Onward to graduation
Went to Class Day today. That's the graduation dress rehearsal marked by the class will, class prophecy, and class history (all of which were loong and boring to everyone who is not in on the jokes) and.... *trumpets* a speech by me.
Of course, said speech happened only because the intended speaker didn't want to do it and handed the job off to me. But I happily took it 'cause I got out of doing the class history. And my speech was full of fun goodness... and suspiciously like my last LJ post ^_^.
Ivy Address
On the Thursday of last week, I cleaned out my locker. Thankfully, it wasn’t a disaster area, but there were notebooks to pack, old things tossed aside and forgotten that needed to be found, and one last book to return to a teacher. Nothing really special about this, right? I mean, I’ve been cleaning out my locker at the end of every school year since fifth grade. The world worked this way - get locker, make huge mess in locker, clean up locker, and repeat next year with new locker.
Only there will be no new locker next year. Why should there be? I have no reason to be here next year. I’m leaving.
This was the first time I realized how much my life was changing. I need no locker. No need to be in school at seven in the morning, talking to friends while eating a doughnut bought from the Breakfast Club. No bells ringing every forty-five minutes, declaring where I should be next. No more lunches in the cafeteria.
The instant I took off my lock, I said, I'm not coming back; I no longer have a need to keep things here; My presence is no longer required.
For me, that was when I fully realized what it means to graduate from high school. I’m sure everyone else has had a similar moment, some instance where it hit you that you’re leaving. And in that moment, how did you feel? Were you sad, full of longing to stay instead? Or were you happy, eager to move on?
I can only speak for myself when I answer this question - I felt both.
How could I not be sad? Friends are scattering. People I’ve grown close to are going to be gone from my life, seen only on holidays and vacations, if seen at all. The town I’ve grown up in, my home, will become a place for visits, none lasting longer than a few months. These are sad things. Reasons to mourn the passing of high school.
But by the same token, how could I not be happy? I’ve been preparing to leave since the very day I entered kindergarten. It’s part of the grand scheme of things. We spend twelve years preparing to graduate. And now that the goal has been accomplished, why not celebrate? I now have a chance to learn and do new things, to start taking more control over my life. Hooray!
From my friends, I have heard similar reactions. Some are ready to shake the dust of this town off their shoes and venture off into the great, wild beyond. Others are equally ready to turn around and stay with what they know.
I can understand the latter. Those of us who are ready to charge off into a new adventure, I admire your bravery. But the new adventure seems a little too big and a little too scary to me, sometimes, and I’m not the only one. I know Medway. I know high school. I know the people sitting before me right now. I don’t know what’s beyond that, who’s beyond that. What I find when I leave may be wonderful. Or it may not be. I do not know. And that is the scariest thing of all.
Funny. I’ve talked about the sadness and happiness of graduation, but the truth is, those emotions are mixed in with a good dose of fear. And don’t tell me I’m the only one standing on the threshold wishing to turn back. Graduating is change, and change is always scary. It was scary when we changed to the middle school. It was scary when we changed to the high school. And it is scary now that we are changing from the high school to another path. A path of our own decision this time. What if it doesn’t work out? What if we can’t handle it? What if, what if, what if?
What if what? Part of me thinks graduation is like a mother bird shooing her young from the nest. She tells them, “You wanted to fly. You begged me to fly. Now here’s your chance! Fly!” And the baby bird wails, “But it’s scary! What if I fall?” And then the mother bird says back, “You’ve been practicing. Do you think I’d let you go if you weren’t ready? Now, fly!” And the baby bird does. That bird is us and it is time to fly.
Yeah. That's all. Graduation on Sunday. Icky forecast :(. I cross my fingers for better weather, or at least enough rain to force us inside (because if it is just cold we'll be outside).