Update + WIP Amnesty
So I spent my Christmas break reading the Harry Potter series for the very first time, omg, and I'm currently 200 pages into Half-Blood Prince, so shhh, no spoilers!! I haven't seen the movie for this one either! Other than that, I was sick, went with panicatthecobra to spend NYE with her and her crazy family, where we skated on this outdoor skating rink in the center of their town there and it was so incredibly quaint ♥ and attended a Glee marathon/Sledding party on Saturday; where it was more like Glee was playing in the background of us laughing hysterically. (For Gleeks: Who is Josh Groban? Kill yourself!" We laughed at that for a good twenty minutes.... :D!) We've gotten a shitton of snow here, srsly, but alas, have still had to attend school. We've gotten to the point where they've stopped counting inches and started counting feet, I believe. Ah Upstate New York and lake effect snow, how I love thee.
Other than that, I thought I'd indulge you in some WIP Amnesty because everyone else around is doing it, so why not. It seems fun and other people have taunted me, so I might as well taunt you all back! :D
Sounds of the Wind
Ryan is a Ten and he's one of Brendon's best friends. But, as Ryan's number is called, he gawkily marches across the stage to receive his package; he becomes a brand-new Eleven. Now Ryan has just one more full year and then he'll be in the same place Brendon is, sitting anxious, awaiting his Assignment.
After the Ceremony of Eleven, everyone takes a lunch break. Brendon sits his own family unit: Mother, Father and his younger sister, Cassie, who earlier became a Six.
Down the way, Brendon spots Ryan and Spencer's family unit. He waves twitchily, shaking from nerves; a quirk he's never been able to train away. Mother gives Brendon a gentle look that means he should calm down, but neither Spencer nor Ryan have looked up yet. Brendon dulls his wave a bit and then Spencer finally looks up, waving back, and nudging Ryan in the side to do the same.
Spencer is Ryan's older brother, an Eleven-almost-Twelve like Brendon. He's Brendon's other best friend. Ryan and Spencer's family unit is The Community's biggest 'special exception' ever.
Ryan was born the year that The Community had been awry. No one talked about it much, just whispers here and there, but it was the year that their last chosen Receiver of Memory, the one before Jonas - whom, speaking of, Brendon hasn't seen around the festivities yet, though he has seen their Elder Receiver of Memory, the one teaching Jonas - applied for her release and was granted her request. Apparently it had done some funny things to The Community and people were unsettled.
When Ryan had been born, he'd been so cute, with his dark hair already curling into his eyes, and he'd been so pleasantly squishy. The Committee hugely overlooked him - Ryan was also The Community's biggest 'special mistake' ever - and thought he was a girl.
When the Ceremony of One had rolled around about five months after Ryan's birth, they'd given him, under the girls' name Rhianna, to Spencer and his family unit. They took him home, and Spencer's mother; being the compassionate Nurturer she was, instantly loved Ryan and enjoyed his company. When it was shortly later discovered that Ryan was, in fact, a boy, The Committee was appalled at their mistake, but they also couldn't bear to take a newchild away from one of The Community's best Nurturers, so Ryan had stayed, name changed, and is staying.
The two of them had been Brendon's best friends since Spencer and Brendon were Sixes and Ryan had been a Five, and they'd bumped into each other during a game and fallen to the ground together. Brendon had cried then - Mother liked to say he was fragile in those years - and Spencer had comforted Brendon and Ryan had looked mad, arms crossed over his chest, with a surly pout, annoyed that they couldn't just leave Brendon alone to cry.
A caustic taste washes into Brendon's mouth as he realizes that things aren't ever going to be that simplistic again - no just playing games, no time for best friends outside of school - after the Ceremony of Twelve that afternoon. He swallows the acidic taste with a grimace and ducks his head away as Spencer smiles and turns his own head too, returning talking to his Father.
*
There's no question whatsoever about what Spencer's Assignment is going to be. Spencer's been studious and dutiful at the House of Law and Justice since he was of age to, and he spent his volunteer hours there everyday.
There's something about the House of Law and Justice that intrigues Spencer; something about the way you could determine someone's future with a single decision, that you could give someone a chance for a redemption, a do-over, that you could perhaps spare someone from release, since release is the most frowned-up thing to happen to an Adult; release is something that no one wants.
