Fanfiction: Hard Times in Bad Lands
Title: Hard Times in Bad Lands
Rating: PG-13
Prompt/Inspiration: “Help Me”, 6x22
Ship: House/Murphy, Cuddy/Lucas
Author’s Note: Look, we all know I have an unhealthy addiction to Mouse and I’ve been dying to write it ever since I saw the finale. Thanks to clinic_duty I got my hands on a transcript and got to writing. Here it is, the Mouse version of the House season finale. Once again, I’ve tried to blend some RP canon into House canon and make it a believable rewrite. It feels so good to write Mouse again, so good. And by the way, long fic is long.
The title of the fic is from “Good Man” by Josh Ritter
---
“Walski, we need a dog!” Captain McCreaney’s voice came through both radios, creating an odd stereo effect over the sounds of saws, triage and the injured.
Murphy grabbed a hold of a half-collapsed wall, feet sliding just a few inches on the concrete rubble before she got her balance. Walski and his search and rescue dog Boomer didn’t slip an inch, but this was their job. She was only familiar with the basics of search and rescue, but anyone with any training had been called to the scene in Trenton.
A large construction crane had fallen over right onto the office building next door. The building was practically cut in half now and a disaster zone. The Trenton PD didn’t have the man power to handle it on its own, so the call went out to other departments, hospitals, anyone who could help was there including Murphy. After 9/11 she and a few other cops had taken a two week long course in search and rescue. The simulated situations were nothing like this though.
The air was thick with noise from helicopters, the crowds, EMTs and firemen shouting back and forth all over the cries of the injured. She was already covered in dust and had only been on the scene for maybe two hours, going through some of the rougher spots with Walski and his dog. They hadn’t found anyone alive yet.
Walski looked at her then down to his dog. “Ready to go, fella?”
Murphy grabbed her radio, “Where are we headed, Captain?”
“East side of the building, look for the broken vending machine, you’ll hear us.”
“Got it.”
They carefully made their way down from the collapsed floor they were searching and moved to the east side. They didn’t need the vending machine to find the quickly assembled rescue team. The crowd got the dog’s attention and they followed him to where the Captain was. With him were two familiar faces. Murphy almost paused when she saw House and Cuddy standing on either side of the Captain. They shared a brief look of familiarity before the dog was off with his handler and Murphy had to follow.
“If you can hear me, tap three times or call out. Is anyone there?” Captain MCreaney yelled down an opening where there was nothing but darkness. Even though she was following after the dog, she strained her ears to listen for any response. She couldn’t hear a thing and neither could the search and rescue worker with the high tech listening device.
He shook his head after a minute. “I’m not getting anything.”
“I heard something, there’s gotta be a void down there,” House argued.
Murphy tried to ignore the conversation and focus on her footing. One wrong move and she could end up taking a pretty bad fall.
“There’s a million voids down there. It was the parking garage. But the equipment hasn’t picked up any movement. Dogs haven’t picked up any scent.”
She agreed with the Captain, even though House had his “I’m right, you’re completely wrong” tone going. Boomer wasn’t alerting to anything and he had already been back and forth over most of the rubble.
“There’s mashed cars down there. The gasoline would throw off their scent?” House hazarded, but McCreaney shook his head.
“Look, we’ve gotta get back to work, okay? We’ll get to this area soon. Excuse me.”
“You just can’t…”
“Captain,” Murphy called, half walking, half sliding down some rubble. “I’ll search with him. We don’t want him doing down there without a radio. Give us thirty minutes and if we don’t find anything I’ll drag his ass topside.”
The Captain looked her over for a moment then gave a sharp nod. “Thirty minutes.”
With a whistle from McCreaney everyone began to pack up. Murphy moved out of the way, standing with House as everyone moved out, including Cuddy who only spared a brief look in House’s direction. She got the feeling something passed between the two doctors in that look but said nothing.
“Ready?” she asked when things were mostly clear.
She didn’t get an answer. House was already gone and searching the area. He whacked a pipe with his cane, considered the sound and began to follow it. The pipe led to another opening, once again leading down into deep, black seemingly endless nothing.
“So, you heard it from over here?” She looked down into the hole with him, frowning slightly.
He nodded. “Right down there.”
“Well then.” She took a deep breath and started down the hole. She had never had a problem with tight spaces or dark places before but none of those places ever had thousands of pounds of building over them. It was a little unnerving to make her way down. Thank God she had a headlamp otherwise she wouldn’t have even tried.
“Anybody heard me?” House yelled over his shoulder, following her down. “Hey! Anybody hear me?”
There was no answer. Nothing but falling rubble and the echoes from above. She looked over her shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow and silently asking if he was sure about this. She got a flashlight beam in her face as an answer. Yeah, he was sure.
Together, they moved carefully down a slight slope until they hit the bottom where a metal door blocked the way. Murphy kicked out with both legs and the door snapped open to more blackness and a lower ceiling. Great. House went ahead of her this time, searching through the darkness with the tip of his cane and flashlight beam.
They both jumped when a hand shot out from the darkness and grabbed his cane.
“Christ,” she muttered under her breath before crawling forward towards the hand. They both pushed rubble and brushed dust away, revealing a woman. She looked at them, eyes wide in the low light.
“Help me,” she said, still holding tight to House’s cane.
“Captain, we found someone,” Murphy said into her radio. “We’ve got a live victim.”
“Rodger, we’re heading back.”
“Don’t leave me,” the woman begged.
“We’re not leaving.” Murphy eased the woman’s hand from around House’s cane, her tone gentle but confident. “I’m Lieutenant Murphy, this is Dr. House. He’s going to check you out. Just stay calm for us, okay?”
“Please… my husband’s gift. I was supposed to pick it up at the framer’s. It’s on Elm.”
“Well, you should have told me earlier. I could have picked it up on the way.” House began to check the woman over, passing the flashlight to Murphy. “What’s your name?”
“It’s a picture from our Tortola trip. For his birthday.”
“I’m not asking your name because I wanna become friends. I’m trying to gauge your mental state.”
Murphy could hear the eye roll in House’s voice even if he was focused on the task at hand. In the beam of the flashlight she couldn’t see any serious injuries, but she wasn’t sure she’d recognize if there were any. She just followed his hands with the light, trying to make it easier for him to see.
“Hanna,” the woman said, looking between her and House.
“Okay, that’s a start. What day of the week is it? Move the light down lower.”
She did as ordered, moving the beam down, following the path of House’s hands as they quickly worked over Hanna.
“Tuesday.”
Murphy stopped moving the light when it illuminated a concrete beam that was crushing the woman’s right leg. She cursed in her head but didn’t say anything that could alarm Hanna. House didn’t say anything either.
“Better still.”
“What happened?”
“The construction crane collapsed onto the building,” Murphy said, drawing the woman’s attention to her while House looked around the cramped space they found themselves in, then he took a hold of Hanna’s leg and pulled.
“Ow!” Hanna cried out, hands scrambling against the ground. “My leg! Oh! Oh! Oh!”
House stopped pulling and Hanna trailed off into whimpering breathes. Murphy found her hand and squeezed it tightly. Hanna almost crushed her hand in return, but she pretended like nothing happened.
“Where’s that help you asked for?” House looked pointedly at Murphy’s radio.
“They’re working on it,” she shrugged.
“Whew… I’m gonna tell them where we are,” House said, shifting towards the way they came through.
“No, stay! Someone else will come.”
“I’ll stay,” Murphy said, squeezing the hand she was holding. “Don’t worry, we won’t leave you down here.”
“I’ll be right back.” House held out a hand for the flashlight and though she hesitated a second, she handed it over.
“Don’t leave me in the dark,” Hanna begged, but it didn’t seem to get to House. He was already moving away.
“I know it’s not much, but don’t worry. We’ve still got light.” She made sure Hanna could see the headlamp and the soft beam of light that kept them both from being swallowed by complete blackness.
---
With House leading the way, rescue workers found her and Hanna a few minutes later. It felt like an eternity to Murphy. She had never been more aware of a space before in her life. It was a cowardly move on her part but once the lights were set up and EMTS were working on Hanna, Murphy fled topside. She gulped in a deep breath of air, not very fresh with all the dust but a hell of a lot better than what she had been breathing before.
