Hard Lessons Learned from Experience
Do not move bookcases without removing the books. You will most likely understimate the weight of the books and either get a hernia or drop the bookcase or the books will fall out, making loud noises and possibly injuring you or killing small animals.
If a dog runs from you, it's probably not a good idea to chase it too much.
If a cat growls at you and swipes at your hand, don't try to pick it up.
If your newt dies, don't be too sad, they're not supposed to live long anyway and it probably had a good run.
Don't decide to reorganize your bookcases late at night, or if you do, make sure to remove all books before moving them. Moving them in the night and dropping stuff everywhere will wake people up, and even if they don't come downstairs, they'll be cranky in the morning.
Never suggest someone do something that would affect you disadventageously, especially if you think there's a possibility they might do it.
Don't tell your parents about the people you meet online. They'll probably get paranoid and demand you stop using that satanic AOL.
Don't use AOL, AIM is free, effective, and won't kick you off as often.
If you buy a computer don't go for the cheap pre-paid internet plan when you buy a computer because by the time it's up you will have probably gotten something faster than it and you will have wasted your money.
If you drink, don't drive. Going back to school, if someone else is driving, is perfectly fine and no one will notice.
Don't drink expired prescription cough syrup with codine and go to school. People will think you're a stoner for at least a year.
Don't combat things people "know" to be true [the media is fair and balanced, evolution exists, paul is dead, all disney movies have porn in them every few frames, all war is wrong, and kurt cobain was murdered] because even if you have the facs to back it up people will get loud, not let you speak, and ridicule you for years. Especially don't do this if you are doing a timed presentation.
Don't try to be clever when writing history papers. Don't make stupid mistakes while writing history papers. Don't plagiarize while writing history papers [even if the instructor never finds out, you'll feel guilty when he tells you how much he likes it]. Don't wait until the last minute to write history papers. Let nothing, not even a car accident and a jerk secretary, prevent you from having your instructor read it over the day before and tell you what to fix. Unless you have a pushover history teacher who gives everyone better grades than they deserve.
Don't sit around late at night burning cds and writing lists like this.
Don't stay up all night on a consistent basis.
Don't wait until the week before to study for the SATs.
Don't assume you can ace an exam by not doing any of the work, not reading any of the course materials, showing up to class sporadically, and just rereading everything the night before and getting no sleep.
Don't use your calculator for any reason during a timed write. You will end up playing a puzzle game and before you know it, the timed write is over, and you failed the AP test.
Don't go to Azteca and order a margarita without saying virgin if you look old and have to drive yourself home.
Don't be afraid to ask people to use their cellphone on the freeway if they have to stop for a light and your car is broken down on the side of the road.
Don't get evil dogs from the pound.
Don't assume the one cd you dropped under your bed must of been the one you wanted to listen to. It was probably something obscure, like Disney's Sing-Along's and you'll just end up with a face full of dust wondering why you wasted the time.
Don't put premade coffee, milk, creamer, flavor, and water in the coffee pot, THEN put way too much coffee in. You'll end up jamming the pot, spilling hot stuff everywhere, and ending up with about 3 cups of weak coffee that tastes like spoiled milk full of grounds and a mess.
Don't print anything past midnight. The printer will go through about 5 years of making noises to "warm itself up" and by the time the printing is done someone will have woken up and will become cranky in the morning.
Don't be cranky in the morning.
Eat breakfast usually, but once in a while skip cause it's sometimes to fun to eat tons of leftover cheese pizza, 4 cans of soda, and an omelette for lunch without guilt and then become so tired you go back to sleep.
Don't assume anything about anyone at any time or you'll probably be wrong and end up doing something based on assumption and come off as a pretentious jerk.
Don't follow the advice of your friends when it comes to girls.
Don't ignore the advice of your friends when it comes to most anything else.
Don't pay attention to the advice of your enemies, it will either hurt you or it is something widespread.
Don't stay up all night to watch anime download, because it's a rare episode. It'll download itself or it'll stop downloading if the other user logs off, there's about nothing you can do about it.
Don't accidentally cancel a 300 meg download 1 meg to completion, especially if you use dialup.
If you are a guy, look at the hair of whichever parent your hair is more like. If your like your dad, and he never had long hair, don't grow out our hair, and if your like your mom, and she has short hair, don't grow out your hair. You'll go through an awkward phase of hair not long enough to pull back but too long to gel, and then you'll find out they didn't grow their hair long because it looks like crap long.
