once was it mentioned that there was a huge imbalance of power here, that House could have been seen as coercing this young woman into something she didn’t want to do. Maybe you want to fan wank that this cardboard cutout of a character was actually more than willing to sell herself, that this truly was a meeting of equals.
I could not, cannot, do the same.
Even if I could, “Moving On” would have destroyed any benefit of the doubt I might have had. The introduction of Dominika was the day I decided I wouldn’t be around for season 8. “Moving On” and Lisa leaving made following through on that choice easy.
Going into the season seven finale, I did still cling to some notion of hope. It is hard to explain why that is; the equation is a simple one: if entertainment is not entertaining, then the only solution is to no longer pay attention. The variable of human emotion makes the mathematics incredibly complicated though. I didn’t want to abandon this show; I didn’t want to believe that House would attempt to murder Cuddy or put her and her family in danger. For seven years, I had watched these characters. I had sympathized with them, loved them, rooted for their success, and felt keenly each of their disappointments. I did not wish for things to end so badly, did not ask to see something I love test my limits and ultimately leave me disappointed. In spite of all evidence, I hoped. I had foolish faith in the show, believed, regardless of what I’d been saying the whole time, that there would be something to change my mind - a moment where my heart would ache for House and all would be forgiven.
That didn’t happen. Attempted murder happened. Domestic violence happened. A decades long history and relationship between two characters was destroyed, in a manner that could never be repaired. If Lisa had renewed her contract, I wouldn’t have been able to watch. If Lisa had stayed, I could never stomach watching Cuddy forgive House after forty minutes of anger. The qualifications by Yaitanes, Shore, and company, the defenses, “He was just letting out some emotion” - all of that sickened me, sent me running from the show. I was done.
As much as I loved the show, as much as I loved those characters, I could not abide by that behavior and its subsequent whitewashing by the people who would be responsible for the aftermath. Disappointments over the years had driven me to the brink, but the last couple of episodes pushed me over the edge, and there was no going back.
The evident lack of appreciation for Lisa Edelstein just made the journey forward that much easier. If “Ka-boom” was the most they could muster for someone who worked side by side with them for seven years, there was no reason for me to cling to an attachment they wouldn’t respect anyway. There was no reason for me to stomach another second of that show, for, at that point, it was obvious that I would be putting far more effort into House than the creative team behind it was.
Like I said, I don’t hate anyone involved. I don’t think anyone is evil. I will always appreciate the years of entertainment I was given, love the characters as I choose to remember them, and mentally do my best to hold on to that picture of them - and forget that horrifying image of House leaving a shocked, scared, and hurt Cuddy holding a hairbrush. I make jokes and laugh and have fun, because the disappointment and loss I feel are so keen that I dare not dwell on those emotions for too long. If that makes me a bitter person, so be it. If that makes me a hater~, so be it. If that makes me a loser, okay. If you can still look at those characters and the state of the show and enjoy it, then more power to you, I say. Occasionally when I am in desperate want of the way things were, I wish I could set aside all of my irritation and anger. I know that I am not capable of that, however. I can be forgiving, but I can no longer forgive here.
I walked away when I could no longer find any good in the product, when I started to lose respect for those involved. I don’t think I could have done any more. I don’t think it’s right to ask.