Fic: The Rest Is Silence
Title: The Rest Is Silence
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Lucifer
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 5x03
Disclaimer: In no way mine, or anything to do with me, I own nothing.
Summary: Sam learns that change is not always for the better.
AN: Commentfic written for aeon_entwined
The first time it's all Lucifer. The first time there's nothing but the cold burn of his skin and the power of his hands and so much desperate, greedy want that they stray over the edge, into something close to violence.
Sam had needed it, needed it so badly. They'd been moving towards it for so long there'd been no way to stop it from burning everything else away. There'd been nothing soft, nothing careful about what they did to each other. He'd let Lucifer have whatever he wanted. Because Sam had chosen him, he'd known right from the start that Lucifer would be angry, possessive, broken. But he'd known they'd be broken together, as best as they could.
Only then it wasn't like that at all.
It's like someone told Lucifer he was wrong. Like someone told him you didn't hurt the ones you loved.
When he touches Sam now, there's a quiet strangeness to him. A determination to be gentle. Sam can see him trying. The slow testing grip of his hands, the pauses between touches. As if he's trying to be something he's not. Trying to be something he can't be any more. There are no rough edges, its all quietly banked fury. Slow burning and frustrated. It's a tension that speaks of restraint, maybe thousands of years of it.
It's been a long time since Lucifer was an angel. If he was ever gentle, if he was ever soft it's been burned out of him. By hell, by grief, by the desperate need for revenge. This thing he gives to Sam is a lie and it makes his chest tighten every time. Every time Lucifer gives him what he thinks he wants, and buries his real self deeper.
Sam's the one that vibrates with tension, fingers too hard, too desperate, trying to drag Lucifer back and make him real, when he doesn't know how.
In the quiet of their room, Sam holds him still, pins his hands to the bed and Lucifer lets him. Passive and accepting - when Sam wants everything else, anything else.
"I love you," Sam tells him, voice rough. "But this isn't you."
Lucifer's hands tense and then relax in his grip.
"I don't want this. I want you -" Sam lifts a hand, digs his fingers into Lucifer hair and drags his head back, finds the rough curve of his jaw and breathes against Lucifer's cold skin. He feels the slow, steady thud of a pulse that feels real, sinks his teeth there until he gets a rumble of sound that's darkness and fire. It makes him want so hard he can't think straight.
Sam presses a kiss to Lucifer's open mouth.
"I chose you."
He tightens his hand, sliding a knee over Lucifer's waist until he can settle against him, close enough to feel everything.
"You promised you wouldn't lie to me. But that's what you're doing."
"Sam." There's a catch, a sharp edge to his name. Like he doesn't know what he's asking for.
"Love me like you mean it," Sam hisses into his ear.
Lucifer's hands tighten on his skin, like he thought Sam would never ask.
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Lucifer
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: 5x03
Disclaimer: In no way mine, or anything to do with me, I own nothing.
Summary: Sam learns that change is not always for the better.
AN: Commentfic written for aeon_entwined
The first time it's all Lucifer. The first time there's nothing but the cold burn of his skin and the power of his hands and so much desperate, greedy want that they stray over the edge, into something close to violence.
Sam had needed it, needed it so badly. They'd been moving towards it for so long there'd been no way to stop it from burning everything else away. There'd been nothing soft, nothing careful about what they did to each other. He'd let Lucifer have whatever he wanted. Because Sam had chosen him, he'd known right from the start that Lucifer would be angry, possessive, broken. But he'd known they'd be broken together, as best as they could.
Only then it wasn't like that at all.
It's like someone told Lucifer he was wrong. Like someone told him you didn't hurt the ones you loved.
When he touches Sam now, there's a quiet strangeness to him. A determination to be gentle. Sam can see him trying. The slow testing grip of his hands, the pauses between touches. As if he's trying to be something he's not. Trying to be something he can't be any more. There are no rough edges, its all quietly banked fury. Slow burning and frustrated. It's a tension that speaks of restraint, maybe thousands of years of it.
It's been a long time since Lucifer was an angel. If he was ever gentle, if he was ever soft it's been burned out of him. By hell, by grief, by the desperate need for revenge. This thing he gives to Sam is a lie and it makes his chest tighten every time. Every time Lucifer gives him what he thinks he wants, and buries his real self deeper.
Sam's the one that vibrates with tension, fingers too hard, too desperate, trying to drag Lucifer back and make him real, when he doesn't know how.
In the quiet of their room, Sam holds him still, pins his hands to the bed and Lucifer lets him. Passive and accepting - when Sam wants everything else, anything else.
"I love you," Sam tells him, voice rough. "But this isn't you."
Lucifer's hands tense and then relax in his grip.
"I don't want this. I want you -" Sam lifts a hand, digs his fingers into Lucifer hair and drags his head back, finds the rough curve of his jaw and breathes against Lucifer's cold skin. He feels the slow, steady thud of a pulse that feels real, sinks his teeth there until he gets a rumble of sound that's darkness and fire. It makes him want so hard he can't think straight.
Sam presses a kiss to Lucifer's open mouth.
"I chose you."
He tightens his hand, sliding a knee over Lucifer's waist until he can settle against him, close enough to feel everything.
"You promised you wouldn't lie to me. But that's what you're doing."
"Sam." There's a catch, a sharp edge to his name. Like he doesn't know what he's asking for.
"Love me like you mean it," Sam hisses into his ear.
Lucifer's hands tighten on his skin, like he thought Sam would never ask.