Writing exercise
So, last night I did this exercise from a book titled, Write Now! Mysteries edited by Sherry Ellis & Laurie Lamson.
Feedback, espically for the third example would be greatly appreciated.
Murder from the Point of View of the Murderer, Victim, and Detective by Rebecca Cantrell, page 193
Exercise: Think about the crime itself; focus on specific details and emotions. Try to be as present as you can in each scene.
Write the murder from the murderer’s point of view
My Murderer: Thomas Benjamin
As Thomas held the spear point with kraton handle in his hand, he looked across the street as he saw his victim enter his house. Stepping out from his hiding place, he slipped the knife into his hooded jumper as he pulled the hood over his head and headed over to the house. His mind was racing, with thoughts switching between how he would commit the crime and the reason why he was doing this.
Once he had cleaned all the blood off him he would return home, return to his life, his real life of being a single father. He only murdered for Eliza and Sara, his two daughters, that his deadbeat ex-wife had left him with. He wanted a better life for them, and with no jobs going for butchers today, he wanted to put his skills to good use.
Pushing the thoughts aside he walked through the hallway into the kitchen where he came upon his victim. The man turned and surprised by Thomas said, ‘Who are you?’
‘Are you Taylor Derek?’ Thomas said.
‘Yes.’
Without wanting to delay, the inevitable Thomas lunged across the island bench and collapsed on top of Taylor. Pulling the weapon from concealment, Thomas thrusted the knife into Taylor’s chest, releasing a heart-wrenching gargling scream from his throat.
STAB! STAB! STAB! STAB! STAB!
Mid-stab Thomas stopped when a grumble from beneath them became louder. Glancing around as the walls as they began to shake, he jumped off the body, dropping the knife and ran towards the door. With every step, the ground jolted sharply and as he exited the house, he looked down the road to a scene of horror. As he ran down the road towards the town centre, the buildings around him began to crumble.
My Murderer: Clara Derek
Clara lay on the bed reading a book, her mobile phone lay beside her. As the phone clicked over to 12:45pm she sighed and walked into the kitchen, boiling the kettle. As she let the teabag soak in the water, she saw the wrinkles in the water as the walls began to shake. Clara grabbed her wallet as she ran from her kitchen to underneath the stairs to shelter from the falling debris.
Write the murder from the murder victim’s point of view
Taylor had just popped the kettle on, an inkling made him turn around and was shocked to see an unknown man in front of him, ‘Who are you?’ he asked.
The man ignored his question instead asking him, ‘Are you Taylor Derek?’
Taylor had no sooner replied yes when he found himself on the floor, with the intruder on top of him. He saw a splash of silver and the next he knew Taylor felt a sharp pain deep within his chest. As he tried to push the man off him, the pain began to radiate from multiple areas of his body.
It was soon that he began to fade in and out of consciousness, his eyes began to glaze over and within seconds he shut his eyes and let the pain consume him whiningly.
Write the murder scene from the detective’s point of view
Arataki walked up the corridor; she just had a page from the forensic pathology unit. Entering the room she looked at the body on the table and standing behind it was forensic pathologist, Eric, ‘This better be important. I have a shit ton of paperwork from the Freznen case to do.’ She said.
‘I present your next case, Ma’am.’ Eric announced proudly.
‘Isn’t that just one of the autopsy’s that is part of the identification process from the earthquake?’
‘Yes it was, until I saw this.’
Eric motioned Arataki over to the body, as she stepped closer she let her eyes graze the body. There were dark bruises all over his body, and as she saw to where Eric was pointing she looked at him, ‘Blunt force trauma from the collapsed building, is this what you dragged me here for Eric?’ she said with a hint of annoyance in her tone.
‘Yeah that would be nice, if we didn’t find this in his head.’ Eric said.
‘Wh-.’
‘A bullet, well two in fact.’
‘Have you done tests on his lungs?’ she said as she looked at the kidney dish which hold two bullets.
‘No dust in the lungs. He could not have suffocated from the collapse of the building, he was dead within seconds of the attack.’
‘Ok… I need to call Darcy; he needs to call it in as a crime scene.’
‘Done it while you were getting here, he is already on his way to the scene.’
