Oh fuck it fuck it fuck it
How do i do it??? honestly, some one please tell me coz i am completely in the dark!!!!
Last night was the most stupid night of my life, and i only have me to blame! Oh and Vodka!!! Oh ... and Chris!
Made me and Carly THE best Spag Bol in the world Oh My God was it good!!!!! Wont go into too much detail coz its all very boring and cooking like, but ... hell yeah im impressed!
Sorry, cant get over the fact that it was so good!!! And Carly said it was better than her mums! WOW
Ne ways ...
Last night was the first time since last saturday that i actually got pissed and my dials were set to self destruction, seriously, i was apparently on a mission to get as FUCKED as i possibly could, in a very short amount of time. Oh dear, that was a bad mistake. i was fine till we got the the party, apart from the fact that chris said that he was about to ask me if i wanted to just stay in coz i was already fucked but didnt cozi would have bitten his head off.
Cant really remember much about the walk there, cant remember going in, remember talkin to some of the guys off my course and telling them about my relationship with Pippa, i know it wasnt much of a relationship but ... it was something! so they were well impressed with me for that, plus ... Sam is quite cute!
um ... then for some odd and very very unknown reason i kissed Alex (2nd year Graphics) dont really remember how that happened, it just did and im very confused ocz its so unexpected!
um ... i did a lot of mingling i think, cant remember who with exactly, but meh. um ... then went to sit with the guys and this is where pretty much everything goes very very hazy. And for this i have had to ask people about what happened!
i spilt my drink that i had just poured all over my leg, then i made chris pour me another one (i was apparently snapping at him most of the night, and i am very very sorry for that!) then chris decided to take me home coz i was so fucked.
i apparently was trying to storm off but didnt quite manage it coz i was zig zaging all over the place and nearly walked out infront of a car but chris pulled me back. when we got to Kwik Fit i started to cry for about 10 mins, then couldnt get into the house coz i was crying so much. got into the house, liam came into my room to say hey and i cried on him while he was askin chris why i was crying, chris obviously didnt know.
dont really know what went on after that, apparently we were in the kitchen makin tea, i spilt it all over the work surface, and then started flirting with chris outragously!
so the inevitable happened. cant remember much about it.
then we apparently had a deep and meaningful for about 2 hours. and chris now says it was the best chat we've ever had, and i cant FUCKING remember ne of it!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED OFF WITH MYSELF!
Loki says: (8:11:14 pm)
you were a little difficult to follow, but heres a summary:
1. you don't love me, you love who i used to be
2. you still hurt yourself, mainly when angry at something you can't control, e.g. your father.
4. you think there will always be some link between the two of us, but we worked out today that that is because we flirt SO MUCH
and i still don't know why you were crying.
WHY THE FUCK WAS I CRYING????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
and so today i had to go do the shameful thing of going to the drop in center and get the morning after pill. oh how fucking stupid am i!!!!!! she was really nice and chris actually came with me this time, and actually appologised which was even nicer. he said he didnt realise i was that drunk when we got back home, and really shouldnt have taken advantage.
I am so fucking stupid!!!!!! aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
i really need to sort out my head, coz its so fucking crazed up at the moment!
Liam said to me today that he doesnt undrrstand why im alone coz im one of the kindest people he knows an ne one should be dropping everything to be with me, and i said the same to him. we are just really confused at the moment about why shit is happening to us all the time, and why nothing possitive is coming out of it at all!!!!!!
WHY?
so there we go, think im gonna go catch the rest of invasion with carly now!!!!!
Last night was the most stupid night of my life, and i only have me to blame! Oh and Vodka!!! Oh ... and Chris!
Made me and Carly THE best Spag Bol in the world Oh My God was it good!!!!! Wont go into too much detail coz its all very boring and cooking like, but ... hell yeah im impressed!
Sorry, cant get over the fact that it was so good!!! And Carly said it was better than her mums! WOW
Ne ways ...
Last night was the first time since last saturday that i actually got pissed and my dials were set to self destruction, seriously, i was apparently on a mission to get as FUCKED as i possibly could, in a very short amount of time. Oh dear, that was a bad mistake. i was fine till we got the the party, apart from the fact that chris said that he was about to ask me if i wanted to just stay in coz i was already fucked but didnt cozi would have bitten his head off.
Cant really remember much about the walk there, cant remember going in, remember talkin to some of the guys off my course and telling them about my relationship with Pippa, i know it wasnt much of a relationship but ... it was something! so they were well impressed with me for that, plus ... Sam is quite cute!
um ... then for some odd and very very unknown reason i kissed Alex (2nd year Graphics) dont really remember how that happened, it just did and im very confused ocz its so unexpected!
um ... i did a lot of mingling i think, cant remember who with exactly, but meh. um ... then went to sit with the guys and this is where pretty much everything goes very very hazy. And for this i have had to ask people about what happened!
i spilt my drink that i had just poured all over my leg, then i made chris pour me another one (i was apparently snapping at him most of the night, and i am very very sorry for that!) then chris decided to take me home coz i was so fucked.
i apparently was trying to storm off but didnt quite manage it coz i was zig zaging all over the place and nearly walked out infront of a car but chris pulled me back. when we got to Kwik Fit i started to cry for about 10 mins, then couldnt get into the house coz i was crying so much. got into the house, liam came into my room to say hey and i cried on him while he was askin chris why i was crying, chris obviously didnt know.
dont really know what went on after that, apparently we were in the kitchen makin tea, i spilt it all over the work surface, and then started flirting with chris outragously!
so the inevitable happened. cant remember much about it.
then we apparently had a deep and meaningful for about 2 hours. and chris now says it was the best chat we've ever had, and i cant FUCKING remember ne of it!!!!!!!!!!
I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED OFF WITH MYSELF!
Loki says: (8:11:14 pm)
you were a little difficult to follow, but heres a summary:
1. you don't love me, you love who i used to be
2. you still hurt yourself, mainly when angry at something you can't control, e.g. your father.
4. you think there will always be some link between the two of us, but we worked out today that that is because we flirt SO MUCH
and i still don't know why you were crying.
WHY THE FUCK WAS I CRYING????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
and so today i had to go do the shameful thing of going to the drop in center and get the morning after pill. oh how fucking stupid am i!!!!!! she was really nice and chris actually came with me this time, and actually appologised which was even nicer. he said he didnt realise i was that drunk when we got back home, and really shouldnt have taken advantage.
I am so fucking stupid!!!!!! aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh
i really need to sort out my head, coz its so fucking crazed up at the moment!
Liam said to me today that he doesnt undrrstand why im alone coz im one of the kindest people he knows an ne one should be dropping everything to be with me, and i said the same to him. we are just really confused at the moment about why shit is happening to us all the time, and why nothing possitive is coming out of it at all!!!!!!
WHY?
so there we go, think im gonna go catch the rest of invasion with carly now!!!!!