Spencer's worried about Brendon though. He can see Brendon sitting a few rows ahead of him, and Spencer can tell, even from the back, that Brendon's antsy, hunched over a bit. Spencer knows that Brendon's spent his volunteer hours at various places, never able to settle down and choose one he liked best, because Brendon had this way about being enthusiastic for everything, going into everything with a bright smile and an attitude full of hopefulness, and also a way of being really good at everything he tried. But he got bored at being good easily, and moved on because he needed something different to quench his thirst for learning about new things. At first Spencer had thought that that might make Brendon a marvelous Instructor, but there were already a few girls who everyone in The Community knew were most definitely going to be Instructors, so that somewhat ruled out the possibilty for Brendon.
Spencer knows that Brendon gets chastised often for being hyper and bouncy and manic and Spencer's tried to used some of his deductive reasoning to figure out what they've got in store for Brendon, based on the level of his liveliness, but he knows that only the Committee can make the best decision for Brendon, so he gave up trying to guess a few weeks ago.
Brendon's number is before Spencer's, way before. Brendon was born in the spring months and he's number Twenty, but Spencer was born when the summer was just ebbing into fall, so he's number Fifty-One. Brendon's number gets called and Brendon walks up, posture pristine, in a way that's just too careful, a way that slightly worries Spencer.
Brendon always seems to wear his emotions on the sleeve of his tunic, which Spencer thinks must come in handy during his family unit's evening discussions. Regardless of that, Spencer knows his best friend as well as he knows his own brother, and he can tell Brendon's nervous; more than nervous, frightened probably, Spencer thinks.
"Brendon," the presenter says, not calling him to attention but more of introducing him. Still, Brendon reacts immediately to his name, and twitches the sides of his mouth up in a weak attempt at a smile. The awarding continues, "-Hasn't always been the most well-behaved boy we've ever seen." The crowd chuckles appropriately, as if cued to, and Brendon grins fully this time, but it's forced, Spencer can tell. Onstage, Brendon shifts on his feet as the mini-speech continues. "But he's always had boundless amounts of energy and strength and knows how to be polite." Brendon's smile is still plastered upon his face, and all it does is make Spencer uneasy; he's still very worried for Brendon.
At last, the moment of truth comes. "So we've decided that Brendon would be a wonderful pick for Food Delivery."
Brendon's face is still carefully a constant, bright expression, yet fake, not a flicker of feeling, and he nods and thanks them. As he walks off the stage though, and back to take his seat, Spencer can see the disappointment, his gait is feeble, and he's shaking uncontrollably like he does; Spencer can see it in the way his shoulders sag and the way his smile is still pulled too tight around the corners, a way that'll cause nasty wrinkle-lines, according to Ryan.
Spencer feels bad for Brendon. He's upset that Brendon obviously does not like his Assignment. Spencer's number gets called much, much later and he goes up to the stage. When it's announced that he's been selected for the House of Law and Justice, no one's surprised - Spencer, of course, included - and as Spencer marches off the stage, he's still too distressed about Brendon to even consider being happy for himself.
*
The Assignment Brendon received upsets him. It upsets him a lot. It sets an itch under his skin and nasty feeling in his stomach. Brendon had never had any doubts about the Committee's abilities though. He had never doubted the fact that the Committee would be able to choose something that was perfectly suited him - it was their duty after all, to make sure that the Community ran smoothly and everyone did a job that helped them contribute to society in the way that they could best - so Brendon assumes that at some point his discontent will settle, but at the moment Brendon is just frankly, straightly upset.
Brendon hadn't had any assurance of knowing what he was going to be assigned prior to the Ceremony of Twelve. He'd been a restless volunteer in his years; he had no idea how Spencer was so easily adamant about desire to be assigned to the House of Law and Justice, so sure of his want. Brendon had always envied that about Spencer, his certainty about what he wanted for himself, being able to wake-up every day and know that he was going to go to the House of Law and Justice after-school, and that by just volunteering there consistently, he had practically set his future for himself. Spencer and Ryan were both that way - Ryan going to the House of The Old though - and Brendon had absolutely no clue whatsoever how they did it.