“Claustrophobic?” House asked from behind her.
She drew her shoulders up before facing him. “I noticed you didn’t volunteer to stay down there while I went to get help.”
“You snooze you lose,” she said flippantly, making her roll her eyes. “You haven’t been around the hospital.”
“So?”
She hadn’t. She had been avoiding the hospital and they both knew why. Their affair or friendly sex or whatever the hell they had been doing had stopped. For weeks now she had stayed out of the picture while House went around chasing after Cuddy. It had all started after he found out Cuddy was with Lucas. She wasn’t interested in her, or at least not as interested in her as Cuddy. So, she stepped back and stayed out of it. She was never supposed to be permanent anyway.
“So, how’d you end up here?”
Good, they weren’t going to discuss it. She could live with that.
“I’ve had some search and rescue training. My Captain said they needed volunteers and I volunteered. How much arm twisting did it take to get you here?”
She couldn’t imagine House volunteering to help with a disaster like this and not just because he was House and he didn’t care about things like this but it couldn’t be easy for him to get around a scene like this with his leg.
“Would you believe me if I said I volunteered?”
“No.”
“Great, I’ll skip it. Now if you excuse me I have a patient to diagnose.”
“She’s got a building on her leg, diagnosis over.”
“Wrong patient.” House whipped out his cellphone and limped away from her.
Murphy watched him go then shook her head at herself. She was in the middle of a disaster scene and she wanted to make House talk to her. Her priorities needed some serious work. Christ. She took another breath of clean air, turned on her heel and went back down into the hole. If House wasn’t going to stay with Hanna, she would.
The EMTs were still with Hanna, quietly discussing something between them while Captain McCreaney and his team set up drills and shored up the scene with wooden planks and wedges. She dodged her way over to Hanna’s side and picked up her hand again.
“Sorry,” she said, but didn’t explain why she left. Hanna seemed like a smart woman. She could probably figure it out on her own.
Hanna managed a strained half-smile. “It’s okay.”
“We’re going to need a doctor for this,” the EMT said, gesturing to an IV bag they had set up.
“Go get one. I’ve got it.”
She was surprised House came down a few minutes later. Apparently EMTs struggling with an IV bag were enough to bring him back down. She had expected another doctor, maybe Cuddy, would show up, not House himself. Murphy wondered if it was just because he wanted to show off. She told herself to stop assuming when it came to House.
“Told ya I’d be back,” House said as he inched his way over to Hanna’s side with a medical kit. “Heard you might be thirsty.”
“Ahh…” Captain McCreaney said when his drilling stopped. He’d been working on the beam for a few minutes now. It didn’t look good to Murphy.
“I assume that bodes well for the rescue?”
“Structural beam. High compression concrete. I can’t break it up.”
“You can’t get me outta here?” Hanna looked towards the Captain, then at the beam on her leg.
“Naw. Just means we gotta move on to a different piece of equipment. I got airbags comin’ in that’ll lift 70 tons.”
While the Captain talked, Murphy watched House prepare a really large needle and IV bag. This was going to hurt. She already had a hold of Hanna’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
“You said your name is Murphy?” Hanna asked, looking to her.
She nodded, “Good mental state.”
“I’m gonna be stuck down here for a while.”
“I didn’t have anything better to do with my evening.” She shrugged and managed a motherly smile.
“Little pinch,” House warned.
Apparently it was more than a little pinch. Hanna sat up, crying out in pain and crushing Murphy’s hand in hers.
“Okay. Big pinch.”
She rolled her eyes and shot House a look which he ignored.
“I gotta call my husband,” Hanna interrupted, looking towards her. “Can I use your phone?”
“I didn’t bring mine. House has one.”
“Hold this high,” House shoved the IV bag at her. “No bars down here. L’chaim.”
“House!” she scolded, but he was already crawling out. She rolled her eyes and glared after his retreating back.
“Where is he going?” Hanna asked her.
She shrugged. “Where ever he thinks he can.”
“You know him.”
She glanced down at Hanna. “We’re… friends.”
Sort of.
---
“The way things fell, this support beam is now holding up a giant pile of rubble. We can’t lift it without jeopardizing everyone down here. So it’s time to discuss amputation.”
Murphy knew the Captain was talking to the doctors, Cuddy had joined them down in the hole at Captain McCreaney’s request, but she caught his quick glance at Hanna who was definitely listening.
“No,” the woman said immediately and firmly.
“Please, listen to me. You’ve been down here almost two hours. By the time they clear away the rubble…” Cuddy began but House quickly cut her off.
“We are not cutting off her leg.” He looked pointedly at Hanna. “You don’t have to rush through this just to make his job easier.”
“Are you kidding me?” Captain McCreaney said when House gestured to him.
“We leave the leg pinned, we’re risking crush syndrome,” Cuddy pointed out.
“What’s that?” Hanna was now looking between the two doctors.
“Your leg isn’t getting enough circulation. The longer it’s pinned the more the muscle dies.”
Cuddy gave the explanation but Murphy couldn’t help but look at House for just a second. She knew all she needed to know about muscle death from his thigh. She had seen it up close and personal. She dropped her eyes before House noticed.
“So, what does that mean, like a limp?”
“Dying muscles release poisons. We free your leg, the poisons rush back into your system. It could stop your heart,” Cuddy was trying to be persuasive and sympathetic.
“So could cheeseburgers,” House snapped and looked to the Captain. “Let’s get your lazy friends to start moving that pile. She’s got two more hours before crush syndrome could possibly set in.”
Cuddy looked angrily at House, but he seemed not to notice.
“We’re digging up there by hand,” the Captain explained. “I can’t guarantee I can get 10 tons of debris pulled off in two hours.”
“Well, you need to try. It’s my leg.”
The Captain looked wearily at Hanna. “It’s not just crush syndrome you gotta worry about, okay? There’s gas leaks. There’s fire. We can never rule out secondary collapses, no matter how much we shore this thing up.”
“You think chopping someone’s limb inside a pile of dirty rocks is safe? Sepsis, fat embolism, a hemorrhage.”
“Those risks are nothing compared to the risks of this thing coming down again.”
“Captain,” Murphy broke in. “If she says no we can’t chop off her leg anyway. We’ve got to give it time.”
“Fine.”
“I gotta get up to triage.” Cuddy looked between her and House and then was gone. Murphy resisted the urge to look away.
“Thank you, Dr. House.”
House looked at her, glaring slightly for telling Hanna his name. Murphy just rolled her eyes at him. The woman deserved to know.
“You don’t need to thank me. It just makes sense.”
“Just promise me you won’t let them cut off my leg.”
House crossed his fingers, “I promise. Does that make you feel better?”
“For some reason, it does.” Hanna even smiled a bit, the first one Murphy had seen out of her and she had been down here with the woman for a long time. Her smile disappeared the second House’s phone rang. “Your phone is working down here.”
“Switched carriers. Better rollover minutes.” He ignored them both. “Talk.”
He began to talk treatments and illnesses with his team. Murphy had no idea who he was treating but she knew it didn’t matter. Whatever patient he was talking about could be in Beirut and he’d be more interested in that than the woman in front of him. She sighed to herself.
“Just do what I tell you. Be back in ten minutes,” He said to whoever was on the phone, then hung up and shoved the phone back in his pocket.
“You’re leaving?” Hanna asked, looking worried.
“There’s a dozen people here who can save you. I’m apparently the only one who can save this other guy.”
And he was gone again, leaving Murphy and Hanna behind.
“He promised,” Hanna said, eyes looking around wildly until they landed on the beam. “He promised he wouldn’t let them. How can he do that if he leaves?”
“He’ll be back before…”
“He won’t! He keeps leaving!” Hanna yelled, jerking her hand away from Murphy’s and sitting up.
“Shit.”
It took a split second debate before Murphy was scrambling out of the hole and up topside. She had to look around before spotting House at his bike. She swore again before running towards him.
“Hanna’s freaking out. She’s having a panic attack.” She grabbed his arm and glared. “She’s gonna screw herself up even more.”
