This is stupid
After awaking this morning on an unfamiliar couch, feeling very much like I had in fact drank the seven beers that I remembered drinking, I was reminded that alcohol has two effects on me. The first is that it makes any sleeping problems that I have disappear. And with the morning, comes the whiplash second effect; depression. I didn't exactly picture the new year starting with me sitting in my car at Boulevard Park staring at the water, nearing a breakdown. But alas, that is in fact what happened this morning. With the aid of a few tunes, I started feeling slightly better. Truly it was the company of Mr. McKay that saved me today though (that and the tasty garlic soup that he made!) And though I love having friends to pick me up, I shouldn't need anyone but myself to make me feel better in the end. With this in mind, I do something that I have never in the past done;
I am making a New Years resolution...
Resolution 1;1
Listen to happier music. Though beautiful, my usual musical dwelling is one of heartbreak, pain and suffering. These are elements that have played a key part in my depression; this I have determined. It's not the music's fault, nor the musicians that make this music. But I am far too susceptible to crutching on other people's feelings. Transference is very much an issue with me, and some of this music shall simply be deemed as unsafe to my health and everyday well-being.
Resolution 1;2
Don't live within my own head. As a result of the introspective music that has driven my life for these past years, I have lived too much inside my head. With thoughts of whether or not I deserve actual intimacy, the level of how unhealthy this truly is has reached a climactic breaking point that simpy cannot be ignored for any longer. It struck me this morning, when I was feeling very down on myself, just how ludicrous it is to think that you could poison another human being simply with a flash of depression. Everyone gets down on themselves, and to think that you are not worthy of another person's company because of some sad thoughts is absolutely ridiculous!
Resolution 1;3
Spread the happiness. Over the past year, I have found that I possess this sort of power within. Truly, I believe that everyone holds this somewhere inside them. The magic for me is that I have discovered it, and am willing to utilize it's power. This is the power of living with a beam of happy light emitting from you at all times (or most times at least.) I choose today, to responsibly wield the happiness that I hold within my being and try my best to spread the happy. Like an anti-cancer cancer, happiness will overtake this world. Hehe.
And here... we... go!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CJih1iYC0
I am making a New Years resolution...
Resolution 1;1
Listen to happier music. Though beautiful, my usual musical dwelling is one of heartbreak, pain and suffering. These are elements that have played a key part in my depression; this I have determined. It's not the music's fault, nor the musicians that make this music. But I am far too susceptible to crutching on other people's feelings. Transference is very much an issue with me, and some of this music shall simply be deemed as unsafe to my health and everyday well-being.
Resolution 1;2
Don't live within my own head. As a result of the introspective music that has driven my life for these past years, I have lived too much inside my head. With thoughts of whether or not I deserve actual intimacy, the level of how unhealthy this truly is has reached a climactic breaking point that simpy cannot be ignored for any longer. It struck me this morning, when I was feeling very down on myself, just how ludicrous it is to think that you could poison another human being simply with a flash of depression. Everyone gets down on themselves, and to think that you are not worthy of another person's company because of some sad thoughts is absolutely ridiculous!
Resolution 1;3
Spread the happiness. Over the past year, I have found that I possess this sort of power within. Truly, I believe that everyone holds this somewhere inside them. The magic for me is that I have discovered it, and am willing to utilize it's power. This is the power of living with a beam of happy light emitting from you at all times (or most times at least.) I choose today, to responsibly wield the happiness that I hold within my being and try my best to spread the happy. Like an anti-cancer cancer, happiness will overtake this world. Hehe.
And here... we... go!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CJih1iYC0