Remember the sacred rules of dating: "bros before hoes", the "area code rule", and "she's up for grabs if there isn't a ring on her finger."
Don't pressure a girl to go on a date if she doesn't want to.
Give a girl at least a week's notice if you want to take her to a formal dance and you have never expressed any interest in her prior to asking her.
Ignore your friends yelling at you to hurry up if you're talking to a hot chick at a happening location, the first words out of her mouth were "you were awesome!", and you're about to ask her to semi-tolo.
Don't confess your love for a girl who hates you on the bus, especially in front of her wrestler big brother.
Don't question your friends decisions or motives, especially late at night, especially with swearing.
Just cause a girls' friend says she really likes you, doesn't mean it's true.
Don't tell girls hearsay you heard through the grapevine, and REALLY don't tell their football big brothers or cop fathers.
Don't listen to The Mamas and the Papas.
No matter if it's 4 vhs tapes and it's only $3.00, don't buy anything you don't ever think you're going to watch.
Never check out more than 3 videos from the library if you have a busy week. You'll keep them all an extra day and owe the library at least $4.00.
Only drink Starbucks coffee every so often. If you drink no coffee but it for a week you'll think other coffee tastes horrible for a long while.
If a girl tells you she wants you to meat her at Jack in the Box, she isn't talking about talking, and you need to convince your friend to drive you there fast if you don't have a car.
Don't crash into old men with nice cars.
Don't talk to the weirdos at folklife, and don't let the crazies dressed up like rainbows "bless" you with their strange wands that look like they're normally used for BDSM.
Don't ever spend more than 5 hours a day on something you know is worthless and is not fun.
Make sure to get how much money is offered to you to cut your hair in writing, lest someone wait until you were going to cut your hair soon anyway and offer you only half the money.
If a hot girl dating your arch-rival slowdances with you because your arch-rival isn't heartless and you looked sad, stupid, and alone on the dance floor, don't think much of it, question it, and REALLY don't write a song about it then later pretend it's a radio hit and look stupid.
Don't speculate too much on whether your friends are virgins are not.
It's always a good idea to assume someone has done less than they already have.
Don't end up jaded young, it'll only make you seem older quicker. Most girls are tired of the Kurt Cobain-esque tortured soul and the ones who go for it have hotter tortured souls for boyfriends already.
Don't make it obvious to someone you really dig them when you send them an email about one of those "what do you think of me?" surveys, especially if they are going out with someone.
Don't do "what do you think of me" surveys.
Don't order any more than 6 shots of coffee.
Don't assume coffee, red bull, and energy pills will allow you to go two days without sleep.
Don't try to break any records in the guinness book of world records, and if you do try, make sure to get it on tape in front of the officials or else it won't count.
Don't watch the spanish channel unless you speak spanish, even to see the soap opera with the bumble man that the simpsons always makes fun of.
Don't try to speak spanish at a mexican restaurant, japanese at a sushi/teriyaki shop, chinese in chinatown, italian in little italy, or any other language you assume your server knows, especially if you in the mall's food court. If they don't know it you come off as a pompous jackass, and if you don't know it well you come across as a dilletantte.
Don't do anything in public you wouldn't do in front of people trying to keep it concealed. Someone will notice and tell everyone and you will be the laughingstock for a while and people will write notes in your yearbook only other people can read and will laugh at you.
Don't bet a trillian dollars with 50/50 odds.
Don't drive a foreclift wihtout knowing how.
Don't try to go 100 mph with a crappy car. If you make it, cops will hear you a mile away, and if you don't, you could of been caught for speeding and you'll just try it again tomorrow anyway.
Don't study too much for math tests you assume will be hard. They will be easy. Don't slack in studying for math tests that seem like they will be easy. They will be hard.
Don't take anyone too seriously. People are fallible and err on a daily basis.
Don't explain anything you don't understand.
Don't teach anything you can't do.
If you have a mental condition try to hide it from people rather than exemplify it.
If people are scared of you, laughing at you, and staring at you; you shouldn't be doing what you're doing.
Don't sleep or play video games when you have homework you absolutely NEED to do.
Don't insult people twice your size.
Don't try to stop black people from fighting you by trying to scare them off by taunting them with "But do YOU wanna start something?" In the same vein, don't pronounce Fifty Cent without both F's if you don't want to start something.
Don't start something, and don't ask people if they want to.
Don't listen too much to any one song or even genre of music at a time.
If there is nothing to eat but 2 year old frozen almonds, 3 year old frozen strawberries, and 5 year old ritz, it is better to be hungry for a day.