Brendon always felt like there was something missing from within him, like there was something he wanted - needed - to do, but he'd never figured it out. He'd volunteered at every place imaginable, and never felt anything; he'd never felt that spark Ryan had described, saying that he felt it every time he went into the House of the Old. Brendon'd never had a spark.
Brendon'd just always felt that hole inside of him.
*
Ryan has learned that, at school, the day after The Ceremony of Twelve is never very enjoyable, but Ryan's day is turning out to be much worse and much weirder than Ryan'd been expecting.
If you're not actually in The Ceremony of Twelve, the next day is just plain boring. All that happens is you get a lovely speech from your Instructor about how 'sometime soon that'll be you, and isn't that exciting?' which is a nice message, but Ryan's just gotten sick of hearing it over the years. Then after that, everyone spends their lunch speculating about what they think they might get when their time comes.
Ryan doesn't really want to think about what he might get, because he has no need to, because he knows what he's going to get. Ryan's been very careful about it and followed a nice, neat, secret plan of his. He saw Spencer doing it the year before him, sealing his fate by choosing one location and staying dedicated there. By the time the year had rolled away and it'd been Ryan's turn to begin volunteering, he'd figured out exactly what he wanted to do with himself, and he did it every day, securing his destiny, just like his big brother.
Ryan knew that he wanted to be a Nurturer, but not for newchildren like Mother; newchildren had this way of making Ryan squirm uncomfortably. They're too squishy and gurgly and spitty and yucky. Ryan wants to be a Nurturer at the House of The Old more than anything else. Ever. Ryan wants to be important, sure, to be noticed, but he also just wants to make a bright impact by helping one Elder at a time, by just making them feel good before the time of their release comes. Ryan just wants to help people. It makes him feel somewhat stupid inside; a way he'd never dare to tell Spencer, but a way that urges Ryan to go back to the House of The Old every day.
The afternoon and volunteering is the only thing Ryan has to look forward to today, though, because thus far, the start of his day has been terrible and weird and he hasn't even reached lunch and the speculative discussions yet.
First off, Ryan's an awful bike-rider. He's lanky, that's how Mother likes to say it, Ryan just thinks that he's built like a stick with a head attached, thinks that he's got a funny frame. No matter what it gets called, Ryan always feels awkward in his own skin, but especially atop his bicycle seat. His gangly legs never want to coordinate with the rest of his body and he always feels off-kilter on his bike. Ryan loses his balance and falls. Often. Ryan's knees never stopped being scraped, but he's getting better at ignoring it, he's practically immune to it now, it barely hurts anymore.
This morning though, Ryan had fallen off his bike five times. Five. It was a record for Ryan, really, but not a record that he should be particularly proud of. He's kind of proud of it regardless, but it made him and Spencer and Brendon all late to school, because the three of them always rode into school together in the mornings - and Spencer and Brendon were always kindly patient with Ryan's incompetence.
Still, when they got to school, the three of them had been immediately sent off to be chastised - they weren't allowed to get off with just a routine apology at this point because it'd happened so many times. Ryan for still struggling with riding his bicycle and not making more of an effort for improving, like always, and Spencer and Brendon for waiting for Ryan and not being more concerned with being punctual, like always.
As they'd been walking in, the little Six, Jon, same level as Brendon's younger sister, Cassie, had been ambling out. Jon lived just down the road from the three of them, and they often saw him coming out of here in the mornings, always being reprimanded for losing his shoes.
They'd sat in silence and waited for their turn, as it appeared to be a busy morning for repeat offenders like them. Brendon'd been vibrating in place, bursting with his energy. Brendon was often very fidgety, and most times it didn't bother Ryan, but he'd been very irritable at that point, and he'd just cracked, snapping, "Brendon!"
Brendon had turned to him, looking innocent, saying, "Yes?" but Ryan had been drawn into his wide eyes.
Ryan had just had to stop and stare for a moment, because he couldn't remember what he was going to say. He'd been too awestruck. Brendon's eyes hadn't been dark like normal. Ryan'd said, "Brendon, you…your eyes are light."
Brendon had tipped his head, displaying his confusion easily, and Ryan had clarified, "They're like Jonas's and that girl, the one who just became Seven who lives down on the road next to ours. Not dark like normal."
Ryan had looked to Spencer for confirmation and once Spencer had affirmed it, Brendon had just smiled and said, "Oh. That's interesting, huh."