“So, calm her down.” House jerked his arm free and zipped up his jacket.
“She wants you.”
“I’m flattered. Get Cuddy. Tell her she needs oxygen.” He turned on the bike engine and Murphy slammed her hand on the handle bars.
“They won’t let O2 down there, you idiot. They’re worried about gas leaks and fire, oxygen will just make them think explosions. You’ve got to go back. She needs you, House.”
They stared at each other for a moment, silently arguing. Her grip tightened on the handlebars, waiting for House to try to get her to move. She wasn’t giving in. It worked. House turned off his bike and grabbed his cane.
“Look who I brought with me,” Murphy said when they crawled back into Hanna’s space. She shifted to be in the other woman’s line of view. “Take a deep breath. You’ll need it to bitch at him.”
Hanna looked at House who was digging through the medical bag the EMTs had left behind and she did calm, almost instantly. “You only came back because I freaked out. Right?”
“Not at all,” House said as he slid a blood pressure cuff around Hanna’s arm. “I just realized how… big and scary the world is and how cozy and safe this little place is.”
“Thank you,” Hanna said softly. “I’m sorry I needed you.”
House shrugged out of his jacket then dug out his phone. He flipped it open and handed it to Hanna. “Here. Call your husband.”
Hanna took the phone, her hands shaking just a little and started to dial. Her breathing picked up while she did and it made Murphy look at House with concern. He was ignoring her as he focused on taking Hanna’s blood pressure.
“Charlie? I’m here in… They called you? They’re helping me. Are you coming? I don’t know how this could happen. It’s your birthday. I’m so sorry.”
“See? This is why I lied about the phone. Your BP is spiking so you’re bleeding faster from your leg wound. I’m gonna have less time to save it. Hang up.”
“Okay.” Hanna’s voice shook slightly. “Okay, they’re telling me I have to go.”
With a whimper, Hanna shut the phone and handed it back to House. He closed it and slid it back into his jacket.
“That was stupid of me.” House looked at Murphy before he looked at Hanna then ducked underneath a low ceiling beam and settled against a wall.
“It was nice,” Hanna said, watching him.
Murphy was watching him too, unsure of his sudden change from running to his puzzle and staying with a trapped and injured woman. What was the puzzle here?
“I don’t see that as a contradiction.”
“He was already on his way. He was in Baltimore and they all saw it on the news. How many people were hurt?”
“What did I tell you about not raising your blood pressure?”
“Just take some deep breaths,” Murphy broke in. “It’ll get him to stop nagging you.”
There was no way for either of them to miss House rubbing at his thigh. Murphy mentally blinked as the reason why House was staying washed over her. He might really feel sympathy for Hanna. He might possibly understand.
“Can I ask what’s wrong with your leg?” Hanna asked, making Murphy mentally wince.
“Crane fell on it,” House said, which made Hanna laugh. Murphy was surprised it was such a pleasant thing to hear. “Small world.”
“You could have just said no.” Hanna was smiling again, smiling at House.
“No, not House,” Murphy said dryly.
“Would you pray with me?” Hanna looked between them.
“No. I’m not in the habit of encouraging my patients’ supersitions.”
“How is that a habit? You plan on getting trapped under a building again.”
House paused for a second. “I don’t believe in God.”
“I don’t either. Please?”
“I will.” Murphy looked pointedly to House, who once again gave in for reasons she didn’t quite get.
Together, the three of them clasped their hands together and bowed their heads. Murphy didn’t believe in God, she saw too much ugliness to hold onto faith, but at that moment she tried very hard to believe. This woman had to get out of this. It couldn’t end this way, it couldn’t.
“I always thought…” Hanna said softly into the silence. “If I did the right thing, if I treated people right then good things would happened to me. You think that’s how it works.”
No, Murphy said mentally to herself.
“I didn’t used to,” House said, just as soft and pointedly not looking at either of them. “Then recently I tried… Now, I don’t know.”
---
Murphy shifted out of the way as Captain McCreaney brought in the airbags. There was tension in the air, laced with just a bit of optimism. She was trying hard not to get her hopes up but she really wanted this to work.
“Give me that,” House said, holding a hand out for the IV bag.
She handed it over and House laid it across Hanna’s stomach. She looked hopefully up at House. “Do you think we can be friends when I get outta here?”
“Yeah. We’ll catch a ball game or… group sex show or something.”
“Here,” the Captain handed her a piece of wood. “Put the cribbing in there.”
Murphy forced the wood under the beam next to Hanna’s leg, pointedly ignoring blood and anything else that showed how bad it might really be under there. She saw House give the wedge on the other side an extra push.
“Okay, now when the beam starts lifting you’re gonna feel pain. It’s gonna be like your foot’s gone to sleep times a billion. You’ll notice that I’m waiting till now to tell you.”
“All right, we’re ready.”
They switched the air compressors on and the little “cave” filled with noise. Slowly the huge black air bags began to fill with air. Murphy listened for the telltale sounds of concrete and steel shifting as they got bigger and bigger.
“Lifting!”
“I’m feeling the pain already,” Hanna said.
Murphy ignored them, watching the beam inch its way up. She shoved the wedges in deeper when they need it. This had to work.
“That’s good.” House glanced between the beam and Hanna, double checking the wedges. “That means the pressure’s coming off. Much closer to getting out of here.”
Rocks and dirt began to fall and there were a few ominous groans from far above but everyone pretended like it didn’t exist. She shifted to Hanna’s shoulders, hooking an arm around one while House got the other. There was another creak and the beam lifted higher.
“Come on. Pull her out!”
Murphy put her full weight into it, trying as best she could in the cramped space to get leverage but Hanna didn’t budge. She glanced up briefly at another, louder groan and pulled again.
“Come on!”
“It’s moving!”
“Pull!”
“Aahh!”
Something gave. There was a huge shower of rubble and dirt, the whole place shook and Murphy felt things shift. She was jerked to the right, her head cracked against something hard, leaving her dazed as things continued to tumble and roar. Her helmet kept her from any serious injury but it was still a hell of a hit, hard enough to crack her headlamp and plunge them into darkness. She thought for a brief second that the whole thing was coming down on them and wondered when was the last time she called her daughter?
Then it stopped. There was still some debris falling but it seemed like the worse was over.
“Hanna!” House yelled through the dust, “Hanna! What the hell happened?”
The Captain switched on his helmet light, giving them just the barest hint of light, but it was enough to see by. The ceiling had closed in. They would have to crawl out now. Murphy rolled onto her stomach and pulled herself through the rubble to the light. They were all gathered around Hanna.
“I think the adjacent beam snapped during the lift.” The captain grabbed his radio. “Mayday, mayday, mayday. We had a secondary collapse. We’re alright. How are you guys?”
The radio crackled for a second, then a voice came through. “Rescuse one, copy the mayday. Main tunnel is fine. Rescue’s on the way.”
“Guys,” Murphy pointed to a large piece of concrete that had fallen across Hanna. She had also noticed Hanna hadn’t said a word, even though they were talking around her.
“Lift this up,” McCreaney said.
The three of them struggled to get a grip and enough room to lift, but they managed. It didn’t improve things. Hanna was breathing fast and shallow. House leaned over her, listening.
“Kit, gimme the kit.”
Murphy reached over and dragged the kit into range with McCreaney’s help. House dug through the bag, tugging out a needle.
“No breath sounds on the left side. Tension pneumothorax. Okay, Hanna, one of your lungs is collapsed. I’m gonna have to reinflate it, okay?”
In seconds, House had the syringe package open with his teeth. He popped the plunger out and then slipped the needle in. Murphy held her breath for a second then Hanna coughed and she relaxed. Her breathing was still rough, but it was better than before.
“Both of you need to get topside. You’re bleeding.”
Murphy had been ignoring the trickle of blood she felt along one arm. It was the one she had landed on when things had fallen. She hadn’t noticed House was bleeding too, but now that she looked he was scratched on his nose and his neck was bleeding.
She crawled out first, but she heard House tell Hanna he was leaving. She wondered if Hanna could hear.
