Fic: Fake
Title: Fake
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: In no way mine, or anything to do with me, I own nothing.
Summary: In which Sheppard is the last to know everything.
AN: Written for tehopheliac for my icon writing meme.
It's been happening a lot lately.
Today is just a perfect example. Sheppard's halfway through a conversation with Lieutenant Green when Rodney shows up, grumbling about something incomprehensible that someone else has done wrong and that clearly he's going to have to fix.
Before he's even managed to say anything in exchange Green is out of the chair and nodding.
"I'll speak to you later, sir."
Sheppard frowns.
But she's already hurrying away.
"Why do they always do that?"
Rodney makes an uninterested noise and dumps everything he's carrying onto the table. There's a lot of it, and Sheppard holds a hand out to make sure none of it ends up in his lunch.
"Do what?" Rodney asks finally.
"Run away when you show up. Have you been threatening them again?"
"Not recently," Rodney admits, before rearranging the pile of stuff into something that's obviously useful, or at least meaningful. "They probably think we want to have important relationship time," he grumbles over the top of something that's making a disconcerting humming noise.
Sheppard stops poking at his food and blinks.
"What? What relationship?"
Rodney spares him only the briefest look before he starts poking at the little humming thing's screen again.
"The fake one we let everyone think we have so they'll stop bugging us outside of 'oh my god we're all going to die' situations."
Sheppard's fork clanks against his plate.
"Rodney, have you been letting everyone think we're dating just so you could eat your lunch in peace?"
Rodney makes a rude noise.
"I haven't been letting them, they can think whatever they like without my assistance, which is a shame, because if I did choose to assist them they'd be wrong less often." Rodney manages to be smug even when he's frowning in concentration.
"How did I not know about this?" Sheppard demands.
"I assumed you did," Rodney's frown turns confused, like it had never once occurred to him to, oh I don't know, tell him about this. "I assumed you were taking advantage of it too."
"Why would I- hang on, exactly how long has this been going on?"
Rodney shrugs.
"Since people noticed, I don't know. Since I started taking advantage of it? About that time with the bees that made everyone want to have sex."
"That time you locked me in a closet," Sheppard reminds him, which come to think of it- Sheppard kind of remembers a lot of apologies the day after, considering he'd barely been molested at all.
"I saved you from being molested against your will by half the women on Atlantis," Rodney says smugly. "Your manly reputation would never have survived that."
"Clearly my manly reputation survived this." He gestures pointedly between them.
Rodney makes a noise in his throat that's amused and ever so slightly patronising at the same time.
"You're kidding right, half of these people are terrified of me. They all think you're insane. I could tell everyone you bit a man to death and they'd probably believe me."
"What?" Sheppard asks, honestly shocked, does he really come across as the sort of man that would- but Rodney clearly hasn't run out of steam yet, and he's not going to stop for Sheppard to catch up.
"Anyway, it's not like you haven't used the same trick before. Like that time on the planet with the large hats," Rodney points a finger at him, effectively making the sentence an accusation. "Where you told the villages we were married."
"They were going to burn me at the stake," Sheppard reminds him. "They had wood and everything."
"I never said there wasn't a good reason I'm just pointing out that you've taken advantage of it too."
"In life or death situations not for-" Sheppard waves a hand -"extra pudding."
Rodney actually looks insulted.
"Excuse me, I've never used the fact that I may, or may not, be sleeping with you for extra pudding. Though, trust me, if there was a way I thought I could do that I probably would."
Sheppard throws his hands up
"Great, fantastic, it's nice to know you'd whore me out for pudding!"
And, ok, maybe he said that a little too loud because now everyone was looking at them.
Sheppard fidgets with his lunch for just long enough to make sure everyone has gone back to whatever they're doing, or at least pretended to convincingly enough that he can't see them watching.
Rodney's still looking at him in that half bewildered sort of way.
"Honestly you must have noticed it, at least once."
"I just assumed they thought we were talking about important mission stuff, or-" Sheppard flounders for another reason, any reason, damn it why could you never think of a good reason when you really wanted one? "I don't know!"
"Fine, fine." Rodney waves a hand. "I'll stop taking advantage of our fake relationship, and I'll start dissuading people from believing we have one."
Which isn't quite as reassuring as it should be. Because it occurs to Sheppard that Rodney might start having a fake relationship with someone else for extra pudding.
Which is pretty much the moment that Sheppard realises he's probably insane.
Or, y'know, worse.
He's so very screwed.
"Maybe I could convince someone to give you extra pudding," he says slowly and consideringly. "For putting up with me, obviously."
"Really?" Rodney's far too pleased about that, but since they've apparently been dating for a while now he should probably make the effort. "Because, y'know it's just easier with you."
Sheppard stabs his fork into something.
"Not that you aren't a good fake boyfriend," Rodney adds, in a grudgingly diplomatic tone of voice.
It better be good pudding.
