sucks
Ya. . my Friday sucked. Nothinq to do . . the only good thinq was practice . . seriously i have like no close friends right now and it just sucks . . and i want to break down and cry . . i mean ya i have Catti . . Smacks . . Tona . . Krystal . . just nothinq seems the same anymore ' and i hate it. We watched some suicidel movie today in health . . and iv never been suicidel . . but i had like so many of the "symptoms" of depression and what leads up to suicide . . mood swings ' one minute being happy ' one minute breaking down ' not going out and doing anything ' always sitting home ' . . the only real steady thing in my life right now is basketball, and im so thankful for that, cause i love it. . bleeeh it seems like lately i just havent been "myself" i mean ya i have my moments were i seem so energized and happy and what not . . but i have so many more were i just want to cry . . like in Civics . . i sit there alone and do my work . . while tiff and krystal and chris and danny talk . . todd has his other people . .and yea know what . . todd . . i just dont know about him . . i just dont like being around him anymore, and it sucks cause he was my absolute best friend ' the person that i always wanted to be around. . he made me so happy, and i just cant stand the act he puts on. . trying to seem cool around every one . . i just fuckin hate it . . i hate my self . . * take my photo off the wall if it just wont sing for you cause all thats left is gone away and theres nothinq there for you to prove . .oh look what youv done . . youv made a fool of everyone oh it seems like such fun until you lose what you have won . . * ya deffinitly my song . . sigh * . . things will get better jamie . . i just want my old life back . . when jetta was living with me. . i had matt . . i had alex . . i had my close close friends . . when i was happy . . but everything has changed now and im fuckin alone . .