'Interesting' hadn't been Ryan's word for it. It wasn't really Ryan's word for it at all. Ryan's word was something more along the lines of 'extremely odd,' and Ryan is anxious to get to lunch and see if Brendon's eyes are still strangely light.
And then there was going to be all this shit about how Spencer thought being released was the world's worst and most disgraceful thing ever and this whole side thing about how Ryan's voice cracks and shit because they force him to put inflection into his monotonous voice because he's not sharing his feelings correctly and a few driveby references to the fact that Jon and Cassie were going to follow Brendon and Spencer's lead and fall in *real* love, and then Brendon gets caught or whatever eventually for breaking a shitton of rules, but Spencer gets off and then he leaves a note with little Jon; he's chosen to be released with Brendon. *LOVEEE!*
and then it ends or whatever:
Spencer is lead to a room. It's down a bleak, eerily bright and light-colored hallway and he's left at the door. He's instructed to go in.
Spencer's never been more scared in his entire life, and when he walks into the room to await his fate - the fate of release that he never in a million years thought he'd choose for himself - he sees Brendon sitting on the bench in the room.
Brendon's crying, folded in upon himself, elbows on his knees, hands to his face. Spencer's only ever seen someone cry when they've fallen off of their bikes or scraped their knees on the pavement, and even with that, children learned to suck up and deal when they were very young. The last time Spencer saw Brendon cry, they were Sixes, playing a game. Still, Spencer automatically thinks Brendon must've just fallen or something that hurt him. That's the only reason people cry, after all.
"Brendon," Spencer says softly. It feels strange on his tongue, salty, wishy-washy, and he gets this watery sensation in his throat. Brendon's head darts up at Spencer's voice.
"Spencer." In a flash, Brendon's up off the bench, standing right in front of Spencer. Brendon's eyes scan over Spencer's face. The tears keep slipping down his face and Spencer reaches up to brush some away, dragging his fingertips under Brendon's eyes, as Brendon whispers, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm." Spencer swallows the bulge itching at his throat, the queasy feeling in his stomach. "I applied for release Brendon," he whispers.
The tears fall harder from Brendon's eyes, but Brendon doesn't say anything. Spencer's still confused. "Did you fall down and hurt yourself, Brendon?" Spencer states for clarification, "You're crying."
Spencer directs Brendon onto the bench. He can see Brendon's legs quivering and his own are starting to match. Watching Brendon cry is making him uneasy and makes his stomach feel upset, mouth thick.
Brendon gains some control of himself. The tears are still cresting his eyes, but his breathing stops hitching enough for him to be able to speak. "No. I'm not hurt, Spence." He's still whispering. "It feels like. There's something eating my stomach, like I'm sick almost, but not really the same way. It's like. My heart feels…broken, almost."
Brendon's voice drops a register lower. It's rumbley, still whispering, and cautious. The best word Spencer can muster up for it though, is "miserable." Brendon whispers, "I think there's something wrong with The Community, Spencer. I don't know what it is, but I think Jonas knew it too. I think that's why he left. I think he knew more because of the memories, and now the Committee members don't want anyone else to know about whatever's wrong and that's why…" Brendon trails off. He looks at Spencer hard, then his tears stream out strongly again. Brendon blinks around them for clarity, but lets them fall.
Spencer doesn't know what Brendon means. He doesn't think he ever will and he doesn't really know if he's okay with that. Spencer can't figure out what it is about Brendon, but whatever it is, it makes Spencer want to give away every piece of himself for Brendon. Spencer knows he would do anything for Brendon; he knows because he is. He doesn’t know why, but when he thinks about Brendon something inside him jumps and he feels sick inside and antsy.
Spencer nods like he knows what Brendon was implying about The Community. He reaches his hands over and cups Brendon's face, wiping against the tears with his thumbs. Brendon doesn't take his eyes off Spencer; he reaches up and grabs one of Spencer's hands.
Spencer leaves his other hand on Brendon's face, and tangles their fingers together in the other. Spencer closes his eyes and swallows again. His throat is getting thicker as the moments with Brendon tick by. "Are you scared?" he whispers.
Spencer opens his eyes and Brendon's tears have stopped flowing. Spencer rubs his one thumb against Brendon's cheek anyways. Brendon's eyes are hardened and look darker than normal. He stares straight into Spencer's eyes, shakes his head hard, and says, "No."