Never cook stew you won't eat at a friends house and then try to pour it in the sink without anyone knowing.
Never cook stew at a friend's house if he has infestations of ants in his kitchen cause then they'll go in the soup and you won't eat it, so you'll try to throw it in the trash with no one knowing.
Don't submit crappy poetry to poetry.com. They will send you ceaseless mail with simulated pictures of you accepting a trophy on stage and a big check like from the price is right.
Don't flash Bob Barker on the price is right. He'll probably die of a heart attack or something.
Don't make fun of dead people. It isn't nice and their relatives may sue you. Especially don't make fun of dead presidents or those who spent their life making lots of kids lives happy. Esp. LBJ, FDR, JFK, and Mr. Rogers.
Don't try to speak what you learned in japanese class to people who have lived in Japan besides teachers. They will laugh at your "cleverness" because they understand and can speak much more then they say they can.
Don't watch poorly subbed anime on your computer all night long. You will go to school wondering why, sleep through all your classes, and end up bombing both AP tets in a few months.
Don't take the AP tests. You will probably fail, and even if you don't, it's not really worth it.
Don't admit how little you could complete of the Calc AP test, or why you started playing games on your calculator, even if to brag about your new high score.
Don't say ONE WORD about asking people about their PSAT scores or about your score if you know you scored higher than anyone else in the whole school.
Don't brag about your life to challenge program kids. They probably did things better than you, and even if you're smarter now, they will think they're smarter.
Even if you are the smartest kid in a room full of smart kids, don't let on that you know that you're the smartest. Always tell people about how smart someone who works hard is, and how poorly you do, and NEVER let anyone see your straight A report card.
Straight A report cards are good for many things. For getting free tokens at arcades, for making your parents happy, for getting into college, for gloating over your enemies, and for low car insurance rates. Bad report cards are good for nothing.
Don't drink the bong water.
If your best friends are friends with a man you have emnity with, the sooner you settle your differences, the better.
Don't exaggerate how stupid something you did was.
If you're going really fast down a steep hill on a razor scooter, don't try to speed up, and DON'T try to jump over a speed bump. You will crash, get a concussion, cuss out the whole town, rip up your whole face, look like crap for a few days, and wind up in the emergency room of the hospital.
Don't tell the lady who asks you what radio station you want to listen to while you're getting an MRI any station which you don't know what it is.
Don't buy cans without labels.
Don't tell girls anything about their butt or their boobs.
Unless you're really good at speaking in front of crowds, don't do presentations wtihout notecards/preperation/stapling together a crappy visual aid when you need a visual aid to pass.
You probably shouldn't discuss religion or politics with most anyone much.
Don't listen to your own voice too much, it will make you narcissistic.
Don't try to date someone from another state if you've only known them a week anyway.
Don't put your picture on a dating site. No matter what, in the long run, enough people of the same sex will give you a 1 in order to slightly raise their own ranking.
Don't let your friends give girls you like nicknames related to food or animals. Too many dirty injokes will occur and sadly, you will never get the girl.
Don't pretend that you are black, unless you are. Then pretending is acceptable.
Don't use pick up lines related to star trek.
Don't use a dumb phrase so much people stereotype you as using it and never let you stop knowing how dumb it was years after you stop doing it.
Don't watch TV wrestling.
Don't be mad at slow process. It is to be expected if what you are doing is worth doing.
Don't be afraid to try new food. Except if it is 2 for 1 fried oyster night at skippers.
Never try to make injokes with someone based on what you read on their "private journal", and if you do, don't look at them right afterwards, and if you do, don't say nothing for 10 seconds and then shout out "AWKWARD!"
Don't shout out "AWKWARD!"
Play DDR privately before you do it publicly.
Never ascribe to belong to a group you don't understand, or support a belief you don't know much about.
Only protest if you know you'll always feel strongly about an issue.
Don't make fun of fat, lazy teachers. You'll probably become one some day.
Don't belittle yourself, you are more amazing than you will ever imagine.
Don't talk about your beliefs unless they are ultra liberal in a racial equality group who's motto is "kill whitie".
Don't say "kill whitie!" or belong to a group that has it as a motto.
Don't be bigoted towards certain groups of people in front of them, but this isn't as big of an issue if they are pacifists.
Never reprint anyone's long rambling list of advice in a book or blog without asking the author.
[DISCLAIMER: There are some things in this list I have never done. I threw them in to trip you up, and because of this disclaimer, you cannot claim I have ever done any of these things. Goodnight, and have a pleasant tommorrow. Oh yeah, and if you DO know that I have done certain ones of these things, tell no one of your findings, under penalty of something.]
