Stuff. And drabbles.
Words cannot express how happy I am that it's finally summer time. It's sunny and I can walk out and get the mail in my bare feet and eat popsicles and swim and spend all my time before work writing. ;D It's fabulous, except for the part where the sun injured me. But I'm sure I'll get over that some time, eventually.
*hands* Did anyone watch America's Got Talent last night, or was it only me who watched and cried? I'm an irrationally compassionate person and I cried. A lot. Hard. Stupid inspiring people. Blehhh.
Also, eddis64 is convinced that me and panicatthecobra are her minions for some reason. *shrug* Just 'cause she's older is NO REASON.
The following are two drabbles that I'm not posting anywhere else because they're short and shmoopy and just. Are.
From the prompt: A slew of people have broken his heart. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe. (Sort of Brendon/Spencer) (Unrequited Brendon/Ryan)
How Long Is 'Never Again'?
The year is 2020.
None of them are getting younger, that's a constant reminder, a dull throb in the back of their skulls, as Spencer, Ryan and Jon's birthdays approach. They decided years and years ago - the year before Jon turned thirty if one wants to get into specifics - to treat birthdays like any other day.
That had been the same year Ryan had wanted to take their band in some fucked-up, new direction - 'their band,' that's what they called it, but even after, what had then been ten years, Brendon still found trouble in shaking the notion that it was just 'Ryan's' - and they all had let him; who could say no to Ryan and his lyrics that were still fucking amazing, just…weirder than normal?
Brendon certainly couldn't say no to Ryan, that's for sure.
When Brendon had reached thirty, he'd given up on dating all together. He'd gotten too close to too many people too many times to count; a band member included, of course. Ryan had declared his denial of love around the same time as Brendon and that? Had just set Brendon's declaration further into stone.
The band isn't getting any stronger or weaker; it's just their constant. Their newest direction didn't exactly bring the boys to the yard, so to speak, but it was good enough for them to sustain their longtime fans. Brendon tries not to feel like, while they've been living The Dream, it's kind of ruined all their lives in the process.
They travel around from city to city and country to country making music for thousands, smoking up, drinking and eating at awful truckstops. That's what they do, and they've always been so content with it; still are, otherwise they wouldn't still be going sort of strong.
In the process though, the whole ordeal of them being a gay band that arose in their earliest years with Jon, had ruined…something. Brendon had always known he was gay, so it didn't affect him much, and Ryan was pretty much openly bisexual, so he didn't give a shit what people had to say.
Spencer and Jon had taken it harder. They'd never showed it, but when you live in such close quarters with people, and see them so much, yet never get sick of them, you learn just to be able to look into their thoughts and tell these things, even if they don't want you to know. It's there in their body language and voices.
Brendon's about nine thousand percent sure that it was the band's whole 'dynamic' that had ruined both Spencer and Haley, and more eventually, deeper, more painful to watch and console for, Jon and Cassie too.
That was years ago though, and none of them seem to mind anymore, don't seem to mind not having anyone to love or love them in a way that's outside of the band. What they've fallen into, some sort of hole, some constant state of no longer being bothered by a spot rubbed raw, isn't healthy and sometimes Brendon feels like he's the only one who notices it.
And then there's those moments where they're practicing, and Brendon'll look over and catch sight of Spencer behind his kit, and Spencer'll smile at him like he always has since the beginning of fucking time, like bottled sunshine, and Brendon'll smile back, same as every other time, maybe just weaker now. But in those moments lately - or for the last handful of years - Brendon's been able to see something sad pricking at the edges of Spencer's face and Brendon knows he's not alone in this battle against his conscience; against his feelings, against whatever it is.
Jon and Ryan have always had this awesome way of being able to appear so indifferent about things and Brendon's not sure if they've even noticed the way Brendon's been feeling (or if they have, they're choosing to ignore it). Spencer has though, has had this special connection with Brendon since the beginning, and it's something that Brendon appreciates.
