it's almost 0400H
It's almost 0400H, and what the hell am I doing awake? Your guess is as good as mine. I can't sleep for shit, and there isn't the slightest bit on TV. I finally got around to cleaning up my friends list. Truth be told, I HATE having to do things like that. I do not believe that friends are disposable like razors. Every last one of you crazy sonso'bitches plays an important role in my life. Some of you nutballs have even played the role of my own personal Jesus at a time when I desperately needed. Y'all got me on my feet and moving in the right direction but you never let me lose sight of my part in the catastrophe that I was quagmired in. That's friendship, that's loyalty, that's not something that's granted with the tacit condition that they agree blindly. I refuse to be anyone's servant, lackey, yesman or slave. I am who I am and make no apologies for it. I will admit I am often abrasive, obnoxious, even self-riteous, but aren't we all. Even more so than that, I try to be loyal, compassionate, understanding, empathetic and honorable. I wish I could be a better person sometimes, but I force myself to realise that I am still human, no matter how much I consider myself to be anything else. Friends fight, that's part of life, but if I cut loose everyone that I fought with, I'd be left with nothing. Which leads me to the real meat of this post. After a little more than two years, I've decided to bring someone back into my life that hurt me very deeply. I'm going to try and make peace with the man, who I had been friends with before Nicole, the man who slept with nicole while we were together and shortly after I left. I was absolutely heart broken about having to abandon four, almost five years of my life. I was heart broken not because he had hurt me, but that time was ultimately wasted. If I just jettison someone from my life, I don't get that time back like a financial investment. I can't just liquidate someone and get back the time, loyalty and love back like a stock certificate. There's a huge hole in my life that doesn't get filled. The fond memories of time spent with that person become taboo to revisit and proceed to fester and rot, fading with time. This is not a process that I particularly enjoy. Time is too precious to be wasted, if I've fought with you, chances are I regard you as a friend and respect and love you enough TO fight with you. There's something that I see that pissed me off, and since I'm human I MAY have seen something in a different way than it really was. Let me know, try and talk it out with me, we both might come out ahead. It's now creeping up on 0430H and I'm gonna try and get some more sleep. I hope to see the rest of you here when I wake up.
EOR
EOR