‘Thank you, I better join him. Let me know when the final report is done.’
‘Yes Ma’am.’
Feedback, espically for the third example would be greatly appreciated.
Murder from the Point of View of the Murderer, Victim, and Detective by Rebecca Cantrell, page 193
Exercise: Think about the crime itself; focus on specific details and emotions. Try to be as present as you can in each scene.
Write the murder from the murderer’s point of view
My Murderer: Thomas Benjamin
As Thomas held the spear point with kraton handle in his hand, he looked across the street as he saw his victim enter his house. Stepping out from his hiding place, he slipped the knife into his hooded jumper as he pulled the hood over his head and headed over to the house. His mind was racing, with thoughts switching between how he would commit the crime and the reason why he was doing this.
Once he had cleaned all the blood off him he would return home, return to his life, his real life of being a single father. He only murdered for Eliza and Sara, his two daughters, that his deadbeat ex-wife had left him with. He wanted a better life for them, and with no jobs going for butchers today, he wanted to put his skills to good use.
Pushing the thoughts aside he walked through the hallway into the kitchen where he came upon his victim. The man turned and surprised by Thomas said, ‘Who are you?’
‘Are you Taylor Derek?’ Thomas said.
‘Yes.’
Without wanting to delay, the inevitable Thomas lunged across the island bench and collapsed on top of Taylor. Pulling the weapon from concealment, Thomas thrusted the knife into Taylor’s chest, releasing a heart-wrenching gargling scream from his throat.
STAB! STAB! STAB! STAB! STAB!
Mid-stab Thomas stopped when a grumble from beneath them became louder. Glancing around as the walls as they began to shake, he jumped off the body, dropping the knife and ran towards the door. With every step, the ground jolted sharply and as he exited the house, he looked down the road to a scene of horror. As he ran down the road towards the town centre, the buildings around him began to crumble.
My Murderer: Clara Derek
Clara lay on the bed reading a book, her mobile phone lay beside her. As the phone clicked over to 12:45pm she sighed and walked into the kitchen, boiling the kettle. As she let the teabag soak in the water, she saw the wrinkles in the water as the walls began to shake. Clara grabbed her wallet as she ran from her kitchen to underneath the stairs to shelter from the falling debris.
Write the murder from the murder victim’s point of view
Taylor had just popped the kettle on, an inkling made him turn around and was shocked to see an unknown man in front of him, ‘Who are you?’ he asked.
The man ignored his question instead asking him, ‘Are you Taylor Derek?’
Taylor had no sooner replied yes when he found himself on the floor, with the intruder on top of him. He saw a splash of silver and the next he knew Taylor felt a sharp pain deep within his chest. As he tried to push the man off him, the pain began to radiate from multiple areas of his body.
It was soon that he began to fade in and out of consciousness, his eyes began to glaze over and within seconds he shut his eyes and let the pain consume him whiningly.
Write the murder scene from the detective’s point of view
Arataki walked up the corridor; she just had a page from the forensic pathology unit. Entering the room she looked at the body on the table and standing behind it was forensic pathologist, Eric, ‘This better be important. I have a shit ton of paperwork from the Freznen case to do.’ She said.
‘I present your next case, Ma’am.’ Eric announced proudly.
‘Isn’t that just one of the autopsy’s that is part of the identification process from the earthquake?’
‘Yes it was, until I saw this.’
Eric motioned Arataki over to the body, as she stepped closer she let her eyes graze the body. There were dark bruises all over his body, and as she saw to where Eric was pointing she looked at him, ‘Blunt force trauma from the collapsed building, is this what you dragged me here for Eric?’ she said with a hint of annoyance in her tone.
‘Yeah that would be nice, if we didn’t find this in his head.’ Eric said.
‘Wh-.’
‘A bullet, well two in fact.’
‘Have you done tests on his lungs?’ she said as she looked at the kidney dish which hold two bullets.
‘No dust in the lungs. He could not have suffocated from the collapse of the building, he was dead within seconds of the attack.’
‘Ok… I need to call Darcy; he needs to call it in as a crime scene.’
‘Done it while you were getting here, he is already on his way to the scene.’
‘Thank you, I better join him. Let me know when the final report is done.’
‘Yes Ma’am.’