---
Murphy tried not to watch Cuddy and House talking while Cuddy was patching him up. An EMT was working on her, but everything she had was superficial really. Her worst injury was a cut on her arm where she had caught a piece of rebar. The helmet really had saved her from a bad head injury. From where she sat on the back step of the ambulance it looked like House had gotten it a lot worse than she had.
Whatever House and Cuddy were discussing it looked intense until they were interrupted by House’s phone. His team, his case, and not the woman under the rubble. Murphy knew what was coming. There was only one option left for Hanna now. She was going to lose her leg. She looked up towards the sky, which was only filled with helicopter search lights.
“Thanks for nothing,” she muttered to nothing.
She was distracted from hating God by the Captain walking up to House and Cuddy. She watched from her safe distance as McCreaney gave the news, House fought and Cuddy fought back. She couldn’t hear it, but she had some experience reading lips and what she managed to figure out made her wince. This fight wasn’t just about Hanna’s leg. She didn’t want to see the rest of it.
“I’m good,” she told the EMT and tossed her empty water bottle into the back of the ambulance. She picked up her dented helmet and turned to the other workers. She wasn’t going back down in that tunnel. She just… couldn’t.
---
“Murphy?”
She looked over, surprised to see Cuddy walking towards her. There was a single tear trail through the dust on the other woman’s cheek. She carefully, but quickly made her way down the rubble pile she was searching and moved in close to Cuddy so she could hear over the noise.
“I thought you should know, Hanna decided to go through with the amputation.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
Cuddy blinked. “You did?”
Murphy shrugged. “After the collapse there was no way out of it. Another lift would just shift things more and we’d lose everything. How’d House take it?”
Cuddy blinked rapidly, “… he talked her into it.”
“Sound medical reasoning?”
The other woman shook her head and they shared a look. This one Murphy understood. Between them it was no secret that they both cared for House. Hell, Murphy was pretty sure Cuddy knew she was in love with House. Murphy definitely knew that Cuddy loved House too, but maybe not in the same way. She was never fully sure of that. It put them in competition with one another, but it also bound them together.
“He talked about his leg?” she was shocked.
“He said… he should’ve amputated it. He said he made the wrong decision.”
“Jesus.” Murphy reeled mentally. House had admitted he was wrong about his leg.
She was moving before she really knew it, quickly making her way to the entrance to the tunnel down. The sound that greeted her was Hanna screaming. House wasn’t up with the crowd, so she knew he was down there working on Hanna’s leg. She closed her eyes in sympathy for Hanna and for House.
She stayed though, through all of it. When the screaming stopped she opened her eyes again, somewhat anxious as to what it meant. Was it over? Or had something gone wrong? Her answer was Hanna coming out on a stretcher, passed to EMTs waiting outside and then House. One look at him told her everything she needed to know. She moved in close and stood silent at his side.
They watched together as Hanna was loaded into an ambulance and Cuddy escorted Hanna’s husband over.
“I don’t care about your legs. Baby, I love you. I love you.”
Husband and wife shared a kiss, making something twist in Murphy’s chest. It wasn’t painful, it was just intense and somewhat uncomfortable.
“I love you.”
She made sure not to look at House. It didn’t matter, he was gone pretty quickly after that making his way to the ambulance and climbing in after Hanna. Murphy stayed behind and watched them drive away.
---
It was an EMT that told her Hanna died. He came back to the scene because he had to, all the rescue workers had to, but he remembered her and told her. Murphy was shocked by the news and pissed. She walked off the scene after that, unable to take it. Driving away she thought about the last time she had seen Hanna, the moment between husband and wife and how there was just so much wrong with the world that two happy people couldn’t have a happy ending. If anyone had ever deserved one… but the world wasn’t about what someone deserved.
She jerked the wheel, pulling what would be an illegal u-turn except she had police plates. Going back to her empty house and a bottle of Jameson’s just didn’t hold any appeal. She really didn’t want to be alone. She was so tired of being alone. All she wanted was to stop feeling so alone.
---
House’s apartment was mostly dark when she walked in. The only light came from the bathroom. She was familiar with the layout, knew how to walk down the hallway without making a sound or alerting House to her presence. She wanted a chance just to see him, to feel the way her just tightened and her heart beat a little faster. It hurt to see him on the floor of his bathroom staring at the pills in his hand. She had expected him to be bad, but this was pretty bad. The bathroom mirror was ripped off the wall and was in pieces in the bathtub. There was hole in the wall, obviously where House had kept a very secret stash of Vicodin.
He looked up at her, taking a deep breath. “You going to leap across the room and grab them out of my hand?”
“I’m thinking about it,” she said, watching him closely. “But it’s your choice isn’t it?”
“Okay. Just so you know, I’m finding it hard to see the downside.”
She moved into the bathroom, leaning against the wall across from him. It was strange seeing him at this angle. She wasn’t usually taller than him. The lines on his face looked deeper, harder from this angle. He looked older; his shoulders seemed weighted down by the evening’s events. She wondered if she looked the same. She certainly felt the same.
“How’s your shoulder?” she asked, not sure what else to say.
He glanced at it, “It’ll need to be re-bandaged. Is that why you’re here? Playing nurse?”
“No.”
“Are you going to yell at me?”
“Why would I?”
“Well, I’m running out of ideas.”
She licked her lips. “So am I.”
“Oh great.”
“House,” Murphy angrily cut him off. She was frustrated with him, with herself and how the night had turned out. She had come here because she needed to, even if it turned out to be another disaster she needed this for herself.
“What the hell are we doing? Every time we’re together it feels good doesn’t it? I stop aching when you’re around.”
“Murphy…”
“I’ve spent the last few weeks letting you go. You wanted Cuddy, not me. Fine. Fine. I took it in stride and look at us. Cuddy’s with Lucas. They’re happy, moving on and you and me, we’re miserable. We make ourselves miserable. What the hell is wrong with us?”
He didn’t look at her, just the pills in his hand. She glanced away. She didn’t have an answer for her own question.
“I don’t know if I can fix myself,” House said softly, drawing her eyes back to him. God, he looked so broken, just as broken as she felt inside. “I’m the most screwed-up person in the world.”
“I know.” Murphy took a breath, her chest tight, and her voice low. It was hard for her to speak, but she had to. “But I love you. Sometimes I wish I didn’t, a lot of the time I wished I didn’t but I do and… I don’t care if you ever get fixed, if this ends up a huge fuck up, I want it. I want you.”
She knew those words would probably kill everything she had with House. She wasn’t supposed to say those words; she wasn’t supposed to feel that way. It was just supposed to be banter, flirting and sometime sex. What was between them was supposed to be nothing substantial, nothing real. Somehow, it had become that. Somewhere along the lines all their careful controls and fail safes had disappeared and something developed between them. In all of that denial, she fell in love with him anyway. He wasn’t the only screwed up person in the world.
House pushed against the floor, but he couldn’t make it up. He looked up at her and held out a hand. Maybe it wouldn’t mean anything with anyone else but this was tem and that simple gesture held a lot of meaning. She took his hand and helped him up. He didn’t let go of his hand when he got to his feet.
She watched him as he moved in, his eyes on hers. The closer he got, the more she felt it. It was bittersweet, a little painful but strong, intense, deep. She didn’t fight it down or pretend it didn’t exist. For the first time she let herself be in love with him.
With her eyes closed and head tipped back she waited. She could feel House inches away from her, warm and smelling like dust and sweat. She breathed him in, her mouth dropping open slightly when she felt his breath against her cheek, then over her lips. Carefully, gently House kissed her. She kissed him back, loving, soft. There was an instant where all the cracks felt intensely wide and then slowly they began to close, she stopped feeling so lonely.
“Last time I hallucinated you were Cuddy,” he said when he drew back, but stayed close.
She opened her eyes so he could see her rolling them. “You didn’t take the Vicodin.”
House opened his hand and looked down at the pills in his hand. “Nope, guess not.”
“Then we’re good.” She smiled, softly, sweetly.
She got the same smile from House in return. “Yeah, we are.”
The Vicodin pills dropped to the floor with a soft clatter as House leaned in towards her for another kiss. Murphy caught his now empty hand in hers and tangled their fingers together. Oh, it was good.