He considers he might've appreciated it more than that if this was any other time, if they were different people, or under different circumstances, and if he didn't believe that love wasn't real and if he hadn't had his stupid, falling in love toodeeptoofast heart broken a countless number of times; if one of those times hadn't been 'the best friend.'
Brendon's stupid, stupid, unrequited, apparently obvious love for Ryan was something that it seemed like everyone always knew about but no one ever talked about. Ryan was included in that 'everyone,' and after too many years of trying to forget Ryan stupid, fucking Ross and move the fuck on with himself and after too many years of having his 'move on's realize how he was in love with them, but more with Ryan, break up with him, and after too many years of Ryan's pointed silences and tales of his sexual escapades for - apparently, yet never voiced - Brendon's benefit of moving on, and after too many years of Spencer and Ryan whispering in the back lounge and then Ryan ignoring them both for days on end, like it was somehow Brendon's fault, Brendon had decided to give up on love all together.
Brendon often tries to remember when everything that happened in his life wasn't because of Ryan Ross.
Brendon hangs out with Spencer more than the rest of them, and he almost feels selfish or something for not making more of an effort to spend time with Jon - who'd been living with them in Cali since his break-up - or with Ryan+someone else - Brendon's not in love, but he can't handle Ryan by himself - but he doesn't want to; doesn't need to. Things with Spencer have been easy, comfortable, simple, and that's really what Brendon needs at this point. No strain.
Often they just lie in Brendon's bed on top of the covers with the lights off and listen to music that fills the whole house. They clasp their hands together and Brendon tucks himself into Spencer's side. It's not love, but it's more intimate than the way Brendon touches the rest of the band, or even more than the way he touches Spencer in front of other people.
Brendon feels like he should be surprised when Spencer grips his hip tight, fingers curling almost possessively, and pulls him closer than ever before and whispers, "I know you don't believe in love anymore and I know that's Ryan's fault…" and then trails off, but Brendon's really not surprised about where this about to go.
Brendon tips his head up on Spencer's chest so he can see him better. Spencer's hand is still firm and warm on his hip. Spencer doesn't keep going; Brendon hadn't really expected him to. They just stay as they are and Brendon distracts himself with the way Spencer's chest goes up and down with breath underneath his head for a moment.
Soon Brendon's hand drifts up and he lightly touches Spencer's jaw. "Do you ever sometimes feel like it's just us against the world?"
Spencer's hand follows Brendon's up and Spencer holds Brendon's again, twining their fingers as always, as if nothing's different. He says, "Yeah."
Brendon squeezes Spencer's hand and whispers, "I want to keep it that way."
-End-
From the prompt: Jon the all American boy realizes that the kid with the scarves in his math class totally stares at his mouth and now Jon has a tendency to reciprocate. (Jon/Ryan AU, obviously)
How To Be Infamous
Jon's slowly developed some sort of kink for mouths. Which is weird because he used to be normal. He blames it on the king himself, that kid in his English class that always stares at Jon's mouth, and has somehow now got Jon staring back and got Jon noticing other people's mouths.
"Ryan," the kid says to him one day before the bell rings as Jon's just coming in the door. The kid beats him every day, so Jon's not surprised to see him here, just surprised by the sudden conversation or whatever it is that is going on.
Jon cocks his head and says, "Huh?"
The kid says, "My name's Ryan. You look over at me a lot."
"You were looking at me first," Jon says, but it's definitely not a good defense, because that means he was looking at the kid look.
"Good comeback, Jon Walker," the kid - Ryan, Jon mentally corrects himself - says.
Jon pops an eyebrow and starts to move towards his desk. "You know my name?"
"Well," Ryan says, following, "you are the infamous Sophomore Jon Walker, friends with everyone ever, and you sleep a lot in class so Ms. Brown has to call on you all the time."
"Infamous, huh?" Jon says with a wink. Ryan rolls his eyes. "Why don't I know your name? You don't exactly seem to pay the epitome of attention, what with your stalker ways of staring at me and all."