Spencer knows he means it.
*
It was going to be an AU set after Jonas left The Community and I kind of got started on it and also wrote the ending, and it was going to Brencer, with the boys struggling to accept that feelings were real - Brendon was going to catch onto some of Jonas's memories floating around, assuming Jonas had died, and him and Spencer were going to rebel. The beginning and the end I wrote are included...
Other than that, I thought I'd indulge you in some WIP Amnesty because everyone else around is doing it, so why not. It seems fun and other people have taunted me, so I might as well taunt you all back! :D
Sounds of the Wind
Ryan is a Ten and he's one of Brendon's best friends. But, as Ryan's number is called, he gawkily marches across the stage to receive his package; he becomes a brand-new Eleven. Now Ryan has just one more full year and then he'll be in the same place Brendon is, sitting anxious, awaiting his Assignment.
After the Ceremony of Eleven, everyone takes a lunch break. Brendon sits his own family unit: Mother, Father and his younger sister, Cassie, who earlier became a Six.
Down the way, Brendon spots Ryan and Spencer's family unit. He waves twitchily, shaking from nerves; a quirk he's never been able to train away. Mother gives Brendon a gentle look that means he should calm down, but neither Spencer nor Ryan have looked up yet. Brendon dulls his wave a bit and then Spencer finally looks up, waving back, and nudging Ryan in the side to do the same.
Spencer is Ryan's older brother, an Eleven-almost-Twelve like Brendon. He's Brendon's other best friend. Ryan and Spencer's family unit is The Community's biggest 'special exception' ever.
Ryan was born the year that The Community had been awry. No one talked about it much, just whispers here and there, but it was the year that their last chosen Receiver of Memory, the one before Jonas - whom, speaking of, Brendon hasn't seen around the festivities yet, though he has seen their Elder Receiver of Memory, the one teaching Jonas - applied for her release and was granted her request. Apparently it had done some funny things to The Community and people were unsettled.
When Ryan had been born, he'd been so cute, with his dark hair already curling into his eyes, and he'd been so pleasantly squishy. The Committee hugely overlooked him - Ryan was also The Community's biggest 'special mistake' ever - and thought he was a girl.
When the Ceremony of One had rolled around about five months after Ryan's birth, they'd given him, under the girls' name Rhianna, to Spencer and his family unit. They took him home, and Spencer's mother; being the compassionate Nurturer she was, instantly loved Ryan and enjoyed his company. When it was shortly later discovered that Ryan was, in fact, a boy, The Committee was appalled at their mistake, but they also couldn't bear to take a newchild away from one of The Community's best Nurturers, so Ryan had stayed, name changed, and is staying.
The two of them had been Brendon's best friends since Spencer and Brendon were Sixes and Ryan had been a Five, and they'd bumped into each other during a game and fallen to the ground together. Brendon had cried then - Mother liked to say he was fragile in those years - and Spencer had comforted Brendon and Ryan had looked mad, arms crossed over his chest, with a surly pout, annoyed that they couldn't just leave Brendon alone to cry.
A caustic taste washes into Brendon's mouth as he realizes that things aren't ever going to be that simplistic again - no just playing games, no time for best friends outside of school - after the Ceremony of Twelve that afternoon. He swallows the acidic taste with a grimace and ducks his head away as Spencer smiles and turns his own head too, returning talking to his Father.
*
There's no question whatsoever about what Spencer's Assignment is going to be. Spencer's been studious and dutiful at the House of Law and Justice since he was of age to, and he spent his volunteer hours there everyday.
There's something about the House of Law and Justice that intrigues Spencer; something about the way you could determine someone's future with a single decision, that you could give someone a chance for a redemption, a do-over, that you could perhaps spare someone from release, since release is the most frowned-up thing to happen to an Adult; release is something that no one wants.
Spencer's worried about Brendon though. He can see Brendon sitting a few rows ahead of him, and Spencer can tell, even from the back, that Brendon's antsy, hunched over a bit. Spencer knows that Brendon's spent his volunteer hours at various places, never able to settle down and choose one he liked best, because Brendon had this way about being enthusiastic for everything, going into everything with a bright smile and an attitude full of hopefulness, and also a way of being really good at everything he tried. But he got bored at being good easily, and moved on because he needed something different to quench his thirst for learning about new things. At first Spencer had thought that that might make Brendon a marvelous Instructor, but there were already a few girls who everyone in The Community knew were most definitely going to be Instructors, so that somewhat ruled out the possibilty for Brendon.