---
Rating: PG-13
Prompt/Inspiration: “Help Me”, 6x22
Ship: House/Murphy, Cuddy/Lucas
Author’s Note: Look, we all know I have an unhealthy addiction to Mouse and I’ve been dying to write it ever since I saw the finale. Thanks to clinic_duty I got my hands on a transcript and got to writing. Here it is, the Mouse version of the House season finale. Once again, I’ve tried to blend some RP canon into House canon and make it a believable rewrite. It feels so good to write Mouse again, so good. And by the way, long fic is long.
The title of the fic is from “Good Man” by Josh Ritter
---
“Walski, we need a dog!” Captain McCreaney’s voice came through both radios, creating an odd stereo effect over the sounds of saws, triage and the injured.
Murphy grabbed a hold of a half-collapsed wall, feet sliding just a few inches on the concrete rubble before she got her balance. Walski and his search and rescue dog Boomer didn’t slip an inch, but this was their job. She was only familiar with the basics of search and rescue, but anyone with any training had been called to the scene in Trenton.
A large construction crane had fallen over right onto the office building next door. The building was practically cut in half now and a disaster zone. The Trenton PD didn’t have the man power to handle it on its own, so the call went out to other departments, hospitals, anyone who could help was there including Murphy. After 9/11 she and a few other cops had taken a two week long course in search and rescue. The simulated situations were nothing like this though.
The air was thick with noise from helicopters, the crowds, EMTs and firemen shouting back and forth all over the cries of the injured. She was already covered in dust and had only been on the scene for maybe two hours, going through some of the rougher spots with Walski and his dog. They hadn’t found anyone alive yet.
Walski looked at her then down to his dog. “Ready to go, fella?”
Murphy grabbed her radio, “Where are we headed, Captain?”
“East side of the building, look for the broken vending machine, you’ll hear us.”
“Got it.”
They carefully made their way down from the collapsed floor they were searching and moved to the east side. They didn’t need the vending machine to find the quickly assembled rescue team. The crowd got the dog’s attention and they followed him to where the Captain was. With him were two familiar faces. Murphy almost paused when she saw House and Cuddy standing on either side of the Captain. They shared a brief look of familiarity before the dog was off with his handler and Murphy had to follow.
“If you can hear me, tap three times or call out. Is anyone there?” Captain MCreaney yelled down an opening where there was nothing but darkness. Even though she was following after the dog, she strained her ears to listen for any response. She couldn’t hear a thing and neither could the search and rescue worker with the high tech listening device.
He shook his head after a minute. “I’m not getting anything.”
“I heard something, there’s gotta be a void down there,” House argued.
Murphy tried to ignore the conversation and focus on her footing. One wrong move and she could end up taking a pretty bad fall.
“There’s a million voids down there. It was the parking garage. But the equipment hasn’t picked up any movement. Dogs haven’t picked up any scent.”
She agreed with the Captain, even though House had his “I’m right, you’re completely wrong” tone going. Boomer wasn’t alerting to anything and he had already been back and forth over most of the rubble.
“There’s mashed cars down there. The gasoline would throw off their scent?” House hazarded, but McCreaney shook his head.
“Look, we’ve gotta get back to work, okay? We’ll get to this area soon. Excuse me.”
“You just can’t…”
“Captain,” Murphy called, half walking, half sliding down some rubble. “I’ll search with him. We don’t want him doing down there without a radio. Give us thirty minutes and if we don’t find anything I’ll drag his ass topside.”
The Captain looked her over for a moment then gave a sharp nod. “Thirty minutes.”
With a whistle from McCreaney everyone began to pack up. Murphy moved out of the way, standing with House as everyone moved out, including Cuddy who only spared a brief look in House’s direction. She got the feeling something passed between the two doctors in that look but said nothing.
“Ready?” she asked when things were mostly clear.
She didn’t get an answer. House was already gone and searching the area. He whacked a pipe with his cane, considered the sound and began to follow it. The pipe led to another opening, once again leading down into deep, black seemingly endless nothing.
“So, you heard it from over here?” She looked down into the hole with him, frowning slightly.
He nodded. “Right down there.”
“Well then.” She took a deep breath and started down the hole. She had never had a problem with tight spaces or dark places before but none of those places ever had thousands of pounds of building over them. It was a little unnerving to make her way down. Thank God she had a headlamp otherwise she wouldn’t have even tried.
“Anybody heard me?” House yelled over his shoulder, following her down. “Hey! Anybody hear me?”
There was no answer. Nothing but falling rubble and the echoes from above. She looked over her shoulder at him, raising an eyebrow and silently asking if he was sure about this. She got a flashlight beam in her face as an answer. Yeah, he was sure.
Together, they moved carefully down a slight slope until they hit the bottom where a metal door blocked the way. Murphy kicked out with both legs and the door snapped open to more blackness and a lower ceiling. Great. House went ahead of her this time, searching through the darkness with the tip of his cane and flashlight beam.
They both jumped when a hand shot out from the darkness and grabbed his cane.
“Christ,” she muttered under her breath before crawling forward towards the hand. They both pushed rubble and brushed dust away, revealing a woman. She looked at them, eyes wide in the low light.
“Help me,” she said, still holding tight to House’s cane.
“Captain, we found someone,” Murphy said into her radio. “We’ve got a live victim.”
“Rodger, we’re heading back.”
“Don’t leave me,” the woman begged.
“We’re not leaving.” Murphy eased the woman’s hand from around House’s cane, her tone gentle but confident. “I’m Lieutenant Murphy, this is Dr. House. He’s going to check you out. Just stay calm for us, okay?”
“Please… my husband’s gift. I was supposed to pick it up at the framer’s. It’s on Elm.”
“Well, you should have told me earlier. I could have picked it up on the way.” House began to check the woman over, passing the flashlight to Murphy. “What’s your name?”
“It’s a picture from our Tortola trip. For his birthday.”
“I’m not asking your name because I wanna become friends. I’m trying to gauge your mental state.”
Murphy could hear the eye roll in House’s voice even if he was focused on the task at hand. In the beam of the flashlight she couldn’t see any serious injuries, but she wasn’t sure she’d recognize if there were any. She just followed his hands with the light, trying to make it easier for him to see.
“Hanna,” the woman said, looking between her and House.
“Okay, that’s a start. What day of the week is it? Move the light down lower.”
She did as ordered, moving the beam down, following the path of House’s hands as they quickly worked over Hanna.
“Tuesday.”
Murphy stopped moving the light when it illuminated a concrete beam that was crushing the woman’s right leg. She cursed in her head but didn’t say anything that could alarm Hanna. House didn’t say anything either.
“Better still.”
“What happened?”
“The construction crane collapsed onto the building,” Murphy said, drawing the woman’s attention to her while House looked around the cramped space they found themselves in, then he took a hold of Hanna’s leg and pulled.
“Ow!” Hanna cried out, hands scrambling against the ground. “My leg! Oh! Oh! Oh!”
House stopped pulling and Hanna trailed off into whimpering breathes. Murphy found her hand and squeezed it tightly. Hanna almost crushed her hand in return, but she pretended like nothing happened.
“Where’s that help you asked for?” House looked pointedly at Murphy’s radio.
“They’re working on it,” she shrugged.
“Whew… I’m gonna tell them where we are,” House said, shifting towards the way they came through.
“No, stay! Someone else will come.”
“I’ll stay,” Murphy said, squeezing the hand she was holding. “Don’t worry, we won’t leave you down here.”
“I’ll be right back.” House held out a hand for the flashlight and though she hesitated a second, she handed it over.
“Don’t leave me in the dark,” Hanna begged, but it didn’t seem to get to House. He was already moving away.
“I know it’s not much, but don’t worry. We’ve still got light.” She made sure Hanna could see the headlamp and the soft beam of light that kept them both from being swallowed by complete blackness.
---
With House leading the way, rescue workers found her and Hanna a few minutes later. It felt like an eternity to Murphy. She had never been more aware of a space before in her life. It was a cowardly move on her part but once the lights were set up and EMTS were working on Hanna, Murphy fled topside. She gulped in a deep breath of air, not very fresh with all the dust but a hell of a lot better than what she had been breathing before.
