Catching up,
So here I am - still in Europe thank the lord. I am at a new job which is a blessing and a curse. I liked working or a big behemoth of a company, but now I work for a company where I can count my coworkers on my hand - one hand. This smallness has it benefits I finally get to do the work I was denied before as I was being pushed into management which is not my first choice - I personally am a more technical person. Now in the small company I can pick and choose my projects for the most part including some article writing in our field. Anyways my work is boring for most, but to me it is endlessly fascinating.
Moving on since this particular blog is not about my professional life. I am what most people would label trans, but I label myself jen (okay it is not my real name) but you get the idea. I am just me, and for some reason this self labeling is not allowed. It is strange when I first came out and and started my journey I always got told what I am, what label i should use and even how I should dress. Well now I live my life according to my own terms, I still dress the same as I did as a "boy", i still consider myself me and I really don't care if Trans people are given the label trans or not. I think how you label yourself is your own business and should not affect others. If I want to be cisgendered as a girl and deny my boy body passed then I can - no one can deny me that. I am lucky I pass and can live my life as a cisgendered person. Would I give up my life for a non-passing one, not a chance. Just as I am sure someone who doesn't pass would love my life. You are given what you are given... It doesn't mean i am not sympathetic to "trans" people, "trans" being the visibly trans. I can be trans positive and not have to label myself as such.
If I run into someone putting down a visibly trans person or trans people in general i will pipe up and say,,, how do you know that? I will question there thinking without outing myself. Then again there is nothing to out... I was born a girl and I am sticking to that answer. My mom swears i was born a girl and flatly denies my boy past... so if my mom calls me her little girl,,, well then I am her little girl.
I would like to write about my experience as a human, nothing unique, we are all unique. How I pass through this world is interesting to say the least, I often ask myself how my boy body ever morphed into a girl body in less than three years? I occasionally have gendered moments, but none where a simple umm pardon me but my name is jen... doesn't fix. I dress like a skater boy. Well at least that is what I am told. I wear hoodies and loose jeans and cargo pants, but I assure people underneath are breasts and a cunt. My cunt, pussy, my pride and joy. But my style of dress occasionally gets me into trouble, but once people see my face, my long hair, and hear my voice (which is not high pitched, but it is feminine) they tend to correct themselves. I don't care I like androgyny because I know underneath all the clothes is jen the girl - no one can take that away from me. I also tend to date girls, not because I am strictly attracted to them, just that most girls don't care what you wear as long as their are girl parts below. Boys care if you look feminine, they care what their friends' will think about them if they date a girl that doesn't quite fit their closed minded image of a girl. Not that I don't get hit on by boys, i do all the time, i even had a friend the other weekend make a move on me. If only I tried to be feminine... But I think it is my strong self assurance and just being myself that attracts them. there are lots of cookie cutter girls out there. I am unique in how I present and act, but one thing is for sure I am a girl... in my actions and physical appearance.
I never had to change how I dressed, acted or spoke to pass in fact I had to stop all my couvering up I was doing to mask my girl qualities... I had to learn just to be me, that little girl I left on the farm every summer. I still remember that one picture of me with the little frog i made a pet sitting on my tiny finger... I still have tiny figers and a love of animals. Just now my hands are normal to small for a grown female, which I guess is a bonus, In fact I wear a medium women's glove North American sizes. I was born tiny, which i guess is why i am quite small now. Did i mention my tiny feet? I like my small features. My mom used to make fun of my tiny feet, hands and nose, but now she just sees me as a girl so the tiny features fit for her. Before I used to be embarrassed about my tiny feet and hands, well more my feet, now I relish them as shoe shopping is now a breeze. I used to have to buy boy sizes, now I just buy normal women shoes. I was helping my friend paint her mother's house and I mentioned how tiny her feet were, which I noticed before (as we have been friends for many years now) and she told me her size and surprisingly her feet were only a half size smaller. I looked down at my feet at that point and realized just how small my feet were even for a women's.
So if my feet and hands and other features are small perhaps I can get my body small - which slowly it has been getting smaller. Strangely I look in the mirror and I still see the 220 weightlifter. But considering I fit into a 42 to 40 size I am no longer the big beefy person I was. I am more of my normal size now like when I was dancing professionally in my late teens and early twenties. I know my upper body can be tiny, the hormones definitely doing their part. My appetite has shrunk as well. I am eating far more salads, and less meat which helps. .Plus I play footy, run and go to the gym regularly. A few months ago I noticed my body settling down a little from the changes, but of course this is puberty and takes many years to finish, 3 to 5 years. So I got awhile to go until my body settles down, in the meantime I will work on my fitness and keep on chugging along as the girl I have become.
Moving on.... I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be this happy and successful. I am happy now.. I am girl and I have a career I love plus amazing friends, which maybe two know of my past. What could be better than being a young professional women in her late twenties living in europe with a expense account? Okay I don't have an expense account, I though can expense costs associated with my job. So here I am,, life can not be much better!!!! Who would of thought I could go from a sad, depressed, suicidal boy-bodied person to a happy and successful young women? I never would have guess my life would have turned out this way and the most wonderful thing is, my life has only just begun, who knows what the next ten years will bring. My mom was worried for me at first, now we talk on the phone regularly and all she can say is she is happy for me and can't believe how much i have changed. Before she always told me to get more friends, now she calls me a social butterfly. After all what is a greater joy for a mother than to see her only daughter blossom into a successful young women? I am proud to be her daughter. I am glad I will always be her little girl.