Spencer knows that Brendon gets chastised often for being hyper and bouncy and manic and Spencer's tried to used some of his deductive reasoning to figure out what they've got in store for Brendon, based on the level of his liveliness, but he knows that only the Committee can make the best decision for Brendon, so he gave up trying to guess a few weeks ago.
Brendon's number is before Spencer's, way before. Brendon was born in the spring months and he's number Twenty, but Spencer was born when the summer was just ebbing into fall, so he's number Fifty-One. Brendon's number gets called and Brendon walks up, posture pristine, in a way that's just too careful, a way that slightly worries Spencer.
Brendon always seems to wear his emotions on the sleeve of his tunic, which Spencer thinks must come in handy during his family unit's evening discussions. Regardless of that, Spencer knows his best friend as well as he knows his own brother, and he can tell Brendon's nervous; more than nervous, frightened probably, Spencer thinks.
"Brendon," the presenter says, not calling him to attention but more of introducing him. Still, Brendon reacts immediately to his name, and twitches the sides of his mouth up in a weak attempt at a smile. The awarding continues, "-Hasn't always been the most well-behaved boy we've ever seen." The crowd chuckles appropriately, as if cued to, and Brendon grins fully this time, but it's forced, Spencer can tell. Onstage, Brendon shifts on his feet as the mini-speech continues. "But he's always had boundless amounts of energy and strength and knows how to be polite." Brendon's smile is still plastered upon his face, and all it does is make Spencer uneasy; he's still very worried for Brendon.
At last, the moment of truth comes. "So we've decided that Brendon would be a wonderful pick for Food Delivery."
Brendon's face is still carefully a constant, bright expression, yet fake, not a flicker of feeling, and he nods and thanks them. As he walks off the stage though, and back to take his seat, Spencer can see the disappointment, his gait is feeble, and he's shaking uncontrollably like he does; Spencer can see it in the way his shoulders sag and the way his smile is still pulled too tight around the corners, a way that'll cause nasty wrinkle-lines, according to Ryan.
Spencer feels bad for Brendon. He's upset that Brendon obviously does not like his Assignment. Spencer's number gets called much, much later and he goes up to the stage. When it's announced that he's been selected for the House of Law and Justice, no one's surprised - Spencer, of course, included - and as Spencer marches off the stage, he's still too distressed about Brendon to even consider being happy for himself.
*
The Assignment Brendon received upsets him. It upsets him a lot. It sets an itch under his skin and nasty feeling in his stomach. Brendon had never had any doubts about the Committee's abilities though. He had never doubted the fact that the Committee would be able to choose something that was perfectly suited him - it was their duty after all, to make sure that the Community ran smoothly and everyone did a job that helped them contribute to society in the way that they could best - so Brendon assumes that at some point his discontent will settle, but at the moment Brendon is just frankly, straightly upset.
Brendon hadn't had any assurance of knowing what he was going to be assigned prior to the Ceremony of Twelve. He'd been a restless volunteer in his years; he had no idea how Spencer was so easily adamant about desire to be assigned to the House of Law and Justice, so sure of his want. Brendon had always envied that about Spencer, his certainty about what he wanted for himself, being able to wake-up every day and know that he was going to go to the House of Law and Justice after-school, and that by just volunteering there consistently, he had practically set his future for himself. Spencer and Ryan were both that way - Ryan going to the House of The Old though - and Brendon had absolutely no clue whatsoever how they did it.
Brendon always felt like there was something missing from within him, like there was something he wanted - needed - to do, but he'd never figured it out. He'd volunteered at every place imaginable, and never felt anything; he'd never felt that spark Ryan had described, saying that he felt it every time he went into the House of the Old. Brendon'd never had a spark.
Brendon'd just always felt that hole inside of him.
*
Ryan has learned that, at school, the day after The Ceremony of Twelve is never very enjoyable, but Ryan's day is turning out to be much worse and much weirder than Ryan'd been expecting.