If a dog runs from you, it's probably not a good idea to chase it too much.
If a cat growls at you and swipes at your hand, don't try to pick it up.
If your newt dies, don't be too sad, they're not supposed to live long anyway and it probably had a good run.
Don't decide to reorganize your bookcases late at night, or if you do, make sure to remove all books before moving them. Moving them in the night and dropping stuff everywhere will wake people up, and even if they don't come downstairs, they'll be cranky in the morning.
Never suggest someone do something that would affect you disadventageously, especially if you think there's a possibility they might do it.
Don't tell your parents about the people you meet online. They'll probably get paranoid and demand you stop using that satanic AOL.
Don't use AOL, AIM is free, effective, and won't kick you off as often.
If you buy a computer don't go for the cheap pre-paid internet plan when you buy a computer because by the time it's up you will have probably gotten something faster than it and you will have wasted your money.
If you drink, don't drive. Going back to school, if someone else is driving, is perfectly fine and no one will notice.
Don't drink expired prescription cough syrup with codine and go to school. People will think you're a stoner for at least a year.
Don't combat things people "know" to be true [the media is fair and balanced, evolution exists, paul is dead, all disney movies have porn in them every few frames, all war is wrong, and kurt cobain was murdered] because even if you have the facs to back it up people will get loud, not let you speak, and ridicule you for years. Especially don't do this if you are doing a timed presentation.
Don't try to be clever when writing history papers. Don't make stupid mistakes while writing history papers. Don't plagiarize while writing history papers [even if the instructor never finds out, you'll feel guilty when he tells you how much he likes it]. Don't wait until the last minute to write history papers. Let nothing, not even a car accident and a jerk secretary, prevent you from having your instructor read it over the day before and tell you what to fix. Unless you have a pushover history teacher who gives everyone better grades than they deserve.
Don't sit around late at night burning cds and writing lists like this.
Don't stay up all night on a consistent basis.
Don't wait until the week before to study for the SATs.
Don't assume you can ace an exam by not doing any of the work, not reading any of the course materials, showing up to class sporadically, and just rereading everything the night before and getting no sleep.
Don't use your calculator for any reason during a timed write. You will end up playing a puzzle game and before you know it, the timed write is over, and you failed the AP test.
Don't go to Azteca and order a margarita without saying virgin if you look old and have to drive yourself home.
Don't be afraid to ask people to use their cellphone on the freeway if they have to stop for a light and your car is broken down on the side of the road.
Don't get evil dogs from the pound.
Don't assume the one cd you dropped under your bed must of been the one you wanted to listen to. It was probably something obscure, like Disney's Sing-Along's and you'll just end up with a face full of dust wondering why you wasted the time.
Don't put premade coffee, milk, creamer, flavor, and water in the coffee pot, THEN put way too much coffee in. You'll end up jamming the pot, spilling hot stuff everywhere, and ending up with about 3 cups of weak coffee that tastes like spoiled milk full of grounds and a mess.
Don't print anything past midnight. The printer will go through about 5 years of making noises to "warm itself up" and by the time the printing is done someone will have woken up and will become cranky in the morning.
Don't be cranky in the morning.
Eat breakfast usually, but once in a while skip cause it's sometimes to fun to eat tons of leftover cheese pizza, 4 cans of soda, and an omelette for lunch without guilt and then become so tired you go back to sleep.
Don't assume anything about anyone at any time or you'll probably be wrong and end up doing something based on assumption and come off as a pretentious jerk.
Don't follow the advice of your friends when it comes to girls.
Don't ignore the advice of your friends when it comes to most anything else.
Don't pay attention to the advice of your enemies, it will either hurt you or it is something widespread.
Don't stay up all night to watch anime download, because it's a rare episode. It'll download itself or it'll stop downloading if the other user logs off, there's about nothing you can do about it.
Don't accidentally cancel a 300 meg download 1 meg to completion, especially if you use dialup.
If you are a guy, look at the hair of whichever parent your hair is more like. If your like your dad, and he never had long hair, don't grow out our hair, and if your like your mom, and she has short hair, don't grow out your hair. You'll go through an awkward phase of hair not long enough to pull back but too long to gel, and then you'll find out they didn't grow their hair long because it looks like crap long.
Remember the sacred rules of dating: "bros before hoes", the "area code rule", and "she's up for grabs if there isn't a ring on her finger."
Don't pressure a girl to go on a date if she doesn't want to.