"I'm the advanced English Freshman," Ryan says, practically fucking preening. "I could shoot spitballs at her head, and as long as I continue to be awesome, I'm not gonna get called out."
"Can I call you?" Jon says before he can think. He's too transfixed by Ryan's fucking cute-ass mouth, which is now formed in a perfect O in reaction to what Jon just accidentally asked.
"Excuse me?" Ryan says slowly, more like he can't believe it than anything.
Jon figures there's no going back now, because, hey, he's already got his foot this far into his mouth, why doesn't he see if he can get it down into his stomach? Or, like, ask Ryan out just because he's apparently Infamous. "Your cellphone number," Jon says, digging a pen out of his pocket. "Write it…" Jon twirls his finger through the air and lands it on the back of his hand. "…here. I'll totally call you sometime and teach you how to be infamous."
"Are you sure you won't just look at my mouth the whole time?" Ryan says deadpan. Jon looks up at his eyes now. There's a sarcastic edge to them. "Because that's seriously all you've been doing." He shakes his head as he writes his numbers in a crooked row across the back of Jon's hand.
"Oh, like you haven't?" Jon asks, as the bell rings. On a surge of power, he adds, "Maybe I'll do more with your mouth in the process of infamousness." Ryan flushes and crosses the room to take his seat.
As class begins, Ryan's scrawling something across a piece of notebook paper. Jon's determined to not fall asleep today. Ryan folds the piece of paper into a surprisingly well-made airplane.
He lifts it, pulling his hand back to his ear, and raises his eyebrow at Jon as if to accentuate his point, before throwing it. Ms. Brown says nothing. Damn.
It says, isn't this fun? in the center and there's little snatches of words around the sides, fragments, incomplete thoughts. Jon reads them, and then the main message again.
He looks up and across the rows at Ryan, confused. Ryan just shrugs. Jon writes, isn't what? and folds it back into the airplane form.
He raises his arm to throw and Ms. Brown says, "Jon Walker! Don't you dare!" and Jon drops it. He looks at Ryan, who raises his eyebrows to say, That.
Jon thinks that there's something wrong with him because he is still so serious about teaching Ryan how to be infamous.
-End-
Both of the prompts are from panicatthecobra.
*hands* Did anyone watch America's Got Talent last night, or was it only me who watched and cried? I'm an irrationally compassionate person and I cried. A lot. Hard. Stupid inspiring people. Blehhh.
Also, eddis64 is convinced that me and panicatthecobra are her minions for some reason. *shrug* Just 'cause she's older is NO REASON.
The following are two drabbles that I'm not posting anywhere else because they're short and shmoopy and just. Are.
From the prompt: A slew of people have broken his heart. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe. (Sort of Brendon/Spencer) (Unrequited Brendon/Ryan)
How Long Is 'Never Again'?
The year is 2020.
None of them are getting younger, that's a constant reminder, a dull throb in the back of their skulls, as Spencer, Ryan and Jon's birthdays approach. They decided years and years ago - the year before Jon turned thirty if one wants to get into specifics - to treat birthdays like any other day.
That had been the same year Ryan had wanted to take their band in some fucked-up, new direction - 'their band,' that's what they called it, but even after, what had then been ten years, Brendon still found trouble in shaking the notion that it was just 'Ryan's' - and they all had let him; who could say no to Ryan and his lyrics that were still fucking amazing, just…weirder than normal?
Brendon certainly couldn't say no to Ryan, that's for sure.
When Brendon had reached thirty, he'd given up on dating all together. He'd gotten too close to too many people too many times to count; a band member included, of course. Ryan had declared his denial of love around the same time as Brendon and that? Had just set Brendon's declaration further into stone.
The band isn't getting any stronger or weaker; it's just their constant. Their newest direction didn't exactly bring the boys to the yard, so to speak, but it was good enough for them to sustain their longtime fans. Brendon tries not to feel like, while they've been living The Dream, it's kind of ruined all their lives in the process.
They travel around from city to city and country to country making music for thousands, smoking up, drinking and eating at awful truckstops. That's what they do, and they've always been so content with it; still are, otherwise they wouldn't still be going sort of strong.