If you're not actually in The Ceremony of Twelve, the next day is just plain boring. All that happens is you get a lovely speech from your Instructor about how 'sometime soon that'll be you, and isn't that exciting?' which is a nice message, but Ryan's just gotten sick of hearing it over the years. Then after that, everyone spends their lunch speculating about what they think they might get when their time comes.
Ryan doesn't really want to think about what he might get, because he has no need to, because he knows what he's going to get. Ryan's been very careful about it and followed a nice, neat, secret plan of his. He saw Spencer doing it the year before him, sealing his fate by choosing one location and staying dedicated there. By the time the year had rolled away and it'd been Ryan's turn to begin volunteering, he'd figured out exactly what he wanted to do with himself, and he did it every day, securing his destiny, just like his big brother.
Ryan knew that he wanted to be a Nurturer, but not for newchildren like Mother; newchildren had this way of making Ryan squirm uncomfortably. They're too squishy and gurgly and spitty and yucky. Ryan wants to be a Nurturer at the House of The Old more than anything else. Ever. Ryan wants to be important, sure, to be noticed, but he also just wants to make a bright impact by helping one Elder at a time, by just making them feel good before the time of their release comes. Ryan just wants to help people. It makes him feel somewhat stupid inside; a way he'd never dare to tell Spencer, but a way that urges Ryan to go back to the House of The Old every day.
The afternoon and volunteering is the only thing Ryan has to look forward to today, though, because thus far, the start of his day has been terrible and weird and he hasn't even reached lunch and the speculative discussions yet.
First off, Ryan's an awful bike-rider. He's lanky, that's how Mother likes to say it, Ryan just thinks that he's built like a stick with a head attached, thinks that he's got a funny frame. No matter what it gets called, Ryan always feels awkward in his own skin, but especially atop his bicycle seat. His gangly legs never want to coordinate with the rest of his body and he always feels off-kilter on his bike. Ryan loses his balance and falls. Often. Ryan's knees never stopped being scraped, but he's getting better at ignoring it, he's practically immune to it now, it barely hurts anymore.
This morning though, Ryan had fallen off his bike five times. Five. It was a record for Ryan, really, but not a record that he should be particularly proud of. He's kind of proud of it regardless, but it made him and Spencer and Brendon all late to school, because the three of them always rode into school together in the mornings - and Spencer and Brendon were always kindly patient with Ryan's incompetence.
Still, when they got to school, the three of them had been immediately sent off to be chastised - they weren't allowed to get off with just a routine apology at this point because it'd happened so many times. Ryan for still struggling with riding his bicycle and not making more of an effort for improving, like always, and Spencer and Brendon for waiting for Ryan and not being more concerned with being punctual, like always.
As they'd been walking in, the little Six, Jon, same level as Brendon's younger sister, Cassie, had been ambling out. Jon lived just down the road from the three of them, and they often saw him coming out of here in the mornings, always being reprimanded for losing his shoes.
They'd sat in silence and waited for their turn, as it appeared to be a busy morning for repeat offenders like them. Brendon'd been vibrating in place, bursting with his energy. Brendon was often very fidgety, and most times it didn't bother Ryan, but he'd been very irritable at that point, and he'd just cracked, snapping, "Brendon!"
Brendon had turned to him, looking innocent, saying, "Yes?" but Ryan had been drawn into his wide eyes.
Ryan had just had to stop and stare for a moment, because he couldn't remember what he was going to say. He'd been too awestruck. Brendon's eyes hadn't been dark like normal. Ryan'd said, "Brendon, you…your eyes are light."
Brendon had tipped his head, displaying his confusion easily, and Ryan had clarified, "They're like Jonas's and that girl, the one who just became Seven who lives down on the road next to ours. Not dark like normal."
Ryan had looked to Spencer for confirmation and once Spencer had affirmed it, Brendon had just smiled and said, "Oh. That's interesting, huh."
'Interesting' hadn't been Ryan's word for it. It wasn't really Ryan's word for it at all. Ryan's word was something more along the lines of 'extremely odd,' and Ryan is anxious to get to lunch and see if Brendon's eyes are still strangely light.
