ZOMG Neuticles!
Heh, this actually started off with only one rant in mind, but my ire has ballooned to include a bunch of different things, lol. My crusty bitchiness knows no bounds, people.
Complaint the first -- At Broadway Barks this year, Bernadette Peters hinted towards something big coming up in the fall/winter for her. That thing turns out to be a benefit concert, which I'm not all that excited over, but whatever. The real fail here comes in the form of the promotional poster being used for the whole thing. Why the FUCK is she photoshopped in the face that much??? Yes, she's 61, but she looks like she's 30 maybe. In person too, for what it's worth. Normally, I'm all for photoshop, but come on. This woman is already freakishly young looking; you don't need to do anything extra.
Complaint the second -- Okay, lets talk about the new CSI: Miami castmate, Eddie Cibrian. I first "discovered" Eddie in Baywatch Nights. Yes, I watched that show religiously. Shut up. There was Angie Harmon in her white satin bra with flowers on it, and that was enough of an incentive for me. Before recent events, I didn't really give a crap about Eddie; my past experience with him as an actor is embarrassing for me, but I didn't have strong feelings one way or the other. I think it's plain idiotic to cheat on your wife in a public restaurant with a z-list celebrity, but whatever. That's not really worth ranting over.
What is worth some stank words, however, is his recent interview with Entertainment Tonight. They asked him about his affair and pending divorce, and this is what he said: "When you reach a certain point in your career, you're placed in this unfair fishbowl... But the fact is I love my family dearly, and I'm a great father."
And now I have to call shenanigans on all of that shit. First of all, "reach a certain point in your career?" BITCH PLZ. You're on one of the worst shows in television (lets be honest). You're working with a bloated whale David Caruso. You ain't Brad Pitt. Especially when you only got the job after you cheated on your wife and people remembered that you still existed, lets not act like you're a true celebrity. Cause you're not.
Secondly, it's the circumstances of him getting the job -- that his affair essentially made him "relevant" again -- that makes me have absolutely no sympathy for his "unfair fishbowl." If you're going to use destroying two marriages to your advantage, then people have the right to tell you to fuck off. Actually, lets simplify that -- if you're going to destroy two marriages, you should expect that people aren't going to unanimously give you a pat on the back. You made a choice; people are going to judge you for the choices you make. That's the way life is.
Thirdly, I'm going to go ahead and say it: if you loved your family dearly, if you were a great father, you probably would have thought of them a little bit more when you decided to make out with your mistress in the middle of a restaurant. You would have kept your affair on the DL; you would have Charlie Sheened your shit by using prostitutes... or you know, you would have not cheated on your wife. This may be completely old-fashioned, but I believe that part of being a great father is having respect for the mother (or other father) of your children.
Fourthly, if you say you're a great parent, I'm automatically going to assume that you're kinda really not. I think if you're any good at all, you realize that there are ways you could be so much better; you realize what your shortcomings are. You realize that, since your kids are young, Eddie, that there's plenty of time to fuck them up, LOL. If you say, "Oh, I'm a great dad," then where's the motivation to improve?
Complaint the third -- Continuing on with pretty people... I was watching an episode of Sex and the City last night. It was from season 5, so clearly the tension between Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker had reached an all-time high... and that translated into the treatment of the characters and as a result my hatred for Carrie Bradshaw really arises when I watch this season. Samantha might have slept with a lot of people, but she was nothing if not an amazing friend, and it really bothers me that Carrie would be so judgmental. I mean, aside from the fact that Carrie was pretty much equally slutty (and even more uppity about it), she depended on Samantha a lot. Who does Carrie go to for advice over cheating with big? Sam. Who does Carrie ask for advice when it comes to her book cover? Sam. Who bites the bullet and removes Carrie's diaphragm when it gets stuck inside of Carrie? Samantha.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I just think that you shouldn't be so quick to judge and dismiss friends who are willing to finger you just so you won't have to go to the doctor's and admit that your shit for brains lost a diaphragm. LOL.
Complaint the fourth -- As an addendum to my last House related rant, I would like to add the following: My anger towards the House creative staff isn't about a lack of Chase and Cameron. Honestly, I say fuck Chase and Cameron... and 90% of the characters on that show, lol. That's not the issue. I just believe that if you're going to keep saying, "Oh we're going to bring them back in a totally ~*awesome*~ way," you should, you know, do that. And I could even possibly accept the lying (or to be kinder, the failure to follow through on the promise) if there weren't such arrogance from Shore and Jacobs. Seriously, who makes up a word to describe how "left of center" and creative what they're doing is?! And time out, if everything you're doing is "Housian," then isn't everything you're doing just typical and what's expected of you and not nearly as ballsy as you think it is??? Getting rid of Chase, Cameron, and Foreman at the end of season 3 was ballsy, sure. But following it up with lame plot contrivance after lame plot contrivance that only undermines whatever strength the characters ended season 3 with is not ballsy. If anything, the last two seasons have castrated whatever balls there might have been.
Complaint the fifth -- Rule 34 of the Internet states that, if it exists, there must be porn of it. The past week I've gone trolling (not necessarily for pornographic) fic and have come up with nothing for two ships. And YET there is Lion King porn fic. D: Why, Simba, why?!
