(no subject)
And the "bonding with dad" Saga continues.
He sent me a text yesterday saying "Hey, check your e-mail, I bought us both a copy of this book and I want you to see it". I looked at the amazon link, and it was a book about Borderline, Buddhism, and Online Dating... LOL. So basically, he wants to read it with me. When I thanked him greatly, followed by "xoxo" he goes, "We can have our own little borderline book club!". LOL. It's great to feel close to him, especially in our weird messed up sense of humor...
I'm feeling a little bit torn when I really think about things, and the WAY that I think about things. I'm really starting to think about the way I think about things, and evaluate whether it's a good way to think or not. The end result may be positive, but right now it's somewhat of a struggle. Deep self analysis usually is.
Another reason I'm torn is because I've had this urge to create something pretty for weeks, and every time I try to focus on actually creating something pretty, my mind becomes paralyzed and my motor skills feel all fucked and all over the place and I feel completely powerless of any artistic skill whatsoever. I'd love to have some paints or something. But if I had paints I'd beat myself up for not having skill, lose the ability and/or creativity, and end up never using them. I think a good thing would be to maybe make some collages again. But I've got no paper OR magazines OR glue. FML. I should just travel from mental hospital to mental hospital, scrounging them all of their artistic resources... MUAHAHA!!!!
I walked around Quincy today and my heart was torn. I stupidly picked the worst time to walk around Quincy... 10 oclock PM. Lolz. It was packed with creepy old men lurking about the night, and drunk 20 something year old's standing outside of the countless amount of bars, smoking cigarettes. I was on a search for any store that could be open where I could get some grub-agrub.... nope. It crushed my heart. Stomach, too, since all I've eaten today is a veggie burger, some salad, a spinach pancake... and well, that's it. Such tasteless, dull food. I want something that tastes like something, because I've been so depressed that I can barely enjoy any of the food that I used to (Like those veggie burgers). It's causing me to go through intense amounts of food without giving a damn, or being able to enjoy it. Then when I'm all out (I'm running out of everything), I get to be extremely hungry and have nothing fun to eat. Fun!!
Music is another thing that's becoming really hard for me to enjoy. It's almost like a chore to put myself through listening to another ridiculous human being's "garbage art". Maybe this means I need to listen to "real" music? but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to enjoy that either, whatever it is. Music sucks. But it's kind of scary and weird and depressing to lose such a passion of mine. I'm even losing my desire to produce electronic music/DJ. THe passion is just gone. I wonder why...
He sent me a text yesterday saying "Hey, check your e-mail, I bought us both a copy of this book and I want you to see it". I looked at the amazon link, and it was a book about Borderline, Buddhism, and Online Dating... LOL. So basically, he wants to read it with me. When I thanked him greatly, followed by "xoxo" he goes, "We can have our own little borderline book club!". LOL. It's great to feel close to him, especially in our weird messed up sense of humor...
I'm feeling a little bit torn when I really think about things, and the WAY that I think about things. I'm really starting to think about the way I think about things, and evaluate whether it's a good way to think or not. The end result may be positive, but right now it's somewhat of a struggle. Deep self analysis usually is.
Another reason I'm torn is because I've had this urge to create something pretty for weeks, and every time I try to focus on actually creating something pretty, my mind becomes paralyzed and my motor skills feel all fucked and all over the place and I feel completely powerless of any artistic skill whatsoever. I'd love to have some paints or something. But if I had paints I'd beat myself up for not having skill, lose the ability and/or creativity, and end up never using them. I think a good thing would be to maybe make some collages again. But I've got no paper OR magazines OR glue. FML. I should just travel from mental hospital to mental hospital, scrounging them all of their artistic resources... MUAHAHA!!!!
I walked around Quincy today and my heart was torn. I stupidly picked the worst time to walk around Quincy... 10 oclock PM. Lolz. It was packed with creepy old men lurking about the night, and drunk 20 something year old's standing outside of the countless amount of bars, smoking cigarettes. I was on a search for any store that could be open where I could get some grub-agrub.... nope. It crushed my heart. Stomach, too, since all I've eaten today is a veggie burger, some salad, a spinach pancake... and well, that's it. Such tasteless, dull food. I want something that tastes like something, because I've been so depressed that I can barely enjoy any of the food that I used to (Like those veggie burgers). It's causing me to go through intense amounts of food without giving a damn, or being able to enjoy it. Then when I'm all out (I'm running out of everything), I get to be extremely hungry and have nothing fun to eat. Fun!!
Music is another thing that's becoming really hard for me to enjoy. It's almost like a chore to put myself through listening to another ridiculous human being's "garbage art". Maybe this means I need to listen to "real" music? but I'm sure I wouldn't be able to enjoy that either, whatever it is. Music sucks. But it's kind of scary and weird and depressing to lose such a passion of mine. I'm even losing my desire to produce electronic music/DJ. THe passion is just gone. I wonder why...