In the process though, the whole ordeal of them being a gay band that arose in their earliest years with Jon, had ruined…something. Brendon had always known he was gay, so it didn't affect him much, and Ryan was pretty much openly bisexual, so he didn't give a shit what people had to say.
Spencer and Jon had taken it harder. They'd never showed it, but when you live in such close quarters with people, and see them so much, yet never get sick of them, you learn just to be able to look into their thoughts and tell these things, even if they don't want you to know. It's there in their body language and voices.
Brendon's about nine thousand percent sure that it was the band's whole 'dynamic' that had ruined both Spencer and Haley, and more eventually, deeper, more painful to watch and console for, Jon and Cassie too.
That was years ago though, and none of them seem to mind anymore, don't seem to mind not having anyone to love or love them in a way that's outside of the band. What they've fallen into, some sort of hole, some constant state of no longer being bothered by a spot rubbed raw, isn't healthy and sometimes Brendon feels like he's the only one who notices it.
And then there's those moments where they're practicing, and Brendon'll look over and catch sight of Spencer behind his kit, and Spencer'll smile at him like he always has since the beginning of fucking time, like bottled sunshine, and Brendon'll smile back, same as every other time, maybe just weaker now. But in those moments lately - or for the last handful of years - Brendon's been able to see something sad pricking at the edges of Spencer's face and Brendon knows he's not alone in this battle against his conscience; against his feelings, against whatever it is.
Jon and Ryan have always had this awesome way of being able to appear so indifferent about things and Brendon's not sure if they've even noticed the way Brendon's been feeling (or if they have, they're choosing to ignore it). Spencer has though, has had this special connection with Brendon since the beginning, and it's something that Brendon appreciates.
He considers he might've appreciated it more than that if this was any other time, if they were different people, or under different circumstances, and if he didn't believe that love wasn't real and if he hadn't had his stupid, falling in love toodeeptoofast heart broken a countless number of times; if one of those times hadn't been 'the best friend.'
Brendon's stupid, stupid, unrequited, apparently obvious love for Ryan was something that it seemed like everyone always knew about but no one ever talked about. Ryan was included in that 'everyone,' and after too many years of trying to forget Ryan stupid, fucking Ross and move the fuck on with himself and after too many years of having his 'move on's realize how he was in love with them, but more with Ryan, break up with him, and after too many years of Ryan's pointed silences and tales of his sexual escapades for - apparently, yet never voiced - Brendon's benefit of moving on, and after too many years of Spencer and Ryan whispering in the back lounge and then Ryan ignoring them both for days on end, like it was somehow Brendon's fault, Brendon had decided to give up on love all together.
Brendon often tries to remember when everything that happened in his life wasn't because of Ryan Ross.
Brendon hangs out with Spencer more than the rest of them, and he almost feels selfish or something for not making more of an effort to spend time with Jon - who'd been living with them in Cali since his break-up - or with Ryan+someone else - Brendon's not in love, but he can't handle Ryan by himself - but he doesn't want to; doesn't need to. Things with Spencer have been easy, comfortable, simple, and that's really what Brendon needs at this point. No strain.
Often they just lie in Brendon's bed on top of the covers with the lights off and listen to music that fills the whole house. They clasp their hands together and Brendon tucks himself into Spencer's side. It's not love, but it's more intimate than the way Brendon touches the rest of the band, or even more than the way he touches Spencer in front of other people.
Brendon feels like he should be surprised when Spencer grips his hip tight, fingers curling almost possessively, and pulls him closer than ever before and whispers, "I know you don't believe in love anymore and I know that's Ryan's fault…" and then trails off, but Brendon's really not surprised about where this about to go.
Brendon tips his head up on Spencer's chest so he can see him better. Spencer's hand is still firm and warm on his hip. Spencer doesn't keep going; Brendon hadn't really expected him to. They just stay as they are and Brendon distracts himself with the way Spencer's chest goes up and down with breath underneath his head for a moment.