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: Sheppard/McKay
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: In no way mine, or anything to do with me, I own nothing.
Summary: In which Sheppard is the last to know everything.
AN: Written for tehopheliac for my icon writing meme.
It's been happening a lot lately.
Today is just a perfect example. Sheppard's halfway through a conversation with Lieutenant Green when Rodney shows up, grumbling about something incomprehensible that someone else has done wrong and that clearly he's going to have to fix.
Before he's even managed to say anything in exchange Green is out of the chair and nodding.
"I'll speak to you later, sir."
Sheppard frowns.
But she's already hurrying away.
"Why do they always do that?"
Rodney makes an uninterested noise and dumps everything he's carrying onto the table. There's a lot of it, and Sheppard holds a hand out to make sure none of it ends up in his lunch.
"Do what?" Rodney asks finally.
"Run away when you show up. Have you been threatening them again?"
"Not recently," Rodney admits, before rearranging the pile of stuff into something that's obviously useful, or at least meaningful. "They probably think we want to have important relationship time," he grumbles over the top of something that's making a disconcerting humming noise.
Sheppard stops poking at his food and blinks.
"What? What relationship?"
Rodney spares him only the briefest look before he starts poking at the little humming thing's screen again.
"The fake one we let everyone think we have so they'll stop bugging us outside of 'oh my god we're all going to die' situations."
Sheppard's fork clanks against his plate.
"Rodney, have you been letting everyone think we're dating just so you could eat your lunch in peace?"
Rodney makes a rude noise.
"I haven't been letting them, they can think whatever they like without my assistance, which is a shame, because if I did choose to assist them they'd be wrong less often." Rodney manages to be smug even when he's frowning in concentration.
"How did I not know about this?" Sheppard demands.
"I assumed you did," Rodney's frown turns confused, like it had never once occurred to him to, oh I don't know, tell him about this. "I assumed you were taking advantage of it too."
"Why would I- hang on, exactly how long has this been going on?"
Rodney shrugs.
"Since people noticed, I don't know. Since I started taking advantage of it? About that time with the bees that made everyone want to have sex."
"That time you locked me in a closet," Sheppard reminds him, which come to think of it- Sheppard kind of remembers a lot of apologies the day after, considering he'd barely been molested at all.
"I saved you from being molested against your will by half the women on Atlantis," Rodney says smugly. "Your manly reputation would never have survived that."
"Clearly my manly reputation survived this." He gestures pointedly between them.
Rodney makes a noise in his throat that's amused and ever so slightly patronising at the same time.
"You're kidding right, half of these people are terrified of me. They all think you're insane. I could tell everyone you bit a man to death and they'd probably believe me."
"What?" Sheppard asks, honestly shocked, does he really come across as the sort of man that would- but Rodney clearly hasn't run out of steam yet, and he's not going to stop for Sheppard to catch up.
"Anyway, it's not like you haven't used the same trick before. Like that time on the planet with the large hats," Rodney points a finger at him, effectively making the sentence an accusation. "Where you told the villages we were married."
"They were going to burn me at the stake," Sheppard reminds him. "They had wood and everything."
"I never said there wasn't a good reason I'm just pointing out that you've taken advantage of it too."
"In life or death situations not for-" Sheppard waves a hand -"extra pudding."
Rodney actually looks insulted.
"Excuse me, I've never used the fact that I may, or may not, be sleeping with you for extra pudding. Though, trust me, if there was a way I thought I could do that I probably would."
Sheppard throws his hands up
"Great, fantastic, it's nice to know you'd whore me out for pudding!"
And, ok, maybe he said that a little too loud because now everyone was looking at them.
Sheppard fidgets with his lunch for just long enough to make sure everyone has gone back to whatever they're doing, or at least pretended to convincingly enough that he can't see them watching.
Rodney's still looking at him in that half bewildered sort of way.
"Honestly you must have noticed it, at least once."
"I just assumed they thought we were talking about important mission stuff, or-" Sheppard flounders for another reason, any reason, damn it why could you never think of a good reason when you really wanted one? "I don't know!"
"Fine, fine." Rodney waves a hand. "I'll stop taking advantage of our fake relationship, and I'll start dissuading people from believing we have one."
Which isn't quite as reassuring as it should be. Because it occurs to Sheppard that Rodney might start having a fake relationship with someone else for extra pudding.
Which is pretty much the moment that Sheppard realises he's probably insane.
Or, y'know, worse.
He's so very screwed.
"Maybe I could convince someone to give you extra pudding," he says slowly and consideringly. "For putting up with me, obviously."
"Really?" Rodney's far too pleased about that, but since they've apparently been dating for a while now he should probably make the effort. "Because, y'know it's just easier with you."
Sheppard stabs his fork into something.
"Not that you aren't a good fake boyfriend," Rodney adds, in a grudgingly diplomatic tone of voice.
It better be good pudding.