And then there was going to be all this shit about how Spencer thought being released was the world's worst and most disgraceful thing ever and this whole side thing about how Ryan's voice cracks and shit because they force him to put inflection into his monotonous voice because he's not sharing his feelings correctly and a few driveby references to the fact that Jon and Cassie were going to follow Brendon and Spencer's lead and fall in *real* love, and then Brendon gets caught or whatever eventually for breaking a shitton of rules, but Spencer gets off and then he leaves a note with little Jon; he's chosen to be released with Brendon. *LOVEEE!*
and then it ends or whatever:
Spencer is lead to a room. It's down a bleak, eerily bright and light-colored hallway and he's left at the door. He's instructed to go in.
Spencer's never been more scared in his entire life, and when he walks into the room to await his fate - the fate of release that he never in a million years thought he'd choose for himself - he sees Brendon sitting on the bench in the room.
Brendon's crying, folded in upon himself, elbows on his knees, hands to his face. Spencer's only ever seen someone cry when they've fallen off of their bikes or scraped their knees on the pavement, and even with that, children learned to suck up and deal when they were very young. The last time Spencer saw Brendon cry, they were Sixes, playing a game. Still, Spencer automatically thinks Brendon must've just fallen or something that hurt him. That's the only reason people cry, after all.
"Brendon," Spencer says softly. It feels strange on his tongue, salty, wishy-washy, and he gets this watery sensation in his throat. Brendon's head darts up at Spencer's voice.
"Spencer." In a flash, Brendon's up off the bench, standing right in front of Spencer. Brendon's eyes scan over Spencer's face. The tears keep slipping down his face and Spencer reaches up to brush some away, dragging his fingertips under Brendon's eyes, as Brendon whispers, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm." Spencer swallows the bulge itching at his throat, the queasy feeling in his stomach. "I applied for release Brendon," he whispers.
The tears fall harder from Brendon's eyes, but Brendon doesn't say anything. Spencer's still confused. "Did you fall down and hurt yourself, Brendon?" Spencer states for clarification, "You're crying."
Spencer directs Brendon onto the bench. He can see Brendon's legs quivering and his own are starting to match. Watching Brendon cry is making him uneasy and makes his stomach feel upset, mouth thick.
Brendon gains some control of himself. The tears are still cresting his eyes, but his breathing stops hitching enough for him to be able to speak. "No. I'm not hurt, Spence." He's still whispering. "It feels like. There's something eating my stomach, like I'm sick almost, but not really the same way. It's like. My heart feels…broken, almost."
Brendon's voice drops a register lower. It's rumbley, still whispering, and cautious. The best word Spencer can muster up for it though, is "miserable." Brendon whispers, "I think there's something wrong with The Community, Spencer. I don't know what it is, but I think Jonas knew it too. I think that's why he left. I think he knew more because of the memories, and now the Committee members don't want anyone else to know about whatever's wrong and that's why…" Brendon trails off. He looks at Spencer hard, then his tears stream out strongly again. Brendon blinks around them for clarity, but lets them fall.
Spencer doesn't know what Brendon means. He doesn't think he ever will and he doesn't really know if he's okay with that. Spencer can't figure out what it is about Brendon, but whatever it is, it makes Spencer want to give away every piece of himself for Brendon. Spencer knows he would do anything for Brendon; he knows because he is. He doesn’t know why, but when he thinks about Brendon something inside him jumps and he feels sick inside and antsy.
Spencer nods like he knows what Brendon was implying about The Community. He reaches his hands over and cups Brendon's face, wiping against the tears with his thumbs. Brendon doesn't take his eyes off Spencer; he reaches up and grabs one of Spencer's hands.
Spencer leaves his other hand on Brendon's face, and tangles their fingers together in the other. Spencer closes his eyes and swallows again. His throat is getting thicker as the moments with Brendon tick by. "Are you scared?" he whispers.
Spencer opens his eyes and Brendon's tears have stopped flowing. Spencer rubs his one thumb against Brendon's cheek anyways. Brendon's eyes are hardened and look darker than normal. He stares straight into Spencer's eyes, shakes his head hard, and says, "No."
Spencer knows he means it.
*
It was going to be an AU set after Jonas left The Community and I kind of got started on it and also wrote the ending, and it was going to Brencer, with the boys struggling to accept that feelings were real - Brendon was going to catch onto some of Jonas's memories floating around, assuming Jonas had died, and him and Spencer were going to rebel. The beginning and the end I wrote are included...