“Claustrophobic?” House asked from behind her.
She drew her shoulders up before facing him. “I noticed you didn’t volunteer to stay down there while I went to get help.”
“You snooze you lose,” she said flippantly, making her roll her eyes. “You haven’t been around the hospital.”
“So?”
She hadn’t. She had been avoiding the hospital and they both knew why. Their affair or friendly sex or whatever the hell they had been doing had stopped. For weeks now she had stayed out of the picture while House went around chasing after Cuddy. It had all started after he found out Cuddy was with Lucas. She wasn’t interested in her, or at least not as interested in her as Cuddy. So, she stepped back and stayed out of it. She was never supposed to be permanent anyway.
“So, how’d you end up here?”
Good, they weren’t going to discuss it. She could live with that.
“I’ve had some search and rescue training. My Captain said they needed volunteers and I volunteered. How much arm twisting did it take to get you here?”
She couldn’t imagine House volunteering to help with a disaster like this and not just because he was House and he didn’t care about things like this but it couldn’t be easy for him to get around a scene like this with his leg.
“Would you believe me if I said I volunteered?”
“No.”
“Great, I’ll skip it. Now if you excuse me I have a patient to diagnose.”
“She’s got a building on her leg, diagnosis over.”
“Wrong patient.” House whipped out his cellphone and limped away from her.
Murphy watched him go then shook her head at herself. She was in the middle of a disaster scene and she wanted to make House talk to her. Her priorities needed some serious work. Christ. She took another breath of clean air, turned on her heel and went back down into the hole. If House wasn’t going to stay with Hanna, she would.
The EMTs were still with Hanna, quietly discussing something between them while Captain McCreaney and his team set up drills and shored up the scene with wooden planks and wedges. She dodged her way over to Hanna’s side and picked up her hand again.
“Sorry,” she said, but didn’t explain why she left. Hanna seemed like a smart woman. She could probably figure it out on her own.
Hanna managed a strained half-smile. “It’s okay.”
“We’re going to need a doctor for this,” the EMT said, gesturing to an IV bag they had set up.
“Go get one. I’ve got it.”
She was surprised House came down a few minutes later. Apparently EMTs struggling with an IV bag were enough to bring him back down. She had expected another doctor, maybe Cuddy, would show up, not House himself. Murphy wondered if it was just because he wanted to show off. She told herself to stop assuming when it came to House.
“Told ya I’d be back,” House said as he inched his way over to Hanna’s side with a medical kit. “Heard you might be thirsty.”
“Ahh…” Captain McCreaney said when his drilling stopped. He’d been working on the beam for a few minutes now. It didn’t look good to Murphy.
“I assume that bodes well for the rescue?”
“Structural beam. High compression concrete. I can’t break it up.”
“You can’t get me outta here?” Hanna looked towards the Captain, then at the beam on her leg.
“Naw. Just means we gotta move on to a different piece of equipment. I got airbags comin’ in that’ll lift 70 tons.”
While the Captain talked, Murphy watched House prepare a really large needle and IV bag. This was going to hurt. She already had a hold of Hanna’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
“You said your name is Murphy?” Hanna asked, looking to her.
She nodded, “Good mental state.”
“I’m gonna be stuck down here for a while.”
“I didn’t have anything better to do with my evening.” She shrugged and managed a motherly smile.
“Little pinch,” House warned.
Apparently it was more than a little pinch. Hanna sat up, crying out in pain and crushing Murphy’s hand in hers.
“Okay. Big pinch.”
She rolled her eyes and shot House a look which he ignored.
“I gotta call my husband,” Hanna interrupted, looking towards her. “Can I use your phone?”
“I didn’t bring mine. House has one.”
“Hold this high,” House shoved the IV bag at her. “No bars down here. L’chaim.”
“House!” she scolded, but he was already crawling out. She rolled her eyes and glared after his retreating back.
“Where is he going?” Hanna asked her.
She shrugged. “Where ever he thinks he can.”
“You know him.”
She glanced down at Hanna. “We’re… friends.”
Sort of.
---
“The way things fell, this support beam is now holding up a giant pile of rubble. We can’t lift it without jeopardizing everyone down here. So it’s time to discuss amputation.”
Murphy knew the Captain was talking to the doctors, Cuddy had joined them down in the hole at Captain McCreaney’s request, but she caught his quick glance at Hanna who was definitely listening.
“No,” the woman said immediately and firmly.
“Please, listen to me. You’ve been down here almost two hours. By the time they clear away the rubble…” Cuddy began but House quickly cut her off.
“We are not cutting off her leg.” He looked pointedly at Hanna. “You don’t have to rush through this just to make his job easier.”
“Are you kidding me?” Captain McCreaney said when House gestured to him.
“We leave the leg pinned, we’re risking crush syndrome,” Cuddy pointed out.
“What’s that?” Hanna was now looking between the two doctors.
“Your leg isn’t getting enough circulation. The longer it’s pinned the more the muscle dies.”
Cuddy gave the explanation but Murphy couldn’t help but look at House for just a second. She knew all she needed to know about muscle death from his thigh. She had seen it up close and personal. She dropped her eyes before House noticed.
“So, what does that mean, like a limp?”
“Dying muscles release poisons. We free your leg, the poisons rush back into your system. It could stop your heart,” Cuddy was trying to be persuasive and sympathetic.
“So could cheeseburgers,” House snapped and looked to the Captain. “Let’s get your lazy friends to start moving that pile. She’s got two more hours before crush syndrome could possibly set in.”
Cuddy looked angrily at House, but he seemed not to notice.
“We’re digging up there by hand,” the Captain explained. “I can’t guarantee I can get 10 tons of debris pulled off in two hours.”
“Well, you need to try. It’s my leg.”
The Captain looked wearily at Hanna. “It’s not just crush syndrome you gotta worry about, okay? There’s gas leaks. There’s fire. We can never rule out secondary collapses, no matter how much we shore this thing up.”
“You think chopping someone’s limb inside a pile of dirty rocks is safe? Sepsis, fat embolism, a hemorrhage.”
“Those risks are nothing compared to the risks of this thing coming down again.”
“Captain,” Murphy broke in. “If she says no we can’t chop off her leg anyway. We’ve got to give it time.”
“Fine.”
“I gotta get up to triage.” Cuddy looked between her and House and then was gone. Murphy resisted the urge to look away.
“Thank you, Dr. House.”
House looked at her, glaring slightly for telling Hanna his name. Murphy just rolled her eyes at him. The woman deserved to know.
“You don’t need to thank me. It just makes sense.”
“Just promise me you won’t let them cut off my leg.”
House crossed his fingers, “I promise. Does that make you feel better?”
“For some reason, it does.” Hanna even smiled a bit, the first one Murphy had seen out of her and she had been down here with the woman for a long time. Her smile disappeared the second House’s phone rang. “Your phone is working down here.”
“Switched carriers. Better rollover minutes.” He ignored them both. “Talk.”
He began to talk treatments and illnesses with his team. Murphy had no idea who he was treating but she knew it didn’t matter. Whatever patient he was talking about could be in Beirut and he’d be more interested in that than the woman in front of him. She sighed to herself.
“Just do what I tell you. Be back in ten minutes,” He said to whoever was on the phone, then hung up and shoved the phone back in his pocket.
“You’re leaving?” Hanna asked, looking worried.
“There’s a dozen people here who can save you. I’m apparently the only one who can save this other guy.”
And he was gone again, leaving Murphy and Hanna behind.
“He promised,” Hanna said, eyes looking around wildly until they landed on the beam. “He promised he wouldn’t let them. How can he do that if he leaves?”
“He’ll be back before…”
“He won’t! He keeps leaving!” Hanna yelled, jerking her hand away from Murphy’s and sitting up.
“Shit.”
It took a split second debate before Murphy was scrambling out of the hole and up topside. She had to look around before spotting House at his bike. She swore again before running towards him.
“Hanna’s freaking out. She’s having a panic attack.” She grabbed his arm and glared. “She’s gonna screw herself up even more.”
