Feel a need to say this.
Okay, so I realize that I have changed a lot since I was in, oh, let's just say, 5th grade. I dont talk to Kara anymore, and I'm friends with more people now. But it's mainly because situations in my life happened to me that helped me to open up more and get to know more people than just one person. I think I've changed for the better. I'm happy of the person I've become, even if I am a perfectionist. I'm seriously beginning to actually like myself and be proud of myself, and I try hard to be friendly to almost everyone I meet. To some that may seem like I'm trying to get every single person in the world to like me, but that's not the case. Christainity says that we must love our neighbors, so it pretty much says we should be friendly and nice to just about everyone.
I'm glad I've changed. I'm happy with who I'm becoming and the choices I've been making. This Summer I've grown up a lot, and I dont want to have to deal with petty back stabbing and drama and talking about other people. I don't talk about anyone that much anymore, unless I get to know them well enough first to understand why they make the desicions they've made. It just makes me feel bad to talk about people. Does it make anyone else feel bad? I mean, you're downing someone who's a great person for a mistake they've made or a flaw they have. It just doesn't seem right, why do we as teenagers feel the need to down everyone instead of buliding a person up? I learned that at Summer Camp, and yes, I did go to a bible camp. I love Jesus, I love God, and the fact that I have a belief and a religon has opened my eyes and changed me for the better. I really don't care if you don't believe in it, and you think I'm just being stupid, but it's my desicion and my belief.
I hated myself in 6th and 5th grade, even in 7th grade. Actually, espically in 7th grade, considering I had to sit there and take torment and pain and backstabbing for about 6 months, maybe even more. The fact that a group of girls, who I thought were my friends, just suddenly turned their backs on me (and I never did get a real reason why, which probably makes me the most upset) hurt. It still hurts. I still wish I could go back in time and punch the girl who started it all in her face. But I can't. I wish I had stuck up for myself and I wish I hadn't acted like I was so oblivious to everything. I wish I had taken better care or at least listened to my real friends, which at the time were Angela and Leighann. But it's in the past, as most of those girls like to put it, and it's over with. I just wish I had done something, ANYTHING, to prove how much it hurt. To have that go on for 6 months... and then I almost failed 7th grade because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. It killed every single day to go to school and be made fun of, or talked about, or had a new rumor spread about me. I felt like no one loved or understood me, or even wanted me alive. I was tempted with suicide for the longest time because of that. Yes, a group of girls made me want to kill myself. I'm not being emo, but I was a 13 year old girl, of course I got tempted. And after all the things done and said about me, who wouldnt?
But then I found God, and grew up a little more. But my obsession with boys and getting boys to like me kicked in, and I had thoughts that probably weren't so great in God's eyes. I later lost God and just became Agnostic, and I questioned Jesus and God all 8th grade year.
It wasn't until July 3rd, 2006 that I made a full and real commitment to God. I asked him to be my savoir , to watch out for me, and I say with full confidence that he has. He helped me grow up, open my eyes, and now I dont have those suicidal thoughts. He gave me the courage to write and speak about blogs like these, and to stick up for myself when I felt needed. HE'S changed me, made me BETTER. I dont care if anyone thinks that I was better in 6th and 5th grade, that's your own opinion, but my opinion is that I'm better now than I ever was in my whole life.
This is what I need to tell everyone, and this entry will later become a blog on myspace. But this is me. This is who I've wanted and needed to be my whole life, I like the way I am now. You can talk about me, you can say bad things about me, but it won't matter. Because God and Jesus love me. I had friends who are true and love me and don't talk about me. I have a good family that support my faith and helps me through every sitution. I have a loving and supporitve boyfriend who makes me the happiest I've ever been. I have a best friend who's there for me, 100%. I have a nice house with good food and good people in it. I get good grades in school and work as hard as I can. I can actually talk to my parents about things, and they both have good jobs and can support my family. I'm happy with my life, I'm glad I'm living. So, go ahead and talk. But it won't change my life, or me. I'm not as weak as I was in 7th grade, I can take care of myself now. I won't kill myself because some girls decide that I'm a horrible person.
I'm glad I've changed. I'm happy with who I'm becoming and the choices I've been making. This Summer I've grown up a lot, and I dont want to have to deal with petty back stabbing and drama and talking about other people. I don't talk about anyone that much anymore, unless I get to know them well enough first to understand why they make the desicions they've made. It just makes me feel bad to talk about people. Does it make anyone else feel bad? I mean, you're downing someone who's a great person for a mistake they've made or a flaw they have. It just doesn't seem right, why do we as teenagers feel the need to down everyone instead of buliding a person up? I learned that at Summer Camp, and yes, I did go to a bible camp. I love Jesus, I love God, and the fact that I have a belief and a religon has opened my eyes and changed me for the better. I really don't care if you don't believe in it, and you think I'm just being stupid, but it's my desicion and my belief.
I hated myself in 6th and 5th grade, even in 7th grade. Actually, espically in 7th grade, considering I had to sit there and take torment and pain and backstabbing for about 6 months, maybe even more. The fact that a group of girls, who I thought were my friends, just suddenly turned their backs on me (and I never did get a real reason why, which probably makes me the most upset) hurt. It still hurts. I still wish I could go back in time and punch the girl who started it all in her face. But I can't. I wish I had stuck up for myself and I wish I hadn't acted like I was so oblivious to everything. I wish I had taken better care or at least listened to my real friends, which at the time were Angela and Leighann. But it's in the past, as most of those girls like to put it, and it's over with. I just wish I had done something, ANYTHING, to prove how much it hurt. To have that go on for 6 months... and then I almost failed 7th grade because I couldn't concentrate on anything else. It killed every single day to go to school and be made fun of, or talked about, or had a new rumor spread about me. I felt like no one loved or understood me, or even wanted me alive. I was tempted with suicide for the longest time because of that. Yes, a group of girls made me want to kill myself. I'm not being emo, but I was a 13 year old girl, of course I got tempted. And after all the things done and said about me, who wouldnt?
But then I found God, and grew up a little more. But my obsession with boys and getting boys to like me kicked in, and I had thoughts that probably weren't so great in God's eyes. I later lost God and just became Agnostic, and I questioned Jesus and God all 8th grade year.
It wasn't until July 3rd, 2006 that I made a full and real commitment to God. I asked him to be my savoir , to watch out for me, and I say with full confidence that he has. He helped me grow up, open my eyes, and now I dont have those suicidal thoughts. He gave me the courage to write and speak about blogs like these, and to stick up for myself when I felt needed. HE'S changed me, made me BETTER. I dont care if anyone thinks that I was better in 6th and 5th grade, that's your own opinion, but my opinion is that I'm better now than I ever was in my whole life.
This is what I need to tell everyone, and this entry will later become a blog on myspace. But this is me. This is who I've wanted and needed to be my whole life, I like the way I am now. You can talk about me, you can say bad things about me, but it won't matter. Because God and Jesus love me. I had friends who are true and love me and don't talk about me. I have a good family that support my faith and helps me through every sitution. I have a loving and supporitve boyfriend who makes me the happiest I've ever been. I have a best friend who's there for me, 100%. I have a nice house with good food and good people in it. I get good grades in school and work as hard as I can. I can actually talk to my parents about things, and they both have good jobs and can support my family. I'm happy with my life, I'm glad I'm living. So, go ahead and talk. But it won't change my life, or me. I'm not as weak as I was in 7th grade, I can take care of myself now. I won't kill myself because some girls decide that I'm a horrible person.