Soon Brendon's hand drifts up and he lightly touches Spencer's jaw. "Do you ever sometimes feel like it's just us against the world?"
Spencer's hand follows Brendon's up and Spencer holds Brendon's again, twining their fingers as always, as if nothing's different. He says, "Yeah."
Brendon squeezes Spencer's hand and whispers, "I want to keep it that way."
-End-
From the prompt: Jon the all American boy realizes that the kid with the scarves in his math class totally stares at his mouth and now Jon has a tendency to reciprocate. (Jon/Ryan AU, obviously)
How To Be Infamous
Jon's slowly developed some sort of kink for mouths. Which is weird because he used to be normal. He blames it on the king himself, that kid in his English class that always stares at Jon's mouth, and has somehow now got Jon staring back and got Jon noticing other people's mouths.
"Ryan," the kid says to him one day before the bell rings as Jon's just coming in the door. The kid beats him every day, so Jon's not surprised to see him here, just surprised by the sudden conversation or whatever it is that is going on.
Jon cocks his head and says, "Huh?"
The kid says, "My name's Ryan. You look over at me a lot."
"You were looking at me first," Jon says, but it's definitely not a good defense, because that means he was looking at the kid look.
"Good comeback, Jon Walker," the kid - Ryan, Jon mentally corrects himself - says.
Jon pops an eyebrow and starts to move towards his desk. "You know my name?"
"Well," Ryan says, following, "you are the infamous Sophomore Jon Walker, friends with everyone ever, and you sleep a lot in class so Ms. Brown has to call on you all the time."
"Infamous, huh?" Jon says with a wink. Ryan rolls his eyes. "Why don't I know your name? You don't exactly seem to pay the epitome of attention, what with your stalker ways of staring at me and all."
"I'm the advanced English Freshman," Ryan says, practically fucking preening. "I could shoot spitballs at her head, and as long as I continue to be awesome, I'm not gonna get called out."
"Can I call you?" Jon says before he can think. He's too transfixed by Ryan's fucking cute-ass mouth, which is now formed in a perfect O in reaction to what Jon just accidentally asked.
"Excuse me?" Ryan says slowly, more like he can't believe it than anything.
Jon figures there's no going back now, because, hey, he's already got his foot this far into his mouth, why doesn't he see if he can get it down into his stomach? Or, like, ask Ryan out just because he's apparently Infamous. "Your cellphone number," Jon says, digging a pen out of his pocket. "Write it…" Jon twirls his finger through the air and lands it on the back of his hand. "…here. I'll totally call you sometime and teach you how to be infamous."
"Are you sure you won't just look at my mouth the whole time?" Ryan says deadpan. Jon looks up at his eyes now. There's a sarcastic edge to them. "Because that's seriously all you've been doing." He shakes his head as he writes his numbers in a crooked row across the back of Jon's hand.
"Oh, like you haven't?" Jon asks, as the bell rings. On a surge of power, he adds, "Maybe I'll do more with your mouth in the process of infamousness." Ryan flushes and crosses the room to take his seat.
As class begins, Ryan's scrawling something across a piece of notebook paper. Jon's determined to not fall asleep today. Ryan folds the piece of paper into a surprisingly well-made airplane.
He lifts it, pulling his hand back to his ear, and raises his eyebrow at Jon as if to accentuate his point, before throwing it. Ms. Brown says nothing. Damn.
It says, isn't this fun? in the center and there's little snatches of words around the sides, fragments, incomplete thoughts. Jon reads them, and then the main message again.
He looks up and across the rows at Ryan, confused. Ryan just shrugs. Jon writes, isn't what? and folds it back into the airplane form.
He raises his arm to throw and Ms. Brown says, "Jon Walker! Don't you dare!" and Jon drops it. He looks at Ryan, who raises his eyebrows to say, That.
Jon thinks that there's something wrong with him because he is still so serious about teaching Ryan how to be infamous.
-End-
Both of the prompts are from panicatthecobra.