“So, calm her down.” House jerked his arm free and zipped up his jacket.
“She wants you.”
“I’m flattered. Get Cuddy. Tell her she needs oxygen.” He turned on the bike engine and Murphy slammed her hand on the handle bars.
“They won’t let O2 down there, you idiot. They’re worried about gas leaks and fire, oxygen will just make them think explosions. You’ve got to go back. She needs you, House.”
They stared at each other for a moment, silently arguing. Her grip tightened on the handlebars, waiting for House to try to get her to move. She wasn’t giving in. It worked. House turned off his bike and grabbed his cane.
“Look who I brought with me,” Murphy said when they crawled back into Hanna’s space. She shifted to be in the other woman’s line of view. “Take a deep breath. You’ll need it to bitch at him.”
Hanna looked at House who was digging through the medical bag the EMTs had left behind and she did calm, almost instantly. “You only came back because I freaked out. Right?”
“Not at all,” House said as he slid a blood pressure cuff around Hanna’s arm. “I just realized how… big and scary the world is and how cozy and safe this little place is.”
“Thank you,” Hanna said softly. “I’m sorry I needed you.”
House shrugged out of his jacket then dug out his phone. He flipped it open and handed it to Hanna. “Here. Call your husband.”
Hanna took the phone, her hands shaking just a little and started to dial. Her breathing picked up while she did and it made Murphy look at House with concern. He was ignoring her as he focused on taking Hanna’s blood pressure.
“Charlie? I’m here in… They called you? They’re helping me. Are you coming? I don’t know how this could happen. It’s your birthday. I’m so sorry.”
“See? This is why I lied about the phone. Your BP is spiking so you’re bleeding faster from your leg wound. I’m gonna have less time to save it. Hang up.”
“Okay.” Hanna’s voice shook slightly. “Okay, they’re telling me I have to go.”
With a whimper, Hanna shut the phone and handed it back to House. He closed it and slid it back into his jacket.
“That was stupid of me.” House looked at Murphy before he looked at Hanna then ducked underneath a low ceiling beam and settled against a wall.
“It was nice,” Hanna said, watching him.
Murphy was watching him too, unsure of his sudden change from running to his puzzle and staying with a trapped and injured woman. What was the puzzle here?
“I don’t see that as a contradiction.”
“He was already on his way. He was in Baltimore and they all saw it on the news. How many people were hurt?”
“What did I tell you about not raising your blood pressure?”
“Just take some deep breaths,” Murphy broke in. “It’ll get him to stop nagging you.”
There was no way for either of them to miss House rubbing at his thigh. Murphy mentally blinked as the reason why House was staying washed over her. He might really feel sympathy for Hanna. He might possibly understand.
“Can I ask what’s wrong with your leg?” Hanna asked, making Murphy mentally wince.
“Crane fell on it,” House said, which made Hanna laugh. Murphy was surprised it was such a pleasant thing to hear. “Small world.”
“You could have just said no.” Hanna was smiling again, smiling at House.
“No, not House,” Murphy said dryly.
“Would you pray with me?” Hanna looked between them.
“No. I’m not in the habit of encouraging my patients’ supersitions.”
“How is that a habit? You plan on getting trapped under a building again.”
House paused for a second. “I don’t believe in God.”
“I don’t either. Please?”
“I will.” Murphy looked pointedly to House, who once again gave in for reasons she didn’t quite get.
Together, the three of them clasped their hands together and bowed their heads. Murphy didn’t believe in God, she saw too much ugliness to hold onto faith, but at that moment she tried very hard to believe. This woman had to get out of this. It couldn’t end this way, it couldn’t.
“I always thought…” Hanna said softly into the silence. “If I did the right thing, if I treated people right then good things would happened to me. You think that’s how it works.”
No, Murphy said mentally to herself.
“I didn’t used to,” House said, just as soft and pointedly not looking at either of them. “Then recently I tried… Now, I don’t know.”
---
Murphy shifted out of the way as Captain McCreaney brought in the airbags. There was tension in the air, laced with just a bit of optimism. She was trying hard not to get her hopes up but she really wanted this to work.
“Give me that,” House said, holding a hand out for the IV bag.
She handed it over and House laid it across Hanna’s stomach. She looked hopefully up at House. “Do you think we can be friends when I get outta here?”
“Yeah. We’ll catch a ball game or… group sex show or something.”
“Here,” the Captain handed her a piece of wood. “Put the cribbing in there.”
Murphy forced the wood under the beam next to Hanna’s leg, pointedly ignoring blood and anything else that showed how bad it might really be under there. She saw House give the wedge on the other side an extra push.
“Okay, now when the beam starts lifting you’re gonna feel pain. It’s gonna be like your foot’s gone to sleep times a billion. You’ll notice that I’m waiting till now to tell you.”
“All right, we’re ready.”
They switched the air compressors on and the little “cave” filled with noise. Slowly the huge black air bags began to fill with air. Murphy listened for the telltale sounds of concrete and steel shifting as they got bigger and bigger.
“Lifting!”
“I’m feeling the pain already,” Hanna said.
Murphy ignored them, watching the beam inch its way up. She shoved the wedges in deeper when they need it. This had to work.
“That’s good.” House glanced between the beam and Hanna, double checking the wedges. “That means the pressure’s coming off. Much closer to getting out of here.”
Rocks and dirt began to fall and there were a few ominous groans from far above but everyone pretended like it didn’t exist. She shifted to Hanna’s shoulders, hooking an arm around one while House got the other. There was another creak and the beam lifted higher.
“Come on. Pull her out!”
Murphy put her full weight into it, trying as best she could in the cramped space to get leverage but Hanna didn’t budge. She glanced up briefly at another, louder groan and pulled again.
“Come on!”
“It’s moving!”
“Pull!”
“Aahh!”
Something gave. There was a huge shower of rubble and dirt, the whole place shook and Murphy felt things shift. She was jerked to the right, her head cracked against something hard, leaving her dazed as things continued to tumble and roar. Her helmet kept her from any serious injury but it was still a hell of a hit, hard enough to crack her headlamp and plunge them into darkness. She thought for a brief second that the whole thing was coming down on them and wondered when was the last time she called her daughter?
Then it stopped. There was still some debris falling but it seemed like the worse was over.
“Hanna!” House yelled through the dust, “Hanna! What the hell happened?”
The Captain switched on his helmet light, giving them just the barest hint of light, but it was enough to see by. The ceiling had closed in. They would have to crawl out now. Murphy rolled onto her stomach and pulled herself through the rubble to the light. They were all gathered around Hanna.
“I think the adjacent beam snapped during the lift.” The captain grabbed his radio. “Mayday, mayday, mayday. We had a secondary collapse. We’re alright. How are you guys?”
The radio crackled for a second, then a voice came through. “Rescuse one, copy the mayday. Main tunnel is fine. Rescue’s on the way.”
“Guys,” Murphy pointed to a large piece of concrete that had fallen across Hanna. She had also noticed Hanna hadn’t said a word, even though they were talking around her.
“Lift this up,” McCreaney said.
The three of them struggled to get a grip and enough room to lift, but they managed. It didn’t improve things. Hanna was breathing fast and shallow. House leaned over her, listening.
“Kit, gimme the kit.”
Murphy reached over and dragged the kit into range with McCreaney’s help. House dug through the bag, tugging out a needle.
“No breath sounds on the left side. Tension pneumothorax. Okay, Hanna, one of your lungs is collapsed. I’m gonna have to reinflate it, okay?”
In seconds, House had the syringe package open with his teeth. He popped the plunger out and then slipped the needle in. Murphy held her breath for a second then Hanna coughed and she relaxed. Her breathing was still rough, but it was better than before.
“Both of you need to get topside. You’re bleeding.”
Murphy had been ignoring the trickle of blood she felt along one arm. It was the one she had landed on when things had fallen. She hadn’t noticed House was bleeding too, but now that she looked he was scratched on his nose and his neck was bleeding.
She crawled out first, but she heard House tell Hanna he was leaving. She wondered if Hanna could hear.