Give a girl at least a week's notice if you want to take her to a formal dance and you have never expressed any interest in her prior to asking her.
Ignore your friends yelling at you to hurry up if you're talking to a hot chick at a happening location, the first words out of her mouth were "you were awesome!", and you're about to ask her to semi-tolo.
Don't confess your love for a girl who hates you on the bus, especially in front of her wrestler big brother.
Don't question your friends decisions or motives, especially late at night, especially with swearing.
Just cause a girls' friend says she really likes you, doesn't mean it's true.
Don't tell girls hearsay you heard through the grapevine, and REALLY don't tell their football big brothers or cop fathers.
Don't listen to The Mamas and the Papas.
No matter if it's 4 vhs tapes and it's only $3.00, don't buy anything you don't ever think you're going to watch.
Never check out more than 3 videos from the library if you have a busy week. You'll keep them all an extra day and owe the library at least $4.00.
Only drink Starbucks coffee every so often. If you drink no coffee but it for a week you'll think other coffee tastes horrible for a long while.
If a girl tells you she wants you to meat her at Jack in the Box, she isn't talking about talking, and you need to convince your friend to drive you there fast if you don't have a car.
Don't crash into old men with nice cars.
Don't talk to the weirdos at folklife, and don't let the crazies dressed up like rainbows "bless" you with their strange wands that look like they're normally used for BDSM.
Don't ever spend more than 5 hours a day on something you know is worthless and is not fun.
Make sure to get how much money is offered to you to cut your hair in writing, lest someone wait until you were going to cut your hair soon anyway and offer you only half the money.
If a hot girl dating your arch-rival slowdances with you because your arch-rival isn't heartless and you looked sad, stupid, and alone on the dance floor, don't think much of it, question it, and REALLY don't write a song about it then later pretend it's a radio hit and look stupid.
Don't speculate too much on whether your friends are virgins are not.
It's always a good idea to assume someone has done less than they already have.
Don't end up jaded young, it'll only make you seem older quicker. Most girls are tired of the Kurt Cobain-esque tortured soul and the ones who go for it have hotter tortured souls for boyfriends already.
Don't make it obvious to someone you really dig them when you send them an email about one of those "what do you think of me?" surveys, especially if they are going out with someone.
Don't do "what do you think of me" surveys.
Don't order any more than 6 shots of coffee.
Don't assume coffee, red bull, and energy pills will allow you to go two days without sleep.
Don't try to break any records in the guinness book of world records, and if you do try, make sure to get it on tape in front of the officials or else it won't count.
Don't watch the spanish channel unless you speak spanish, even to see the soap opera with the bumble man that the simpsons always makes fun of.
Don't try to speak spanish at a mexican restaurant, japanese at a sushi/teriyaki shop, chinese in chinatown, italian in little italy, or any other language you assume your server knows, especially if you in the mall's food court. If they don't know it you come off as a pompous jackass, and if you don't know it well you come across as a dilletantte.
Don't do anything in public you wouldn't do in front of people trying to keep it concealed. Someone will notice and tell everyone and you will be the laughingstock for a while and people will write notes in your yearbook only other people can read and will laugh at you.
Don't bet a trillian dollars with 50/50 odds.
Don't drive a foreclift wihtout knowing how.
Don't try to go 100 mph with a crappy car. If you make it, cops will hear you a mile away, and if you don't, you could of been caught for speeding and you'll just try it again tomorrow anyway.
Don't study too much for math tests you assume will be hard. They will be easy. Don't slack in studying for math tests that seem like they will be easy. They will be hard.
Don't take anyone too seriously. People are fallible and err on a daily basis.
Don't explain anything you don't understand.
Don't teach anything you can't do.
If you have a mental condition try to hide it from people rather than exemplify it.
If people are scared of you, laughing at you, and staring at you; you shouldn't be doing what you're doing.
Don't sleep or play video games when you have homework you absolutely NEED to do.
Don't insult people twice your size.
Don't try to stop black people from fighting you by trying to scare them off by taunting them with "But do YOU wanna start something?" In the same vein, don't pronounce Fifty Cent without both F's if you don't want to start something.
Don't start something, and don't ask people if they want to.
Don't listen too much to any one song or even genre of music at a time.
If there is nothing to eat but 2 year old frozen almonds, 3 year old frozen strawberries, and 5 year old ritz, it is better to be hungry for a day.
Never cook stew you won't eat at a friends house and then try to pour it in the sink without anyone knowing.