I better get to bed, I need to get up in the morning.
lickmypeach
Moving on since this particular blog is not about my professional life. I am what most people would label trans, but I label myself jen (okay it is not my real name) but you get the idea. I am just me, and for some reason this self labeling is not allowed. It is strange when I first came out and and started my journey I always got told what I am, what label i should use and even how I should dress. Well now I live my life according to my own terms, I still dress the same as I did as a "boy", i still consider myself me and I really don't care if Trans people are given the label trans or not. I think how you label yourself is your own business and should not affect others. If I want to be cisgendered as a girl and deny my boy body passed then I can - no one can deny me that. I am lucky I pass and can live my life as a cisgendered person. Would I give up my life for a non-passing one, not a chance. Just as I am sure someone who doesn't pass would love my life. You are given what you are given... It doesn't mean i am not sympathetic to "trans" people, "trans" being the visibly trans. I can be trans positive and not have to label myself as such.
If I run into someone putting down a visibly trans person or trans people in general i will pipe up and say,,, how do you know that? I will question there thinking without outing myself. Then again there is nothing to out... I was born a girl and I am sticking to that answer. My mom swears i was born a girl and flatly denies my boy past... so if my mom calls me her little girl,,, well then I am her little girl.
I would like to write about my experience as a human, nothing unique, we are all unique. How I pass through this world is interesting to say the least, I often ask myself how my boy body ever morphed into a girl body in less than three years? I occasionally have gendered moments, but none where a simple umm pardon me but my name is jen... doesn't fix. I dress like a skater boy. Well at least that is what I am told. I wear hoodies and loose jeans and cargo pants, but I assure people underneath are breasts and a cunt. My cunt, pussy, my pride and joy. But my style of dress occasionally gets me into trouble, but once people see my face, my long hair, and hear my voice (which is not high pitched, but it is feminine) they tend to correct themselves. I don't care I like androgyny because I know underneath all the clothes is jen the girl - no one can take that away from me. I also tend to date girls, not because I am strictly attracted to them, just that most girls don't care what you wear as long as their are girl parts below. Boys care if you look feminine, they care what their friends' will think about them if they date a girl that doesn't quite fit their closed minded image of a girl. Not that I don't get hit on by boys, i do all the time, i even had a friend the other weekend make a move on me. If only I tried to be feminine... But I think it is my strong self assurance and just being myself that attracts them. there are lots of cookie cutter girls out there. I am unique in how I present and act, but one thing is for sure I am a girl... in my actions and physical appearance.
I never had to change how I dressed, acted or spoke to pass in fact I had to stop all my couvering up I was doing to mask my girl qualities... I had to learn just to be me, that little girl I left on the farm every summer. I still remember that one picture of me with the little frog i made a pet sitting on my tiny finger... I still have tiny figers and a love of animals. Just now my hands are normal to small for a grown female, which I guess is a bonus, In fact I wear a medium women's glove North American sizes. I was born tiny, which i guess is why i am quite small now. Did i mention my tiny feet? I like my small features. My mom used to make fun of my tiny feet, hands and nose, but now she just sees me as a girl so the tiny features fit for her. Before I used to be embarrassed about my tiny feet and hands, well more my feet, now I relish them as shoe shopping is now a breeze. I used to have to buy boy sizes, now I just buy normal women shoes. I was helping my friend paint her mother's house and I mentioned how tiny her feet were, which I noticed before (as we have been friends for many years now) and she told me her size and surprisingly her feet were only a half size smaller. I looked down at my feet at that point and realized just how small my feet were even for a women's.
So if my feet and hands and other features are small perhaps I can get my body small - which slowly it has been getting smaller. Strangely I look in the mirror and I still see the 220 weightlifter. But considering I fit into a 42 to 40 size I am no longer the big beefy person I was. I am more of my normal size now like when I was dancing professionally in my late teens and early twenties. I know my upper body can be tiny, the hormones definitely doing their part. My appetite has shrunk as well. I am eating far more salads, and less meat which helps. .Plus I play footy, run and go to the gym regularly. A few months ago I noticed my body settling down a little from the changes, but of course this is puberty and takes many years to finish, 3 to 5 years. So I got awhile to go until my body settles down, in the meantime I will work on my fitness and keep on chugging along as the girl I have become.
Moving on.... I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be this happy and successful. I am happy now.. I am girl and I have a career I love plus amazing friends, which maybe two know of my past. What could be better than being a young professional women in her late twenties living in europe with a expense account? Okay I don't have an expense account, I though can expense costs associated with my job. So here I am,, life can not be much better!!!! Who would of thought I could go from a sad, depressed, suicidal boy-bodied person to a happy and successful young women? I never would have guess my life would have turned out this way and the most wonderful thing is, my life has only just begun, who knows what the next ten years will bring. My mom was worried for me at first, now we talk on the phone regularly and all she can say is she is happy for me and can't believe how much i have changed. Before she always told me to get more friends, now she calls me a social butterfly. After all what is a greater joy for a mother than to see her only daughter blossom into a successful young women? I am proud to be her daughter. I am glad I will always be her little girl.
I better get to bed, I need to get up in the morning.
lickmypeach