---
Murphy tried not to watch Cuddy and House talking while Cuddy was patching him up. An EMT was working on her, but everything she had was superficial really. Her worst injury was a cut on her arm where she had caught a piece of rebar. The helmet really had saved her from a bad head injury. From where she sat on the back step of the ambulance it looked like House had gotten it a lot worse than she had.
Whatever House and Cuddy were discussing it looked intense until they were interrupted by House’s phone. His team, his case, and not the woman under the rubble. Murphy knew what was coming. There was only one option left for Hanna now. She was going to lose her leg. She looked up towards the sky, which was only filled with helicopter search lights.
“Thanks for nothing,” she muttered to nothing.
She was distracted from hating God by the Captain walking up to House and Cuddy. She watched from her safe distance as McCreaney gave the news, House fought and Cuddy fought back. She couldn’t hear it, but she had some experience reading lips and what she managed to figure out made her wince. This fight wasn’t just about Hanna’s leg. She didn’t want to see the rest of it.
“I’m good,” she told the EMT and tossed her empty water bottle into the back of the ambulance. She picked up her dented helmet and turned to the other workers. She wasn’t going back down in that tunnel. She just… couldn’t.
---
“Murphy?”
She looked over, surprised to see Cuddy walking towards her. There was a single tear trail through the dust on the other woman’s cheek. She carefully, but quickly made her way down the rubble pile she was searching and moved in close to Cuddy so she could hear over the noise.
“I thought you should know, Hanna decided to go through with the amputation.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
Cuddy blinked. “You did?”
Murphy shrugged. “After the collapse there was no way out of it. Another lift would just shift things more and we’d lose everything. How’d House take it?”
Cuddy blinked rapidly, “… he talked her into it.”
“Sound medical reasoning?”
The other woman shook her head and they shared a look. This one Murphy understood. Between them it was no secret that they both cared for House. Hell, Murphy was pretty sure Cuddy knew she was in love with House. Murphy definitely knew that Cuddy loved House too, but maybe not in the same way. She was never fully sure of that. It put them in competition with one another, but it also bound them together.
“He talked about his leg?” she was shocked.
“He said… he should’ve amputated it. He said he made the wrong decision.”
“Jesus.” Murphy reeled mentally. House had admitted he was wrong about his leg.
She was moving before she really knew it, quickly making her way to the entrance to the tunnel down. The sound that greeted her was Hanna screaming. House wasn’t up with the crowd, so she knew he was down there working on Hanna’s leg. She closed her eyes in sympathy for Hanna and for House.
She stayed though, through all of it. When the screaming stopped she opened her eyes again, somewhat anxious as to what it meant. Was it over? Or had something gone wrong? Her answer was Hanna coming out on a stretcher, passed to EMTs waiting outside and then House. One look at him told her everything she needed to know. She moved in close and stood silent at his side.
They watched together as Hanna was loaded into an ambulance and Cuddy escorted Hanna’s husband over.
“I don’t care about your legs. Baby, I love you. I love you.”
Husband and wife shared a kiss, making something twist in Murphy’s chest. It wasn’t painful, it was just intense and somewhat uncomfortable.
“I love you.”
She made sure not to look at House. It didn’t matter, he was gone pretty quickly after that making his way to the ambulance and climbing in after Hanna. Murphy stayed behind and watched them drive away.
---
It was an EMT that told her Hanna died. He came back to the scene because he had to, all the rescue workers had to, but he remembered her and told her. Murphy was shocked by the news and pissed. She walked off the scene after that, unable to take it. Driving away she thought about the last time she had seen Hanna, the moment between husband and wife and how there was just so much wrong with the world that two happy people couldn’t have a happy ending. If anyone had ever deserved one… but the world wasn’t about what someone deserved.
She jerked the wheel, pulling what would be an illegal u-turn except she had police plates. Going back to her empty house and a bottle of Jameson’s just didn’t hold any appeal. She really didn’t want to be alone. She was so tired of being alone. All she wanted was to stop feeling so alone.
---
House’s apartment was mostly dark when she walked in. The only light came from the bathroom. She was familiar with the layout, knew how to walk down the hallway without making a sound or alerting House to her presence. She wanted a chance just to see him, to feel the way her just tightened and her heart beat a little faster. It hurt to see him on the floor of his bathroom staring at the pills in his hand. She had expected him to be bad, but this was pretty bad. The bathroom mirror was ripped off the wall and was in pieces in the bathtub. There was hole in the wall, obviously where House had kept a very secret stash of Vicodin.
He looked up at her, taking a deep breath. “You going to leap across the room and grab them out of my hand?”
“I’m thinking about it,” she said, watching him closely. “But it’s your choice isn’t it?”
“Okay. Just so you know, I’m finding it hard to see the downside.”
She moved into the bathroom, leaning against the wall across from him. It was strange seeing him at this angle. She wasn’t usually taller than him. The lines on his face looked deeper, harder from this angle. He looked older; his shoulders seemed weighted down by the evening’s events. She wondered if she looked the same. She certainly felt the same.
“How’s your shoulder?” she asked, not sure what else to say.
He glanced at it, “It’ll need to be re-bandaged. Is that why you’re here? Playing nurse?”
“No.”
“Are you going to yell at me?”
“Why would I?”
“Well, I’m running out of ideas.”
She licked her lips. “So am I.”
“Oh great.”
“House,” Murphy angrily cut him off. She was frustrated with him, with herself and how the night had turned out. She had come here because she needed to, even if it turned out to be another disaster she needed this for herself.
“What the hell are we doing? Every time we’re together it feels good doesn’t it? I stop aching when you’re around.”
“Murphy…”
“I’ve spent the last few weeks letting you go. You wanted Cuddy, not me. Fine. Fine. I took it in stride and look at us. Cuddy’s with Lucas. They’re happy, moving on and you and me, we’re miserable. We make ourselves miserable. What the hell is wrong with us?”
He didn’t look at her, just the pills in his hand. She glanced away. She didn’t have an answer for her own question.
“I don’t know if I can fix myself,” House said softly, drawing her eyes back to him. God, he looked so broken, just as broken as she felt inside. “I’m the most screwed-up person in the world.”
“I know.” Murphy took a breath, her chest tight, and her voice low. It was hard for her to speak, but she had to. “But I love you. Sometimes I wish I didn’t, a lot of the time I wished I didn’t but I do and… I don’t care if you ever get fixed, if this ends up a huge fuck up, I want it. I want you.”
She knew those words would probably kill everything she had with House. She wasn’t supposed to say those words; she wasn’t supposed to feel that way. It was just supposed to be banter, flirting and sometime sex. What was between them was supposed to be nothing substantial, nothing real. Somehow, it had become that. Somewhere along the lines all their careful controls and fail safes had disappeared and something developed between them. In all of that denial, she fell in love with him anyway. He wasn’t the only screwed up person in the world.
House pushed against the floor, but he couldn’t make it up. He looked up at her and held out a hand. Maybe it wouldn’t mean anything with anyone else but this was tem and that simple gesture held a lot of meaning. She took his hand and helped him up. He didn’t let go of his hand when he got to his feet.
She watched him as he moved in, his eyes on hers. The closer he got, the more she felt it. It was bittersweet, a little painful but strong, intense, deep. She didn’t fight it down or pretend it didn’t exist. For the first time she let herself be in love with him.
With her eyes closed and head tipped back she waited. She could feel House inches away from her, warm and smelling like dust and sweat. She breathed him in, her mouth dropping open slightly when she felt his breath against her cheek, then over her lips. Carefully, gently House kissed her. She kissed him back, loving, soft. There was an instant where all the cracks felt intensely wide and then slowly they began to close, she stopped feeling so lonely.
“Last time I hallucinated you were Cuddy,” he said when he drew back, but stayed close.
She opened her eyes so he could see her rolling them. “You didn’t take the Vicodin.”
House opened his hand and looked down at the pills in his hand. “Nope, guess not.”
“Then we’re good.” She smiled, softly, sweetly.
She got the same smile from House in return. “Yeah, we are.”
The Vicodin pills dropped to the floor with a soft clatter as House leaned in towards her for another kiss. Murphy caught his now empty hand in hers and tangled their fingers together. Oh, it was good.
---