Do people who aren't sorry deserve forgiveness?
I just felt like articulating this...
I had the question posed "why do people hate each other?" and my instinctive reaction was, "Because they are unforgiving."
That seemed to put the whole fault for the situation of hate on the one who was wronged, in other words it's -- dare I say it -- some variety of victim-blaming.
My method of reasoning to a resolution involves something of a debate between sides in my head so in defense of the unforgiving hater I asked myself the question, "what if the one who has wronged the victim (of course this is simplified for the sake of this argument) did not deserve forgiveness?"
But I realised that forgiveness is not just something you give to other people as a gift of selflessness. It's something you do for yourself, to move on. You can forgive someone who is not sorry for what they have done, who perhaps even continues to behave inappropriately, and you should forgive them because you deserve it.
If you are such a mindful person as to be considering forgiving someone who has not only done you wrong but is not sorry for it, I honestly believe that your compassion is great enough that you deserve to be free of the pain of anger associated with continuing to be unforgiving.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." -Buddha
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I recently read a comment from someone who had been treated badly by another person and said she didn't want to let it go because she felt that would let the wrongdoer "win." I guess the reasoning is that if she went on with her life as if nothing had happened, it would be condoning what was done.
Keeping with that concept of 'letting them win': if someone does something to harm you and you continue to let it negatively affect you, I think they have really hit the jackpot there. However, if you are able to stand up and put it beside you and go on with your life not letting it get you down, you've shown them that their horrible actions have not managed to destroy you, you have won over them.
I thought that might be helpful to some other people too.
I had the question posed "why do people hate each other?" and my instinctive reaction was, "Because they are unforgiving."
That seemed to put the whole fault for the situation of hate on the one who was wronged, in other words it's -- dare I say it -- some variety of victim-blaming.
My method of reasoning to a resolution involves something of a debate between sides in my head so in defense of the unforgiving hater I asked myself the question, "what if the one who has wronged the victim (of course this is simplified for the sake of this argument) did not deserve forgiveness?"
But I realised that forgiveness is not just something you give to other people as a gift of selflessness. It's something you do for yourself, to move on. You can forgive someone who is not sorry for what they have done, who perhaps even continues to behave inappropriately, and you should forgive them because you deserve it.
If you are such a mindful person as to be considering forgiving someone who has not only done you wrong but is not sorry for it, I honestly believe that your compassion is great enough that you deserve to be free of the pain of anger associated with continuing to be unforgiving.
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned." -Buddha
---
I recently read a comment from someone who had been treated badly by another person and said she didn't want to let it go because she felt that would let the wrongdoer "win." I guess the reasoning is that if she went on with her life as if nothing had happened, it would be condoning what was done.
Keeping with that concept of 'letting them win': if someone does something to harm you and you continue to let it negatively affect you, I think they have really hit the jackpot there. However, if you are able to stand up and put it beside you and go on with your life not letting it get you down, you've shown them that their horrible actions have not managed to destroy you, you have won over them.
I thought that might be helpful to some other people too.