Never cook stew at a friend's house if he has infestations of ants in his kitchen cause then they'll go in the soup and you won't eat it, so you'll try to throw it in the trash with no one knowing.
Don't submit crappy poetry to poetry.com. They will send you ceaseless mail with simulated pictures of you accepting a trophy on stage and a big check like from the price is right.
Don't flash Bob Barker on the price is right. He'll probably die of a heart attack or something.
Don't make fun of dead people. It isn't nice and their relatives may sue you. Especially don't make fun of dead presidents or those who spent their life making lots of kids lives happy. Esp. LBJ, FDR, JFK, and Mr. Rogers.
Don't try to speak what you learned in japanese class to people who have lived in Japan besides teachers. They will laugh at your "cleverness" because they understand and can speak much more then they say they can.
Don't watch poorly subbed anime on your computer all night long. You will go to school wondering why, sleep through all your classes, and end up bombing both AP tets in a few months.
Don't take the AP tests. You will probably fail, and even if you don't, it's not really worth it.
Don't admit how little you could complete of the Calc AP test, or why you started playing games on your calculator, even if to brag about your new high score.
Don't say ONE WORD about asking people about their PSAT scores or about your score if you know you scored higher than anyone else in the whole school.
Don't brag about your life to challenge program kids. They probably did things better than you, and even if you're smarter now, they will think they're smarter.
Even if you are the smartest kid in a room full of smart kids, don't let on that you know that you're the smartest. Always tell people about how smart someone who works hard is, and how poorly you do, and NEVER let anyone see your straight A report card.
Straight A report cards are good for many things. For getting free tokens at arcades, for making your parents happy, for getting into college, for gloating over your enemies, and for low car insurance rates. Bad report cards are good for nothing.
Don't drink the bong water.
If your best friends are friends with a man you have emnity with, the sooner you settle your differences, the better.
Don't exaggerate how stupid something you did was.
If you're going really fast down a steep hill on a razor scooter, don't try to speed up, and DON'T try to jump over a speed bump. You will crash, get a concussion, cuss out the whole town, rip up your whole face, look like crap for a few days, and wind up in the emergency room of the hospital.
Don't tell the lady who asks you what radio station you want to listen to while you're getting an MRI any station which you don't know what it is.
Don't buy cans without labels.
Don't tell girls anything about their butt or their boobs.
Unless you're really good at speaking in front of crowds, don't do presentations wtihout notecards/preperation/stapling together a crappy visual aid when you need a visual aid to pass.
You probably shouldn't discuss religion or politics with most anyone much.
Don't listen to your own voice too much, it will make you narcissistic.
Don't try to date someone from another state if you've only known them a week anyway.
Don't put your picture on a dating site. No matter what, in the long run, enough people of the same sex will give you a 1 in order to slightly raise their own ranking.
Don't let your friends give girls you like nicknames related to food or animals. Too many dirty injokes will occur and sadly, you will never get the girl.
Don't pretend that you are black, unless you are. Then pretending is acceptable.
Don't use pick up lines related to star trek.
Don't use a dumb phrase so much people stereotype you as using it and never let you stop knowing how dumb it was years after you stop doing it.
Don't watch TV wrestling.
Don't be mad at slow process. It is to be expected if what you are doing is worth doing.
Don't be afraid to try new food. Except if it is 2 for 1 fried oyster night at skippers.
Never try to make injokes with someone based on what you read on their "private journal", and if you do, don't look at them right afterwards, and if you do, don't say nothing for 10 seconds and then shout out "AWKWARD!"
Don't shout out "AWKWARD!"
Play DDR privately before you do it publicly.
Never ascribe to belong to a group you don't understand, or support a belief you don't know much about.
Only protest if you know you'll always feel strongly about an issue.
Don't make fun of fat, lazy teachers. You'll probably become one some day.
Don't belittle yourself, you are more amazing than you will ever imagine.
Don't talk about your beliefs unless they are ultra liberal in a racial equality group who's motto is "kill whitie".
Don't say "kill whitie!" or belong to a group that has it as a motto.
Don't be bigoted towards certain groups of people in front of them, but this isn't as big of an issue if they are pacifists.
Never reprint anyone's long rambling list of advice in a book or blog without asking the author.
[DISCLAIMER: There are some things in this list I have never done. I threw them in to trip you up, and because of this disclaimer, you cannot claim I have ever done any of these things. Goodnight, and have a pleasant tommorrow. Oh yeah, and if you DO know that I have done certain ones of these things, tell no one of your findings, under penalty of something.]