Complaint the first -- At Broadway Barks this year, Bernadette Peters hinted towards something big coming up in the fall/winter for her. That thing turns out to be a benefit concert, which I'm not all that excited over, but whatever. The real fail here comes in the form of the promotional poster being used for the whole thing. Why the FUCK is she photoshopped in the face that much??? Yes, she's 61, but she looks like she's 30 maybe. In person too, for what it's worth. Normally, I'm all for photoshop, but come on. This woman is already freakishly young looking; you don't need to do anything extra.
Complaint the second -- Okay, lets talk about the new CSI: Miami castmate, Eddie Cibrian. I first "discovered" Eddie in Baywatch Nights. Yes, I watched that show religiously. Shut up. There was Angie Harmon in her white satin bra with flowers on it, and that was enough of an incentive for me. Before recent events, I didn't really give a crap about Eddie; my past experience with him as an actor is embarrassing for me, but I didn't have strong feelings one way or the other. I think it's plain idiotic to cheat on your wife in a public restaurant with a z-list celebrity, but whatever. That's not really worth ranting over.
What is worth some stank words, however, is his recent interview with Entertainment Tonight. They asked him about his affair and pending divorce, and this is what he said: "When you reach a certain point in your career, you're placed in this unfair fishbowl... But the fact is I love my family dearly, and I'm a great father."
And now I have to call shenanigans on all of that shit. First of all, "reach a certain point in your career?" BITCH PLZ. You're on one of the worst shows in television (lets be honest). You're working with a bloated whale David Caruso. You ain't Brad Pitt. Especially when you only got the job after you cheated on your wife and people remembered that you still existed, lets not act like you're a true celebrity. Cause you're not.
Secondly, it's the circumstances of him getting the job -- that his affair essentially made him "relevant" again -- that makes me have absolutely no sympathy for his "unfair fishbowl." If you're going to use destroying two marriages to your advantage, then people have the right to tell you to fuck off. Actually, lets simplify that -- if you're going to destroy two marriages, you should expect that people aren't going to unanimously give you a pat on the back. You made a choice; people are going to judge you for the choices you make. That's the way life is.
Thirdly, I'm going to go ahead and say it: if you loved your family dearly, if you were a great father, you probably would have thought of them a little bit more when you decided to make out with your mistress in the middle of a restaurant. You would have kept your affair on the DL; you would have Charlie Sheened your shit by using prostitutes... or you know, you would have not cheated on your wife. This may be completely old-fashioned, but I believe that part of being a great father is having respect for the mother (or other father) of your children.
Fourthly, if you say you're a great parent, I'm automatically going to assume that you're kinda really not. I think if you're any good at all, you realize that there are ways you could be so much better; you realize what your shortcomings are. You realize that, since your kids are young, Eddie, that there's plenty of time to fuck them up, LOL. If you say, "Oh, I'm a great dad," then where's the motivation to improve?
Complaint the third -- Continuing on with pretty people... I was watching an episode of Sex and the City last night. It was from season 5, so clearly the tension between Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker had reached an all-time high... and that translated into the treatment of the characters and as a result my hatred for Carrie Bradshaw really arises when I watch this season. Samantha might have slept with a lot of people, but she was nothing if not an amazing friend, and it really bothers me that Carrie would be so judgmental. I mean, aside from the fact that Carrie was pretty much equally slutty (and even more uppity about it), she depended on Samantha a lot. Who does Carrie go to for advice over cheating with big? Sam. Who does Carrie ask for advice when it comes to her book cover? Sam. Who bites the bullet and removes Carrie's diaphragm when it gets stuck inside of Carrie? Samantha.
Maybe I'm crazy, but I just think that you shouldn't be so quick to judge and dismiss friends who are willing to finger you just so you won't have to go to the doctor's and admit that your shit for brains lost a diaphragm. LOL.
Complaint the fourth -- As an addendum to my last House related rant, I would like to add the following: My anger towards the House creative staff isn't about a lack of Chase and Cameron. Honestly, I say fuck Chase and Cameron... and 90% of the characters on that show, lol. That's not the issue. I just believe that if you're going to keep saying, "Oh we're going to bring them back in a totally ~*awesome*~ way," you should, you know, do that. And I could even possibly accept the lying (or to be kinder, the failure to follow through on the promise) if there weren't such arrogance from Shore and Jacobs. Seriously, who makes up a word to describe how "left of center" and creative what they're doing is?! And time out, if everything you're doing is "Housian," then isn't everything you're doing just typical and what's expected of you and not nearly as ballsy as you think it is??? Getting rid of Chase, Cameron, and Foreman at the end of season 3 was ballsy, sure. But following it up with lame plot contrivance after lame plot contrivance that only undermines whatever strength the characters ended season 3 with is not ballsy. If anything, the last two seasons have castrated whatever balls there might have been.
Complaint the fifth -- Rule 34 of the Internet states that, if it exists, there must be porn of it. The past week I've gone trolling (not necessarily for pornographic) fic and have come up with nothing for two ships. And YET there is Lion King porn fic. D: Why, Simba, why?!