*Someone Shoot Me*
It's times like this that I'm glad no one looks at this journal anymore. I have so many reasons to be happy and yet something on the inside is just tugging at me as though to bring me down. My body hates me. I don't want to go to the neurologist and get awful tests done, but then no matter what I do my limbs are going to keep going numb. It occurs so often now it's almost scary. Makes me wonder if I will even be able to fullill my dream career when everything is said and done. What's to become of me and everything I've worked so hard to do?
Now more than ever I want to be positive... but almost no one around me is positive anymore. I'm almost broke, I'm now someone's lab rat, and everyone seems to be upset or depressed about something or other. Makes me wonder why I try so hard when seeing everyone else sad only brings me down and stresses me out too. I wish there was a good way to just give up and start everything all over but there really isn't; not in this game anyway. I feel so worthless when it comes to my friends even... and I'm probably going to be worked to death this winter and people are going to want to hang out and I just may not have time... I wonder why I try to keep friends at all... I'm awful at it. If I were rich, things may be different, but I'm not and it's stressful. I feel so good and so aweful at the same time that people rely on me. I'm so pathetic.
I don't even know what to say or do anymore. I get irritable so easily lately. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I bother? Crying doesn't help, screaming doesn't help, it hurts to play the guitar and there's nothing I can do to just make things better...
What a pathetic person am I... To have so much to be thankful for and yet at the end of the day, I'm waiting for it to be taken away... What a fool I am... An utter fool...
Now more than ever I want to be positive... but almost no one around me is positive anymore. I'm almost broke, I'm now someone's lab rat, and everyone seems to be upset or depressed about something or other. Makes me wonder why I try so hard when seeing everyone else sad only brings me down and stresses me out too. I wish there was a good way to just give up and start everything all over but there really isn't; not in this game anyway. I feel so worthless when it comes to my friends even... and I'm probably going to be worked to death this winter and people are going to want to hang out and I just may not have time... I wonder why I try to keep friends at all... I'm awful at it. If I were rich, things may be different, but I'm not and it's stressful. I feel so good and so aweful at the same time that people rely on me. I'm so pathetic.
I don't even know what to say or do anymore. I get irritable so easily lately. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I bother? Crying doesn't help, screaming doesn't help, it hurts to play the guitar and there's nothing I can do to just make things better...
What a pathetic person am I... To have so much to be thankful for and yet at the end of the day, I'm waiting for it to be taken away... What a fool I am... An utter fool...